


A different kind of love

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bittersweet, Death, Eventual fluff mixed with heartache, Friendship, Gen, Heartbreak, Love/Hate, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-08-15 18:19:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 162,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8067832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: Robert Sugden was born with the ability to make anyone fall in love with him by simply commanding it, one night after being left heartbroken Robert gets drunk and commands it from the wrong person, ending up being forced into their life until the spell can be broken.





	1. Luv spell

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another AU fic!!! This one is soooooo out there it's funny. I've had this idea for ages and I'm so nervous about how people will react to it because in my head I think it's pretty cool but it might seem awful to others. Also the ending might be a lil shocking but don't give up on this fic if you get that far!

If it had been left up to Jack, Robert would be none the wiser even now. He would have gone through life never knowing about how different he was, never realising he had this 'gift' that toyed with the most powerful human emotion - _love_. But even he couldn't stop his son finding out about who he was, what he was capable of.

  
Robert found out at nine. Nine years old and sitting in a doctors room, legs hitting against the chair and then swinging back and forth. He had been feeling sick for days, throwing up and waking in the middle of the night, sweating and shaking and feeling like he was dying or something dramatic.

  
His dad dismissed it, ignored the way his son was behaving and put it down to who he was, _what_ he was and argued that it must have been some sort of withdrawal faze. Sarah wasn't too keen on the idea, her mind working over time as she watched Robert smile at a girl in the village and she realised what was happening. The next minute Robert knew he was leaving school early, his stomach in knots as he waved goodbye to the girl with the bows in her hair and was dragged to the doctors.

 

Sarah was there, hands waving in the air, leaning over and whispering something:

 

"He has luv spell."

 

It was whispered out, as if it was a secret and Robert couldn't help but see the way the doctor reacted, his face almost paled and soon he was shaking his head and Sarah was asking Robert to wait outside.

 

Robert reluctantly left, his little feet dragging him towards the door and then walking outside. Curiosity was thumping around in his little head as he leaned against the door to listen in, fear was there, mixed in with how ill he seemed to be feeling - especially when his mind travelled to the girl with the bows.

 

"I don't think you're aware of how serious this is Mrs. Sugden." The doctor lowered his voice, the weight of his words sinking into Robert and making his lips tremble a little.

  
'Luv spell?' He had no clue, not even an inkling as to what it all meant, but Sarah already _knew_ that he had it, and she seemed almost ashamed to admit to it.

  
"Yes of course I'm aware." Sarah snapped back, her words being pushed out. "We just, me and his father thought if it was _ignored_ then, then it would -"

  
"What go away?" The doctor asked, his tone telling Robert he was almost stunned by her words. "It's a condition, your son can't be _cured_ of this. He must act on his feelings or he'll only get worse."

  
Robert's eyes widened, the word 'condition' scared him even more, his breathing becoming more erratic as he pressed his ear against the door harder. He wanted to understand even more about what was happening to him.

  
"My son will not be one of _those_. I won't let him trap people into loving him, he won't be like that!" Sarah's voice was tight and high pitched making Robert raise an eyebrow in surprise. He was still baffled. Love? He didn't know the first thing about that considering he was only _nine_ years old.

  
"Mrs Sugden listen to me. Your son is experiencing systems that suggest he isn't being able to act on his feelings, however small and childlike they are. People with the condition have _intense_ emotions regarding love, always will and it appears your son has already started to experience signs. It is vital he expresses it, he probably has a crush or something like that and it does not mean it will amount to -"

  
"To him being able to _make_ her love him." Sarah interjected, letting out a harsh sigh. "He'll never know what it feels like for someone to _love_ him if he knows about this." She muttered, almost to herself.

  
Robert blinked, he was listening to the words but hardly taking it in. He just didn't really get it all yet, all he _did_ know was that he had some condition that was making him ill and making his mum distressed and that made him even sadder.

  
The doctor cleared his throat, "He'll find out eventually. It's better that he is aware of the power he has so he knows not to abuse it in anyway as he grows up. People with luv spell grow up to live normal healthy life's without any problems whatsoever...only _after_ they have been able to act on their feelings of love however. Encourage Robert to approach whoever he likes, it will stop the cramps and pains almost immediately."

  
Robert could hear Sarah sniffing, as if she was crying and it made his heart ache a little.

  
"So you're saying that...that once he falls in love for the first time - it'll stop him from hurting?"

  
"Yes well, I can't tell you he won't get his heart broken but yes this pain he has now will stop altogether."

  
"Then I'll let it happen, but I can't tell him about what he can do, what he can make someone feel. I can't tell him that, not ever." Sarah said, her voice filled with strength as she spoke.

  
Robert's heart thumped harder again as he stood there, hearing about it all.

  
"Mrs Sugden, _please_ consider what I have said. Having luv spell doesn't in anyway limit your life, it dosen't stop people from _loving_ you honestly -"

  
"Of course it does! I've read up on this, I'm not an idiot - I know he has to say two words and he'll have someone under some sort of - spell or something. No. No I won't let it happen." Her voice was defiant and suddenly Robert was pulling himself away from the door as he heard his mother's footsteps charging towards him, the door opening forcibly as the doctor called out for her to come back. Robert was being pulled by the hand away from the small hallway, faces looking at Sarah in shock as they hastily approached the car park.

 

Robert had questions, thousands. But he didn't ask one.

 

***

 

Robert stood by the door of the hallway, he should have been in bed but he couldn't sleep. Sarah was sat at the dining table with Jack, leaning in and whispering as she spoke softly.

  
Jack cleared his throat at the end of her sentence, his eyebrows raised and then falling as he thought through what she has told him about the appointment.

  
"It had to be Robert didn't it?" Jack scoffed as he pulled a hand over his face and sighed, "You're right, he can't know. I know my son and he'd abuse it, you hear stories don't you about _them_ , about how cruel they are - what they do to people. No, no not my son." Jack's words were pushed out in between shallow breaths and Sarah sat there very still, simply nodding in agreement as Robert watched in horror.

  
He just didn't understand, there were tears in his eyes though because he did realise that he was one of _them_ , he was somehow cruel now because of what the doctor said. It hurt all over.

  
Jack raised a glass and then placed it on the table again, "We'll let him see that lass though, see if he gets any better. If not then - then I don't know what will do." Jack said darkly into the air making his own son shudder with fear.

 

He saw the girl the next day, bows in her hair bright pink and eye catching. He held her hand and smiled and the pain in his stomach melted away. He wasn't feeling sick anymore, he wasn't shaking and sweating and feeling like he was _dying_. The girl helped him, Sarah was grateful and so was Jack, Robert tried to be. He just couldn't help but think about what else the doctor had said though, if he had been right about the girl, was he right about everything else?

 

Robert, nine years old and beaming with this crush he had on the girl with the bows, still oblivious to the power he had.

 

***

 

The girl with the bows left, she moved away and Robert cried for a few days. Sarah had a worried look on her face and kept asking him if he felt sick but he didn't. His heart just ached a little.

 

He survived though. Of course he did. Just like he survived the death of the only mother he ever knew, the subsequent rivalry with Andy and then - her, _Katie_.

 

Katie reminded him of the girl with the bows. Katie was quick and smiley and beautiful and made his palms all sweaty whenever she walked by, and most importantly - she wasn't his.

  
She was Andy's and he loved her and she loved him and that's what hurt the most.

 

Jack saw it. He saw everything bad when it came to Robert recently and their relationship had soured since Andy had become everything Jack wanted in a son, _needed_.

  
"Listen here son, don't get any ideas." It was a warning, over dinner when only Robert was left eating.

  
"Sorry?" Robert asked, looking up shyly because he already knew.

  
"Katie." Her name made Robert's stomach flip as he thought about her. "She's with your brother and I don't want you spoiling that."

  
Robert shook his head, of course he didn't want that to happen. Of course Andy's feelings were more important than his own."Well sometimes you can't help it." He snapped, not meaning to and suddenly Jack was shaking his head.

  
"Robert. I know it might be harder for you considering but -" the words hung in the air and Robert took an intake of breath.

  
_Considering_.

  
Considering what?

  
They didn't talk about that doctor's appointment years ago, Robert never ever gave into his curiosities and searched up what he had. He wanted to, when he started thinking thoughts about Katie that he shouldn't have and he remembered how the doctor had said something about people with his condition having intense emotions regarding love - but he didn't. He was curious now though, overly curious with the need to push his father over the edge and find out more.

  
"I don't understand." Robert said blankly, looking at his father and seeing him grow more and more awkward.

  
"Forget I said anything." Jack mumbled out, collecting the plates that were still left on the table.

  
"No. No I want you to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!" Robert didn't usually raise his voice like that in front of his dad, he didn't swear either.

  
Jack's eyes widened in shock as he looked at his son, "You watch your mouth son."

  
Robert shook his head, frustration making tears build in his eyes. "No. Tell me." He demanded as Jack shook his head and turned away. "Luv spell right?" Robert had never muttered the words aloud, he had said them over and over again in his head but never out loud like that.

  
Jack turned quicker than Robert had ever witnessed, his face turning red as he stared back in shock. "How do you -"

  
Robert rubbed at his head and tapped it hard, "See I blocked loads out, I tried to forget 'cos obviously my parents knew best when they didn't tell me what this condition was. I hardly remember most, just those words though and it all being about what I can do or - or something."

  
"You don't need to know, not now - God especially not now." Jack said, his mind thinking back to Katie and the way Robert wanted her, how easily he could have her if he knew.

  
Robert scrunched up his faith, "What are ya talking about dad?" He questioned, lines forming on his face.

  
Jack steadied himself. "Leave it Robert. I mean it, don't ask me anymore questions. You're a fit healthy lad and that's all ya need to know alright."

  
Robert shook his head and went to speak again before he watched his father walk out of sight. His feet told him to move towards him and his mouth told him to argue and shout and scream at his dad - but his mind told him to get drunk, so he did.

 

***

 

Alcohol made Robert braver in the end, it made him stumble into bed and pull out his phone and type the words in slowly. His heart racing like mad because despite the cans of larger, he still couldn't stop thinking about putting an end to this wondering. Robert's thumb hovered over 'search' for a few seconds as he thought about it all, thought about the fact that up to this point he had been fairly healthy and normal. There was nothing abnormally wrong about him that made him stand out. Yet he still wanted to know, needed to remember what he had purposely blocked from his mind all those years ago.

 

He hit 'search' and sat back on his bed.

 

\- **Luv** **spell** : ' _Lovealthesit_ ' or more commonly referred to as ' _Luv_ _spell_ ' is a condition whereby a certain individual has the ability to control another's emotions regarding feelings of love and adoration, making someone able to possess feelings of love for them by simply asking them to.

 

Robert's eyes widened, blood rising and then falling again as he read the words over and over again. His attention was dragged down to the links that had flashed up on the screen, news articles about people like him from across the world.

 

\- **My** **husband** **made** **me** **love** **him** : _The_   _monster_ _who_ _controlled_ _my_ _emotions_ _for_ _twenty_ _years_ _without_ _me_ _knowing_.

 

Robert shuddered at the headline, pressing his fingers onto his screen and reading into it. His mouth slightly open as he realised that he had the same power this man did. The article was all about a man lusting after a woman for months until he finally made her love him, they married, had kids and then she found out the truth and wanted to press charges.

 

Robert's mouth was dry, was it crime? Was he a criminal?

 

She didn't in the end, couldn't. It didn't put Robert's mind at ease though.

 

Robert gulped hard and came off the page, scrolling down further as he saw a statistic:

 

\- _Only_ _one_ _in_ _every_ _fifty_ _thousand_ _has_ _the_ _condition_ _which_ _is_ _usually_ _concealed_.

 

Rare, he was rare and that made him shake a little. His head thumping because of the alcohol as well as what he had discovered about himself, this ability he had to make someone _love_ him.

 

He scrolled further.

 

\- **Two** **simple** **words** : Love me. This command has the ability to immediately alter an individual's feelings and evoke intense love and devotion.

 

And again.

 

\- **Complete** **disregard** : Many choose to live their lives free from their condition by never commanding love, this is thought possible by many theists however some argue that there is an innate need inside someone with Lovealthesit that makes them _want_ to command love when necessary and restricting such desires could be harmful.

 

Robert blew out a breath and rubbed at his face. Another site.

 

\- **How** **to** **fall** **out** **of** **love** **with** **a** **luv** **speller?**

 

Only a Lovealthesit is able to make that happen via two ways. One way is not admitting to their love aloud during the thirty day trial period and the second is at any moment during the relationship breaking the spell by saying: 'unlove me'.

 

He scrolled and clicked and waited for the page to load.

 

\- _The_ _truth_ _behind_ _Lovealthesit_ _by_ _James_ _Earl:_

 

_It is thought that certain individuals on this earth have the ability to actively evoke the most powerful human emotion onto those who they desire. But where's our evidence? There isn't any. Ever heard of hypnotists? The whole idea surrounding this condition is nothing but a scam in order to create a sense of mystery amongst those who 'suffer from it'. Apparently if you have Lovealthesit you are born with this intense attachment to the emotion of love that if not fully met in adolescence can result in severe pain and could potentially be very harmful for the individual. Once you have been able to express the idea of a 'first crush' Lovealthesit's then are fully equipped with the ability to command love, however only romantically and therefore this 'condition' does nothing in terms of family relationships. But what happens when you do make someone love you?_

_Downhill from there according to the wackos who come forward with their stories. It takes apparently an entire month for mutual love to be solidified by both partners, more importantly by the Lovealthesit who must also admit to their love aloud for the 'spell' created to last. Without it, the spell breaks and all love is lost._

_  
It dosen't always work out though, hardly ever actually and the stigma surrounding relationships based on the luv spell condition have caused none to be in the public eye today. Why you may ask? Well no one with the condition every actually admits to the basis of their relationship being forced, until years later after marriage, kids and ultimately divorce under: 'unreasonable methods of love' is signed. Happy ending right?_

 

Robert's eyes were wide, alcohol burning inside him as he slouched on his bed and felt tears running down his cheeks. He hated himself, what he could do. He promised himself he would never do that to anyone, he would never trap someone into loving him like that. He realised what his father meant and it twisted his stomach a little, he didn't want him saying the words to Katie. Robert gulped hard and shook his head, he wouldn't do that, he couldn't. Complete disregard, he'd do that. He'd never say it, he'd never look for love, not even when he was lonely and just needed someone by his side, just when he needed to tell them to love him to make it hurt a little less. Never.

 

***

 

It happened though.

 

"Love me." Steady breath, eyes wide with anticipation as he held her and saw her smiling at him. His heart was beating out of his chest as he spoke, as he said _this is it, she's the one Robert so you have to keep her and this is the only way how._

Her eyes flickered, almost like a switch in her brain that had just been turned on. Her smile grew wider and then she relaxed her shoulders. That was it. No massive outburst, no hands flying in the air and shortness of breath. Just a flicker of moment and a smile growing wider, it was so much more simpler than Robert had ever imagined.

 

"I love you Robert Sugden." Her voice just like before, nothing had changed about her and Robert couldn't help but feel relaxed.

 

"I love you too Chrissie White."


	2. The new love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert gets dumped and drunk and then meets a certain someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've just realised that if you read the last chapter you probably thought this was a Robert/Chrissie involved fic (actually they aren't in the relationship tag but still...) but it isn't. Not at all so you might be surprised by the direction this fic takes but I hope I don't disappoint. This chapter isn't very long but the next will be uploaded sooner than this one was if you know what I mean.

It should have lasted forever, Robert wanted that. But it didn't. Of course it didn't.

  
"Chrissie please - just let me explain." Robert had pleaded with her, hands flying everywhere as he watched her race around their flat chucking things in bags and crying.

  
"I didn't even think people like you existed! I thought it was a myth or something but no, _no_..." Her voice was harsh and bitter and all Robert could hear was _people like you_ and he was aching inside.

  
He didn't think this would ever happen, he didn't think that Chrissie would ever find out about his condition, but she was nosy when she wanted to be and soon she was ringing up his doctors just because Robert had a cold and they were giving away information when they shouldn't have. _Private_ , top secret information.

  
"Chrissie it dosen't change anything alright. I - listen I just wanted you to love me okay and, and you did and we were happy, we still can be because I do love you and I _know_ you love me."

  
Chrissie scowled, "Do I?" She spat, tears in her eyes. "How do you know that?" She hissed out, before looking down the engagement ring on her finger and pulling it off.

  
"I can't marry you Robert. I can't marry someone I don't love."

  
Robert felt a thousand knifes stab into his chest, one by one as he staggered back. This couldn't be happening to him, he couldn't let this happen.

  
"But you love me. Still. That hasn't changed, you're lying if you say you don't." Robert said as he walked towards Chrissie.

  
Chrissie shook her head in disgust, "IT'S NOT REAL! You _made_ me love you - it dosen't count." She shouted at Robert.

  
Robert winced at her words and reached out to hold her, "It can...we can _make_ it count -"

  
Chrisse pushed Robert's hands off abruptly and straightened her back, "I read about what you have to do." Robert's face fell, _no_. "Say it, Robert. Say 'unlove me' and this will be over and I can move on."

  
Robert shook his head desperately, "Please Chrissie, don't make me..."

  
"Now Robert, it's the least you owe me." Chrissie pointed out, her voice cold and harsh and making Robert feel weak.

  
Robert cleared his throat, pulling his hands up to rub the tears away from his face harshly. He didn't want to lose her, but he had to. "I'm sorry Chrissie." He hadn't actually said that yet and Chrissie's expression told him she was shocked.

  
Robert blew out a shallow breath and cleared his throat, "Unlove me." There it was, again a familiar flicker of the eyes and then her shoulders relaxed. This time though her eyes shut for a few seconds, as if the year they had spent together was taking time to lack meaning in her brain. The wait was awful as Robert stood there.

  
Her eyes opened again and this time she looked confused as she stared at Robert.

  
"God where am I?" Chrissie asked, her eyes wide and alert. "Who are you?"

  
Robert frowned, feeling his heart ache because he didn't realise that when he said the words she wouldn't remember anything about him. For a second Robert contemplated starting again, making her love him all over and this time it lasting. But she seemed almost frightened and he couldn't put her through that. 

  
"You er...you hit your head, you're fine though don't worry - I was just helping you." Robert smiled weakly and looked down at her bags, pushing in the remainder of her clothes and watching how confused she still seemed.

  
"I don't understand -"

  
"Don't worry," Robert whispered softly, picking up her bag and walking her towards the door. "I'll drive you back to your dad's, you've already told me the way remember?"

  
Chrissie nodded her head slowly, still unsure but following Robert nonetheless.

  
Robert watched her go, watched Lawrence's face fall because he had always _known_ and he seemed somewhat grateful. In an instant everything he had was gone, he was alone again with no one to love him, only one thing could solve that though.

 

Getting drunk.

 

***

 

Robert was by himself, a Friday night spent at some bar in town by himself. Chrissie was on his mind but not as much as he had hoped, he suddenly wondered if his love for her would fade over time. He wished it would, he didn't like the way his heart felt and even the bottle of beer in his hand wasn't helping.

  
Robert looked around the bar, his eyes scanning the people dancing awkwardly to the club music and then those who were too busy snogging people to actually give a toss about what was playing. Robert felt the need to chuckle, he was way too drunk now to notice how lonely he looked but someone else had of course.

  
"All on your own then?" Robert turned around as he heard the voice. His eyes widened as he saw a young man, early twenties and slicked gelled hair that had curled slightly at the ends from the heat of the place. He was wearing a black top and had a black hoodie over it, beer in his hand as he leaned towards Robert a little.

  
Robert frowned hard and rolled his eyes, "I'm not in the mood for a chat." He said dismissively.

  
The younger man suddenly downed his bottle and pushed it down on the bar. "Me either, get me another beer and maybe I'll change my mind."

  
Robert pulled a face, shocked at the man's attitude considering they had never even met and then suddenly scoffed, letting out a small smile.

  
The boy who obviously liked dark colours suddenly sat next to Robert and turned to him, "The name's Aaron by the way."

  
Robert nodded his head a little in acknowledgment, "Robert." He replied, before passing Aaron over a bottle of beer that was cold to touch.

  
Aaron studied Robert's face, he had dozens of freckles and he felt the need to count them and then felt like an idiot. Aaron couldn't deny how good looking the fella was, how the whole moody bloke alone at the bar had attracted him just a little. He was bored if anything, bored and left to his own devices and this was how he would spend the rest of the night, chatting to some bloke who was already too drunk to even remember his name started with an A.

  
"So Robert, what brings you here then?" Aaron said slowly, almost seductively and for a minute Robert thought he was picking up on some signals but he pushed it to the back of his mind. Aaron wasn't _gay_ , he seemed stereotypically far from it but that didn't stop Robert noticing how sexy he looked, how much he had Robert stirring. Robert wasn't usually into men, yes he liked both sexes but he leaned towards women. He had dabbled, dabbled within those years where his condition had restricted him of ever falling in love with someone because of the possibility of that love not being reciprocated and then the temptation of those two little words.

  
Robert shrugged his shoulders, "Just had a break up." He blurted out before blushing and not knowing what else to say.

  
Aaron tutted and drank some of his beer, "That's always shit." He mumbled out.

  
Robert frowned, "You had one recently or..." He offered up, slurring his words a little and making Aaron smile.

  
"No mate - er, me and my boyfriend are fine." He spoke effortlessly and Robert's eyes widened in shock.

  
"Gay?" It was all he could get out.

  
Aaron nodded his head and then tensed a little, "Problem?" He said just as bluntly.

  
Robert shook his head and shrugged, "Nah mate," he mumbled,  _not in the slightest._

 

***

 

The night continued into the early hours of the morning, Robert had suddenly been able to offload about how he felt regarding Chrissie and him ending. Of course he left out who he was and how dramatic it had been but he had been able to actually rant about how heartbroken he felt.

  
"Mate it'll get easier, you'll find love again I'm sure of it." Aaron mumbled out as they walked down the side of an ally, it had been raining before and the pavement was still wet.

  
Robert looked towards Aaron and stopped, causing Aaron to do the same. "I don't think I can." He whispered out, before stumbling a little and suddenly falling towards Aaron so that the younger man was being pinned up against the wall.

  
Robert didn't realise how close they were, how warm and safe he felt with this stranger that had actually listened to him even when he wasn't big on chat. It was what he needed and Robert didn't care if it was because he was drunk or lonely or whatever. He wanted to kiss him and he did.

  
It didn't last long, Aaron only gave into the feel of Robert's lips on his for a few seconds before pulling away. The damage had been done already though.

  
"What are ya playing at?" Aaron asked Robert as he wiped at hand over his mouth and saw the look on Robert's face. "I have a boyfriend. I was just tryna be a mate." He stumbled out, shocked at how it had made him feel.

  
Robert shook his head not knowing what to say, "Aaron I'm sorry I -"

  
"Forget it, have a nice life." Aaron let out with a wave of his hand and then suddenly he was walking away and Robert didn't want him to. He wanted him to stay, but how?

  
Robert stumbled towards Aaron, calling out his name as he tried to keep up with the younger man.

  
"Aaron wait, wait - fuck wait Aaron," Robert heaved out, suddenly feeling dizzy as he saw Aaron turn to face him.

  
Robert gulped hard, it was the alcohol in his system, the heartache he was still feeling, the way someone like Aaron had listened and actually wanted to all mixed with this need to be loved by a good person that made him do it. All of the above made Robert take Aaron by the hand and push him against the wall again, drunk and with a smile on his face as he gazed into Aaron's eyes _bluer than he first thought_ and whispered the two words that started it all:

 

" _Love me._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all the amazing and wonderful comments I received for the first chapter, I was so overwhelmed and thought this wouldn't go down well (lol I still think that it's a bit ... out there, I'm insecure ahh) but thank you so much honestly!


	3. The luv victim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the real sort of arrival of Aaron and the mess he finds himself in. Thank you so much for the lovely comments, I hope you like this fairly long chapter! Xx

Aaron was in that weird state that everyone gets like in the morning where you're awake but not at the same time. His eyes were firmly shut but yet he could still grasp his surroundings. He felt his soft sheets over his body, the feel of someone next to him and then suddenly someone else fell to the front of his mind. Almost like being hammered into his brain over and over again, some bloke with blonde hair and a sweet smile. Aaron struggled to link it all together as he lay there with his eyes still closed, his head was banging and he quickly wondered how he had got himself home the night before. It was all a blur.

  
Robert. The name was suddenly at the front of his mind and then it made sense. This Robert was from the night before, Aaron was recalling what happened, how they had got on quite well and then -

  
Then Robert kissed him and Aaron pushed him away. He remembered that.

  
Aaron felt his heart begin to thump out of his chest like mad, he didn't understand why he was thinking about him so much but he almost couldn't help it. Everything began to become unclear again as he muddled through the memories in his bed, until the only thing that Aaron could latch onto was how he felt about him. Aaron for some weird, twisted, ridiculous reason was sure that he somehow had managed to fall in love with Robert last night.

  
He loved him.

Aaron's eyes sprang open automatically as he felt his boyfriend stir next to him, moving a hand over Aaron's chest and then opening his eyes.

  
All Aaron could do was look away, he didn't want his own boyfriend seeing the guilt that was eating away at him as he tried to work out what the hell was going on with him.

  
"Morning..." Aaron smiled back at the words his boyfriend said before feeling him kiss at his neck the way he usually did to wake them both up.

  
Aaron winced a little, hating how he couldn't stop thinking about this Robert, "Ed no." It was all Aaron was able to get out as he scurried off the bed.

  
Ed frowned a little, his large shoulders moving towards Aaron and then holding onto him. "What's wrong with you?" Ed queried, his naked torso distracting Aaron for a second because _God Ed looked good naked didn't he?_ It's what attracted Aaron in the first place really, Ed was so kind yet confident and teased Aaron for months by taking his kit off after games when Aaron was merely a steward working for not enough.

  
Aaron shook his head but still couldn't met Ed's eye, "Nothing I just - I've got to nip out for - for something..." He mumbled, pulling on a pair of jeans. He had to find this Robert, he needed to see him and ask him what had happened the night before and why the hell his heart was saying that he loved the older man when he hardly knew him. When Aaron didn't fall in love easily at all.

  
Ed made an attempt to drag Aaron back to bed, "Can't it wait?" Ed teased before pulling at Aaron's top and kissing him slowly, Aaron at first tried to pull away but soon he was hardly resisting. Ed was a good kisser, there was no denying that. But then it felt like he wasn't kissing Ed anymore, instead he was wanting to kiss Robert and he has to pull off then, disgusted with himself for not being able to control it all. "You were out for ages last night, naughty boy coming in at gone two..." Ed said a little more seriously.

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "Really?" He asked trying not to sound too shocked.

  
Ed nodded his head, "Good thing you told me Adam dropped ya home..." He mumbled out as if he didn't really care that much. Aaron frowned, Adam was on holiday so that meant he had lied to Ed. _Fuck_.

  
"Do you have to go?" Ed tried again with a small smile on his face.

  
"Sorry babe I - I won't be long yeah." Aaron said hastily, tidying his top and then kissing Ed on the cheek.

  
"You better not be!" Aaron heard Ed playfully yell out to him as he walked across the living room and shut the door behind him.

 

***

 

Aaron stood there for a few minutes trying to remember last night in more detail, it should have been easy considering he wasn't anywhere near as drunk as Robert was - but it was hard. Aaron's head started to thump as he realised he couldn't remember anything after Robert kissed him and he pulled away. They hadn't - _No_ no of course not.

Aaron closed his eyes and thought hard, recalling their conversations earlier in the night and then blowing out a steady breath as he realised that Robert had told him he didn't live too far from the bar. That was a start he thought as he began walking towards the dark and mysterious bar that was opposite a tall block of flats. Aaron shook his head at them as he saw them, they didn't look expensive enough for Robert who Aaron remembered was wearing some watch that didn't look entirely affordable.

Aaron sighed hard before walking a little further up and coming across another smaller block of flats, balconies and bushes and _expensive_. Aaron chewed on his lip, wondering as he approached the doors and looked towards the buzzers. He quickly scanned the names until he saw his, Robert Sugden in bold letters. The name made Aaron feel all fuzzy, he was smiling and then blushing and then hitting himself because he honestly couldn't understand why he was feeling like this.

Aaron steadied himself before going to push the buzzer, the door however suddenly was pushed open and out walked a pregnant lady who offered to hold the door for him. Aaron hesitated, not really knowing if just knocking on the man's door was wise but he did it anyway.

 

***

 

The door opened slowly after Aaron had knocked twice. Robert was standing there, hair even more of a mess than last night and nothing but loose boxers covering him. Aaron suddenly had to catch his breath and stop his heart from beating as he remembered how he had wanted to count all the freckles on Robert's face, maybe he was a little more drunk than he first thought.

  
Robert blinked at him and then waited before doing it again a few seconds later. "Can I help you?" Robert asked, his tired state making Aaron shake his head in disappointment.

  
"Er yeah actually you can." Aaron mumbled out feeling like an idiot for _loving_ this apparent arse who couldn't even remember who he had kissed the night before.

  
Robert frowned at Aaron before suddenly feeling his eyes widen in shock, he was from the night before. Aaron, the bloke who listened, the bloke who loved wearing black.

  
"Oh shit." Robert whispered, a hand falling through his hair. "Last night, I tried to kiss ya and you had a -"

  
"Boyfriend yeah." Aaron said awkwardly, a hand deep in his pocket.

  
Robert gulped hard and nodded, "Well look I'm sorry if that's what you wanted to hear, I _have_ got a serious hangover though so call it punishment."

  
Aaron tried to smile but couldn't, "Robert do you remember what happened last night? I mean after you kissed me and I told you to get lost?" There was a hint of vulnerability in Aaron's voice that Robert immediately picked up on, making him straighten his back.

  
Robert cleared his throat, the night was a blur for him too. He remembered calling a cab though and then Aaron stumbling inside, he couldn't say what time it had been.

  
"I mean - we, I got you into a cab I think and I - stumbled home." Robert pushed out the words as his head began to hurt.

  
Aaron blew out a shaky breath and nodded his head, "I just don't remember a lot." He said, frown harsh on his face and making Robert worried.

  
"Hey we didn't _do_ anything if that's what you're thinking. I swear alright I was too drunk and - and you weren't interested." Robert blabbed out not really sure himself but not wanting Aaron to feel guilty over a silly kiss or whatever they could have done. "Just forget about it yeah." Robert made an attempt to close his door but suddenly felt Aaron's hand firmly slam against it, he looked up and he had tears in his eyes.

  
"I can't." Aaron whispered out weakly.

  
"Are you - "

  
Aaron shook his head and then bit down on his lip, "Okay don't _freak_ out or anything but I - I woke up this morning and, and I was really confused and - and delirious and nothing made sense expect for - for what I felt about you."

  
Robert's eyes widened, _no_ , he couldn't have.

  
Aaron steadied himself, "I don't know _how_ or even fucking _why_ 'cos you're not _that_ gorgeous but -"

  
"Thanks." Robert said awkwardly trying to lighten the mood and brace himself at the same time.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip again, pushing out the words with force, "I love you."

  
Robert felt his mouth grow dry, he was staring into Aaron's eyes and he was remembering almost everything. He had done it again. He had Aaron pinned against the wall and he commanded it with two little words and Aaron's eyes had flickered, his shoulders relaxed and he was smiling at him with so much _love_ in his eyes it made Robert feel whole for a little while. Until he realised what the hell he had done and he was pushing Aaron into a cab and hoping to never see him again.

  
"Say something then." Aaron whispered nervously, playing with his hands as he stood there by the door still.

  
Robert gulped, his heart hammering in his chest because he couldn't believe how stupid he had been, _again._ "Er you, you better come inside." He said darkly making Aaron nod in agreement as he walked into the flat and left Robert standing there still in shock as he closed the door.

 

***

 

Aaron looked around the flat, it had big windows that allowed the light to pour into the room and shine on all the fancy furniture. There was a picture of Robert with a younger woman, her tongue sticking out and him mid laughter. It made Aaron smile before he saw Robert look at him and he stopped.

  
"This might be a little er...weird I know I just don't - don't get it." Aaron forced out, suddenly he was a lot closer to Robert and he felt almost this surge of energy between them that he couldn't ignore. He hadn't experienced it before, not with Ed.

  
Robert gulped hard and pushed a hand through his hair, "I think I can help you out with that." He mumbled out awkwardly as he avoided Aaron's stare. "Okay listen to me before you - you fly off the handle or something..."

  
Aaron frowned but nodded and allowed Robert to carry on speaking.

  
"I sorta - well I _made_ you love me." Robert blurted out to a confused Aaron, he still had no idea.

  
"What do you mean?" Aaron shook his head, "In a matter of _hours_ you made me love you? That's not possible, especially not with me." He said bluntly, a hand on his hip.

  
Robert sighed softly, "Have you ever heard of...luv spell?" The words dripped out like a secret and Aaron's eyes widened in complete horror as he realised what Robert was talking about.

  
Everyone knew about the condition but no one took it seriously, there hadn't been a public case for years now and Aaron only heard about it in dramas or as part of a comedy preformance. Hardly anyone refused to believe it was true. No one actually thought there were people in this world with the ability to make you fall in love with them just like _that_.

  
Aaron began backing towards door quickly, tears in his eyes because that's what happened when he was overwhelmed.

  
"Aaron wait!" Robert cried out, rushing towards the door and blocking Aaron's means of an escape. "Okay just listen to me and I'll explain." It felt like Chrissie all over again as he saw Aaron stare at him in disgust as if he was this monster.

  
Aaron frowned harsh, "Explain what?" He shouted into Robert, "You _made_ me love you! I'm stuck like this, fuck." Aaron panted out shallow breaths and began pacing the room.

  
Robert moved closer to Aaron and pushed a hand out, attempting to calm him down. "Aaron it's okay -"

  
"Okay? I have a _boyfriend_ like I told you last night." Aaron spat, before thinking about Ed and feeling awful. How could he explain this?

  
Robert didn't want to hear about boyfriends and rolled his eyes, "Yeah yeah that's why you were out by yourself in a bar late at night, chatting to random sad cases!" He didn't mean to shout so loudly but he had.

  
Aaron frowned hard, he knew what it looked like and he didn't like it. "Don't flatter yourself mate." He yelled back, their faces inches apart as they stood there. Aaron somehow hated this prick and loved him at the same time. He wanted to punch him for what he had done but then kiss it all better.

  
Robert sighed, almost giving in. "Look I'm sorry okay I was drunk, and alone and -"

  
"You thought let me make someone _love_ me? You're sick you know that." Aaron turned his face and looked towards the floor. "I actually _love_ you, you made me _love_ you." It was sinking in suddenly and he was feeling sick. "How could you do that?"

  
Robert frowned, "You think I actually wanted you to love me?" His voice was wobbly as he spoke. "I was drunk and you were the only bloke around okay." He spat out making Aaron bit his lip. Robert shook his head as he looked away, "I didn't mean for this to happen. This wasn't supposed to happen, _fuck_." Robert couldn't believe how stupid he had been, it scared him to think how lonely he had felt the night before if he was making randoms fall for him.

  
Aaron cleared his throat, "Well it has. So what do I do?" He said desperately praying there was some way out of this nightmare.

  
Robert gulped hard and remembered exactly what had to happen, he remembered his late night reading when he was a teenager when he discovered all about what he had. "There's a thirty day trail period." Robert blurted out quickly making Aaron frown. "It basically means that - I have a month to reciprocate the feelings, if I don't then the spell is broken and - and you forget all about me. I just can't fall in love with ya."

  
Aaron blew out a sigh of relief as he held onto his head and actually smiled for the first time since he had entered the flat. "Well that isn't going to happen is it!" He scoffed, missing the sad smile Robert had on his face.

  
Robert cleared his throat as he looked at Aaron, he really was beautiful, his eyes were so blue and he had something _special_ about him. "Course not." He shrugged causally.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "So I just, I _love_ you for a month and then it'll just go?" He asked nervously.

  
Robert nodded his head, "Yeah." He mumbled out before itching at his shoulder, he had never been in this predicament before. It was usually Robert wanting someone to love him _back_. But now he had this younger man with gelled hair and a kind heart _loving_ him and he couldn't feel anything for him, he couldn't allow himself to at all. Aaron's love for him would just become a waste in the end.

  
Aaron pulled a face and grabbed Robert's attention. "What?" Robert asked softly.

  
"It just seems too easy. I mean I can't stop thinking about you." Aaron said bitterly making Robert raise an eyebrow in surprise. When he had made Chrissie love him she was softer, sweeter and they hardly argued yet with Aaron he seemed to become rougher, harsher as he found himself in love with a stranger.

  
Robert cleared his throat, "It's a good thing you have someone, it could ... I don't know - lessen how you feel about me maybe. If you focus your attention away from me." He pointed out, trying his hardest not to pull a face at the thought of Aaron having passionate steamy sex with his boyfriend to forget about how he loved someone else.

  
Aaron nodded his head awkwardly, "As long as I'm away from you I think it will be fine." He said slowly, no harshness in his tone this time but still Robert had to comment.

  
"Charming." Robert said dryly.

  
"What do you want me to say? 'Oh Robert I love you so fucking that I just want you to drag me to bed and buy me breakfast and marry me'? It's not gonna happen." Aaron was suddenly rougher again, sarcastic and snappy and Robert's eyes widened. Robert realised why he was so angry. Aaron wasn't _letting_ it happen. He was fighting the love and it made him angry and harsh.

  
"Wow if this is what you're like when you _love_ someone then -" Robert was suddenly cut off by Aaron coming further towards him.

  
"Maybe if I didn't feel so guilty I'd be a bit chirpier." Aaron said darkly. "What am I supposed to say to Ed?" He almost asked himself.

  
Robert tensed, "Nothing. Like I said, just forget about it as much as you can. You'll forget me in no time." He mumbled out looking away.

  
Aaron nodded and blew out a slow breath, still looking worried as he looked up at Robert seriously. "What if I get tempted? You know, want to be with you because I _love_ ya, I know where you live now _fuck_." He had images of himself running towards Robert and throwing himself on the older man and him not minding in the slightest because he was that sort of prick.

  
Robert thought about having to turn someone away who loved him, it hurt but he would have to do it. "Don't worry, I'll tell you to do one." He smiled as he watched Aaron relax.

  
Aaron looked across at the clock and then tutted, "I should be getting back." He mumbled before looking at Robert's naked torso and seeing all the freckles, it made his heart thump and the need to push him against the wall and kiss him nearly took over. "And you should be getting dressed." He added with an awkward smile as Robert looked down and realised he had been standing there just in his boxers the entire time.

  
"Yeah, yeah I should." Robert whispered, a hand falling in his hair again as he saw Aaron walk towards the door.

  
"Aaron." Robert called out as he approached the younger man, he wondered if Aaron could feel anything between them when they were this close. "I - I am _sorry_ you know." He whispered, seeing Aaron look up at him and then nod his head as if to say he knew.

  
Robert gulped hard, realising that he had backed Aaron against the wall near the door just like last night. Aaron's breathing became a little erratic, the energy between them threatening to almost explode as he watched Robert reach a hand out for him to shake.

  
"Well it was nice knowing you Aaron." He whispered out realising he wouldn't be seeing him again any time soon, he had to stay away, Aaron wanted him to. Aaron had a boyfriend - Ed.

  
Aaron nodded his head again as he shook Robert's hand and saw the way Robert reacted to the touch, his eyes flickered a little as if he felt something too and Aaron had to ignore it for his own good.

  
"I'd say it was nice loving ya but - it's been a bit of a nightmare so far." Aaron said cheekily, rolling his eyes and making Robert laugh.

  
"Bye." Aaron added as he opened the door and looked back at Robert once more, his heart skipping a beat as he saw the older man wink at him before closing the door with a certain sadness in his eyes.

Robert watched Aaron leave the building, he watched him cross the road and then walk up the street before disappearing from his sight altogether. He watched until he had tears in his eyes because he was overwhelmed with emotions, he was angry and hurt and frustrated and above all deeply saddened about how he had to watch Aaron go when he had felt _something_ as they shook hands. Robert brushed a thumb over his palm and smiled, he could _still_ feel something and that meant Aaron could too.

 

***

 

Aaron went straight back home after meeting Robert, he pulled Ed back to bed and had sex three times that day to try and forget about what Robert meant to him now. It didn't work though, not even when he and Ed were grabbing onto each other's hands and panting out how breath again and again as they climaxed, Robert was still there.

  
"Let's book a holiday." Aaron said as they ate dinner that night.

  
Ed frowned, "What now?" He asked softly, a smile on his face though that told Aaron he was up for it.

  
Aaron nodded his head quickly, "Yeah well you know the season is finished for you now and - and I'm sure the garage won't mind me taking a few days off considering I worked all that unpaid overtime for Lee when his dog died."

  
Ed laughed at that and then frowned again, titling his head towards the side. "Where's this come from?"

  
Aaron's eyes widened, wondering if Ed suspected anything. "Can't I just want to get away from this place with my boyfriend for a bit?" He teased, hoping that being in a whole other country would lessen this desire for Robert.

  
Ed nodded in agreement before leaving over and kissing Aaron, "Where to then?"

 

They chose Venice in the end and Aaron found himself actually looking forward to spending time with his boyfriend. He tried not to think about Robert at all as they slept that night, side by side like always. For a few minutes he did just that, he was focusing his mind on the small of Ed's back and thinking about what they could do when they got to Venice in a few days and it all felt normal.

  
But then he felt the pain begin, it was like a hollow ache in his heart that wouldn't budge. It was taking over him suddenly and soon he was struggling to breath properly, sitting on the side of the bed and then racing towards the kitchen because he couldn't wake Ed up and worry him. Aaron found himself almost heaving into the sink as sweat started dropping down his neck. What was wrong with him? His mind fell back onto Robert as he stood there and tried to calm himself down.

  
"Calm down," he told himself softly, looking down at his shaking hands and realising what he had to tell himself to truly stop the pain that was growing.

  
"You love him, you love Robert and you can't ignore it." The words fell out in a whisper as he stood there, gripping onto the kitchen sink and feeling better almost instantly.

  
Aaron stood there for a few minutes in silence, having nothing else to stay. He was calmer now and he hated it. He didn't want to be this dependent on Robert, despite the fact that he _loved_ him. He wanted to be able to forget, he _had_ to and Robert said it would work. He'd just have to try harder to stop the pain.

 

***

 

The next few days were painful for Aaron to go through. The fight to forget Robert altogether was hurting him all over, Ed didn't seem to notice anything that differently his boyfriend and Aaron was grateful for it. Their trip to Venice was just around the corner and Aaron was equally scared and excited about leaving the country, leaving Robert. He couldn't help but wonder if what he was going through now would only get worse if he distanced himself from the blonde man any further. But then it could work, the distance between them could stretch out Aaron's love until it broke altogether and there was nothing left.

 

In the end it didn't.

 

The pain got worse despite the fact that Aaron had got better at ignoring it. His head ached as well as his heart now and whenever he touched Ed he felt his stomach tighten as if to say 'you should be hugging the man you love, you should be kissing him instead.

 

It was the night before their holiday, bags packed and excitement growing and that's when it happened. That's when Robert wouldn't leave him alone and he started having these panic attacks, just like the first night. But this time he couldn't calm himself down, this time Ed was too close and would be able to hear and he would realise what was wrong and Aaron couldn't bare that. Yet Ed grew worried, started panicking and holding onto him and it just made Aaron worse, he couldn't carry on ignoring such a powerful emotion when it was practically eaten away at him.

  
"Aaron what's wrong, look at me - it's fine." Ed didn't know what to do, he had met Aaron when he was seemingly past all his troubles. Of course he knew about it all but he didn't have to witness anything, not until now.

  
Aaron shook his head and began to pant as he lost his balance, "I - I can't breathe," he let out, falling a little towards the wall until Ed was holding him up and kissing at his hair and telling him it would be alright.

  
Aaron felt the pain continue to shoot through him as Ed carried him towards the sofa and phoned the ambulance, the shakes were back again and he was sweating everywhere. He allowed himself to think about Robert then, to completely focus his mind on the person he was made to love and just accept it. Just let it be. He wasn't fighting it anymore, he wasn't hating Robert for what he had done to him and suddenly his breathing become more regular.

  
Ed raced towards him on the sofa, his touch making Aaron wince and then begin to cry because this wasn't fair on him.

  
"I'm sorry," Aaron whispered out between sobs, taking the pain that was coming back immediately.

  
Ed shook his head, "Don't be sorry, they're on there way now - it's going to be fine." He whispered softly into Aaron before gulping hard and becoming serious, "I love you."

  
That was what did it.

  
Aaron's eyes widened and the pain reached an unbearable level that made his eyes roll back until he blacked out because Ed loved him and he loved someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Methinks Aaron needs a hero to come rescue him....


	4. Withdrawal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A turn of events cause Aaron and Robert to meet again, just when Aaron needs him most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took a lot longer lol, and sorry for the cliffhanger at end. Keep with it though, I should be uploading again tomorrow, let me know what you think so far though <3

Robert hadn't seen Aaron for three days and he told himself he didn't care. It wasn't like he was short in company considering Connor wouldn't actually leave his apartment. He had met him years back now and hated how easily the younger man would drop everything and come round when Robert felt lonely. Robert remembered one night how close he had come to saying the two words to him, he's glad he didn't though. They were not compatible and he didn't love him, he cared for him though.

  
"Guess what I did?" Robert was sober and opening up and that was a damn first.

  
Connor turned to him and smiled, "What?" He wondered.

  
"I made some bloke fall in love with me." He mumbled out making Connor laugh. He had always known somehow just like Lawrence and a part of Robert wondered if Connor was just waiting for the words to be said to him one day.

  
"A bloke this time." Robert tried to ignore how bitter Connor sounded.

  
"By accident. I was drunk."

  
"Have you seen him since?" Connor asked turning towards Robert and trying to stop his jaw tensing too much.

  
Robert cleared his throat, "Nah I'm keeping my distance until the month is over." He said slowly, regrettably.

  
Conner nodded his head and began downing the scotch he had bought with him. "You don't need to keep your distance from me you know. You could just say it to me." He said, his breath smelling of alcohol and making Robert blink frantically.

  
Of course they had slept together time after time, but it was just that.

  
"Connor -"

  
Connor drew closer to Robert and suddenly kissed him a little too roughly so that Robert was pushing him off and then smashing the bottle that was in Connor's hand.

  
"Shit." Connor shouted, blood dripping from the large cut on his hand from the shattered glass.

  
Robert's eyes widened as he looked at the wound, "That's - _deep_ , it might need stitches."

  
Connor shook his head, "No don't worry."

  
Robert raised Connor's head, "Come on let's go to the hospital." He mumbled out making Connor shake his head again because he hated this dynamic. As if Robert was his big brother and not his occasional lover.

 

***

 

Connor was taking away pretty quickly when they got to the hospital and Robert wondered if he should stay or not. Connor had been pretty pissed at him still for knocking him back and suddenly it had made Robert realise that stringing him on like that was just cruel and selfish.

  
Robert walked towards the vending machine and then looked down at his watch, it was nearly eleven o'clock and he was growing tired. His thoughts suddenly changed as he stood there, head resting against the wall. He was thinking about Aaron and then trying his hardest not to, he didn't know if him thinking about Aaron would influence the strength of Aaron's love but it wasn't worth the risk. _No_ , no he had to just forget that somebody loved him.

  
The sound of the hospital doors flying open caught Robert's attention and soon his face was falling as he saw someone being wheeled in. They looked like _him_ , they had the same beard, same black clothes but his hair was just a little more curly. Robert found his feet moving towards the stretcher and then he heard it -

  
"Aaron, it's going to be okay. It's fine."

  
Aaron. There was a man following the stretcher, shaking a little in shock. Ed. It must have been Ed.

  
Robert's heart started to thump, unsure as to why exactly Aaron was in hospital, he told himself it had nothing to do with the luv spell, he told himself it was something completely different. It didn't help though.

Robert sat a few feet away from Ed in the waiting room, a part of him wanted to start up conversation and find out what had happened but then again Ed would start asking questions and he wouldn't know if he was able to answer them.

  
A nurse came out after half an hour and suddenly Robert was listening in a little more.

  
Ed had stood up as she came closer, "What's wrong? Is he going to be okay?" He seemed so worried it hurt Robert.

  
The nurse nodded her head, "He's conscious and stable at the moment but we are still trying to figure out what exactly happened to him. Has he taken anything tonight?"

  
Ed shook his head, "No, no he hasn't - he's been like this for a few days. I tried to just ignore it because I knew he wouldn't want me worrying but -"

  
The nurse smiled sympathetically, "Well we'll keep him in over night and run a few more tests just to be sure."

  
Ed smiled at her, "Can I see him?" He asked before following the nurse towards Aaron's room that Robert now could see. He ripped his eyes away and then looked towards the ground, praying that Connor would just hurry up so that they could leave.

 

***

 

Another hour went by and Connor still hadn't been seen to, Robert had gone to check on him on the opposite side of the hospital and he was still behind a few more people. Robert wondered if he should sit with Connor, but he didn't. Instead he went back to near where Aaron's room was and caught the doctor's talking about how he was doing outside his room. They all seemed confused and worried as they went on about how Aaron was too weak to answer questions. Robert bit his lip, he couldn't help but think that it was his responsibility to let them know what it could be. Withdrawal. He had experienced something milder when he was younger, he remembered it.

  
Before Robert knew it he was calling a nurse over, "Aaron he...he's under luv spell at the moment and - and he's ignoring it." The nurse widened her eyes in horror and suddenly she was pulling Robert into a room and asking him more questions.

  
"Who has done this to him?" The nurse asked softly, prompting Robert to own up to his influence.

  
"I was drunk and stupid, I told him to forget about it." Robert said quickly before sighing as he saw the nurse shake her head.

  
"Oh love you can't forget it." The nurse suddenly frowned. "You're not together. That other bloke is with him isn't he?"

  
Robert gulped hard and then nodded.

  
"And that's why you want him to forget it." The nurse concluded, "It's not the simple." She went on almost shocking Robert because a part of him expected to be laughed out of the hospital, some people didn't even acknowledge Lovealthesit as an actual condition.

  
"Is he going to be okay?" Robert asked, he didn't want Aaron being sick because of him.

  
The nurse pulled a face and then stood up, "Let's go speak to him together." She said softly before seeing the look in Robert's eyes. "Don't worry, the muscle man has gone to the canteen." She added with a little smile.

 

***

 

Aaron blinked softly as he opened his eyes, the pain wasn't there anymore and then he looked around and saw Ed wasn't either. It wasn't a coincidence. Neither was the arrival of Robert and a nurse.

  
Aaron tried to stop his heart from skipping a beat as he saw Robert look at him, he seemed genuinely worried.

  
"Hello love, feeling any better?" The nurse had a bright smile, looked a little older than what he had expected and wore a pair of small glasses. Aaron nodded at her and then tried to avoid Robert's eye.

  
They weren't supposed to see each other again so why was he suddenly showing up at hospitals?

  
"Good." Robert blurted out, making Aaron look his way and then frown.

  
"Why are you here?" Aaron asked weakly, his heart beating a little faster because Ed would be back any second.

  
Robert hesitated, "My mate cut his hand." He offered with a shrug and then saw Aaron roll his eyes, "Don't flatter yourself." He added bitterly, mirroring what Aaron had said to him a few days ago.

  
The nurse looked between the men with her mouth open, "Are you sure he's under luv spell?" She wondered, not believing that Aaron could be this bitter towards someone he loved.

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "You told her!" He panted out, a little more strength than earlier taking over him as he looked across at Robert.

  
"Well someone had to. They didn't know what was wrong with you and Ed didn't -"

  
Aaron's face fell, "You saw Ed?" He said nervously wondering how Robert behaved.

  
Robert rolled his eyes, "Don't worry...I didn't say anything to him." He wished he had now.

  
The nurse raised a hand, "Listen here, I'm assuming you're going through withdrawal during the trail period month." Aaron nodded his head slowly. "Staying away and ignoring the fact that you love this fella here will make you _worse_ Aaron." Aaron flinched at her words then.

  
"I have to though, I don't want this." Aaron said bitterly, tears in his eyes.

  
Robert had to look away, he hated the fact that he was ruining Aaron's life.

  
The nurse tutted and leaned a little closer to Aaron, "Maybe your head is telling ya that love, but your _heart_ is telling you that you love him. You can't deny that your boyfriend is making the pain worse."

  
Robert looked towards Aaron and Aaron sighed in defeat.

  
"It's because being with someone other than the love speller is the _ultimate_ rejection. It'll make you _ill_ love, more than this." The nurse carried on, watching it sink in for Aaron and then Robert was suddenly realising to.

  
"So what - I have to leave my boyfriend?" Aaron whispered out, looking towards Robert as he spoke.

  
The nurse nodded her head, "You need to be close to your lovespeller until the month is over, the more distance - the more sick you'll be."

  
Aaron felt his insides burst, his heart told him to love Robert and he did, he really did for some reason but he couldn't get used to the fact that he had to be _close_ to the older man.

  
Robert gulped hard, he didn't want Aaron sick but he didn't want Aaron close to him either. He was scared that if he was forced to be close to Aaron, just _be_ with Aaron then he would start to fall -

  
"This is all your fault!" Aaron shouted at Robert, tears falling down his face.

  
Robert's eyes widened, "I'm sorry Aaron, I'm so -"

  
Aaron shook his head, "I love you..." He whispered the words out, he knew it was true, he had just admitted it out loud again. Robert seemed shocked by Aaron but he couldn't deny how good it made him feel. "I love you and - and I've got to tell my boyfriend that I can't be with him 'cos of you."

  
The nurse sighed softly as she saw how upset Aaron seemed, "It's only a month love. Then it'll be over, right?" She looked towards Robert and saw how worried he looked, she almost _knew_ there was a chance that Robert would end up _not_ wanting it to be over at all.

  
Robert nodded his head, "Yeah..." He whispered out before gulping hard. "You can stay with me if you like." He didn't mean for it to come out but it did and he wasn't regretting his words.

  
Aaron frowned, "I don't want to!" _Yes you do Aaron because you love him_.

  
Robert shook his head, seemingly having enough of the pretence. " _Stop_ fighting this Aaron!" He shouted down towards the younger man, "If you carry on you'll never her better, you know you love me and -"

  
"I don't know you!" Aaron was able to yell back at Robert, "And now I'm supposed to live with you for a _month_."

  
Robert gulped hard, "But you _love_ me Aaron, and I know that - that's all that really matters." He was speaking more gently than ever before and Aaron found himself loving him even more, allowing himself to.

  
Aaron blew out a slow breath as he shook his head, "How am I supposed to explain this to Ed?"

  
The room grew silent as the door creaked open a little further and Ed was wearing a frown on his face. "Explain what?" He asked before spotting Robert and tensing his jaw.


	5. The best treatment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert are forced to tell Ed that Aaron has to move in with Robert and have a break from their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update so quickly! Lol I couldn't leave that cliffhanger for too long.

Robert had never felt so awkward in his life, he was standing in a hospital room with a nurse, the man who he had made love him four days ago and his rather muscly confused boyfriend who had no clue what was going on.

  
"Is someone going to start talking?" Ed said, his voice a little colder than usual and telling Aaron he was annoyed.

  
Robert looked towards Aaron, "Shall I give you a minute?" He asked, really meaning that he was going to do just that. The nurse followed Robert towards the door but Ed stopped him, stepping forward and blocking Robert before letting the nurse leave.

  
"No I think you should stay and tell me what's going on." Ed was staring right at Robert and the looking at Aaron in the bed. He seemed a little distressed suddenly and Robert knew it was because he had moved away just a little.

  
"Babe who's this?" Ed tried again, looking over at Aaron and then hearing nothing in response. "Come on!" He added, voice a little higher as he looked back at Robert.

  
Robert gulped hard, biting the bullet. "I'm Robert Sugden." He said sheepishly before clearing his throat.

  
Ed stepped back then and walked over to Aaron, "What's he doing here?" He asked worriedly as Aaron steadied himself on the bed.

  
"Ed, Robert...he, er the other night he - I mean -" Aaron couldn't get the words out, how could he.

  
Robert watched Aaron struggling and averted Ed's attention towards him. "I have luv spell, I - I put the spell on Aaron a few days ago."

  
Ed's chest began falling and then rising quickly, Aaron could see him start to get angry despite the fact that Ed was the kindest man Aaron had ever known. He had a temper, but in comparison to Aaron's he hardly raised his voice.

  
"Ed please don't -"

  
It was too late though, suddenly Ed was charging towards Robert and slamming him against the wall. "You did _what_?" He spat, shaking his head and sighing. "No no you couldn't have done that, not to Aaron. He's not yours."

  
Robert suddenly seemed confident, he had nothing left to loose. "He isn't yours either mate." He whispered wickedly, because his dislike for the men was there instantly, before feeling Ed punch at his stomach.

  
Aaron lifted himself up on the bed, "Ed _please_ don't hurt him." Loving someone meant you couldn't bare to see them hurt, that's what was happening. "Please Ed, please I love him." The words froze the scene that was playing out in front of Aaron's eyes.

  
Ed suddenly was turning back towards his boyfriend in horror, "Don't say that Aaron. This _scumbag_ is scamming ya, he's brainwashing you into think you do when you actually don't -"

 

Aaron gulped hard, "I've tried to fight it, for you...for _us_ but I can't - it's making me _ill_ Ed." He looked around the room, "Look where I am." He shuddered.

  
"Is that why you wanted to go on holiday?" Ed questioned and suddenly Robert was looking up, he didn't know why he found that so sad but he did. Aaron wanted to be _that_ far away from him, it must have only exaggerated how much Aaron did love him. How powerful it all was.

  
Aaron nodded his head sheepishly, "I just wanted to forget that I loved him, he said it could work -"

  
Ed shook his head again, "He's lying to ya Aaron, people like him don't exist you know that."

  
Aaron had always thought it was rubbish but how could he deny it now.

  
"I'm sorry." It was all Aaron was able to actually say. "I didn't ask for this." Aaron whispered out sadly.

  
Ed tensed again, "No it's not your fault. It's _his_." He spat looking back at Robert who stood there awkwardly. "You've ruined everything."

  
Robert shook his head, "In a month's time this will all be over." Ed frowned. "If I don't admit to loving Aaron after a month then he forgets all about me, this. Everything goes back to normal."

  
Ed seemed to calm down a little as he heard the words, "So you don't love him?" He wondered.

  
Robert scoffed, "No I don't. I was drunk and it was a mistake and I'm not going to fall in love with him, especially if he's living with me for -"

  
Aaron's eyes widened and tried to stop Robert from speaking anymore.

  
Ed looked at Aaron, "What does he mean?"

  
Aaron sighed, "I have to stay close to him, it's the only way I'll get better Ed." He said seeming wounded by the way it sounded.

  
Ed's face fell, "And you expect me to just - be okay with that?" He blurted out, "You living with a bloke who made you love him, for a whole month."

  
"You can visit all the time." Robert chirped in, not helping matters as he saw Ed scowl at him.

  
"Robert shut up." Aaron barked making Robert fall into silence immediately as he turned back to Ed. "I can't expect ya to wait for me, I mean we can't - I can't be with you without being in pain, without me hurting."

  
Ed straightened his back, "I understand." He mumbled before sighing. "I just need time to get my head around this yeah?" He offered making Aaron nod in agreement.

  
"Of course." Aaron whispered before turning to Robert, "You can go now." His voice harsher as he spoke.

  
Robert tried not to make it obvious, but the bluntness had stung. He told himself Aaron loved him though and that made it all better.

  
"Fine, I'll see ya whenever then." Robert looked towards Ed. "When you want to move your stuff over or..."

  
"See ya." Ed spat as he watched Robert walk slowly towards the door, as if he didn't really want to leave Aaron.

  
Aaron looked up at Robert, smiling a little as he watched the older man go. He wanted him to stay and the pain was already making him ache as Ed stood there smiling at him and Robert didn't.

 

Robert walked down the corridor, taking his time as he suddenly crashed into Connor. He looked annoyed and tired and the bandaged on his hand made Robert felt bad for being so forceful and earlier.

  
"Eight fucking stitches. Eight." Connor spat angrily. "Hey you alright?" He added after not hearing Robert comment at all.

  
They approached the car and suddenly Robert let out a slow sigh, "Well I mean the bloke I told to love me was just admitted into hospital because I told him to forget all about me and he suffered from withdrawals, and now he has to live with me for the rest of the month so that he can actually get better. And oh he has a really tough possible rugby player type boyfriend who wants me dead. But er yeah, things are really fine and dandy Connor, cheers."

 

***

 

Aaron showed up three days later. He looked awful, bags circling under his eyes and more lines than Robert had seen before. Robert gulped hard as he opened the door a little wider and saw Ed standing behind Aaron, a hand firm on Aaron's shoulder as if he was marking his territory, claiming Aaron as his own. Robert let out a little smile at that, finding the gesture funny considering Aaron loved him instead.

  
"Hi." Robert pushed out, feeling the awkward atmosphere get worse as Ed stared him down.

  
Aaron let out a little smile, "Hey." He mumbled back, unable to hold back the excitement he felt about living with someone he loved, he tried to tell himself it didn't matter that he was under a spell. He wanted to love someone and now he did. The smile faded though as he felt Ed massage at his shoulder, he shut his eyes a little and winced, missing the way Robert noticed.

  
"Come inside - this way." Robert blurted out, watching Ed move his hand off Aaron's shoulder and then seeing Aaron's face relax.

  
Aaron found himself gravitating towards Robert as he walked into the flat, remembering the huge widows and smiling. Ed noticed and suddenly frowned.

  
"Where's the spare room?" Ed questioned, his eyes darting about the place.

  
Aaron looked up towards Robert, praying he had one.

  
Robert gulped hard, "Through there." He pointed towards the end of the little hallway, "It's not that big but -"

  
"It'll do." Aaron butted in, trying his hardest not to sound harsh.

  
Robert nodded his head and walked towards the kitchen, "Yeah for a month." He smiled before turning to Ed, "Don't think sleepovers will be possible though eh?" Robert couldn't help but sound smug as he spoke, seeing Aaron's eyes widened with shock.

  
Ed bit down on his lip and started to shake his head, "Is that meant to be a joke?" He snapped at Robert only making the blonde man let out laugh.

  
"Robert -" Aaron tried but then suddenly he was seeing Ed walked towards him.

  
"You think it's funny that I won't be able to be anywhere near him for month 'cos it hurts him so much?" Robert's face fell a little as he saw how sad Aaron looked. He didn't care about Ed, but he cared about Aaron. He didn't want to hurt him. "You think it's funny that - that you've taken him from me just for the sake of it!" Ed stopped himself as he realised he had pinned Robert up against the wall.

  
Robert panted a little, pushing Ed off of him and then feeling like the biggest arse in the world. He had ruined everything for him.

  
"I'm sorry, I -" Robert tried but Ed was already walking away, back to Aaron.

  
"You call me, the minute you want to okay?" Ed was soft and gentle and warm again and Aaron smiled at that, wanting to love him so badly but not being able to when all he could think about was Robert.

  
Aaron nodded his head and looked towards the floor in shame, "I'll call you all the time, I will." He pleaded, almost trying to convince himself he would.

  
Ed smiled and delicately touched Aaron's shoulder. Robert watched from where he was standing, he was seeing how Aaron was trying his best not to show how it ached and he realised what a _good_ man Aaron was. It made his heart skip a little and then he looked away because he couldn't ruin things for Ed and Aaron by feeling anything for Aaron, he owed them a happy ever after.

  
"I love you Aaron." Aaron smiled thinking back to the night he fainted, it was because Ed had said the words and Robert was nowhere in sight. It didn't hurt as much now, Aaron flickered his eyes towards Robert and felt calmer suddenly. Aaron couldn't say it back and felt awful, he remembered how stunned the confession had made him before he blacked out. Ed had never said it before. Neither had Aaron.

  
"I know." Aaron let out awkwardly before kissing Ed's cheek quickly and watching his boyfriend look towards Robert.

  
"You do anything he dosen't want you to - you, you wind him up or - or even think about falling for him -"

  
Robert gulped hard and let out a smirk, "Trust me, he's not that irresistible." He leaned in a little, his smirk still there and looking even more smug.

  
Ed lifted his head up a little and then scoffed as he walked back to Aaron, planting a kiss on Aaron's head and then leaving.

 

***

 

Aaron stared out the huge windows for a few minutes, crying and not being able to stop until Robert spotted him. It was everything coming to a head as he tried to stop crying, it was about having to leave his home, it was about disappointing Ed and it was about loving someone who he hardly knew.

  
"Are you alright?" Robert nervously let out, he had just finished making up the spare room for Aaron and didn't expect _tears_.

  
Aaron turned around and rubbed at his eyes frantically, "I'm fine." He pushed out harshly before passing Robert and trying to get to his room. The feel of Robert pushing him back made Aaron a little light headed, being this close to Robert sent a rosy glow through him instantly. Robert watched and couldn't help but let out a smile.

  
"What?" Aaron barked at him, a little embarrassed by how he had reacted to his touch.

  
Robert shrugged his shoulders, "You've gone a bit red that's all."

  
Aaron sighed and looked away shyly, again trying to get into his room. Robert followed behind him, calling out.

  
"Why were you crying?" Robert asked softly, he didn't know him all that well yet and had no idea that Aaron was highly emotional when he wanted to be.

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Leave me alone," he groaned out, trying to ignore the way he wanted to wrap his arms around the blonde and find comfort in someone he loved.

  
Robert shook his head, "No I said I'd look after you, it's the least I could." He had promised himself more than anyone. "Just tell me what's wrong..."

  
Aaron sighed hard, pulling a hand through his hair. "Isn't it obvious! Robert I don't want to be here, I want my old life back!" He screamed the words out, stunning Robert who had to just stand there in shock for a few seconds.

  
"What do you want me to do! I said I'm sorry, I told you -" Robert was inches away from Aaron, screaming right back and feeling a tingling feeling rush through him as they stood there.

  
"It dosen't change anything - I don't want you saying sorry." Aaron snapped, his face growing red with anger this time.

  
Robert rolled his eyes, "Well you know it's not all my fault." He snapped back, trying to shift the blame as much as possible.

  
Aaron got even closer, "Excuse me?" He shuddered out, his voice dangerously low.

  
Robert should have just stopped there, said 'forget it' and walked away but he didn't. "If you tried a little harder to actually forget about me, you know focus on the other bloke you have, like I said - then you wouldn't be here."

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "I was planning on going all the way to Venice you absolute _prick_!" He snarled, closing in on Robert and pushing him backwards. God he hated him.

  
Robert shook his head and walked away silently, clogs swirling in his brain as he realised that the reason why being with Ed was making him even worse was because Aaron didn't love him at all. How could Aaron try to love Ed _more_ when he never did in the first place?

  
Robert turned back round, "You don't love Ed at all? You never did." He whispered, eyes wide and suddenly seeing the look on Aaron's face.

  
It took a few seconds for Aaron to charge towards Robert, pointing at his the older man's chest with tears in his eyes because _fuck_ he was right. "You don't speak about him, you don't get to -"

  
"That's why it didn't work at all, that's why being with him made you _worse_ , you don't love him at all. That's why it was so easy to make you love me, to make it work." Robert blabbed out, the words making Aaron get even angrier.

  
"Shut up." Aaron snapped, their faces inches apart again making Aaron feel woozy, he could kiss Robert and then punch him for _making_ him want to.

  
Robert could feel Aaron's breath, they were so close. "I'm right though aren't I?" He couldn't help himself.

  
Aaron shuddered a little, suddenly gripping onto Robert's shirt as he stood there. "I hate you." He whispered out, because he did. He hated Robert for doing this to him, he hated how he didn't hate Robert at all.

  
Robert's eyes flickered, "No you don't - you _love_ me." He whispered back causing Aaron's hands to fall onto Robert's face and then suddenly he was crashing their mouths together and listening to his heart and not his stupid head. Robert gasped into it all, not believing what was actually happening because Aaron was kissing him, Aaron was wanting to, Aaron wasn't being cold and difficult anymore and Robert was loving it all. Dangerously so.

  
Aaron pushed off of Robert after a few seconds, guilt eating away at him suddenly because... _Ed_. Aaron pulled a hand over his mouth as if that would wash away the memory of how good it felt to kiss Robert, how good it felt to kiss someone he was certain he loved.

  
Robert was still standing by the wall, his head tilted back as he caught his breath and just like Aaron tried to forget how it made him feel.

  
"Well that was a _hate_ kiss." Robert tried to find humour in it, how unexpected it was, how passionate and raw it felt when Aaron kissed him.

  
Aaron looked away, "You - you should have stopped me. That - that wasn't me, that was -"

  
"Trying to find excuses are we?" Robert couldn't help but feel a little hurt, he didn't want Aaron blaming the luv spell on everything he did despite the fact that it _was_ the case.

  
Aaron looked stunned, "I'm under a fucking spell!" He shouted, "That's excuse enough!"

  
Robert shook his head and walked towards Aaron, "I didn't make you want me Aaron, I made you love me - everything else is up to you." Aaron seemed shocked still by how it sounded, how much control he _did_ have over what this was.

  
Aaron gulped hard and turned away from Robert again, "Leave me alone." He let out lamely, feeling tried all of a sudden.

  
"Right back at ya." Robert tried to tease, force a sense of flirtation out of Aaron but it didn't help. Aaron turned round with a scowl on his face.

  
"Push me away." Aaron blurted out, confusing Robert and making him frown. "Next time that happens - don't let it." He whispered out with desperation in his voice. "I can't hurt Ed anymore."

  
Robert thought about how badly the was caught up in the moment when Aaron kissed him, how the last thing he wanted to do was _push_ Aaron away and he realised how he couldn't do that. It wasn't fair.

  
"It won't happen again." Robert nodded his head and spoke seriously, telling himself there was no way it could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've never been a massive fan of Ed but I so respect that he was such a lovely normal bright light at the end of the tunnel for Aaron that I can't help but like him, which is why it's a little like 'oh poor ed' I hope people agree lol. Let me know what you think about this chapter my lovlies <3


	6. Getting to know you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron learn more about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I'm going to be uploading on the weekends like 80% of the time just because I'm too busy to upload during the week! So thank you for all your wonderful patience! Xx

Robert was awkward the next morning and Aaron could sense it. He had made Aaron breakfast and then sat there watching the younger man eat it all without saying it word.

  
"Is there something you'd like to say?" Aaron asked as he slurped down the milk left in the bowl and saw the way Robert grimaced.

  
Robert cleared his throat, "No nothing at all." Robert thought for a second, "Well actually I was wondering if you, I mean - I take it you work."

  
Aaron nodded his head, "Yeah but I've taken a few days off, you know considering how I've been feeling..."

  
Robert nodded his head as he tapped at the table, "What do you do?" He asked, leaning a little to the left as he spoke.

  
Aaron placed the bowl back down and sighed, "I'm a mechanic." Robert raised an eyebrow.

  
"I used to be one of those ages ago." Robert said with an awkward smile, "Before I -"

  
Aaron lifted a hand up and stopped Robert, "Wait let me guess..." Aaron did something with his nose and Robert couldn't help but smile. "Some sort of office managerial thingy."

  
Robert scoffed and nodded his head, "That obvious is it?" He wondered as Aaron stood up and walked towards the kitchen sink.

  
Robert watched him and Aaron could feel his eyes on him, it made him blush a little and then think about what had happened the night before. When he lost all control of himself and kissed Robert. God that was a sweet mistake.

  
"Anything else?" Aaron offered as he spun around and caught Robert by surprise.

  
Robert saw how much brighter Aaron looked, he had this little twinkle in his eyes and he seemed relaxed as he stood there, nothing like how frantic he seemed last night when he was shouting and screaming and trying to forget everything.

  
Robert set back on his chair, "You look better already." He noted with a smile.

  
Aaron bit his lip shyly, "Well it's 'cos -" he stopped himself, somehow admitting to loving Robert wasn't necessary.

  
Robert gulped hard, knowing what he wasn't saying. "Yeah I suppose so." Robert got up and walked towards Aaron, seeing how effected the younger man seemed by the distance between them closing.

  
"Look Aaron, I know that - that this isn't ideal and, and you probably really _hate_ me for all of this but I'd like to get to know you." Robert said shyly, because he wanted to know Aaron for some reason, really know him.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders and titled his head, "You might not like what you find out." He teased a little.

  
Robert frowned, "You might not either." He teased back. "But I suppose you already love me so it dosen't really matter." Aaron's eyes widened at that and suddenly he blushing.

  
Robert backed away a little, his heart thumping as he tried to blurt out an apology or _something_. "That isn't a joke, I -" he was suddenly thinking of Ed and feeling bad.

  
It almost felt like Aaron was thinking about the exact same person because suddenly he was waving out a hand and walking away. "I'm going to ring Ed, he'll want to know how I'm doing."

  
Robert's eyes widened, wondering if talking to Ed would make Aaron worse. "Not too long though, you don't want to get worse."

  
Aaron turned round, taking the words as an insult. "What you think you can control me?"

  
Robert's eyes widened, "What? No -"

  
"Just 'cos I'm under this spell dosen't mean I'm _yours_." Aaron didn't even know why he was angry, in his mind Robert was kind and gentle and he loved him but it didn't stop him being like this.

  
Robert ran a hand through his hair, "I didn't say that. I'm just looking out for you." He tried, looking towards the floor.

  
Aaron scoffed, "It's a little too late for that don't you think?" He snarled, walking a little further and then stopping to pick up his phone.

  
Robert felt himself become even angrier because he wanted to help Aaron, he owed him that much but he was making it so difficult. "You know I could have just let you carry on struggling. I didn't have to offer my home to you the way I did, you're a stranger and I'm helping you!" He snapped at Aaron.

  
Aaron frowned harshly, he knew a part of it was true, Robert didn't have to do anything at all if he didn't want to. "Robert -"

  
"Why do you want to make this so fucking hard?" Robert snapped loudly, his hands suddenly waving about in frustration and closing his eyes. Aaron was suddenly closer to him as Robert opened his eyes again, his eyes looked so blue and inviting and Robert had to look away. A part of him wanting the angry Aaron back when the younger man rubbed at his arm and told him he was sorry. He wanted the loud and cold Aaron back when the mechanic suddenly wrapped his arms around him and breathed into his neck. He didn't want this loving Aaron, he didn't want to see Aaron giving into how much he loved Robert and having these tender moments, it only made it harder.

  
Aaron pulled away, feeling a little foolish for the way his emotions had suddenly shifted and he was wanting to hold Robert and calm the older man down. It was the love he had for Robert that made him like that.

  
"I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from." Aaron blurted out awkwardly as he tried to avoid Robert's eye.

  
Robert smiled a little, it made sense in his mind now. What happened last night as Aaron just kissed him like that, he thought back to how sometimes Chrissie would have moments where she would just blurt out how much she loved Robert. At first Robert didn't complain but then sometimes they would be arguing and she would suddenly just kiss him and say she loved him and that was a little odd. Robert researched it secretly, realised what it was.

  
_Sparatic luv_ : A glitch that appears in the individual under luv spell whereby thoughts of love are pushed to the front of their mind and can take over at any given moment.

  
Robert cleared his throat, "It's normal don't worry." He mumbled towards Aaron and then looked towards the phone in the younger man's hand. "You go and ring Ed, and then I can find out a little more about this bloke who loves me."

  
This time Aaron didn't frown and feel awkward and Robert didn't immediately apologise. This time Aaron just smiled and walked away leaving Robert standing there thinking about how he hadn't pushed Aaron away _again_ , how he _couldn't_.

Robert gulped as he heard Aaron began to talk on the phone, sudden realisation took hold as he realised that Aaron's cases of sparatic luv would only get harder to endure.

 

***

 

Aaron looked tired after his conversation with Ed, Robert couldn't help but wonder if he took long on purpose just to prove that he could. They had lunch and Robert started to talk about how he usually worked from home, he tried to ignore the way that the fact seemed to make Aaron smile. After Robert washed up he felt the need to find out more about Aaron, the younger man appeared better and more relaxed as he sat on the sofa and looked up at Robert. There was love there in his eyes, Robert could spot it.

  
"How many times has this happened?" Aaron suddenly asked Robert, causing Robert to turn around and begin wiping his hands with the towel on the side.

  
"What do you mean?" Robert questioned as he sat next to Aaron on the sofa and saw the way Aaron blushed a little just at the gesture.

  
"You know, putting someone under the luv spell..." Aaron hinted, clearing his throat and wondering if he was being a little too personal.

  
Robert bit down on his lip, "Once." He admitted, Chrissie was still causing his heart to hurt a little but Aaron was mending it slowly.

  
Aaron blinked quickly. "What happened?" He wondered as he saw how Robert seemed lost in his thoughts. "Sorry -"

  
Robert raised a hand dismissively, "Don't worry." He pushed out softly. "She found out about what I'd done to her, hated me and well that's it really."

  
Aaron nodded his head and frowned at the _she_ , "Tell me you're bisexual 'cos I mean - you did kiss me and -"

  
Robert nodded his head, "Yeah...bisexual." He confirmed. "She didn't know that though, just another thing I kept from her."

  
Aaron gulped as he remembered the other night, "I remember you talking about you just having a break up...was it her?" He asked, leaning towards Robert a little.

  
"Yeah." Robert sighed, looking down towards his thighs and then back at Aaron. "It's fine I mean - I deserved her hating me." He sighed again, this time a little heavier.

  
Aaron looked towards the photo he had first seen when he came into Robert's flat, "Is that her?" He asked, his voice a little tight as he spoke.

  
Robert looked towards where Aaron was staring and smiled, "No that's Vic. My sister." He had kept in contact with her, she accepted him when no one else did. When Andy hated him, when Katie was almost scared of him and when Jack sent him away. His own _dad_.

  
Aaron saw the way it made Robert smile, it made him smile and then his heart was leaping out of his chest and he felt the need to say the words to Robert. He didn't though, he had to control himself.

  
"She makes you happy then..." Aaron pointed out, wondering if he looked all smitten as he stared at Robert.

  
Robert looked at the younger man, he most certainly did but Robert wasn't going to mention that.

  
"Yeah she does, she's great." Robert whispered out, "Better than my brother anyway." He added, not meaning to.

  
"You have a brother too?" Aaron shifted his weight, unable to stop himself from wanting to find out things about Robert - it almost seemed like he _had_ to know about the person he loved.

  
Robert nodded his head and then shook it, "I don't want to speak about him." He admitted and saw Aaron look away awkwardly. "We don't get on. I mean we used to but, well it's like how me and my dad turned out I suppose."

 

_I warned you son, I told you and you didn't listen. Leave. Leave and don't look back, I'm ashamed of you, you've made me ashamed of my own son._

 

Robert's eyes flickered as he saw Aaron look back at him, a little effected by the words. "Dads are fucking pricks." He blurted out making Robert laugh and then look away, he was sure he was blushing.

  
"You got any siblings?" Robert queried as he pushed his head down on the sofa. Aaron nodded his head and smiled.

  
"Yeah a little sister, Liv." Aaron's smile grew wider and then his heart ached because he missed her. "She lives with her mum, I see her about once a month now." Sandra had just upt and left and despite the fact that they talked on the phone all the time and sent each other silly messages and videos, he missed her so much. "I miss her." He admitted, he didn't usually offload like this but somehow it felt easy, he _loved_ Robert didn't he.

  
Robert played with his ear as he nodded along and agreed, Victoria made a lot more effort than he did and sometimes he felt bad about it. But then she'd mention Andy and their dad and he'd feel worse and a part of him wished he had just cut ties with the _entire_ family to save him the hurt.

  
"Anything else I should know, like you know quick run though of your life maybe." Robert offered and then smiled as he saw how wary Aaron seemed. "You can speak really fast when you get to the bad bits if you want."

  
Aaron scoffed, "So you won't be able to hear a word then." He muttered out awkwardly before shifting on the sofa.

  
"I - my mam left me when I was eight...didn't get on with my dad at all - he er, he used to beat me and, he wasn't too great." Robert wondered what else Aaron meant but didn't push him, he didn't want to ruin anything. "Anyway, my uncle Cain found me after I had left home - I was sleeping rough and he took me back to the village my mum lived in. I made her life hell, 'cos she had abandoned me you know." Robert nodded along, listening to it all.

  
Aaron sighed hard, "And then she stopped caring again and her boyfriend - well ex boyfriend Paddy took me in, helped me you know - come out and everything and - and stuck by me. I met someone, fell in love and all that shit but it didn't last." Robert seemed to be a little more interested at that and Aaron gulped hard, he had to remind himself that he loved Robert and he could trust him.

  
"He got hurt and - he wanted to die so I helped him." Aaron was speaking fast but Robert heard and tried his hardest not to react, not to slowly put his hand on Aaron's and comfort him. It was Ed in his mind telling him not to even think about it.

  
"Life was pretty shit after that - I hurt myself to cope and - and I didn't think it'd get better but it did. I met Ed. I was pissing about, earning nothing by being a steward at some stadium and - and he was playing rugby."

  
Rugby, of course he was a rugby player.

  
"Sweep you off your feet did he?" Robert said with a little smile that was for Aaron's benefit and not his own, and then suddenly he almost felt like Connor, _jealous_.

  
Aaron rolled his eyes and then made a little noise, "Hm well he did offer to carry me across the field if he lost a match. Lucky sod won though so..." The air became awkward as Robert imagined how Ed had made Aaron's life so much better, he was almost bitter about it and suddenly he was wanting to ruin it.

  
"So how comes you don't love him?" Robert felt like he had just stamped over the moment they had created, a nice little conversation about their lives.

  
Aaron was frowning hard, suddenly a lot more harsher than he had been. "What?" He asked bluntly.

  
Robert gulped, "I mean - he obviously loves you but - but you don't love him back, I just wonder why that is."

  
Aaron stood up at that, and Robert realised he had royally fucked up any progress he had made.

  
"Aaron I didn't mean to -"

  
"Don't ask me stuff like that alright?" Aaron seemed a little annoyed as he walked past Robert and then felt his grip tighten around his arm.

  
"Aaron _wait_ , I was just thinking out loud." Robert tried as he saw Aaron look away, Robert sighed and released Aaron from his grip making Aaron look a little woozy. "Fuck _you_ asked _me_ enough questions!" He realised, trying not to feel guilty for asking legitimate questions.

  
"I'm not speaking about Ed with you again. It's not fair." Aaron pointed out, looking right at Robert as he spoke.

  
Robert realised he had to give in, he wasn't going to keep fighting with Aaron. "Understood." He pushed out, watching Aaron walk towards the kitchen and then turn back around again, "Oi do you fancy a cuppa?" Aaron offered with a little smile, almost as if he was trying to apologise.

  
Robert blinked slowly, "Do you know me enough yet?" He teased, "I mean to be making me tea and actually offering to." He added as Aaron rolled his eyes.

  
"Do you want one or not?" Aaron let out, trying to sound annoyed despite the fact that he wasn't.

  
Robert nodded his head before sighing and watching Aaron fill the kettle. Aaron felt him watching again and tried hard not to blush, failing though as he turned round to see Robert looking at him smugly.

  
"What?" Aaron snapped a little, trying not to smile this time.

  
Robert shrugged a little and kept his smile, "Must be love eh." He sighed out playfully before winking at Aaron and then feeling Aaron chuck an apple at him from the kitchen, it hit him hard on the head and Aaron's laughter filled the room, followed by Robert's that suddenly made Aaron almost glow with love.

It was like something out of a movie, Robert looked up and couldn't help but see how madly in love Aaron looked in the moment. Robert had to look away, he hated how a part of him wished it was true, that Aaron was under no spell at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...chunkier chapter to be uploaded tomorrow with all sorts of angst!


	7. A painful date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is left frustrated after Aaron agrees to see Ed, despite how bad the consequences will be for his health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a chunkier chapter here for you I suppose. Thank you so much for all the people who are still interested in this fic, it means the absolute world so thank you so very very very much my lovely readers!

A few days went since the first. They got on well. There was no denying that really considering Aaron did love him and Robert was growing fond of the younger man's ways. They seemed to just get by without any awkwardness between them at all. Aaron wasn't sick anymore, he didn't look ill or pale and poorly and Robert couldn't help the fact that knowing he was the only one capable of making Aaron better made him feel special. Just knowing he was special in Aaron's eyes made his heart skip just that little bit more.

Aaron came through the door, a warm smile on his face as he spotted Robert sitting on the sofa.

  
"Finished early today, thought I'd surprise you." Aaron's voice was high as he spoke and Robert had to look at him properly, checking he wasn't having a sparatic luv moment.

  
Robert pulled his eyes away, not knowing how exactly to feel when he realised Aaron wasn't going though it. He was just being Aaron.

  
"I'm not a fan of surprises..." Robert mumbled out as he pulled over a file that he was meant to be working on. It had got harder to ignore Aaron when he was being like this, when he wasn't screaming and shouting and being a moody so and so, when he was being warm and _loving_.

  
Aaron shrugged as he walked towards Robert and then abruptly stopped. For a second he felt the urge to kneel down and kiss Robert on the cheek like they were some working husbands. It made his head throb with guilt as he stood there wondering if Robert had noticed.

  
"Well tough." Aaron sighed before chucking a chocolate bar towards Robert.

  
Robert looked down at it and smiled, it was his favourite. All chewy in the middle and then crunchy as you bit down deeper.

  
"Are you going to actually eat it or?" Aaron asked cheekily as he saw the way Robert hadn't moved.

  
Robert looked up towards Aaron a little shyly, "Thanks Aaron," he whispered the words out so sincerely that he felt his heart ache a little. He hated these little gestures from Aaron, hated how badly they made him like Aaron when he couldn't, not really.

  
Aaron nodded his head and slumped next to Robert, "I've been thinking..." He began before looking across at Robert and seeing how he was just about to say something. "And before you say ' _that's a dangerous thing_ ' or some other shit like that, just listen." Aaron waved a hand up and caught Robert by surprise.

  
Robert's eyes widened, they had been cohabiting for no more than three days now and Aaron somehow knew his favourite chocolate bar and the sarcastic shit he would always say. Aaron knew him better than most and Robert tried to ignore the fact that maybe the spell had something to do with that, he liked the idea that he had been able to make Aaron see the real him so quickly.

  
"Go on then." Robert blurted out with a smile that made Aaron roll his eyes.

  
"I was thinking about maybe..." Aaron bit down on his lip, not knowing how to approach the subject without making it seem awkward. Somehow they had managed to survive a few days without an atmosphere, where Aaron having his own room wasn't a problem and showering was quick and efficient without any nakedness on show. It had been enjoyable, but then again he couldn't forget his old life because of _this_.

  
Robert braced himself, he was feeling a little nervous suddenly and then thinking of the possibilities in his mind. They were nearly good friends. Friends who could go out maybe, not like a date or anything but -

  
"Ed wants to see me." So not what Robert thought, of course it was about Ed.

  
"Oh." It was all that had managed to come out, making Robert's apparent disappointed too obvious.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "I was thinking about staying over or something." Robert frowned at him, he didn't understand why Aaron wanted to risk his own health for Ed, someone he clearly didn't love. "Just for the night, and then I'll come straight back."

  
Robert felt like he was Aaron's keeper as he watched the younger man almost wait for his say so. He didn't want the feeling. He didn't like feeling like he had somehow _trapped_ Aaron into this life he didn't want, one he wanted to escape from altogether.

  
"It could hurt you." Robert let out after a few minutes of nothing being said at all. Aaron looked away as he nodded, "I know. But I owe him don't I?"

  
Robert frowned at the words, a part of him wondering if Aaron even wanted to go. "Aaron you don't have to -"

  
Aaron whipped his head round quickly, "I want to, I miss him and I know it might hurt me but - but it's not like I don't feel _anything_ for him."

  
_Not enough to warrant pain._

  
Robert dared to think it, he didn't say it though. Instead he just nodded and smiled and asked when Aaron was thinking about going.

  
"Tonight." Aaron said, leaving Robert's heart hurting a little. He tried to ignore the feeling, that hurt even more.

 

***

 

Aaron shifted on his seat a little as he waited for Ed, he was fighting the urge to start playing with his hands and losing. Aaron couldn't help but thinking about Robert, he was always on his mind but now it felt like Robert was the _only_ person he could focus on. He had left after saying goodbye to Robert by the door, trying his hardest to work out how Robert felt about it all. He couldn't grasp a reaction and it stung.

  
"I'm going now." Aaron had said, a little awkward as he stood there in a shirt that Robert hadn't seen before, he wondered if Robert would even notice such things but when he saw the way Robert almost studied him he felt himself blush a little.

  
"Fine." Robert had them huffed out, as if he was biting down hard on his tongue and trying not to say anything else.

  
Aaron frowned at that and then felt his heart ache a little, doubt surged through his mind as he stood awkwardly and watched Robert. He wanted to say, he liked being with Robert and he had accepted the love, but he still couldn't just abandon Ed. He had to see him at least once or twice a week, even though it hurt and his mind would wander to Robert. He couldn't let Ed down.

  
"I shouldn't be back _too_ late." Aaron offered, he hated how loving Robert meant he always wanted to make him happy, to please him.

  
"I thought you said you were staying round?" Robert looked up then, a small frown on his face that gave his whole ' _do what you like_ ' game away.

  
Aaron shook his head and titled his head to the side, "It might be - be a little too much, might have to work my way up to that I think. We're just going for some drinks." Aaron couldn't help but feel awkward, he was basically discussing his sex life with the man he loved, well was made to love, well couldn't _help_ but love.

  
Robert nodded, shuffling a few papers and then watching as Aaron walked towards the door.

  
"Call me if you need anything." Aaron turned round at that, a smile on his face as he saw how flustered Robert appeared, almost as if he didn't meant to actually say that.

  
"I will." Aaron mumbled, "You know if - if I need anything." He added feeling foolish as he stumbled on his words.

  
"Bye." Robert had said with a little laugh that made Aaron's heart skip a beat, involuntarily.

  
Aaron looked down at his phone and saw that Ed was ringing him, he gulped as he pressed a button and then looked back at Robert, "Alright I'm going, bye, love you."

  
The door slammed shut behind him and Aaron stood there, stunned. How could he have actually just said that? It came out without thought, without any sort of agenda behind it at all. He had just spoke from the heart because he was trying to get ahold of Ed and he was late and -

  
It just came out.

 

Aaron sat there thinking about it, he couldn't help but feel embarrassed and then a little scared. It hadn't been a week yet and he was already saying the words without thinking. He had already pushed Robert against a wall, mid argument, and kissed him roughly. He had already held onto Robert and hugged him tightly. The thought of what could happen _next_ was beyond frightening.

  
Aaron looked up and saw Ed walking towards him, he looked so happy to see his boyfriend and it made Aaron feel even worse. He had missed Ed, of course he had but then when he thought about it, _really_ thought about it, Ed seemed to become mixed in with just his life. When he thought about what he missed, it was everything to do with his old life, including Ed. It wasn't as if Ed bared more importance to the feel of a double bed, or the sound of the shower hissing at six in the morning, he should have.

  
"I've missed you so much." Ed said as he approached Aaron and fought the urge to hug him.

  
Aaron gulped hard, he could feel his pain level rising as he reached out to punch at Ed's arm. "I've missed you too."

  
Ed sat opposite Aaron and just stared at him lovingly for a few seconds, "How have you been?" He asked as if they didn't speak every night, as if he was _that_ interested that he would happily hear it all again.

  
Aaron nodded before wincing a little and looking towards his hands, he was almost shaking. "Yeah I've been good, you?"

  
Ed smiled and let out a little sigh as he saw how nervous Aaron looked, "Babe are you okay?" He asked, leaning over and then pulling back again realising that the space better not them growing smaller was _exactly_ the problem.

  
Aaron looked towards Ed guiltily, "It'll pass don't worry." He mumbled out, trying to tell himself the same thing.

  
Ed moved a hand up to his head and sighed, "That's not what the nurse told you." He snapped a little, "I read up on this Aaron, I've been so selfish..." He whispered out looking towards the ground, "I just wanted to see ya."

  
Aaron reached over and grabbed Ed's hand, it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would because he was telling himself it was Robert's hand he was holding and he was feeling better and then _worse_. "I wanted to see you too."

  
Ed smiled again and then gently let Aaron's hand go, "I don't want to hurt ya Aaron." He admitted before tensing his jaw. "Robert's already done enough of that." He added, his tone telling Aaron he still hated the blonde.

  
"He's been great so far actually." Aaron didn't mean to stick up for Robert but the words seemed to just fall out before he could stop himself. Ed looked up at him and frowned. "I mean - he's been giving me space, he's made me better..." He added and somehow that settled Ed again.

  
"I could kill him for what he's done to ya." Ed shook his head before sighing again and looking towards Aaron. "I don't see how you're so calm about it?"

  
_Because I love him a hell of a lot more than I hate him._ "Well you know...I - I mean, I have been giving him a hard time if - if that's what you mean -"

  
Ed shook his head, "It's because you love him, that's why you can't possibly hate him as much as you should do." Ed pointed out, his jaw tensing again as he spoke.

  
Aaron sighed at that, although speaking about Robert numbed the pain a little he didn't want to talk about him when he was with his boyfriend, not when he was already thinking about him.

  
"So anything I should know?"

 

***

 

They fell into a light discussion surrounding Ed's mates getting engaged and Aaron working better shifts at the garage and for a moment it felt fine, until Robert would be there in his mind and his need to be with him took over. He loved him, his heart told him that and it didn't feel like he was under any fucking spell as he sat there and couldn't stop thinking about how much he loved the older man.

  
"Adam's back tomorrow."

  
Aaron pulled his head up as he heard Adam's name. "Sorry?"

  
"Adam. Your best mate. He's back tomorrow from Tenerife." Ed raised an eyebrow as if to exaggerate his point a little further.  
Aaron turned a little paler at that, the pain was shooting through him fast because _fuck_ what they hell was he supposed to say to Adam?

  
"I completely forgot about that." Aaron gasped out, suddenly a little more alive than before.

  
Ed pulled a face and sighed, "He'll be round ours straight away you know." He mumbled out slowly, seemingly annoyed at what he was saying.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, he knew that Adam would realise and then want to know why Aaron wasn't at his own flat. "Tell him I'm away or something." He wasn't sure that's what he wanted, not seeing his best mate for a month seemed cruel considering how often they _did_ see each other normally, but he couldn't have Adam finding out he was under some sort of spell.

  
Ed fidgeted a little, he looked uncomfortable as he spoke. "For a whole month? He'd know I was lying." Ed argued with a shake of the head.

  
Aaron sat in silence for a few seconds, the pain intensifying as his mind shifted further and further away from Robert and onto what the hell he was going to say to Adam.

  
"And anyway, he'd show up at the garage wouldn't he? Ask Al or Marco where you've gone and they'd tell him you hadn't gone anywhere." Ed offered more reasons, not being helpful at all.

  
Aaron pursed his lips, "I'll think of something..." He muttered before turning his attention towards the corner of the room and then feeling a sense of warmth take over him all at once.

  
Someone was staring back at him, eyes greeny and bright and then darting away away. _Robert_.

  
"Are you -" Ed began but then suddenly Aaron was lifting himself up and charging towards the bathroom, dragging Robert with him as they went.

  
"What the fuck are you doing here!" Aaron exploded with anger as he pushed Robert, he was seething because suddenly it all made sense. Why the pain was only a numbing one, why he wasn't doubling over in agony. Robert had been there the _whole_ time, keeping what they had _alive_.

  
Robert gulped hard as he looked at Aaron. He hadn't been able to help himself as he nipped out for milk and saw Ed driving only towards where Aaron could be. He didn't want Aaron in pain, that's what he told himself. He ignored the fact that he didn't want Ed being near Aaron, Aaron being near Ed, not when Aaron loved _him_ and not his muscly boyfriend.

  
"I - I was -"

  
"Don't tell me you were just fucking passing or some ridiculous excuse." Aaron said, anger coursing through him as he spoke and making Robert stand there, stunned a little into complete silence because _fuck_ Chrissie didn't know him this well after the luv spell kicked in. It was crazy how _well_ Aaron was able to slot into his life, how easily Robert was able to take hold of Aaron and make him really _love_ him, more than that though - really _know_ him.

  
Robert blinked a little, "I was looking out for you." Aaron hated how quickly he was able to believe it all.

  
Aaron settled a little, his shoulders relaxing. "You don't have to." He sighed, and Robert nodded.

  
"I didn't want you in too much pain, and - and you weren't for the most of it." Robert had to sit there from a distance like some stalker as he saw Aaron laugh at a comment Ed had made and then that moment where their hands touched. He had to sit through that too. That wasn't nice.

  
Robert shifted on his feet and then met Aaron's eye. "Look despite what you said about missing Ed, at the end of the day you _owed_ him one didn't you? You owed him this and I owed you by being there with ya and making sure you didn't get too hurt."

  
It made sense, it made Aaron feel a little more calm and almost give in to the way Robert was going out of his way to help him, to be there for him.

  
Aaron moved a little closer to Robert, just a little but enough to make him blush. His heart was hammering and he was feeling this energy between them and wondering if Robert got like this too?

  
"Robert -"

  
Robert's eyes widened, he could almost sense what was going to happen next but suddenly the sound of the door swinging open caught him off guard and he was watching Aaron spin around to see who it was.

  
"Ed," Aaron gasped out, shaking and feeling his heart race as he saw Ed standing there, fits balled and his eyes firmly on Robert.

  
" _You_ , you again." Ed charged at Robert, doing what he presumably did best which was pushing Robert against a wall. "What are you doing here?" He snapped, his eyes wide and then looking back at Aaron, "Did you know he was going to be here? Is that the only reason why you came?" Ed seemed broken as he spoke and Aaron was walking towards him, a hand on Ed's shoulder as he shook his head.

  
"Ed I didn't -" Aaron tried, tears in his eyes and hating himself for what he was doing to someone who loved him.

  
Robert wriggled a little, the tension in the room heightening as he sighed, "He didn't know. I'm not here to ruin your riveting conversation, I'm here for Aaron."

  
It sent a tingle through Aaron as he stood there, fighting his smile.

  
Ed frowned at Robert's words, "Aaron?" He snapped, "You want to there for Aaron." The way he said it made the tension rise even higher, it almost was as though Ed was proving a point, a dangerous one that said _you care about Aaron even when I told you not to dare._

  
Robert gulped hard, he realised and looked away. "I owe him." Robert cleared his throat. "Keeping him from pain after what I did to him, I owe him that much."

  
Ed shook his head, "This wasn't about you though, tonight was about me being normal with my boyfriend -"

  
Robert straightened his back, "What's normal then? 'Cause him not loving you now dosen't seem that dissimilar to how it was before I ever came along."

  
Robert looked across at Aaron and realised how awful that had sounded, how badly he should have never mentioned it at all.  
It took a matter of seconds for Ed's fist to hit the side of Robert's face, knocking him back a little so that all he could really hear was Aaron's voice.

  
"Ed _no_ , stop please. Don't hurt him."

  
Ed turned round to Aaron, "Don't hurt _him_? He's hurt me, he's hurt me and you, he's hurt _us_ Aaron!" His voice was broken as he spoke, as he tried to choke back tears. "But just because you love him, you can't see that." Ed shook his head, "And I'm the bad guy."

  
Aaron gulped hard, "You're not. You're not Ed, of course you're not. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He was catching his breath as he spoke, as the pain started to kick in again because Ed was all he was thinking about, hurting this kind and decent man who didn't deserve any of this shit.

  
Ed shook his head, "I'm going home." He walked towards the door, fists still clenched as he turned back round and looked at Aaron. "I'll ring you tomorrow."

  
Aaron saw the sadness in Ed's eyes, he had seen that before, early on in their relationship after a row that was so raw it hurt Aaron to even think about Ed was by the door of his flat and give that exactly look. They had a break after that. One that made Aaron realise how badly he needed 'safe and secure' after Jackson.

  
"Why don't I believe you?" Aaron had never felt so vulnerable, even with Robert near him it still hurt.

  
Ed sighed, "I think we need some space - you were right, I mean - maybe this month apart will do us some good."

  
Aaron blinked out tears, it hurt more than he thought it would. Yes, he had a love for Robert that no one could reach but that didn't mean he could neglect what he had with Ed. Aaron was brimful of love for Robert, the spell made him like that but it couldn't stop what Ed felt about him. It couldn't stop the fact that Aaron was breaking someone's heart because of a stupid spell he didn't ask for.

  
"Ed don't leave it like this -"

  
Aaron watched as the door slammed shut and Ed left. Robert was still standing there awkwardly, his face scrunched up a little as he heard Aaron crying.

  
"Aaron," Robert pulled a hand up and placed it gently on Aaron's shoulder sending a warm sensation right thought Aaron and making him feel better.

  
"Don't." Aaron barked out, regardless of the effect Robert had on him, he wasn't _thick_ and it wasn't some sort of spell that blinded him from the type of person Robert was. He could see all of him. "You just had to wind him up didn't you?" Aaron let out, completely frustrated by how Robert kept pushing Ed.

  
Robert blinked as he steadied his feet and held onto his jaw. "Yeah well I think I paid for it don't you?"

  
Aaron shook his head, "You're unbelievable." He shouted loud enough for Robert to fall back a little in surprise. "Are you just determined to take away every shred of happiness that comes my way?" He added as he walked towards the door and then raced out, not giving Robert the chance to argue at all.

  
Robert sighed hard, a part of him thankful because he didn't have anything to actually say that would justify why he felt the need to argue so much with the man who's life he ruined, who's boyfriend who _stole_. It didn't stop him from doing just that though and that's what made him the prick he was, he thought as he winced at the redness surrounding his jaw.

 

***

 

Aaron was there when Robert came home, he was huddled in the corner of the living room, head bent down as if he was in pain and his phone in his right hand.

  
Robert gulped hard, he could almost _sense_ the pain that Aaron was feeling and it shook him a little because Chrissie had never made him like this. Then again, he never argued like this with Chrissie, he never had the chance to feel her pain because he didn't cause her any. Not when she was so firmly under this spell and had no guilt about it.

  
Robert slammed the door as he walked into the flat, making a point of his return and only aggravating Aaron more.

  
Aaron stood up, his head was banging but he tried to ignore it as he walked towards his room. He didn't want another argument, he just had to get ahold of Ed and apologise.

  
Robert caught sight of Aaron's phone and saw Ed's details flashed up on the screen. He shook his head hard, he didn't understand why Aaron was still trying to reach out for Ed. Not when he was under the spell, not when he loved Robert wholeheartedly.

  
Robert found the questions becoming unbearable to keep in as Aaron walked into his small room that he hadn't bothered to make his own yet, everything was still the same, it looked empty as Robert saw it for the first time in a couple of days.

Aaron's little bag that he arrived with was still the corner of the room and clothes were stuffed inside messily.

  
Aaron turned round as he watched Robert standing there, looking at his bare drawers.

  
"If you've come to say sorry then do one. I don't want to hear it." Aaron's voice was rough and angry and Robert frowned at his words, already straightening his back in protest.

  
"I'm not apologising for keeping you away from pain." Robert said, his voice controlled as he spoke and making Aaron scoff at his words.

  
"That's rich." It was even harsher and rude as Aaron turned his back on Robert and began tapping away at his phone again.

  
Robert should have walked away but he didn't, instead he walked into the room a little further and saw the way Aaron's shoulders tensed.

  
"Go away Robert," Aaron was almost begging as he spoke, he loved him but he couldn't do this right now.

  
Robert shook his head, "No. This is my flat so -"

  
Aaron stood up abruptly, "Fine I'll go then -"

  
Robert gently placed a hand on Aaron's arm and settled him a little, Aaron could feel the _warmth_ travel through him as he sat back down again and looked towards Robert.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I need to speak to Ed."

  
Robert frowned as he tensed his jaw and saw how desperate Aaron seemed, "Why? Aaron just leave it, it's not doing you any good, you _know_ that." Robert tried, a hand flying up in frustration.

  
Aaron looked away and nodded before sighing, "How don't you get it?" He titled his head as he saw the way Robert was looking at him, none the wiser.

  
Robert frowned, "I'm sorry Aaron but - but it's not like you love him or -"

  
"But he loves _me_. He loves me and you should know how good it feels to have someone love you, how _whole_ that can make you feel!" Aaron stood up at that and walked towards the small window feeling a little shaky.

  
Robert gulped, he knew better than anyone how good that feeling was. He knew how amazing it could make you feel knowing that someone loved you with their whole heart.

  
"I've always wanted someone to love me and he _does_. After Jackson..." Robert didn't have to ask more as he stood up and joined Aaron by the window, he knew that Jackson must have been the bloke he helped kill. The thought made his heart ache a little but he didn't let it show.

  
"I didn't think someone would love this mess but they did." Aaron admitting it all made Robert feel special, he didn't know Aaron that well but he could tell he didn't open up like this, he told himself it had nothing to do with luv spell.

  
Robert tried to say something but stopped as he saw Aaron shuffle uncomfortably, "That's why I go. _I_ want to feel loved Robert." Robert looked up and met Aaron's eyes, "Just as much as you do."

  
Robert felt his heart thump, a smile on his face as he moved a hand across to Aaron's. _I could try to love you, in time you wouldn't need to see him and be in pain anymore Aaron._

  
Aaron looked up as if he actually _heard_ what Robert had said to himself, the look was enough to make Robert's eyes dart away shyly.

  
"I understand." Robert pushed out, his cheeks red and a little puffy - embarrassed about what the hell he had just thought as he pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry for pushing you with the whole not loving your boyfriend thing, it's not my place."

  
Aaron nodded and then narrowed his eyes, "l know it isn't." He said bluntly before smiling and making Robert's shoulders relax a little. "But you make it your business, you care when you don't need to." Aaron shrugged his shoulders. "And you're not even under a spell."

  
Robert laughed at that, _feels like I am._

  
Aaron smiled back and then looked towards the hallway, "Fancy getting _really_ wasted?"

  
Robert nodded eagerly as he saw Aaron waiting for a response. "Always." He smiled, making Aaron's heart skip a little because he really did _love_ him even more now.

 

***

 

Robert got drunk first, really drunk actually and the sound of the music coming from the radio, mixed with the lack of food made him even more delirious as he sat there with a beer in his hand staring at Aaron who was sitting across from him.  
Robert leaned forward and then let out a little gasp, "Fuck Aaron I've got work tomorrow..." He slammed a hand down on his thigh as he looked across at Aaron who was nearly as drunk as him.

  
Aaron frowned, "Mate you said you work from home -"

  
Robert raised a hand and then made Aaron quiet, "Ah ah ah, _mostly_ I said, not always." He giggled out with a smile on his face that Aaron grabbed hold of and stored in his memory.

  
"Well then maybe it's time for us to go to bed sunshine." Aaron mumbled out before sipping more of the beer in his hand.  
Robert suddenly blurted out a laugh that made Aaron's heart skip a beat. "Why are you laughing?"

  
Robert fell forward, nearly on Aaron's lap as he looked up at him. "Sunshine?" Aaron blushed as Robert leaned in even more, " _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."_ Robert began singing off key and through laughter, " _You make me happy when skies are - are -"_

  
Aaron leaned in a little, "Grey." He whispered out softly, God he loved him.

  
Robert clapped his hands together and then let out this grin that could have lit up the bloody night sky in Aaron's eyes, it was that beautiful. "Yes!" He yelled before settling back on the sofa, "I fucking love that song." He added before turning to Aaron, "I bet Ed would like to hear that from you." Robert blurted it out and then stopped himself.

  
Aaron sighed as he buried himself a little further down in the sofa. He wasn't saying anything yet and Robert tried to prepare himself for the yelling that would come.

  
"Aaron...fuck why do I actually speak?" Robert wondered as he saw Aaron tense a little next to him.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders, "Beats me." He let out, not as angrily as Robert thought he would be. Aaron sipped his beer and then rubbed over his mouth with his hand as he looked across at Robert. "Do you want to know something? Why I don't love 'im." Robert nodded his head slowly, shifting his weight as he saw tears in Aaron's eyes and watched the younger man struggle to get his words out properly.

  
"He's too normal for me." Aaron blurted out, catching Robert raise an eyebrow. "See it's stupid, I know it is."

  
Robert shook his head and leaned closer, "No!" He shouted before realising he had had done just that and apologising.

  
Aaron carried on as if he didn't care, sighing hard, "I mean after you've been with someone like - like Jackson and - and they've complete changed your fucking life, and then you get _normal_ , you get stable and - secure and lunch dates and holidays it scares you a little bit. It makes you question if you even deserve that."

  
Robert frowned hard, "Of course you fucking do mate."

  
Aaron nodded and felt a tear roll down his eye, "Yeah I know that now and that's what makes it worse, I know I deserve someone good _like_ him, but I don't want _him_ as much as I should." Aaron bit down on his lip, "I want what he gives me more than _him_." Aaron stared at Robert's blank face and drew in a breath. "I really want to try and love him though." He added, gulping at his beer this time and looking away from Robert.

  
Robert felt his heart ache for Aaron as he looked at him, he knew Aaron had experienced his fair share of hardships and it hurt to think that the young boy just craved the simplicity of a quiet life.

  
"Aaron you shouldn't have to _try_ , it should just fucking happen." Robert pointed out, ignoring what condition he had _completely_.

  
Aaron nodded and then let out laugh, "What like you and your ex?" Robert's face fell a little and Aaron waved up a hand to apologise.

  
"Yeah well, I had good intentions when it came to Chrissie." Robert pointed out with a finger waving in the air and his speech slightly slurred. "I - I wanted what you want, just stability and - and normal stuff." Robert scoffed. "Didn't work out though did it?"

  
Aaron pulled a face, "Ey you wouldn't have met me if it did." He poked the side of Robert's rib cage and made the older man laugh.

  
"Yeah I suppose - you're the really really good thing to come out of this mess." Robert slurred as he pressed a hand over Aaron's chest and patted it hard.

  
Robert sighed, Chrissie was on his mind as he sat there. How could she have no clue who he was anymore? All those memories had just vanished from her mind, yet he was left with them all. Like a gaping hole inside him that Aaron was slowly refilling day by day, that would ultimately be left even bigger though as their days came to an end also.

  
"I never thought I'd say it again you know. I mean - when I said it to her, that was it for me. I wasn't even going to...to say it to her in the first place." He shook his head hard. "I promised myself I'd never do it after what happened when I was younger -" Robert cut himself off as he realised what he was about to say, he was drunk but not _that_ drunk.

  
Robert closed his eyes and he was right back there, Katie crying on his shoulder, her telling him she didn't love Andy anymore, then him nearly saying it and thinking against it and then his dad, Andy, Vic - all of them just standing there judging him.

 

 _How could you do this?_ It hurt all over.

  
Aaron heard what Robert had said and titled his head, "What did you -"

  
Robert stood up abruptly and then felt light headed, "I think I should get to bed now." He muttered out.

  
Aaron frowned, confused as to why Robert wasn't finishing his sentence. "Robert are you -" he saw how nervous Robert seemed all at once and tried to figure out why exactly.

  
Robert nodded, "I'm tired, I'll go to bed yeah, night." He shifted towards his room and shut it tight before Aaron could call after him.

 

***

 

He didn't sleep that night, there was too much alcohol in his body and then he was thinking about Aaron and what he had said about Ed, it made his stomach twist just thinking about Aaron wasting his life on someone he didn't love nor want. He didn't want Aaron going back to him after the month was finished and wasting more of his time, he deserved to be _living_ not _settling_. Robert heard Aaron go to bed, he heard the television switch off and then footsteps near his door as if he was contemplating whether or not to check on Robert.

The footsteps disappeared and Robert breathed out a sigh of relief because he couldn't face Aaron right now, now when he was thinking about what happened way before the young man came into his life. Back when he was being chased out of the village by his family because they all _knew_ , they all hated him and they _knew_.

They all fucking knew and that's why he ended up lonely, on the side of the road wishing anyone loved him. That's when he realised that living his life in 'complete disregard' would be positively pointless.

  
Robert heard Aaron settle into the little bedroom next to his, he wished he could hear Aaron's breathing a little better but he couldn't. He longed for it suddenly, he wanted to be even closer to Aaron and that's what scared him as he rested his eyes and tried not to think back to when it all went wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I hope people feel for Ed lol. I'm not trying to show Aaron and Ed in too much of a negative light and I think (hope!) that their reactions are coming across as believable. You're supposed to root for Aaron and Robert (duh!) but that dosent meant you hate Ed - I don't hate him which is why I hope he dosent come across as a winey arsehole too much in this! 
> 
> So the next chapter is a really 'different' one that takes in the past, it isn't the longest one so I may try to uploade it in the week but we'll see. It centres around poor old Robert and basically gives an insight into the past and the reason why Robert hates his dad, his brother and Katie...


	8. The past being the present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Robert's past that explains his fractious relationship with his brother and father that cultivated in a dramatic event which led to Robert's departure drom the village all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midweekish chapter lol, inspired by the fact that I did say I would but also because our boys discussed bloody marriage today and Aaron wants to grow old with Robert and I'm too emotional to not update this story and inevitably crush your soul with this chapter. 
> 
> So it takes place in the past, all of it and it basically explains why Robert is the way he is and his relationship with Jack Andy and Katie.

Katie was arguing with Andy. That's how it started.

 

Robert was actually minding his own business when he first heard the commotion coming from Andy's room. It made him roll his eyes and then bury his head further into his magazine because the last thing he wanted to do was hear Andy and her arguing, Andy and _Katie_.

  
It had been a few weeks since he found at about what he had, luv spell. It raced through him and churned his stomach whenever he thought out about it, whenever it was the only thing on his mind. Jack had hardly said a word to him about it, he must have known that his son decided to find out for himself but he didn't question it. Instead he just appeared a little more distant, as if he didn't really care all that much about whether his own _son_ was dealing with the fact that he had this life changing condition. _Typical_.

  
He had never cared, especially when he had Andy to worry about because Katie was going off on one.

  
Robert shifted on his seat, he tried to stop thinking about how Katie made him feel sometimes when no one else was around. He couldn't describe it really and he felt like an idiot for even paying it attention but it was always so _there_ in his mind, he could just hear her name and he'd smile and then Jack would look over and Robert would have to pretend as if he didn't care at all. It was getting worse, Andy and her were fighting like this all the time and it somehow managed to make her more desirable. He couldn't act on it though, not with his father's words ringing in his ears.

  
The door slammed shut and Katie stood there, her cheeks a little red and her hair all over the place as she stared into the kitchen and saw Robert sitting at the table.

  
Robert twisted his body round and ducked his head shyly, "Are you alright?" He asked, his voice a little gentle.

  
Katie nodded her head, "Your brother's an idiot." She muttered just as Andy opened the door.

  
"Katie!" Andy almost begged making Robert turn to face him, he looked pathetic as he stood there and Robert couldn't help but let out a small smirk. He couldn't count the amount of times he had heard the name being said in such a desperate way, it was laughable really.

  
Andy caught Robert's eye and pointed at him, "Do one Robert, I need to talk to Katie." He shuddered out but Robert wasn't moving, he was almost enjoying it and that made him feel guilty.

  
Katie shook her head, "I need to get home, just leave me alone Andy." She sighed out shakily before walking towards the door.

  
Robert stopped smiling then, Katie seemed deeply saddened by whatever had happened between her and his brother and Robert could feel his heart tug a little for her. Anger coursed through him as he looked at Andy and then thought about his dad, he could make Katie happier but yet Jack _still_ valued Andy more than he valued his own son. Jack was clear the weeks before when he said that Robert couldn't ruin things for Andy, there was a complete disregard for Robert's feelings entirely and he knew that wouldn't change. He knew it would always be Andy first, him second.

  
Robert sighed as he looked at Andy harder, "What did you do?" He barked, he had heard them arguing and jumped to all sorts of conclusions in his head, the first one Andy cheating and then it was Andy hurting her and then he had to stop himself because his heart ached a little.

  
Andy shook his head quickly, "We're just arguing about silly things, leave it." He snapped before disappearing and leaving Robert there, fingers tapping against the table and then feet dragging out the door, chasing and calling.

  
" _Katie!_ " Robert shouted once more as he saw her turn around, she had a weak smile on her face and Robert smiled back wider.

  
"I have to go." Katie said shyly, Robert nodded his head before pointing towards one of the barns.

  
"Or you could have a chat with me?" Robert mumbled out shyly as he saw Katie pull an awkward face. "I don't want you upset that's all." He added with a shrug that made Katie give in.

  
"Yeah okay, not that long though." Katie sighed, following Robert towards one of the old barns across the farm that he had always thought about bringing her to if she was his and not her brother's. He ignored that as they sat there and talked, avoiding the obvious questions and just getting on nicely.

 

***

 

A few hours passed and Katie had got round to telling him all about what Andy had done, it turns out it was nothing major at all. He had been skipping lessons and missing deadlines because he was trying to look for a present for her. That was it. That had led to Katie trying to tell him he didn't have to and Andy going off on one about wanting to treat her for once.

  
Robert sat there, feeling his brain actually go numb as he heard about the ridiculous story that ended any hope. They had argued because Andy was being too soft and nice, it couldn't make Robert feel any worse.

  
"It's chilly in here..." Katie shuddered a little as she looked out and saw how dark it had got.

  
Robert's heart thumped a little harder as he dragged off his jacket and placed it on Katie's shoulders a little too lovingly, a look given that lingered for too long. Robert's mouth became dry as Katie kept looking at him, she wasn't pulling away like she had done all the other times Robert stupidly tried. Instead she was smiling for the first time that day, really smiling and making Robert's heart flutter because he just wanted her smile and Andy didn't let her, he could...he really could.

  
"Katie..." It was dangerously low as he breathed her name out, bracing himself because suddenly everything was about her and making her feel good and happy and in love. He could do that, he could _command_ that couldn't he.

  
Katie nodded her head a little, a response to her name as she looked down towards the hay.

  
Robert gulped, seeing how she reacted and suddenly he was realising he couldn't possibly do anything to her, he couldn't put her under a spell, he couldn't magically make her love him because it would break Andy's heart over and over again. It would rip everything apart, and despite the fact that he hated to admit it, Robert knew his dad was right.

  
The sound of the barn doors pushed open a little wider, revealing a distressed looking Andy and Jack standing behind him, anger seeping though and then desperation as his eyes met Robert's.

  
Andy suddenly launched towards Robert, grabbing him by his shirt and pushing him into the hay.

  
"Andy what the - get off, get _off_ me, what are you doing?" Robert battled with his brother as he heard Katie yell out for him to stop.

  
Andy pulled himself off of Robert and heaved out a sigh, "Tell me you haven't done it yet. Tell me you haven't taken her from me like that."

  
Robert gulped hard as he stared at Andy, "What are you talking about?" He shouted before looking over at Jack and almost _knowing_ what had happened.

  
His own dad had sold him out. His own dad had told Andy his deepest, most darkest secret. His own dad had betrayed him and told someone that he had this condition that he would use on his _brother's_ girlfriend.

  
Robert shook his head, tears in his eyes as he tried to hold back any falling. "No, no you couldn't -" he whispered as he looked at his father and saw the way his head dropped.

  
"You're a freak." Andy spat, a hand reaching out for Katie to hold. "Now tell me you didn't put your weird psycho spell on her!"  
Robert shuddered at the words as if they sliced through him. He couldn't believe that Andy knew, he couldn't -

  
"Tell the truth son, is she under your luv spell?" Jack stood there, arms crossed and chest sticking out suddenly as if he had no shame at all now about selling out his own son. It made Robert feel sick.

  
"No of course she's not. We were talking - I was consoling her after _you_ shouted at her." Robert babbled out, his hands flying all over the place as he realised that Katie suddenly seemed to grasp what was happening.

  
"Luv spell?" Katie gasped, "You - you have -" Robert's fade crumpled as he saw how horrified she appeared, there wasn't a harmless smile on her face anymore and that hurt the most, she was scared of him now, _feared_ him and that's exactly what Robert never wanted to see. He only wanted to make her stop crying all the time.

  
Andy tightened his grip around her waist as he pulled her closer, "That's sick. That's not _normal_." He spat, shaking a little as Jack stood there not saying a word. Not defending his own _son_ at all.

  
Robert's eyes widened as he tried to protest, _explain_ but Andy wasn't listening, he was too busy claiming Katie as his own by pulling his hands all over her like she was a piece of meat.

  
Kate straightened her back suddenly, "It seemed like you were going to ask me something before they came in...what was it?" Her voice trembled and lacked any conviction but it still stung, Robert wished she was keeping quiet like his dad. It would have been easier to endure.

  
Robert gulped hard as his eyes darted across the room. He was silent for too long and it spoke volume. Too much.

  
Jack slammed a hand down on his thigh, "That's why I told him, I had to Robert because I knew that you would do something like this. You'd wait for an argument and then you'd get this poor lass on her own so you could make her love ya." He was bitter and angry and flying his hands about.

  
Robert shook his head because it sounded so seedy and wrong, tears were spilling out as he saw how frightened Katie looked. She was instantly scared of him, of what he could have done to her. Andy was gripping even harder around her, shaking a little with anger.

  
"I changed my mind, _honest_." Robert pleaded as he saw his father shake his head and sigh, "I swear I did dad, I wouldn't have -"

  
Andy pushed himself closer to Robert, shoving him harshly. "You thought about it. You _thought_ about making my girlfriend love you?"

  
Robert shook his head and then suddenly exploded with anger that he had been keeping in. "Someone had to make her happy, someone had to make her smile and I can, not you. _Me_."

  
The first punch caught Robert off guard but he was prepared for the second and then the third. He was punching back, brawling in the barn with his adopted brother like a couple of kids. Well they were really.

  
"That's enough!" Jack's voice was booming as he stood above his children and yanked them apart.

  
Robert had blood on his nose and Andy's knuckles looked red raw as they stood up and shook the hay from their bodies, _hating_ each other.

  
Jack shook his head and glared at Robert, "How could you? After what I said to you." He bluntly spoke.

  
Robert's lip wobbled as he stood there, his eyes looking across at Katie. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

  
Jack cleared his throat, his gaze looking at Andy's who was still seething with anger and then falling back on Robert's. "Not good enough." He said quickly, relaxing Andy a little and making Robert's face fall.

  
"Dad -"

  
Jack raised a hand, "No son. You've gone against this family, you know that. You've betrayed your brother -"

  
"What like you betrayed me?" Robert shouted towards his dad. "Telling him who I am? Warning him as if I was some sort of danger to Katie, some sort of -"

  
"Monster." Andy blurted out as he stood there. "Some evil controlling calculating monster."

  
Robert shook his head, "I'm not a monster! I'm _not_." He pleaded, tears falling as he stood there and then looked towards his dad. "Please dad, please I was just -"

  
"You need to leave." Jack blurted the words out and then cleared his throat as if he wanted to make sure what he was saying was taken seriously by his son. "You can't be here anymore Robert."

  
Robert's heart plummeted at that, his hands shaking as he saw how serious his father looked. "What...?" He was able to say shakily.

  
Jack looked towards the ground and the up at Robert again. "You heard me son, I can't have you here anymore, not after what you could have done. I can't trust you not to think about doing it again, going though with it this time. I can't have you here." His voice lacked any empathy and hurt Robert all over because it was as though he wasn't his son anymore. Just like that.

  
"You can't do this to me, I'm your son." Robert blurted out hopefully before sighing as he saw that Jack had no plans to retract what he had said, "Where am I supposed to go?" He argued, tears filling his eyes just at the thought of being alone. It scared him.

  
Jack thought for a second before walking out of the barn and charging back to the house, Robert ran after him desperately as he saw Victoria by the window, her eyes wide with concern that made him ache. He couldn't leave her too.

  
"Dad please - dad don't make me -"

  
Jack turned quickly, steadying himself as he looked straight in Robert's eyes. "I warned you son, I told you and you didn't listen. Leave. Leave and don't look back, I'm ashamed of you, you've made me ashamed of my own son."

  
Robert stood there, almost numb to the words that were thrown his way because he was so used to it. This time was different though, instantly Robert knew it had been ingrained in his mind and would never be forgotten - not ever.

 

***

 

He packed silently, taking his passport and a few pairs of clothes, his wallet and a coat. He didn't see Andy or Katie as he left, he didn't want to and they had disappeared somewhere thankfully. Victoria cried whilst Robert hugged her and told her he was going on an adventure, she wanted to go with him and a part of him wanted to stuff her in his bag and run. She was too old though, she wouldn't fit.

  
Robert held onto his bag loosely as he tried to stop crying, seeing Victoria so upset made him feel even worse, even guiltier as he walked away from her and left the house.

  
Robert walked past the barns, dodging muddy ground as he walked around the tracks and the fences and made his way to the gate that led him out of the fucking farm of doom and despair. Robert felt a sense of lightness as he pushed the gates open, as of he was being freed of this life he never aspired to, but then he saw his father standing there in the fields. Complete poker face as he watched his teenager son leave just like _that_. He offered no hug, no warm smile or apology, no money or contacts at all. He was happily letting his nineteen year old son just find out about the world entirely own his own.

  
Robert knew in that moment that he hated him. He hated him because he had lied to him his whole life about what he had and then chose to not support him when he eventfully found out for himself. He hated him because instead of being a dad and helping his son, he betrayed him and jumped to conclusions and thought the worst.

  
He _hated_ him as he ripped his eyes away from the older man's gaze and began walking down the main road. He allowed himself to cry then, really cry as he thought about how alone he was, he badly he needed someone. He knew he couldn't making anyone love him though, Katie had scarred him, Andy had belittled him and Jack had broken him altogether.

  
He was left with nothing and no one, and that's how it stayed until the White cooperation needed an officer worker who could work his way up in the business with charm and a sense of nothing to lose. He had that, he thrived and belonged without any of them in the end. In the end. 

  
Who needed family eh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add this chapter because it gives such a greater insight into how lonely Robert is and how that has been so involved in all his decisions and also because there is a lot of interesting things to come with a particular family... I hope you enjoyed this and didn't find it too sad!


	9. A reminder of home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A call from someone close to Robert leads to questioning from Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im terribly sorry for the wait, things got on top of me and well ROBRON GOT ENGAGED so I was sorta distracted by that! This chapter's a lot more light hearted and dare I say funny (?) with Adam and also a bit lengthy too which is always great. I'd just like to say a massive thank you for the response I got to Robert's backstory in the last chapter, I am so glad people liked it!

Robert woke up the next day with more than just a sore head, his entire body ached as he realised he hadn't drunk that much since he put a spell on a certain mechanic. There was a reason why he didn't drink excessively, he was by far the most stupid and silly drunk he knew.

  
Robert shifted on his bed and bit down on his lip as he tried to work out what happened the night before, his heart rate increased a little as he remembered Andy and Katie and his _dad_ being the last thing he thought of when his head hit the pillow. Flickers of memories that made his heart hurt scurried around in his mind and suddenly Robert was sitting up and trying to block it all out.

  
There a was a knock on the door, followed by the sound of feet shuffling towards him. Robert looked up and saw Aaron standing there, a mug of coffee in his hand that was gesturing towards the older man. Robert smiled at Aaron, smiled at his loving blue eyes and his messy curly hair and the oversized grey bed shirt he was wearing. He couldn't help but smile when he saw Aaron, when he saw someone who loved him look at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

  
"Is that for me?" Robert croaked out as Aaron passed him the mug and sat on his bed.

  
"Yep," Aaron spoke softly before seeing Robert wince, "Head still hurting you?" He teased, remembering last night in little bits and coming to the conclusion that Robert couldn't hold his liquor. "God I thought men of your age could keep it down -"

  
Robert hit out playfully, "Men of my age? How old do you think I am?"

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders, "Old enough to know when you've had enough to drink mate." He pointed out before hopping off the bed.

  
Robert frowned, "Did you carry me to bed or summat?" He wondered as he noticed the way Aaron was looking at the double bed and smiling. He couldn't possibly read the thoughts that circled Aaron's head that told him that numbing pain he had could be solved if he slept next to Robert and not in a crummy single bed.

  
Aaron shook his head, "Nah you did that yourself...nothing happened." Robert looked up at him, almost wanting to know what Aaron meant and then Aaron was blushing.

  
"Well apart from me telling you about my weird love life..." Aaron winced as he remembered talking about Ed when he shouldn't have.

  
Robert bit down on his lip and recalled what was said. "It's not that weird." He shrugged his shoulders, "You'll fall in love again some day." He pointed out, trying his best not to sound too bitter about Ed and steer Aaron away from the man completely. In time Aaron would see for himself that there was no point wasting his time on someone he didn't love. Life was too short for that.

  
Aaron made a little sound and smiled, "You mean for _real_?" He joked, catching Robert off guard and making the older man blush because somehow Aaron joking about falling in love with Robert in this weird messed up, _fake_ way made his heart flutter when it shouldn't have. Nothing about this was real, so why did it feel like that way?

  
Robert looked up at Aaron and nodded, "Yeah for real."

 

***

 

Robert left for work after an hour of getting ready and cheeky remarks from Aaron about why exactly it took him so long. There was a sense of ease about them as they ate breakfast and Robert kept pinching bits of Aaron's toast and then saying ' _you love me really'_ every time Aaron would mutter playfully _'ah I hate you!_ ' The ease stopped though when Robert got to the door and realised that Aaron would be left alone, instantly he was wondering how he would feel without being with Robert for a few hours. It scared him, thinking about Aaron in pain and he couldn't deny it.

  
"Are you gonna be alright?" Robert queried as Aaron began to wash up the bowls by the sink idly.

  
Aaron frowned for a second before realising and nodding his head, "I'll be fine." He reassured Robert, "I'm in your flat, surrounded by all your things, I'm _close_ to ya now aren't I?"

  
The question hung in the air for a few seconds as Robert tried to work out what Aaron meant. Close as in, proximities? Or was this Aaron's way of pointing out that they had become mates, good mates, _close_ mates?

  
Robert nodded his head, "Yeah you are I suppose." He slipped out with a smile that made Aaron blush and look at him lovingly. "I'll call you when I can, just to -"

  
"You don't need to check up on me." Aaron pointed out, narrowing his eyes a little as he spoke.

  
Robert frowned, "Just to - hear...your voice." He playfully said trying to think of something else to say.

  
Aaron laughed a little and rolled his eyes as he walked towards Robert and watched as the older man opened the door and then turned around.

  
"You not gonna say it this time?" Robert had this wicked smile on his face and Aaron's eyes instantly widened because he _knew_ what he was referring to. He _had_ heard Aaron say, 'I love you as he left and went to meet Ed.

  
"Fuck you." Aaron stammered out nervously before awkwardly looking away, "See ya later." He added as he saw Robert roll his head back and laugh, it almost felt like the older man was fighting the urge to kiss his cheek or something and Aaron liked how he lingered before eventually pulling himself away and leaving.

 

***

 

Lee wasn't happy about the time off Aaron was talking, apparently Ed had called up and told them to give him some more time because he was really sick and they had seemed to buy it, but now Aaron was "taking the mick".

  
Aaron rang and bargained, pretending he wasn't doing that great and haggling another few days off before he had to go back in, he couldn't help but feel better as he realised he would be spending more days in Robert's company. Sometimes he would just sit there, in Robert's flat and allow himself to let the love he had just _be_. He would fall in love with all the little things Robert did and he would edge closer and closer to this feeling that he couldn't describe, it almost felt like he was pushing through this wall, pushing through the spell and feeling something _more_ but he knew that wasn't possible.

 

***

 

The phone rang an hour before Robert was due back and Aaron lingered for a little before answering because it was the house phone and he had never seen Robert answer it before.

  
"Hello?" Aaron mumbled out awkwardly, he quickly decided whoever it was could leave a message.

  
The sound of a little shrill made Aaron's eyes widen, "Finally he picks up his phone then!" The woman on the phone made Aaron frown, she seemed to have a warmness about her that was alongside a certain edge to her voice. Aaron wondered who she was for a second before thinking about Robert's ex and feeling bitter.

  
"Robert?" The woman said after a few seconds of hearing nothing down the line.

  
Aaron cleared his throat and sighed, "Sorry - look I'm not, this - I'm not Robert." He blurted out awkwardly before regretting the way it had come out.

  
The woman made a little sound, "Oh." She said, her voice laced with intrigue. "So where is my stupid brother then?"

  
Aaron relaxed a little as his eyes fell on the picture and he realised who it was, _Victoria_.

  
"Oh you must be Vic." Aaron let out before regretting what he had said because Robert and him hadn't discussed 'others' finding out about the situation they were in currently. Robert would probably recoil in horror if his sister realised what he had done, Aaron could sense it.

  
"Yes...." Victoria said slowly, "And you mustn't just be some plumber who's picked up the phone, who are you?"

  
The question drummed in his head over and over again, how could he answer that? Aaron tried to think fast, Robert said he still spoke to her but that didn't mean she knew _everything_ about him, he could easily say he was a mate. Yeah, he was just a mate.

  
"Er, I'm a mate of your brother's. He's at work now." Aaron pushed the words out awkwardly.

  
"Hm. A mate who just happens to have a key and is there by himself." Victoria was smart, too smart for Aaron who was barely keeping up.

  
_Fuck_.

  
"Look I'm - I'm staying with him for, for a few days whilst my..." Aaron looked towards the boiler, "My boiler gets...fixed." He was blurting the words out and feeling awful because he could hear the lies so easily.

  
Victoria sighed, "Right well just tell him that I rang and he isn't getting out of my house warming do tomorrow." She said, skipping past her curiosity and getting to the point.

  
Aaron frowned because Robert hadn't mentioned a thing about a 'housewarming do for his little sister. Maybe he was hiding it, but then why wouldn't he want to go?

  
"Will do." Aaron pushed out awkwardly.

  
"I haven't seen him in ages now," Victoria sounded sad as she spoke, "It'll be good for us to catch us considering he missed my birthday. Sorry I don't know why I'm telling you this." She blabbed out a little emotional.

  
Aaron frowned hard, he didn't get it. When Robert spoke about Victoria that time his whole face lit up, so why hadn't he been there on her birthday?

  
Victoria sighed softly, "Just - just, tell him it'll be just us two okay? I know that's what he's worried about." She pointed out, leaving Aaron even more confused before he thought about this brother Robert had, this brother he obviously didn't get on with.

  
"I'll be sure to pass on the message." Aaron said politely before hearing Victoria mumble a goodbye and put down the phone.

 

***

 

Robert came through the door and was greeted by Aaron. He didn't like how easily he was smiling when his eyes met Aaron's, he didn't like how _attached_ his heart was becoming to the blue eyed boy.

  
"I'm sorry I couldn't call ya." It was the first thing Robert said as he pulled of his blazer and walked towards Aaron who was sitting on the sofa. "My boss wanted to have a look at all the work I'd done." He finished, slouching down on the sofa and then looking across at Aaron. He was biting his lip a little awkwardly and Robert instantly knew he was hiding something or other.

  
"Go on then." Robert huffed out as he turned his body towards Aaron and dared to brush their thighs together a little.

  
Aaron frowned as he looked at Robert, he had been planning what exactly he was going to say to the older man since he ended the call with Victoria. His mind had allowed him to over think it all and become anxious about what Robert would say about Victoria knowing he even existed.

  
"Go on what?" Aaron queried, trying not to give away his nervousness.

  
Robert squinted, "Is this about Ed?" He wondered before widening his eyes and leaning a little closer, "God is he _here_?" He thought suddenly.

  
Aaron shook his head hard, "What? No." He snapped before sighing, "Someone rang. Someone rang for you." The words were pushed out awkwardly as he saw Robert try to work out who exactly it could have been.

  
Robert nodded his head and then cleared his throat, "Okay - who was it?"

  
Aaron looked towards the picture of Victoria and Robert and then back at Robert, "Your sister, Vic." He was careful with his words all of a sudden and Robert looked away.

  
He had been avoiding her since she started pestering him about coming home for that long awaited visit, that housewarming that Robert wasn't keen on.

  
"Let me guess, she's asking about some housewarming thing." Robert looked back at Aaron and rolled his eyes.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "It's tomorrow." Robert's eyes widened in shock, because surely he had weeks to prepare himself for all the Sugden family talk.

  
"She really wants ya to go, said it would only be you and her." Aaron pointed out, trying to appeal to Robert the best way he could and feeling his heart tighten because Robert only seemed to become more uncomfortable.

  
Robert stood up and walked towards the kitchen, "I thought that was ages away." He muttered loud enough for Aaron to hear, it didn't take long for Aaron to follow him into the kitchen and rest a hand on the small of Robert's back to calm him a little.

  
"You don't have to go if you don't want to." Aaron tried, seeing Robert turn towards him and roll his eyes.

  
"You don't understand, if I don't go then - then she'll just, use it against me, well _they_ will more like." Robert was thinking about Andy and Katie and Jack and knowing that they would use his absence to turn his own sister against him. That's how they operated.

  
Aaron didn't try to pretend he understood who _they_ were, he just nodded and found his hand stroking up and down Robert's arm, again he was trying to comfort him without even having to think about. "You don't have to decide now." He said softly.

  
Robert frowned suddenly, his mind working over time as he thought about the fact that Aaron had answered the phone. "Wait, what did Vic say to ya when you answered the phone?"

  
Aaron bit his lip, "She started speaking, asked for you but I said I wasn't you and -"

  
Robert pushed a hand out in front of him and stopped Aaron abruptly, his heart beating a little because the _last_ thing he needed was Victoria sticking her nose into his business and wondering who Aaron was.

  
"Who did you say you were Aaron?" Robert pushed out, so serious now that Aaron's heart was thumping.

  
"I said - I said I was a mate." Aaron tried to let out cooly, trying not to let his nerves take ahold. "That I was living here for a few days 'cos of my boiler..."

  
Robert nodded a little, fear melting inside because that weird part of him that thought Aaron would say 'I'm his boyfriend had just left him. It wouldn't have been the end of the world, Victoria knew he was bi but still, _still_ he wasn't comfortable with other people knowing, others like his dad, his brother.

  
"I mean - I assumed she didn't know _everything_ about ya, she wouldn't know all your friends names -"

  
Robert pushed a hand towards Aaron's chest to stop him and then ripped it away again as he felt how hard Aaron's heart was beating.

  
"It's alright." Robert pushed out nervously, "I mean - it's fine that she knows I suppose." It wasn't really because Victoria would still ask questions and Aaron didn't seem like the greatest of liars, she probably saw through it all.

  
"So are you going to go?" Aaron titled his head.

  
Robert huffed out a breath and sighed, he had to didn't he and maybe just maybe she wouldn't have seen through Aaron's words. Maybe that could actually have some bonding time without Andy and Jack anywhere in sight, just maybe.

  
"Yeah I reckon so." Robert forced out with an awkward smile that gave his hesitation away.

 

***

 

They were watching some detective drama, the main bloke led a double life and was flittering between his wife and two daughters and this woman half his age. Robert found it enthralling despite Aaron making purposely loud snoring sounds as it went on.

Aaron titled his head and looked up at Robert properly, they were inches away from each other and he couldn't describe the warmness that was able to flow through him whenever they sat like this on the sofa.

  
Robert seemed to be enjoying the drama, but Aaron could see the little flickers between his blinks that told him he was nervous about something, about going back home - _still_.

  
"Robert about tomorrow -" Aaron tried asking as soon as the adverts started and he was aware that he had a little bit more of Robert's attention.

  
Robert pulled a face and leaned away from Aaron a little, "I don't want to talk about it okay?" He pushed out softly despite the fact that a part of him wanted to tell Aaron everything and take the fact that it wouldn't change Aaron loving him for granted.

  
Aaron sighed, "I just don't like seeing ya upset that's all." He shrugged a little shyly and looked up at Robert with such love in his eyes it made the older man gasp.

  
Robert dared to raise a hand to Aaron's shoulder, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." He muttered out, dreading the journey and then the chance of seeing _them_.

  
Aaron frowned, "Well I _do_ , it's sorta what comes with loving someone Robert." He seemed almost offended as he spoke and it made Robert look at him more honestly and sigh.

  
"The truth is, I don't get on with my brother, or his wife or - or my dad." The words slipped out awkwardly, bitterness taking over as he said the word 'wife'. "I'm just nervous about bumping into them, I mean it's a small village."

  
Aaron nodded his head and then suddenly widened his eyes, "Why don't I come with you?" It was suggestion, a small little shy one that was then replaced with a smile and a tilt of the head that said _come on Robert let me come with you._

  
Robert gulped hard, the thought of Aaron coming with him made almost all nerves settle and then arise at the _exact_ same time. The thought of Victoria asking questions and becoming suspicious and then possibly linking dots and seeing the way Aaron looked at him sometimes, as if there was no one else in the world to look at. It would cause problems, of course it would.

But then Robert knew that Aaron calmed him down, he settled him slightly and changed his perspective on most things. He couldn't deny that the gobby chirpy qualities that he had when it came to new people had began to die down since the mechanic approached him at the bar that night. Robert didn't want to admit how badly he needed the support of Aaron when he went home, he needed the support of someone who genuinely _loved_ him. Well as genuine as it can get for Robert Sugden.

  
"I couldn't, I couldn't ask you to just drop everything and come to Yorkshire with me." Robert pushed out as he saw the smile still on Aaron's face that wasn't budging, he seemed to really want to go.

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Fine well you're not asking 'cos I'm telling ya: I'm coming." Robert admired the determination in his voice, he could have kissed him for that but he couldn't take advantage.

  
Robert squirmed as he thought about it some more and then saw the way Aaron was _still_ looking at him, this intense love that had faded in Chrissie after a week. "Fine," he sighed out making Aaron relax, "But you can't go about looking at me like that. Reign it in if you can." Robert ordered, pointing a finger up at Aaron and watching him nod obediently.

  
" _Promise_ not to look at me like -"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Like you're the most important person in my whole life, the only one that matters." It didn't mean to come out like that, it shocked them both and suddenly Robert's eyes were fluttering because they weren't being silly and joking anymore.

  
"Yeah - yeah like that." Robert was able to slip out after a few failed attempts and making words formulate in his dry mouth. He couldn't stop thinking about the words, wondering if that was what Aaron felt.

  
Aaron nodded his head shyly, suddenly an overwhelming urge to touch Robert taking ahold as he placed his hands on the older man's chest and moved his body so that he was nearly straddling Robert.

  
Robert caught his breath, looking up at Aaron and then letting out a little, " _No_ Aaron," because he was having a sparatic love moment, surely.

  
Aaron placed a finger to Robert's lips, "Tell me you don't think about this...," he whispered gently into Robert's ear, making him shiver at the words and just _Aaron, Aaron, Aaron._

  
Robert gulped hard, giving in a little as he felt his mouth brush against Aaron's and then -

  
Aaron pushed off of him, his eyes blinking frantically as he realised what he had done. "I - I don't know what, what came over me. Robert I'm -" he didn't understand, he was panicking as he thought about the loss of himself he had just gone through.

  
Robert shut his eyes, telling himself that he didn't _really_ want Aaron in that moment. Telling himself that it was fine and that it wasn't unfair that Aaron could tempt him like this again and again and then pull away. It wasn't unfair because it wasn't Aaron's fault.

  
Robert pushed a hand through his hair, "Aaron - it happens okay? It's not your fault, sometimes you just have this overwhelming urge and - love that," Aaron frowned at him, "It can't be helped alright." Robert finished, knowing that explaining the biological terms wouldn't matter.

  
Aaron steadied his breathing and nodded before looking at Robert, "Why didn't you push me away Robert?" It was a simple question, he recalled how Robert was brushing their mouths together and almost smiling as he felt Aaron's hands on him. He shouldn't have been smiling at all.

  
Robert stared back a little opened mouthed because he didn't know to what extent he had seemingly _enjoyed_ what had just happened. He hoped Aaron hadn't seen the smile, _fuck_ no.

  
There was a knock on the door before Robert could answer and they were sitting there awkwardly for a few seconds before Robert opened it, thankful that he had escaped that god awful question.

  
There was man standing on the other side, he had this confused expression on his face that Robert concluded was a common one and these brown eyes that seemed to study Robert as he stood there. He wasn't bad looking, not Robert's type though, especially when he saw what he was wearing. A baggy jumper and jeans that seemed too big for him, he reminded Robert of Aaron for a second and then he realised that he had opened the door wide enough for Aaron to see who it was, the stranger locked eyes with Aaron and Robert stood there as he saw the blue eyed boy smile back nervously.

  
"Adam mate," Aaron blew out with a little laugh as he walked towards the door and just invited him in, he had completely forgot he was coming home and he had no idea how he knew to come to Robert's flat.

  
Adam pulled his arms around Aaron and smiled, big and goofy whilst Robert observed. He gave good hugs, he noted.

  
"What you doing here man?" Aaron said nervously, his eyes darting to Robert who was still by the door.

  
Adam scoffed as he looked around the flat and soaked up how amazing it was, "I could ask you the same question," he laughed before frowning, "In fact I will, mate what are you doing in this side of town?"

  
Aaron cleared his throat awkwardly because Adam wasn't thick, they had the same friends so he couldn't just pretend he had known a thirty year old all this time and was now living with him for some apparent reason instead of being with his boyfriend.

  
Adam turned towards Robert and smiled, "He your new sugar daddy or summat?" He laughed out filling the air with even more awkwardness because Robert's eyes were widening in offence and Aaron was biting down on his tongue trying not to laugh.

  
"Er no." Robert interjected, shifting the focus away from Aaron, "How do you know where I live?" He didn't _dislike_ Adam and he could see why Aaron hanged around with such a goofy guy but as first impressions went, Adam was a little bit of a twat.

  
Aaron cleared his throat again, "Yeah good question."

  
Adam looked between them both, "Well I went to yours and Ed said that you were staying at this address for a while, didn't say anything else." He shrugged out, "I thought he meant _alone_ though and then I saw the place and thought nah my mate can't afford that." He was laughing again but no one else was.

  
"How did he seem?" Aaron asked, nervous about Ed.

  
Adam stared blankly, "Alright. A bit busy but...fine." He said slowly watching as Aaron looked away and then towards Robert.

  
"Is anyone gonna tell me what's going on then?" Adam argued, looking back at his best friend.

  
"I'm staying here like he said, we er - had a fallout over something and - and well it _is_ his flat so, so I moved in for a little while." Aaron knew he sounded unconvincing as he spoke and his eyes travelled to Robert's, telling him to make it better without saying anything at all.

  
"I'm Robert, a mate, _not_ his sugar daddy." Robert tried, a smile on his face and a hand extending towards Adam to shake.

  
"How comes you two know each other, I mean seems a little like the prince and the pauper if you know what I mean." Adam made himself comfortable as he leaned against the sofa and felt Aaron push at his arm playfully.

  
"Fuck off Adam." Aaron mumbled, blushing a little and then watching Robert smile at him.

  
"Yeah well I'm not a _prince_ , I needed someone who could pay some rent and - well I know, er - um," Robert stumbled on his words, trying to remember who Aaron worked with because he had told him before.

  
Aaron watched in horror for a few seconds before hearing, " _Lee_. I know Lee and - he told me Aaron needed a place and, and would pay so..."

  
Robert drew out a shallow breath and turned to Aaron, getting a nod of the head that said _you_ _did_ _good,_ it made him smile and of course Adam missed it completely.

  
"Well that's decent of ya." Adam concluded, looking around the flat again and then down towards his watch, "I best be going, still need to unpack. You could have stayed with me you know." He said as he straightened up and looked at Aaron who was purposefully not saying anything, "I'm sorry about Ed mate, I mean I'm sure it will work itself out soon."

  
Aaron nodded eagerly, "It will. Trust me." He said with a conviction and certainty in his voice that made Robert's heart hurt a little bit because well it was true wasn't it and Aaron seemed to be counting down the days until it all worked itself out. Robert was a fool to think even the slightest bit differently about that.

  
"Nice meeting you Rob." Adam slammed a hand onto Robert's chest that made the older man smile awkwardly as he watched Aaron's mate leave the flat, nicknames already then.

 

***

 

Robert made Aaron a cup of tea most nights before bed, tonight wasn't an exception as he dashed in some milk and then two spoonfuls of sugar. Aaron was in his room, he seemed to be arguing on the phone and it take long for Robert to realise who it was when he entered the room with the cup in hand.

  
"You shouldn't have given him Robert's address like that Ed. I didn't know what to say." Aaron snapped down the phone because Ed seemed to find it funny, bringing up the possibility of making Robert all nervous and unsure made him get some odd satisfaction.

  
He sounded so petty and nothing like the Ed Aaron knew.

  
It hurt to speak to him, not as much as before but still and so when Robert approached the room he felt better instantly.

  
"Yeah well _cheers_ Ed, _thanks_ for making this harder for me." He didn't even seem sorry about making Aaron worried and nervous, it was as if Ed reckoned he _deserved_ it.

  
Robert dared to sit on the bed, inches away from Aaron as he saw the tears in the younger man's eyes, he didn't know if they were angry ones or ones that told Robert he was in pain. It didn't matter though because he was reaching out and grabbing Aaron's hand, settling the niggling pain at once and making Aaron calm down.

  
"I've got to go, yeah whatever Ed. Night." Aaron put down the phone and started to cry even more, throwing his arms around Robert and allowing the older man to hold him.

  
"Hey, it's alright - it's fine." Robert tried gently, making small circles on Aaron's back with his hands.

  
Aaron pulled away, "He hates me. I can hear it in his voice." He muttered out.

  
Robert shook his head, "He's just frustrated and angry Aaron, he has every right to be." He couldn't believe he was sticking up for Ed but he was now.

  
Aaron shook his head, "He's supposed to love me," he let out in a whisper, he held onto that through everything because someone loved him, Ed loved him.

  
Robert gulped hard, "He _does_." He said firmly, he knew Ed did. "Give him some time okay?"

  
Aaron nodded before smiling, "Thank you," he said lovingly as he looked down and saw that Robert was still holding onto his hand.

  
Robert pulled away, finding the touch even more inappropriate considering he had just told Aaron his boyfriend did still love him. "For holding your hand or not chucking your mate out when he asked you if I was your sugar daddy?"

  
Aaron's laughter filled the air as he awkwardly covered his eyes, "God he's an idiot." He said through a giggle, "I mean you're not _that_ old." He added and suddenly Robert was being all loving and ticking Aaron, pinning him on the bed and then hovering over and nearly -

  
They were so close and Aaron's lips were nearly parted but Robert just smiled instead of getting carried away, he had to. Robert pulled away and dragged himself off of the bed as he walked towards the door.

  
"Night Aaron." He said softly, leaning against the door, wanting to stay but leaving all the same as he heard Aaron shout back, "'Night my sweet sugar daddy!" making him laugh again, and think that he really could love the idiot if he allowed himself to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also just in case it wasn't clear and so people aren't like wtf? in the next chapter, Jack Sugden is very much alive in this fic and Katie and Andy are married. I hope you liked this chapter, apologies again for the wait but the next chapter is full of juicy drama!


	10. The visit home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert travel to Emmerdale for Victoria's housewarming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because it would be way to coincidental for both Aaron and Robert to have lived in emmerdale, I'm quite vague about where Aaron lived but let's just say it's up north too. I'm sorry for the ridiculous cliff hanger, I'm very sorry.

Aaron woke up and heard Robert already pottering about the place, his feet stamping in the kitchen as he put away plates noisily. Aaron would have been rude and snappy if he didn't know why Robert wasn't able to sleep in, they were driving back to his village in a few hours.

Aaron didn't really know why he had wanted to go in the first place, it came down to wanting to support Robert though and he had ignored how awkward it could get when he had offered to go the night before. Aaron met Robert in the kitchen, staring silently by the door because Robert hadn't realised his presence yet.

Robert was biting down on his nails nervously as he waited for the kettle to boil, he was day dreaming and Aaron tried hard to figure out about what. He didn't know Robert that well, but his heart told him that he _loved_ him dearly and that was what made Aaron care, that love he had made Aaron walk further into the kitchen and smile softly at Robert.

  
"Morning..." Aaron whispered, a hand coming up to massage his neck that had began to ache a little.

  
Robert hardly smiled back, but tried all the same as he began making Aaron at tea.

  
"It's alright, I'll do that why don't you start getting ready." Aaron tried, looking towards Robert and gently peeling Robert's hands away from the mug. Robert looked up at him, looking a little lost and obviously nervous about what the day would hold.

  
"I'll go grab a shower," Robert mumbled out before walking towards the door and stopping to turn around, "Cheers." He let out softly because Aaron was being soft and loving and it made a change to the harsh and bitter man who had first stood in his flat.

 

Robert took ages in the shower, thinking about what he would do and say when he got to the village. He knew he had to avoid certain villagers by going through the back of the house but then the thought of explaining that to Aaron would cause even more questions to be said, he didn't want to answer any of them. Victoria would ask him about work, he could answer that but what about Aaron?

A mate, a mate that was living with him. She could see through that, surely. Victoria knew that Robert was hardly charitable and wouldn't let anyone near that flat considering how much he paid for it, God she'd take one look at Aaron with his hoddies and gelled hair and realise that _something_ more must have swayed her brother's mind. Robert felt the water almost burn him as he watched the steam rise, he was thinking about Jack. His 'dad'.

He had seen him only once after he left the village and that wasn't on purpose, he was back of course for Victoria and he made sure to stay out of everyone's way but that didn't work out.

He met Diane, a new wife and she smiled at him with eyes that practically told Robert she knew _everything_. Just like Victoria knew everything, thanks to Andy. Robert had been so nervous when he saw her again but she smiled and hugged him and she didn't hate him despite the fact that Jack had twisted everything like always. She still loved him and they made peace then, Robert even found himself not entirely hating Diane. But then he had seen Jack, his own dad, older but not much.

He was standing across the field like he had done the day Robert left, a cap on and eyes narrow as he stared straight at his own son and continued to look completely poker face. Unmoved by the presence of his son nearly a year after he had banished him. Robert switched off the shower as he heard Aaron call out to him, he kept thinking about the way he had ran all the way into town as soon as he saw his dad again, he could almost still feel the blisters.

  
"Yeah," Robert wrapped a towel around his front and paddled towards the door, pulling it open and seeing Aaron on the other side, staring, _lingering_.

  
"Hurry up will ya," Aaron shakily let out, trying to close his mouth and stop his eyes focusing on Robert's bare chest and torso just on show for him to see.

  
Robert's mind was elsewhere and he didn't even realise as he nodded his head and walked out of the bathroom, "I'm done anyway." He let out roughly before disappearing into his room to get ready.

 

Robert rang Victoria after he got dressed, sitting on the sofa just waiting for Aaron.

  
"Yeah it's me." Robert forced out, trying not to sound too much of anything really.

  
"If this is you _cancelling_ on me Rob I swear -" Victoria's voice was all high pitched and emotional, just what Robert needed.

  
"No I'm not, I'm just telling ya that I'm leaving in a bit okay?" Robert said, he didn't want to sound bitter about having to go back there of all places. It still annoyed him when he thought about the fact that Victoria had actually bought a house in that messed up village. She should have ran as far away as possible.

  
"Oh, okay that's good - ring me when you're near." Victoria said softly, "Gosh I can't wait for you to see the place." She sounded so excited, Robert could help but smile.

  
"It's a cottage, in a village Vic." Robert said dryly before laughing, "I'm sure I'll be absolutely amazed." He added with thick sarcasm.

  
Victoria sighed down the phone, "Just you and me today yeah?" She said seriously, it made Robert feel nervous. "I know how you feel - they don't know you're coming so..."

  
"Good. The less they know the better." Robert interjected because he knew that Andy wouldn't be able to resit gloating about his comfy little life and children and _wife_.

  
Aaron appeared from his room, he looked as if he had made a bit of effort. No hoodie in sight. He was wearing a pale blue shirt and dark blue trousers, his hair didn't have as much thick gel in it and he seemed to be smiling a little more - appearing lighter altogether.

  
"Look Vic I've got to go yeah? See you soon." Robert ended the call and looked up at Aaron, "You look..." He lost his words as he saw Aaron smiling at him with this love in his eyes as he walked over to Robert and placed a kiss on his cheek. It was so sweet and managed to make Robert melt because it was in those moments where he imagined something more with Aaron.

  
"Cheers." Aaron blushed a little shy all of a sudden, "Thought it would look a bit weird you know me and you being mates if I dressed in my usual getup. Adam was right about the whole prince and pauper thing." He seemed to trail off a little as he spoke, as if Adam's words had actually effected him.

  
Robert frowned and stood up to hold Aaron's face, "Would it make you feel better if I said you were like _my_ prince?" He asked playfully, a smile on his face that Aaron mirrored.

  
Robert looked down at his watch, "We should set off I suppose." He mumbled out, his eyes giving away his fear instantly and making Aaron reach up and pull him into this tender hug.

  
"It'll be fine Robert, trust me yeah?" Aaron whispered out and Robert did, he did trust him because Aaron loved him no matter what spell he was under. Sometimes Robert liked to forget all about that.

 

***

 

Robert kept playing weird stations in the car, first he was all for listening to Taylor Swift remixes that made Aaron recoil in horror and mumble, "God why is it I love you? Oh yeah I remember..." with a playful grin.

  
Then Robert decided to put on some politics crap that had Aaron nearly falling asleep in the passengers seat.

  
"Honestly mate, it's like you want me think you're ancient." Aaron noticed as he heard someone talk about the Labour Party and their luck in coming into power.

  
Robert turned to face Aaron, "I'm _thirty_ Aaron. You're what? Twenty three? I'm not _that_ much older than you." He said dryly before looking back towards the motor way and taking over some green van that was driving at three miles per hour.

  
"Twenty four." Aaron said bluntly before sighing and looking out the window, he hadn't told Ed yet and he wondered if he would even care. He hoped he did but then again that was selfish considering Aaron could allow himself to care at all back, not when he loved Robert and not Ed at all.

  
"What ya thinking about?" Robert asked after a few minutes, he could tell something was on Aaron's mind.

  
Aaron shrugged and then felt pathetic because he was sure Robert knew already. "We haven't spoken since we argued last night and I _know_ you said to give him space but still..."

  
Robert shook his head, "Try not to think about it Aaron." He said quickly as he heard the pain in Aaron's voice, thinking about someone other than Robert was surely not helping the younger man. "Just push it to the back of your mind, that's what I do."

  
Aaron frowned at Robert, he could believe that. He could believe that when Robert didn't like thinking about something he was simply capable of forgetting it, pushing it so far back that it was almost just like a faint memory rather than a constant thought on his mind.

Aaron bit his lip, "Is that why you forgot about today? Pushed it to the back of your mind?" He asked, knowing that he was overstepping the line as he watched Robert tense and then pull into a service station, cutting off the engine and sitting there for a few seconds in silence.

  
"Robert I -"

  
"I'm gonna get a sandwich, and - and maybe some flowers for Vic, I think she liked daffodils - I can't remember." Robert unbuckled his seatbelt and hastily left the car, slamming it shut as he tried to block out Aaron's questions.

 

Aaron sat there for ten minutes, feeling horrible for pushing Robert away like that. He didn't want to. Robert came back to the car, looking towards the ground as he passed over a bag to Aaron. He had gotten him a plastic pot of pasta with tomato sauce and a small packet of crisps.

  
"Cheers." Aaron said tentatively, the air was awkward as he watched Robert eat his sandwich in silence after putting the small bouquet at the back of the car. Aaron wanted to say something, anything. "How much further?" He asked.

  
Robert gulped hard, "Er I don't know about forty five minutes I think." He didn't seem annoyed, more like he didn't even want to acknowledge he had been effected at all.

  
"Oh okay then..." Aaron mumbled out, sighing as he finished off his food and saw that Robert had too, "I'll chuck this away and then we'll set off again." He said as he reached over and got Robert's empty packaging, he was thankful for the moment he was out of the car. The air wasn't as thick.

  
When Aaron returned he saw that Robert was just sitting there, he looked so alone and broken and he couldn't imagine what he was thinking about. A part of him didn't even want to know because he would probably turn the car back round himself and save Robert from anymore pain.

  
"Robert, are you okay?" Aaron asked tentatively, reaching over and snapping Robert out of his daydream.

  
"Right let's go then." Robert shook his head and started the engine, faking a smile and then reversing out of the car park as if he was fine.

  
He knew that Aaron knew he wasn't so he made a point of it, speaking about things as they got closer to distract himself the best way he could. His heart was beating like mad as he started to see more and more rolling hills and Aaron could tell, a hand found itself on Robert's as they turned a few more corners and Robert's face fell a little.

  
Aaron looked around and saw the sign for a village 'Emmerdale', it had this effect on Robert and he knew this was the one.

  
"Here we are then," Robert let out shakily, taking in his surroundings and feeling overwhelmed because his family were so close to him now yet still so far away.

  
Aaron heard how shaky Robert's breathing had become, "We can turn back right now. We can go home." _Home_. Aaron shook his head and ignored the reference, as if he and Robert shared a home, as if they were a couple.

  
Robert looked towards Aaron and shrugged, trying to act as blank as possible. "It's fine, I'm fine."

  
A hand reached out to hold onto Robert's face, "This is me Robert, I _know_ you're not fine about this, I know you're scared aren't you?" He was so soft, so gentle and kind and _loving_. Robert nodded his head, of course he was scared and of course Aaron knew. He hadn't known him all that long but he _loved_ him and he _knew_ him more than half the people he had known for years.

  
"I'm - I'm telling myself I'm okay but I'm not, Aaron you don't understand.." Robert shakily let out before sighing, "I'm just scared." He wasn't like this, he wasn't open and emotional and dependent but Aaron made him want to be like that, need to be like that.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "I'm here for you, I'm not gonna let _anything_ happen. Vic seems like a right laugh eh?" He said making Robert laugh a little and smile.

  
Robert gulped hard, the engine still running and filling the car with a low murmur that nearly covered his, "Thank you,"  
Aaron smiled at him, a hand squeezing Robert's as he spoke, "I sorta really love you Robert Sugden." The words were effortlessly spoken, "It's embarrassing really," he added shyly.

  
Robert felt his heart thump as Aaron made him feel better, "You could say it's sort of _magical_..." He added with a scoff that made Aaron pretend to be sick.

  
"Right enough of that cheese, lets go and see your sister." Aaron laughed out, leaning back and getting the flowers, shoving them into Robert's hand and making him smile nervously.

 

***

 

Robert didn't go around the back of the house like he had wanted, instead he walked towards the front like a normal person, his eyes darting all over the little village with Aaron right behind him as he knocked on the door.

  
Aaron had a hand on the small of Robert's back as they waited and then dropped it as he saw how Robert tensed.

  
"Sorry," Aaron mumbled out as Robert turned towards him a little.

  
Robert shook his head, a little disappointed that Aaron had to stop comforting in his eyes.

  
The door flew open and Robert and Aaron were met by Victoria. She was different, Robert noticed. Her hair was blonde now and, although she hadn't had a massive growth spurt, she was a lot taller than what he remembered. She _surely_ wouldn't be able to fit in his bag now.

  
"Robert!" Victoria flung her arms around Robert, her arms flying around him and holding on tightly as they stood there.

Robert didn't realise how much he needed it until he was hugging her back, feeling her body against his and holding his little sister in his arms.

  
Victoria pulled away first, she had tears in her eyes and she was smiling as she soaked in her brother. "Look at ya," she let out, waving an arm towards her brother. "I joined ya in the blonde hair team." Victoria laughed, feeling at her hair.

  
Aaron laughed at that, seeing the way they interacted was adorable. Victoria seemed to make Robert all smiley and happy and her face seemed to brighten at his presence.

  
Victoria looked towards Aaron, a small frown on her face as she asked, "Er - who's -"

  
Aaron walked a little forward, "I'm Aaron." He said, trying to be as confident as he could.

  
Victoria looked towards her brother, she was already suspicious as she saw Robert smile at Aaron as if he was almost proud of him. "Er well...come inside then." She mumbled out with a welcoming smile before watching Robert and Aaron walk inside.

 

The cottage was filled with floral patterns and dainty little cushions that served no purpose whatsoever. Victoria beamed as she showed Robert around, keeping an eye on Aaron who couldn't help but feel almost out of place, in the way because he was intruding on some clear bonding time.

  
Robert didn't want the tour to be over, the very thought of having that nice little catch up chat over a plate of biscuits came though - way too soon.

  
Victoria was smiling from afar as she watched Robert tease Aaron over how many biscuits he could have and then Aaron shyly telling him to stop. She approached the living room and felt the atmosphere shift a little, Aaron had cleared his throat and shifted on the sofa so that he wasn't sitting so close to Robert anymore.

  
"So then," Victoria smiled, sipping at the tea and watching her brother look away as if he _knew_ exactly where she was going with her sentence. "Aaron, was it?"

  
Aaron looked up at her and nodded. "Yeah," he said softly before looking around the room, "Lovely home you've got." He added with a smile, he could see Robert staring at him as if he was just as nervous.

  
Victoria smiled, "Aw thanks Aaron." She mumbled before titling her head, "So how comes you've come along too?"

  
"Vic." Robert barked, a little tense as he spoke because Victoria was just not even trying to be subtle anymore. "He's got family up here. It made sense." He added, shrugging at shoulders and then looking towards Aaron.

  
"Yeah I mean - Robert was driving up here anyway so I thought I'd - I'd you know come along. Meet ya in person."

  
Victoria nodded her head and then connected the dots, "Aaron! You're living with Robert 'cos of your boiler or whatever."

  
Aaron nodded his head, "Yep." He let out before looking towards Robert. "He, ya know helped me out on that front." He tried not to smile too much at Robert but then failed.

  
Victoria leaned further and took a biscuit from the plate, "So how do you meet then? I mean you've never mentioned an Aaron before?" She frowned and caught Robert off guard a little.

  
"Through work." It was easier to just say that then say anything more complex.

  
Victoria smiled between them, she wasn't blind. "Rob, give me hand will ya?" She asked as she got up quickly and decided to grill her brother in private.

  
Robert frowned, "With what?" He asked before seeing Victoria's face and realising what she meant, she wanted a word. Alone. "Oh yeah okay..." He mumbled out before looking back at Aaron and smiling, "Won't be a minute." He whispered and then winked, forgetting that Victoria was probably watching by the door.

  
Victoria didn't waste time as they got into the kitchen, a hand on her hip and beady eyes.

  
"He's nice." Victoria pointed out, "Don't you think?"

  
Robert gulped and tried to act unfazed, "Who Aaron? Yeah, yeah he is." He fought the urge to smile.

  
Victoria nodded, "I might you know...ask him out for a drink later." She was teasing on purpose and then trying not to laugh as she saw Robert's eyes widened.

  
"Oh he's - I don't think he's into, I mean he isn't...you're not his type." Robert blabbed out before stopping himself.

  
"But you are and he's yours - am I right?" Victoria had a lightness in her tone, she wasn't judging when she spoke and for a second Robert wanting to scream _of course he's my type well not my usual type but yes Aaron Dingle should be everyone's type, he's gorgeous and so adorably shy but still here because he just wanted to support me_ but he didn't.

He knew that if he let go then he would be smiling and acting all loving and Victoria would see he was falling for Aaron and then she'd only be confused as to why it ended at the end of the month.

  
"He's gay yeah but _no_ Vic. We're just mates." Robert pushed out, he was forcing the words to appear as normal as possible.

  
Victoria frowned, crossing over her arms. "I haven't seen ya in so long, but I know ya Rob - I see the way you look at him, and God the way he looks at you right back. You wouldn't just let some mate stay in that swanky flat of yours -" She let out, scoffing a little.

  
Robert raised his head, "Yeah well, I did. And we're mates, nothing more Vic so don't make it awkward yeah?" He seemed to be pleading and Victoria got the hint loud and clear as she bit down on her lip.

  
"I just want ya happy Robert." Victoria let out, all worried and emotional as she pulled Robert into a hug.

  
Robert was, he thought, happy in that moment. He was happy he was with Victoria and Aaron, two of his favourite people in the world and despite knowing it wouldn't last and that Aaron didn't _really_ love him and was only under a spell, he still smiled when he thought about him, about _them_.

  
"I am Vic, honest."

 

***

 

Vic was great at skirting past the awkward moments when she showed Aaron the famous Sugden family album, Aaron gasped now and then when he saw how little Robert appeared. A blonde mop of hair and chubby cheeks, just as beautiful. Robert watched Aaron from his chair, pulling a hand over his face whenever a naked toddler picture cropped up and then smiling as he saw how happy and relaxed his sister had made Aaron. He was fitting right in, slotting into place within a few hours and Robert had to stop feeling proud of Aaron, he had to stop trying to show him off as if he was his. He wasn't. He really wasn't.

  
"Cute kidda then." Aaron pointed out on the landing, he had escaped a cooking lesson with Victoria who was starting to make lunch for them.

  
Robert turned around and smiled as he saw Aaron leaning back against the wall, equally as smiley.

  
"What?" Aaron asked after seeing Robert stare at him and say nothing at all.

  
Robert shrugged, "I really am glad you're here. You seem to make everything better." He sighed out, "No matter how often I screw it up." He added, for good measure. 

  
Aaron shook his head and clasped a hand around Robert's, "I told you everything would work out didn't I? I mean, Vic's _amazing_ and she obviously _loves_ you so much." He said with a smile and then a tilt of the head, "Like I do." It felt easier to tell Robert now, much easier and although he still thought about Ed - the confession didn't fill him with as much guilt anymore.

  
Robert closed his eyes, leaning into Aaron, " _Don't_ ," it was all he could say because it hurt now when Aaron said the words, it hurt to think they weren't actually meant. "I keep thinking you mean them." He whispered out, embarrassed by how he had reacted.

  
Aaron looked up at Robert, "I'm sorry - I just want you to feel -" _loved, appreciated_.

  
Robert nodded, understanding. "I do, you give me that." He said before smiling and hearing Victoria hum to herself in the kitchen. "Better get back down there." He added, brushing past Aaron as he approached the stairs and then turning back round to face him, "I'm glad we came." He declared with pride, "I'm glad _you_ came." He whispered making Aaron smile.

  
"I told you it'd be worth it." Aaron shrugged his shoulders and then suddenly saw Robert coming towards him and then holding him by the waist before kissing him. Aaron's eyes fluttered, falling back a little as he felt Robert kiss him so tenderly it send shivers down his spine, it was soft and gentle and then over too quickly as Robert pulled away.

  
"Aaron I'm sorry - fuck I _promised_ ya -" Robert had no idea what had happened, he had just wanted Aaron for himself, he wanted to forget about everything and kiss this boy who loved him, who he was really _ridiculously_ falling for too.

  
Aaron stood in shock, shaking his head a little and then looking towards the stairs and down to the front door. Robert couldn't see but he could, he could see the door opening and then a woman standing there with blonde hair, next to her was a man with a scruffy beard and a farmers jacket on and then behind them was an older looking man sporting a cap.

It didn't take long for him to realise who they were. It took even shorter for Robert to notice Aaron's face fall and then look for himself. He felt his heart _sink_ as he saw Victoria standing by the door and then Katie, Andy and Jack all standing on the opposite side.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can, hope you liked this one though.


	11. Everyone knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to deal with seeing Andy Katie and Jack and the questions and insults they throw his way which only anger the man who loves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo another update! It gets a lil dark from here, not forever don't worry but yeah the next few chapters are a little 'ouch my heart!' if you know what I mean. This chapter was really fun to write though because I live for angst. Hope you enjoy! Xx

Robert felt as if he couldn't breathe, his heart was pounding against his chest and the words Aaron was telling him all become muffled and unclear to him. He could feel Aaron's hand trying to relax his shoulder but it wasn't helping, he felt _trapped_ as his eyes darted across the landing and he looked for an escape. He couldn't see them, they couldn't see him. Not now. Not when he was actually enjoying spending time with his sister, not when he had just randomly plucked up the courage to kiss Aaron without warning. Not when he was _this_ happy.

  
"We - we have to go, _now_." Robert's words came out in a stumble as he turned towards Aaron and dragged him into the bathroom so that they couldn't be seen.

  
Aaron gulped hard, a hand coming up towards Robert's chest and settling his breathing, "Look at me," Aaron tried, seeing the way Robert's eyes still flickered around the room, "Hey...look at me okay?" Aaron said a little firmer this time as Robert stared at him. "It's okay...it's fine, just _relax_." He added, trying his best to convince Robert that seeing his family wouldn't be as hard as he thought, but then he stopped because he realised he had no idea about the situation.

  
Robert shook his head, "I didn't want this," he huffed out shakily before silencing himself. He could hear Andy's voice, and then Victoria saying something, almost pleading with him.

  
"Sarah saw him come in, she was by the swings and she saw 'im!" Andy's voice was harsher and more intense than his appearance gave away Aaron thought as he kept his hand on Robert's chest.

  
"He's my brother, he can come whenever he likes - don't make this hard for me Andy!" Victoria's voice made Robert wince, he knew he shouldn't have come and put her in such a position considering he had basically been blacklisted from the family all those years ago.

  
"So he _is_ here? Robert's come home." The voice was Jack's, sounding all deep and authoritative as he spoke. Aaron could feel Robert's heart beat faster at the sound of his voice, he wondered when was the last time he had heard it.

  
"For a visit." Victoria let out, almost giving in and Robert knew that he couldn't miraculously find a hidden door that led back to the car now. No, he had to face them because he was left with no choice.

  
Robert shakily removed Aaron's hand from his chest and gulped, "I can't hide can I?" He had tears in his eyes this the quickly brushed away because he was _thirty_ not thirteen and he was not spending an afternoon hiding in the bathroom away from his family.

  
Aaron hugged him then, his arms wrapping so tightly around the older man both of them couldn't really breath for a few seconds. Robert didn't care though, he was burying his head deep into Aaron's shoulder and letting himself panic and be scared and worry before letting go again.

  
"I'll be right by your side." Aaron said matter of factly, pinching at Robert's chin and then watching as he opened the door and was met with more conversation filling the air, just a little louder.

  
"Why didn't you tell us?" It was Katie speaking then and Robert froze for a few seconds, anger was seeping through him because he couldn't believe _she_ was family. He had been stupid when he loved her, but she had been silently cruel. It was only after maturing a little did Robert realise all his feelings weren't entirely one sided, he was able to stop hating himself a little and think back to the suggestive looks and the kisses on the cheeks that always made him blush. Katie knew that Robert loved her, she almost relished in it sometimes and more importantly she _encouraged_ it, all the while playing the dutiful farmer's girlfriend.

  
"He didn't want you knowing!" Victoria raised her voice a little and then slapped at her forehead lightly, "Now I can see _why_."

  
Jack shook his head, "Don't tell me he's brainwashed ya love, not already."

  
It was the last straw, the one that broke the camels back if you will. Robert wasn't hiding from them anymore, he could feel Aaron close to him and it gave him the willpower to charge down the stairs and face them.

  
"I think you did most of that, don't you Jack?" Robert's words dripped out like poison, spitting straight at them all as he settled on the second to last step, purposely wanting to appear higher as he spoke.

  
Aaron fought the urge to smile, to hold Robert's arm up high and say _I love this fucker_ but he suppressed it.

  
Andy's face said it all, he was shocked by the nice shirt and suede shoes and fitting blazer. Robert wasn't though as he stared back, much of the same he thought. He had more facial hair now then, still wearing the same old drab clothes though.

  
"Robert..." Andy's voice trailed off as Robert looked towards his dad.

  
He hadn't said a word, as if the sight of Robert seemed to turn him mute. It was scary to see how much Jack had aged, he had deep lines across his forehead and was paler and thinner than what Robert remembered.

  
"Nothing to say then, like the last time?" He couldn't forget the silence, the way his own dad hadn't bothered to ask him how he was doing, if he was coping at all. He hated his own son _that_ much.

  
"Son..." The air was thick as Jack said the word, clearing his throat and then looking towards the floor.

  
"Don't you _dare_ call me that!" Robert tried to keep his cool but couldn't, Jack was looking away as if he was ashamed and he was back to that day all over again. It was on repeat in his mind, _you've made me ashamed of my own son_. He still was.

  
Aaron pulled at Robert's arm instinctively stopping him from doing anything else. Their touch seemed to settle Robert slightly and he sighed into a relaxed state as he saw Victoria look up at him worriedly.

  
"Maybe we should go." Katie was timid all of a sudden, like a little mouse clever enough to back away from a trap she was nearly getting caught up in.

  
Robert scoffed, taking a step further down the stairs. "Yeah maybe, 'cos I'm here to see my sister. My _only_ family." He spat out making Jack's head raise.

  
" _Enough_ son." Robert was stunned by how much hold Jack still thought he had over the son he sent away, flawed by how his dad thought he could simply order Robert about the way he was.

  
"Whose fault is that?" Andy chirped in, tense and in control again. "Eh Robert? Who was in the wrong? Who _deserved_ exactly what they got?"

  
Aaron tensed at the words, he didn't understand what had happened between them but he could tell that Robert had obviously done something wrong in their eyes and that scared him.

  
Robert shook his head and suddenly he was inches away from Andy, causing Katie to back away slightly. "I deserved being on my own, deserved being just a kid who made a mistake - out walking the streets at three in the morning because he had _no_ one left to turn to." He was shaking as he spoke, all the emotion was rushing back to him and it was breaking Aaron's heart.

  
"Hey, it's okay." Robert heard Victoria say, now closer to him as she tried to pull him away from Andy.

  
Robert shrugged her off, "It's not _okay_ Vic. How can it be? I was sent away, like some - some," Robert thought back to what Andy had called him. "Some monster, some evil, controlling calculating _monster_." He spat the words and then suddenly saw Andy smile.

  
"I meant every word mate." Andy said wickedly before pushing Robert against the wall and then attempting to hit him in the stomach. A hand pushed him away though and Robert could hear panting as he looked towards who it was and saw Aaron. He was protecting him, of course he was.

  
"Leave him alone." Aaron barked Andy away like he was some sort of protective dog.

  
Andy turned to face Aaron and suddenly Aaron regretted stepping in, all eyes were on him now because Katie seemed to be interested and so did Jack.

  
"You his chavvy bodyguard?" Andy's words stung a little because he knew that despite all the nice shirts he could find, he must've still given off this aurora that told people he was cheap.

  
Robert straightened against the wall, it was his turn to tell Andy to leave Aaron alone.

  
"He's a mate." Robert said eventually, looking across at Andy and then to Victoria who still looked unconvinced but was thankfully remaining quiet.

  
Jack looked towards Robert, "Is he now?" He argued the thought, as if he was sussing Aaron out altogether. "Well God help him then." He added dryly, shaking his head and looking towards Aaron, his eyes moving up and down Aaron's body. "You hear that? I'd run if I were you, he's dangerous."

 

Aaron's eyes flickered and then settled because he knew what Jack was referring to and it all made sense. They all knew he had luv spell, they all hated him for it - _that's_ why he was sent away.

  
"Dad, he isn't." Victoria butted in, trying her hardest to diffuse the situation and failing as Jack looked across to her. " _Please_ dad, end this."

  
Jack gulped hard, "You should have stayed away." He said harshly, ignoring Victoria altogether. "You think any of us actually _trust_ you Robert?" It was the first time he had actually said his name in _years_ , it made Robert shake a little.

  
Aaron saw the way Robert dropped his head, almost in defeat, like he didn't have anything to say to that at all. It hurt Aaron all over, it ached to see Robert giving up and having all the fight drained out of him. Suddenly Aaron felt this wave of love gather inside him, his heart was thumping like crazy and he couldn't hold it in.

  
"Well I do." The words were splurged out and caught everyone by surprise as Aaron stood there defiantly.

  
Victoria's eyes widened and Robert raised his head, desperately _praying_ that what he thought was happening, wasn't _actually_ happening. He couldn't bare to look into Aaron's eyes and _see_ for himself.

  
Jack only scoffed, "You don't have any idea what he's capable of." He said effortlessly, still keeping his gaze on Robert.

  
"He can _ruin_ lives." Katie couldn't help but chirp in, over exaggerate like always and cause Victoria to roll her eyes.

  
"What because he has Lovealthesit?" Aaron blurted out again, he couldn't help himself because it felt as though all this love for Robert was gushing out and he _had_ to protect him from harm.

  
Robert's eyes widened again as he saw the way Jack flinched at the words and then settled, "You _know_?" He said slowly causing Aaron to nod. "Then run a mile kid, he's _dangerous_ like I said." He added bitterly.

  
Aaron leaned forward, "I'm not running anywhere, 'cos Robert..." Aaron looked back at Robert and smiled, it was all Robert needed to see. He knew Aaron was having an intense sparatic luv moment at exactly the wrong time. "He is the most kind, gentle, funny and - and amazing man I've ever known, he just wants to be _loved_ and you know what..."

  
Victoria realised first, she looked at Robert and her mouth fell open. Robert couldn't react quick enough, his mouth was dry and he could only manage a small, "Aaron don't -"

  
" _I_ love him."

  
The room fell quiet as everyone looked at Aaron and tried to absorb what he had admitted, Robert's heart jumped and then sank as he saw the way Jack was staring at him. He knew, just like Victoria knew. Aaron was none the wiser for a second before his eyes flickered and he breathed out slowly, looking around the room and then shaking as he realised what he had done, what he had _said_. He didn't meant to, he really didn't mean to do that. He couldn't control himself just like all the times before. He just loved Robert and it was so intense that it demanded to be felt.

  
"Robert I -" Aaron had tears in his eyes as he looked at Robert and saw how broken he had made the older man.

  
"Tell me he's winding us up?" Andy spoke first, but was the last to realise - as always.

  
Katie was looking at Robert, disgust all over her face as she shook her head. "You really are sick in the head aren't ya. You trapping this boy for what? Fun, have a little...pitbull in your corner? One that loves ya?" She said the last few words in a sickly sweet voice that made Robert sigh in defeat.

  
"Robert, is he under your spell? Is that why he was looking at ya like that?" Victoria asked because it was all making sense.

  
Robert gulped hard, focusing only on Victoria as he spoke, "It was a mistake Vic."

  
Jack shook his head as Andy persisted, "Blokes now as well." He scoffed, then let out that his laugh that made everyone shift a little in the room.

  
Robert felt tears in his eyes as he let out a little gasp, "That shouldn't even matter," of course it did though, he knew it did just by looking at Jack's face.

  
"I didn't mean to..." Robert bit down on his lip, "I _swear_."

  
Jack straightened his back, "After all these years." His voice was ice cold, "You _still_ haven't learnt your lesson. You're still using and abusing people because you're incapable of making anyone love you the _normal_ way!"

  
Robert gasped at that, it was true. Of course it was.

  
Aaron shook his head as he saw Robert's face, he longed to touch him and make it all better. " _Stop_ , can't you see how much you're hurting him?" He wondered, trying to put an end to the argument like Vic had done.

  
"He's hurting you lad." Jack said seriously, "Just like he would have hurt Katie all those years ago if we left it any longer." The words sunk in and Aaron realised it all, it made sense when Robert had told him he debated saying the words to Chrissie considering what happened when he was younger, he nearly said them to Katie - his brother's then girlfriend presumably.

  
Aaron tries to shake it off but he couldn't, he stared at Robert as if he was looking at a new person and it hurt.

  
"I bet you had a life before he screwed it up. I bet you were happy eh?" Jack shuddered out before pointing towards Robert, "But _he_  doesn't care about that, he doesn't care about anyone!"

  
Robert raised his head at that because it wasn't true, "I care about him, of course I fucking care about him - you have no idea how bad I feel because I ruined his life and he can't even _hate_ me for it!" He was pouring it all out and feel nothing but hate for himself.

  
"Poor Robert. Lumbered with a boy he dosent even love eh? Call it karma or whatever because no ones ever gonna love you." Andy was piping up then, hands waving all around the small space.

  
Aaron got in front of Andy, "Stop it." He ordered, his voice a little more shaky this time because all the revelations were making him dizzy.

  
"I'm sorry," Robert didn't want this, he was back to the nineteen year old boy who was sorry about everything, sorry for being fucking born.

  
"Get out now." Jack ordered and this time Robert didn't have it in him to argue, to fight. He told himself he would, he always had. He told himself if he was ever faced with Jack again he would be ten times the man he was back then, now he felt even less.

  
Robert looked towards Victoria, he hoped she didn't hate him now and then he was looking at Aaron. He couldn't help but feel angry at Aaron, well he told himself he was because _he_ couldn't feel any worse.

  
"Come on Aaron," Robert whispered out, moving towards the door and watching Katie and Andy move out the way, parting the path for Robert and Aaron to walk through. The door fell open and a breeze flowed through the house making Robert shiver as he attempted to leave the house.

  
Aaron stood there, feeling Jack's eyes in his back intensely making him turn back. "This might not be real," he was pointing towards his chest as he spoke to emphasise the point, "What I feel for him. But I know, I _know_ that without any spell on me, Robert - he's worth _ten_ of ya." Jack bristled at that and then Aaron looked towards Andy and Katie, " _All_ of ya." He added before feeling Robert tug at his arm.

  
"Just leave it Aaron." Robert snapped, starling Aaron a little and then making the younger man follow him back towards the car, complete silence filling the air with regret and hurt as they failed to walk side by side like they did that morning.

 

***

  
Robert was trying to concentrate on the road, pushing back his tears and failing as they rolled down his face and then he felt Aaron's hand rest against his. He wanted Aaron to hold him close and rock him back and forth, he wanted someone to love him but then again he wanted to be completely alone.

He wanted someone to _blame_. He didn't want Aaron because he had given the game away hadn't he? He hadn't been able to control himself, sprouting all this talk about Robert being a good and decent person as if his family would even care to hear about any of that.

  
"Don't, _don't_ Aaron." Robert sounded rough as he spoke, pushing Aaron's hand away as he focused on the road ahead.

  
Aaron let out a little gasp, his voice a little shaky all of a sudden and a certain level of pain going through him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Robert - I'm so sorry."

He wasn't that close to his extended family anymore, but he still rang his mum every week, Liv was always a phone call away too and he couldn't imagine how Robert felt right now, thirty years old and driving away from his family in tears. Well he did, he could think back to when he was younger, when he felt like he had no one at all and there wouldn't be a way out, but he always seemed to think about his absent mother when those emotions filled him up inside. He had at least _someone_ to fall back on. He couldn't help but feel like Robert felt that way about Victoria and now was petrified that he had lost her too. All because of Aaron, all because he couldn't control himself.

  
Robert turned a corner, "Leave it Aaron." His voice didn't give anything away, he was so cold it sent shivers down Aaron's spine and told him to do just that, he had to leave it alone.

 

Aaron fell asleep pretty quickly and only woke up when he heard the sound of sniffles coming from across him. It was a little darker outside and he couldn't grasp their surroundings but he knew that Robert had been crying. Aaron wanted to stop the car and pull Robert into a hug, tell him he loved him over and over again until the words grew numb on his lips. But he couldn't. He knew that Robert needed to cry alone, he knew that's exactly what had to be done and he couldn't help it.

 

Robert turned another corner, coming off the motorway finally and sighing with relief because his concentration levels had been low and a part of him was scared that they could easily crash if a car sped by them. He wasn't able to focus on anything other than what had happened, how broken he felt inside because after all this time his dad still had the ability to make him feel small and unworthy. He was able to make him feel so insignificant that it hurt all over and Robert ached when he thought about it. He ached when he thought about Aaron and how foolish he had been and the fact that it was all his own fault. Robert was the one who had _made_ Aaron like that, love him and want to protect him even in the face of absolute hate and anger that couldn't be broken down.

  
He hated himself. He hated how pathetic he was and how true his family had been about him. He couldn't make Aaron fall in love with him properly, he was incapable of love. He really was.

 

Robert didn't say anything as he parked the car, he didn't even attempt to wake Aaron up who had _actually_ fallen asleep. Instead he just turned the engine off and stared at him, his hair had gone curly from sweat - probably nerves that, and his face was puffy. He hadn't seen Aaron asleep before, the whole separate bed thing prohibited such sights. Aaron's eyes were firmly shut tight and he had a small frown on his face as if he wasn't completely relaxed, Robert looked away because suddenly he didn't like to think of Aaron sleeping with any sort of worry laced on his face. He wanted Aaron sleeping soundly, he deserved that much.

  
The sound of Robert's seatbelt unbuckling stirred Aaron and his eyes fell open, the nearby street light burnt an amber light down on Robert and he looked scarily intense as his eyes met Aaron's again.

  
"We're back at that flat." Robert simply offered, turning away from Aaron as he got out of the car. Aaron slouched there still in this sleepy state, his chest hurting because Robert hadn't said _we're back home_ like he should have, like Aaron wanted him to and then he felt pathetic for getting upset.

 

***

 

Robert was still silent as they got into the flat, shuffling towards the counter and sighing as he flicked on the kettle and took of his jacket, he felt drained completely as he stood there and heard Aaron move towards him.

  
"Robert I know you don't want to -" Aaron tried softly, he couldn't help but want to make Robert fell better.

  
Robert tensed, he didn't understand _why_ Aaron couldn't just drop it. "Did you not hear what I said in the car?" He was snapping now but he didn't care all that much, he was torn between wanting to apologise to Aaron for involving him in his fuckery of a family and shouting at him for making it worse and looking at him the way he did when he realised what he had nearly done to Katie. There was a shame there, it burnt Robert inside.

  
Aaron's eyes flickered, registering the way Robert's hand had pushed away his own. "I'm just _trying_ to understand Robert, to make it better." He was catching his breath a little, walking towards Robert.

  
Robert shook his head, "How can ya? You're the one who made it _worse_." He didn't mean to shout, he could see the way his words made Aaron wince as if in pain and he felt terrible for it because he wasn't meaning what he was saying. He was projecting like he always did when he was in the wrong and felt bad. 

  
Aaron's eyes widened, " _Me_?" He let out shakily, he was aware of what he had done but his sleep had made him feel less guilty because at the end of the day he only blurted that out _because_ of Robert.

  
"You. You with - with all your fake words about me, making out as if they were true." Robert was stumbling on his words as he spoke.

  
_He is the most kind, gentle, funny and - and amazing man I've ever known..._

  
"I meant them," Aaron whispered out, catching Robert by surprise who tried to look unconvinced.

  
"No you didn't! You were having - having a sparatic luv moment, you didn't mean _any_ of it!" Robert was shouting again and making Aaron back away. "You _ruined_ it, you couldn't just - just -"

  
"Just make out what _you_ did to me dosen't effect me?" Aaron was raising his voice now, angry hot tears filling his eyes because _none_ of this was fair. "You think it's that easy to watch someone you love get beaten down like that?" Aaron turned away in defeat, shaking a little as he spoke.

  
Robert gulped hard, he knew he was to blame and he wanted to hold Aaron close but something stopped him, something inside telling him that being this angry person was for the best in the long run. "Make it about you then, well done." His voice was bitter and laced with anger as he spoke.

  
Aaron turned around sharply, "No. No this is about _you_ dragging me into this mess and then _blaming_ me for your fucked up life! I _hate_ ya for it Robert." He had tears running down his face, shaking and becoming red because when it came down to it - how could any of this be _his_ fault?

  
Robert backed away, shaking as he felt his head pound over and over again.

  
_I_ _hate_ _you_ _for_ _it_ _Robert_  - he did, of course he did.

  
"So this is my fault? All my fault." It was like he was registering it all, reflecting on what he had done and felt guiltier because he knew he was pushing Aaron away even further. Prodding and breaking and tearing little bits of Aaron and of course Aaron hated him. Of course he did.

  
Aaron wasn't giving in, he wanted to wrap his arms around Robert and comfort him, talk about what happened and cut through this shit but he was stuck and he _wasn't_ letting Robert off so easily because he hated being pushed away. "Yeah. Yeah Robert it is." He said coldy, eyes meeting Robert's and not flickering as he spoke.

  
Robert nodded his head calmly, despite how quickly his heart was thudding. Aaron still had this intense hate for him, he was good at burying it with all those loving looks but it was still _there_.

  
_I_ _hate_ _you_ _for_ _it_ _Robert_.

  
Robert sighed and walked towards the door, picking up his jacket and turning towards Aaron again. "You know I wish you'd never been at that bar." He didn't mean that, he didn't mean that at all but he said it anyway, just because he wanted Aaron to hurt like he was. Just because he was spiteful like that.

  
Aaron let out a little gasp as if he found it hard to catch his breath after hearing the words, "Me either." He lied, leaning into Robert as he spoke. "I wouldn't have to be wasting my time loving a _loser_ like you for an entire month." He added harshly as he watched Robert react, just the slightest flicker of his eyes face away his hurt.

  
Robert let out a little laugh, a fake one that worked to eradicate his pain altogether. "Well I'm counting the days until you can do one trust me." Robert shouted, pain so prominent that it hurt as he spoke and then left before Aaron had the chance to respond. He knew that he couldn't take another hurtful word from Aaron, he spared himself as he raced to his car and broke down in tears, ugly fat ones that made him feel weak and afraid of anyone seeing him.

  
He wondered if Aaron would run out and see him, he thought about the power of Aaron's love and if it could ignore the pain Robert had made Aaron feel through their fight. Robert settled himself, ten minutes went by and Aaron didn't come.

 

He wouldn't be coming, Robert stared the car and realised he didn't _deserve_ Aaron to come after him. He didn't deserve him at all. Robert looked down at his phone, it didn't take long for him to realise what exactly he deserved - cheap meaningless sex.

  
"Connor? I'm coming to yours." Robert said defiantly over the phone, ignoring how awful he felt inside as he drove towards the younger man's little flat on the other side of town.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun. Strap in for further heartbreak please passengers...
> 
> The next chapter and the chapter after that are real shifters in the fic, it takes a more serious turn and I hope that everyone likes it, I'm a bit apprehensive about the response but it's very dramatic and I'm sure people will be writing 'ah stupid Robert!' And then 'oh robert you just don't know what you're doing bless' and of course 'POOR AARON!' because I can't seem to write a fic without making this boy suffer! Xx


	12. Divine Heart Ache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's selfish actions lead to devasting consequences for Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update WOHOOO! The first part of this might just kill you, it was sad to write but if you live for drama and angst you should be extremely happy. I'll be updating again next weekend so keep a look out, I hope you enjoy this dramatic chapter!

Connor's place stank of booze, the air was misty as Robert had trudged up the stairs and delicately knocked on the younger man's door. He lived in a bed sit on the wrong side of town and wasn't keen on moving, despite all the times Robert had offered to pay half the rent each month just so he could escape this life he was leading. Connor was almost defiant in his responses, it was always a _no, I can look after myself_ and Robert understood why. Connor had this thing about Robert acting like his older brother and he hated it. He didn't want any help from Robert in _that_ way.

  
Connor was by the small window that overlooked the backstreets, a cigarette in his hand as he sent smoke through the room.

Robert sat there on the bed, well the mattress and struggled to feel better. He had seen Connor's face when he opened the door and it had said it all really, it was nearly half eleven at night but that didn't matter to Connor obviously, the initial spark in his eyes spoke for itself.

  
Robert had his phone in his pocket and battled with himself not to call Aaron, he had left it so sour that it still burnt inside but he _couldn't_.

  
"So you here for any particular reason then?" Connor finally opened the window and let out the smoke that had been building in the room and slowly trapping the air in Robert's lungs.

  
Robert looked up and breathed out, "Er - I just, wanted to see ya." He shrugged, he knew that Connor wouldn't buy it but at least it gave him some time to think of something better to say.

  
Connor frowned, waving a hand in front of him so that the smoke cleared. "That's weird." He said flatly, annoyed obviously.

  
Robert tensed his jaw, "Why?" He asked, knowing the answer.

  
"Well ever since Mr. Luv spell crashed into your life you haven't given me the time of fucking day." Connor said the words like he didn't care, but he _did_. The way his body behaved, stiff and cutting, it told Robert what he needed to know.

  
It wasn't like Robert didn't feel bad about not seeing Connor, he _did_ , he felt guilty about the way his 'relationship' was with Connor because it hardly was that. It was so causal, but _complicated_. Really complicated because Connor knew things about him, he knew about his condition and didn't judge him at all and that's why Robert held on the way he did.

  
"Don't be difficult." Robert sighed out, trying to smile a little. "I'm sick to _death_ of difficult."

  
Connor smirked at that and Robert could tell he felt special in that moment. "Lover boy causing you agro then?" He didn't attempt to stop the humour in his voice, he was relishing in the thought.

  
Robert blinked, "I don't want to talk about Aaron." He said quickly, a hand pulling though his hair in frustration because he had mentioned his name.

  
Connor nodded, "Aaron." He mulled over the name and Robert wasn't sure if he was being dramatic or he hadn't told him before. "He couldn't have hurt ya that much, he _loves_ ya - in theory." He still had the cigarette in his hand and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon as he shut the window and pulled it to his lips.

  
Robert tensed his jaw again, it was true. Robert had probably hurt Aaron a hell of a lot more, but he didn't want to think about that. _No_ , he wanted to feel sorry for himself.

  
"I saw my dad, my brother and his wife today." The words blurted out, partly because Robert wanted to stop thinking about Aaron and also because he had to get it off his chest.

  
Connor raised an eyebrow, "Fuck." He pushed out, shaking his head and then looking towards the window again.

  
Robert sighed, Connor didn't know about his family as much as he let on but he tried. Robert told him bits and pieces over the years, mainly when he was drunk and sad and he would blurt out something like "My - my fucking _dad_ , he just sent me away. He just - just sent me away like I was some monster."

  
Connor never tried to comfort him, he'd know it would only embarrass Robert so instead he'd kiss him and try to take his mind off things. That what Connor did best.

  
"And Aaron - he, he was only tryna _help_." Robert shuddered the words out because suddenly he was regretting the way he shouted at the only person who had his back.

  
"They - they found out what I did to him, they _hate_ me even more." Connor looked across at Robert and frowned. "But I don't care, 'cos I hate them too. And Aaron _hates_ me so..."

  
Connor sighed, taking small steps towards Robert until he was beside him. "Well _I_ don't hate you." He shrugged as he looked at Robert.

  
Robert bit down on his lip, he tried to stop thinking about Aaron but even looking in Connor's eyes didn't help. In fact, it made it worse.

  
Connor placed a hand on Robert's thigh suggestively as he met Robert's eye again, "Let me show you..." He whispered, pressing a kiss onto Robert's neck and then watching as Robert turned to him properly and allowed him to kiss his mouth instead.

  
It wasn't making anything better, Robert could feel his stomach swirling as they kissed and Connor pushed him down on the mattress. It wasn't what he wanted, _who_ he wanted but it was familiar and he needed that.

  
Robert kissed Connor with a little more passion and then suddenly something felt wrong as he pulled away before hearing his phone make a sound.

  
Connor rolled his eyes, "Ignore it." He let out hoarsely, trying his hardest to get Robert's attention and failing.

  
Robert gulped as he saw who it was. Aaron had text him three times.

 

**From Aaron:**

 

\- _Robert tell me you're ok? I need to know where you've gone, please answer me._

 

Robert felt bad instantly, he was imagining Aaron in a panic and then feeling Connor's hand around the back of his neck as he scrolled on.

 

**From Aaron:**

 

\- _Please respond. I don't give a shit about how much you don't want to, I need to know you're okay._

 

Robert blinked as he read it again and dared to read the last one.

 

**From Aaron:**

 

\- _Stop ignoring me and just answer Robert. Please._

 

Robert hated the desperation, he could hear it in Aaron's voice and felt sick. He didn't want to think about him. Not anymore because all he seemed to do was make him upset or angry and well Aaron did _truly_ hate him didn't he?

 

Connor sighed, pulling off of Robert. "Calling you home then?" He said bitterly, rolling his eyes so that Robert could see. "That didn't last long."

  
Robert shook his head, he couldn't go back there not when Aaron was so ready to forgive him, he didn't deserve it. He didn't want it. He wanted Aaron angry and shouting at him instead, that seemed to hurt a little less.

  
"I don't want - it's not what I want right now okay?" Robert pushed the words out, his head was a mess and he felt trapped and in need of some sort of escape. Connor could be that, Connor and maybe a few days away. A few days without Aaron so that he could sort his head out entirely and realise that whatever he felt about Aaron wasn't _real_.

  
"Fine with me." Connor said cooly, "What _do_ you want then?" He asked seductively, a hand falling onto Robert's thigh again and this time Robert seemed to be darting his eyes around the room.

  
"Let's get out of here." Robert blurted the words out, standing up suddenly and feeling like he just had to escape this all somehow. He needed to forget how hated he was and be with someone he actually gave a toss about him.

  
Connor's eyes widened, "What do you mean?" He asked, chuckling a little and then coughing. "Honestly?" He added with a cautious smile.

  
Robert nodded his head, pulling Connor up and then holding onto his shoulders. "Isn't this what you want, me all to yourself?" He knew he was being an arsehole now but he was so beyond that now.

  
Connor's eyes flickered and he cleared his throat, "Don't flatter yourself mate." He was nervous and Robert could tell, he smiled and took as a good thing.

  
"You've got a passport right?" Robert was being ridiculously, he knew that but it didn't matter because being this stupid was pushing back everything else on his mind.

  
Connor nodded slowly before pulling a face, "But I'm -"

  
" _Skint_?" Robert butted in and then saw Connor nod awkwardly. "Good thing I'm not then. C'mon, I need to get out of here and just _forget_ this shit I've caused."

  
"But what about Aaron? You know it's bad to leave -"

  
Robert shook his head, "Don't - _don't_." He attempted before looking away, "Look he's better off without me." He knew that wasn't true, he wanted to believe it was though.

 

***

 

Robert felt like he had no control of himself, his heart was aching a little because he was parking back outside the flat. This time he had Connor in the passengers seat though, he was a lot thinner than Aaron - weedy you might call him if you wanted to be mean. Robert felt like had adrenaline racing through him as he turned off the engine and looked up at the window, the lights were still on and it made Robert gulp hard.

  
"So just pack a bag, and get your passport." Connor was trying to act like he wasn't that bothered but Robert could _feel_ the excitement radiating from the younger man.

  
Robert nodded his head after a few minutes. He hadn't really been listening because all he kept thinking about was Aaron sitting on the sofa waiting for him, God he couldn't bare that.

  
"Yeah, I won't be a minute." Robert said quickly, unbuckling his seatbelt and then charging out of the car. He was telling himself that this was for the best, that he needed to leave and Aaron would just carry on loving him from a distance, among this things, being close to him that way.

 

The flat door creaked open as Robert turned the key. His eyes immediately feel on the sofa and he couldn't help but blow out a sigh of relief because no one was there and the light from the window had only been a small lamp in the corner of the room.

The whole place seemed to lonely and unloved as Robert thought about the last time he had been there. It hadn't ended well, he had marched out telling Aaron he wished he never met him and was counting down the days until he left. He had ignored the way Aaron winced at his words, he had ignored how it may have effected the younger man at all to fight like that with his luv speller. He didn't want to think about it.

  
Robert moved further into the room and went towards the small cabinet by the wall. He pushed the top drawer open and saw that his passport was there, right at the top. It was like someone was telling him to go. Saying: _Go on then, take it and do one._

  
Robert picked it up and put it in his hand, flipping it over and over and then looking down at the drawer again. His favourite chocolate bar was resting there and a small note enveloped it. ' _My treat. Someone needs to control your sugar intake. X_ ' Aaron had put it there obviously. He was such a sentimental sod.

  
Robert's heart skipped a beat without meaning to. Of course, of course Aaron did things like that, things that made Robert want to hold him close and not let go. He couldn't let go, he was picking up the chocolate bar and dropping the passport. It spoke volume.

  
"Fuck you Aaron," he huffed out under his breath in complete frustration because he realised that he wouldn't be going anywhere.

  
"You coming or what?" Conner was suddenly at the door, whispering loudly and making Robert turn towards him, eyes wide and panicked because Aaron could wake up any second.

  
Robert shook his head, he was trying to find the right words but failing as Connor approached him, actually entering the flat and making Robert worry even more.

  
"Robert." Connor snapped as he saw that the older man hadn't moved, he wasn't thick, he _knew_ what was happening. "I fucking _knew_ it. I just reckoned you'd change your mind when we got to the airport or whatever but -" Connor went to turn away from Robert.

  
"Hang on," Robert felt like terrible, he knew how hurt Connor was and how he was trying to hide it badly. "I'm sorry." He added, catching Connor and turning him around again.

  
"No you're not," Connor spat, his voice getting dangerously high as he heard the sound of footsteps.

  
"Connor I _am_ , I really am ok? But I can't just go, I can't run from things." Robert tried.

  
Connor looked up, he could see the shadow of someone out of the corner of his eyes and tensed. "You can't run from _him_." He announced before shaking his head, " 'Cos you've got attached already haven't ya?"

  
It was too much, hearing someone say it when if out can't be true. _No_ , no of course he wasn't _attached_.

  
"I'm not." Robert said harshly, staring at Connor with an intense look.

  
Connor turned towards the hallway and saw Aaron approaching them, he acted quickly as he pushed his body closer to Robert's and whispered, "Prove it."

  
Robert was desperate to do just that and pushed his body onto Connor's, kissing him on the lips again and again and trying not to even come up for air.

  
"Robert is that you?" Aaron mumbled sleepily, he could see a body in the living room, "Thank God I've been so - Robert?" His mouth fell open as he saw Robert standing there, practically falling over this little ginger kid as he pressed their mouths together.

  
He had never felt the way he did, it felt like his whole body was collapsing as he stood there and watched Robert rip his mouth away and stare at him in shock, guilt covering his face and making him look like a little boy.

  
Aaron was shaking, his hands not being able to stop as he thought about how horrible he had felt when Robert left, how much he wanted to put things right because his stupid heart told him to. His stupid _twisted_ heart told him to love this fucker who couldn't care less about him.

  
Robert wiped at his mouth quickly and tried to control his breathing as Connor stood a few feet away from him, he didn't want this. He didn't want Aaron to see him with anyone else, he didn't know how that could effect him.

  
"Aaron, I - I didn't -"

  
"Why are you apologising? It's not like you're _together_." Connor couldn't control his anger and bitterness because he could see the guilt in Robert's eyes, he genuinely was sorry for the way he had hurt Aaron.

  
Aaron looked towards Connor and then felt his heart ache a little, it was almost like parts of it were breaking into small pieces because suddenly Connor was tugging at Robert like he _owned_ him. Suddenly Aaron was thinking about Ed and wondering if this was how Robert felt whenever Ed had touched him.

  
"Come on Rob, you said yourself you wanted to leave." Connor was purposely pulling at Robert's arm as he spoke and looking towards Aaron.

  
Aaron couldn't help a tear roll down his face, "You want to leave?" He was trembling and suddenly finding it hard to breathe, he didn't know what the hell was going on with him.

  
Robert glared at Connor and then looked towards Aaron, taking small steps towards him because he was suddenly frightened for him. " _No_ , no I mean _yes_ but - but I changed my mind." He was shaking now, trying to hold onto Aaron and failing as Aaron pulled away and backed himself towards the wall.

  
"Go then!" Aaron tried to shout but all at once he was having to press down on his chest to try and combat the pain. "Do one Robert, I swear." He panted out.

  
"Maybe he's right Rob, let's go - come on you can stay at mine tonight and then we'll go anywhere." Connor was chirping in and only making it worse as Aaron felt his eyes roll back a little and he was slumping towards the wall.

  
"Just me and you." Connor added as if to spite Aaron that little bit more.

  
Robert suddenly lunged forward and caught Aaron before he fell to the ground completely, he didn't understand what was going on and he was scared out of his mind because what if Aaron was ill, what if he was dying.

  
"Aaron!" Robert yelled as he fell to the ground and held Aaron in his arms, feeling the younger man's weight shake against him. "Aaron - what, what's going on? Tell me, fuck...please Aaron." He had tears in his eyes but he couldn't let them drop because he had to focus on Aaron and making him better. He had to make him better. He couldn't leave it the way it was.

  
Aaron couldn't breathe properly, all he could think about was Robert and this lad kissing whilst he tried to sleep without knowing if Robert was even safe. His mind couldn't escape the thought of Robert wanting to leave, to run away with this random and was being a coward about it by taking his things in the middle of the night. Did he not care about Aaron at all? Did he not know that Aaron could fall part if he wasn't close to his luv speller? Maybe he did.

  
Aaron could hear Robert holding him up and he thought it should have helped but it didn't, it felt like he was rejecting Robert and this care he was showing because he was focused on the bad, on what Robert had done to him.

  
"Is he - is he ok?" Connor stumbled towards Robert and seemed actually worried.

  
Robert let a tear roll down his face as he touched Aaron's, "I don't know," he gasped, "I don't know what's wrong with him..." He added with a pant and a shake of the head. "He's in pain and it's because of me." Robert held Aaron tighter and tried to spread the warmth to Aaron, it should have made Aaron better like it had done the night before when he was on the phone to Ed. This time his touch had no effort at all.

  
"I'll - I'll ring an ambulance." Connor dragged his feet across the room and reached for his phone, pushing in the numbers and then looking back at the scene in front of him. He had never seen Robert like this, _crying_ and almost like he himself was in agony, all over some bloke. This didn't happen to Robert.

  
Aaron couldn't hear properly and he felt like he was slipping into some weird state where he was becoming numb to the feeling in his heart and the way it was cracking over and over again as flashes of Robert and the ginger boy filled his mind.

  
_Just you and me._

  
It should have been him and Robert. _It should have been him and Robert._

  
Aaron's eyes fluttered, he was gasping for breath and feeling Robert tighten his hand around his.

  
"Stay with me yeah? Fuck please, please please _please_ Aaron. Don't leave me alone, I _need_ you." Robert whispered the words until he saw Aaron's eyes flutter shut and he let out a gasp as he fell onto Aaron and felt Connor try to drag him away.

  
"Hey - the ambulance is here," Connor tried, pulling Robert off and trying to calm him down as a paramedic came through the door. "They'll help him." He added as he saw Robert struggle to leave Aaron laying on the floor.

  
He couldn't believe it, he didn't want to. Aaron was unconscious, laying there like that and he had caused it, of course he had.  
Robert watched as they tried to work on him there and then before lifting him up on a stretcher and muttering jargon that Robert didn't understand.

  
"Is he going to be ok? Don't tell me he's - he's not _dying_ is he?" Robert felt Connor next to him, trying to comfort him but he didn't want him, he wanted Aaron.

  
The paramedic shook his head, "He's breathing, it's very shallow, faint but still there so we need to get him to hospital as soon as possible to find out what is going on..."

  
The paramedic disappeared, leaving Robert standing there in shock as Connor looked at him.

  
"It's going to be ok." Connor sighed, unconvinced.

  
Robert had tears building in his eyes again, "You don't know that." He whispered before feeling Connor wrap his arms around him, hugging him tightly and Robert just had to accept it because he was sick of being alone.

  
"I don't want to lose him," Robert breathed out, his eyes closing as pulled away. "I _can't_." He added before moving towards his jacket and picking up his keys.

  
Connor walked in front of him, "Woah is that a good idea?" He asked slowly looking down at the keys.

  
Robert frowned, "I have to see him, I need to -"

  
Connor pushed up a hand and sighed, "Let me drive then." He ripped the keys out of Robert's hand, "It's the least I could do." He added, for the first time appearing guilty as he spoke.

  
Robert nodded as he moved towards the door, too tired to argue as he accepted he would have to worry all the way there without the possibility of killing himself in the process because he wasn't concentrating on the road at all. Connor had that covered.

 

***

 

  
Robert couldn't stop shaking his leg against the seat, a nervous tick he thought as he heard the sound of phones and machines beeping and then blinked away from the blinding glare of the hospital lights. Connor was getting them something to eat and Robert was grateful considering he was already tired of the younger man's fake concern.

He couldn't help but hate him, _blame_ him for making Aaron collapse like that, if only he hadn't of gone on about them leaving maybe Aaron would be okay. Robert blinked his eyes and thought back to the way Aaron had been clutching at his chest as he fell to the ground, a heart attack fell to the front of his mind but then he thought about how fit and healthy Aaron was. He was only twenty four.

  
Connor appeared as Robert lifted his head up, "I got you a sandwhich," he passed the packaging over to Robert and sighed, "It's all they had left." He mumbled as he sat next to Robert and saw him grimace at the ' _cheese and pickle_ '.

  
Robert gulped, "I'm not hungry." He bit down on his lip and sighed. "Why haven't they told us anything?" He wondered because it had nearly been an hour since they burst through the doors and Aaron was whisked away.

  
Connor shook his head, "Probably 'cos he isn't priority, it could be a good thing..." He tried, but Robert could hear the tightness in his voice that told him he was almost annoyed by the constant questions.

  
Robert turned to face him properly, " _Priority_?" He barked because all he could think about was how convinced he was that Aaron was dying an hour ago. "He - he collapsed, he wasn't breathing properly -"

  
"I know," Connor sighed as he saw a nurse approach them, "Rob," he nudged at Robert's side and saw the older man leap up out of his seat.

  
"Er excuse me...Aaron Dingle - he, can you tell me how he is please?" Robert blabbed out to the young looking nurse who's eyes had widened.

  
"Would you mind letting me know the relation?" The nurse said softly as she looked between Robert and Connor who had remained sitting.

  
Robert gulped, _fuck_. He wasn't his boyfriend, he couldn't say that - could he? Suddenly he was thinking about Ed and the slight temptation to indulge himself slipped away, he needed to call Aaron's _actual_ boyfriend.

  
"He's my - cousin." Robert pushed out, missing the smile that had formed on Connor's face.

  
The nurse nodded, "He seems to be out of danger as he is breathing much better on his own however we still need to work out what exactly happened to him."

  
"Was it a heart attack? He was - was clutching to his chest and -" Robert was shaking as he spoke, trying to stop himself from getting overly emotional.

  
The nurse frowned, "No that doesn't seem to be the case." Robert's eyes darted across the room, he felt like he was back to a few weeks ago when he had no choice but to tell the nurses what Aaron had.

  
Robert leaned in closer to the nurse as she looked down at a beeper and seemed to automatically become distracted.

  
"Listen okay - Aaron's under a luv spell." Robert whispered the words out slowly, his serious look wasted on the nurse however who simply frowned at him.

  
"Is this a joke?" The nurse shook her head, "Look, your cousin was in serious danger, still could be and you're talking about that luv spell?"

  
Robert gulped, _great a non believer_ he couldn't believe that nurses were still able to work if they didn't care to know the issues surrounding Lovealthesit. Surely there would be uproar if a nurse dismissed the symptoms of cancer.

  
Robert shook his head, "I'm not lying!" He couldn't believe her as he began to walk away.

  
"Look I haven't got time for this sir." The nurse walked further away and tried to ignore the way Robert was following her.

  
"Please okay you have to listen to me, he's under a luv spell and that might have something to do with -" Robert stopped as he recognised a nurse looking towards him, a worried look on her face. She was the same one as a few weeks ago, the one who actually listened, _believed_.

 

***

 

Robert left Connor outside as the familiar nurse pulled him into a little room. She pushed the door shut and caught sight of Connor, tutting a little as she turned to face a worried looking Robert.

  
"Who's that then?" The nurse said, sitting across from Robert and narrowing her eyes.

  
Robert gulped, knowing she was talking about Connor. "A mate."

  
The nurse shook her head and sighed, "What happened son?" She asked tentatively, "I hoped to never see you or that poor lad in here again."

  
Robert blinked quickly, "He was clutching onto his chest, panting and - and I was so scared that he was, _dying_ or something and it would _all_ be my fault - 'cos I -"

  
Robert stopped himself, playing with his hands nervously and watching the nurse look at him.

  
"Were you with that one out there?" The nurse offered and Robert felt ashamed as he nodded. He had _one_ job, one fucking job and that was to keep Aaron safe. The whole point of Aaron living with him was to stop the younger man from hurting as much as he was, he had only been able to much it worse though.

  
"We had a fight, it wasn't - it wasn't really his fault but, of course - I blamed him." Robert sighed, thinking back to how horrible he had been and how Aaron _still_ was relieved at first when he saw Robert. "That bloke, Connor."

 

Robert stopped himself again as he thought about how he could explain Connor to the nurse - Sheila he realised as he looked closer and saw a badge resting on the desk she was perched at. "We're on and off, we're not _together_ , never have been but - it's complicated and well, Aaron saw me kiss him and - and heard Connor say that we were going to run away - just leave and God Aaron's face," Robert whispered shakily as he spoke, thinking back to how Aaron looked in that very moment. "I mean I changed my mind but _still_ , he thought I was leaving and Connor wouldn't stop going on and on and then he just - Aaron collapsed, he couldn't breathe properly and I thought he was dying."

  
The nurse looked moved by Robert's words and fidgeted on her seat as he heard Robert.

  
"I don't want him to die, I couldn't bare him dying." He was being so honest it ached, he kept this all in and no one was supposed to know how much Aaron meant to him. No one.

  
"Oh love," Sheila mumbled out, moving a little closer, "Of course not, but he won't die - he just needs some rest. Seems like he's had a bit of a bad time today - is that fair to say?"

  
Robert thought back to it all. To the shock kiss that Robert had initiated on the stairs at Vic's, to the revelations about Robert's past and the arguing that followed that neither of them meant and then seeing Robert with someone else, kissing someone else, wanting to leave with _someone else._

  
"Yeah - yeah it is." Robert sighed, "What's wrong with him?" He asked, still none the wiser.

  
Sheila bit down on her lip, "Don't feel too bad love but - it seems like he has experienced divine heart ache."

  
Robert's eyes widened, he had heard of that - of how _fatal_ that was and he felt shivers race through him. It was rare, ridiculously rare and only occurred when the luv speller didn't reciprocate any feeling of love, showing affection to a third party instead and in turn allowed their partner to experience an intense form of heartbreak. It was supposed to feel like your heart was practically breaking into pieces and Robert couldn't help but think back to the way Aaron had clutched onto his chest. It was ten times worse than a heart attack.

  
Robert shook his head, " _No_ ," he whispered out shakily because he couldn't believe that his actions had left Aaron heartbroken. He had _kissed_ someone else, he had let someone who loved him let him see him with someone else. He had betrayed Aaron and whatever it is that they were. "I've broken him." He shuddered out.

  
The nurse shook her head, "No love, you're lucky okay because he hasn't been as effected as others have in the past - trust me love." Robert looked up at her. "That boy really does love you, he's even fighting against divine heart ache - I've known people to just give up once they're in here." She continued with a weary smile on her face.

  
Robert nodded, trying to feel better but not being able to. "What should I do?" He asked, unsure of everything now and so scared to hurt Aaron even more.

  
"I know it's hard to - to reciprocate all that love he has for ya and then be able to stop in a few weeks but - but he needs ya to stop arguing with him love, and you need to stop seeing that lad out there too." She said the last few words a little bitterly and Robert smiled at her for that. He agreed of course.

  
"I know, I need to focus on Aaron." Robert admitted with a sigh, "And try not to -" _fall pathetically in love with him and not want to let him go once the month is over..._

  
Sheila put her hand over Robert's as if she knew exactly what he was thinking, "Yes love, it might be hard but...you know it's right..." She whispered and Robert realised she left out 'to let him free of your spell.

 

***

 

Robert pushed the door open as Sheila got a call. He shook at his hair as he walked back towards where he was sitting, Connor was still there but looked a little guilty as Robert went to question why before feeling Ed push him against the wall roughly. He had tears in his eyes and looked completely distraught.

  
"What the hell of ya done to him now?" Ed barked, eyes intensely on Robert's as he tightened his grip on the blonde's shirt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was dramatic, it's going to get sadder before it gets better but I really want to just to take this opportunity to thank everyone who leaves a lovely comment about how much they're liking this fic. I find it so motivating and trust me I value all the praise I get for this fic so THANK YOU ALL!


	13. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Robert reach an understanding that leaves Robert feeling even worse as he attempts to reason with Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHUNKY CHAPTER COMING YOUR WAY! (It starts immediately after it left off!)

Robert couldn't find the right words as Ed held onto him, he didn't want to tell Ed like this, _here_ \- but it looked like he didn't have a choice.

  
"Listen - okay I -" Robert felt Ed push him even harder against the wall, his anger only growing stronger.

  
Connor shook his head and managed to tug at Ed's huge shoulders, "You said you wouldn't hurt him!" He hissed into Ed's ear, loud enough for Robert to see and react with a deep frown on his face.

  
"What does that supposed to mean?" Robert panted a little as Ed loosened his grip and then let him go altogether, Connor remained looked guiltily towards the floor and Robert tried to connect the dots. "Did - did you tell him to come here?" He wondered, anger surging though him as Connor lifted his head.

  
"He had a right to know." Connor shrugged his shoulders and looked towards the chair, "I - I found Aaron's phone and, I rang him." He added as if the words made it all better. "He _is_ Aaron's boyfriend."

  
Robert saw the look in Connor's eyes, just a flicker but he saw it. He instantly knew why Connor had rang Ed and it wasn't because he felt Ed had the right to know, it was because he didn't want Robert comforting Aaron, being _close_ with him when it wasn't his place. Not when Connor wanted him all for himself. Maybe deep down he even wished Ed had punched the message home, maybe that's why he called Ed and in turn betrayed his old friend.

  
Robert shook his head in disbelief as Ed turned towards him. "So you weren't gonna tell me then?"

  
Robert went to speak but then saw the way Ed grew closer to him, "I bet you wanted to make out he was _your_ boyfriend eh? Just completely erase me from the picture." He spat, confident in his beliefs.

  
Robert shook his head, of course that's how it seemed. "No, no I was going to tell you when we had more information okay?" He stumbled on his words. "He's fine, I mean it Ed - he just needs to rest."

  
Ed pulled a hand over his face, "Why don't I believe you eh?" He barked looking towards the ceiling. "This is the _second_ time he's in here because of _you_." He added as he looked back at Robert.

  
Robert gulped, "I know, I know Ed and -"

  
Ed looked up and rubbed at his face, "You told me you'd keep him safe. That was the _only_ reason why I was able to get past it, because I thought he'd be safe but it turns out he isn't." His voice was a lot higher then and filled with emotion.

  
Robert hated how that sounded, "I swear this won't happen again." He whispered, speaking to Ed but then flickering his eyes to Connor and wanting _him_ to get the message, wanting him to realise they could never be together like that again.

  
Connor seemed to notice and pulled away, looking down at the seat and picking up his jacket. "I'm gonna go." He muttered, his voice tight as if he was trying his hardest not to shout.

  
Robert didn't say anything as Connor waited, their eyes locked and then Ed frowned. "Don't let me stop ya." He said roughly, not really meaning to be rude to Connor.

  
Connor scoffed as he pushed past Robert purposely, "Hope he gets well soon." He spat, jealousy now spitting out like crackles on a fire as he quickened his pace and then turned the corner.

 

***

 

Ed looked at Robert and then started playing with his hands, "You haven't even told me what happened." He pointed out as they sat on the chairs, they were waiting for someone to tell them Aaron was ready to be seen.

  
Robert gulped, too tired to think of a good enough lie. "He saw me kissing Connor, the boy that rang ya. We had already argued before, he looked hurt before I left but I didn't want to notice that too much so I ignored it. I was planning on doing one with Connor. You know...just leaving." He felt ashamed as he thought about it all, how quickly he had come to the rash decision and ended up hurting both Connor and Aaron.

  
Ed tensed his jaw, "What's wrong with you?" He wondered as he stared at Robert. "What would have happened to Aaron if you -"

  
Robert rolled his eyes and pushed up a hand. "I wouldn't have actually gone, I changed my mind and that's when - that's when Aaron came in and heard Connor talk about us wanting to leave."

  
Ed shook his head and sighed, he hated how much emotion he could see in Robert's eyes as he spoke.

  
"I tried to help him Ed, I really did." Robert looked up at Ed and had tears in his eyes as he felt his lip wobble.

  
Ed cleared his throat, "I'm glad you care." He whispered, admitting to Robert exactly what he thought despite himself.

  
Robert nodded a little too eagerly and then watched Ed's face fall a little, as if just in one movement Ed was able to understand exactly how _much_ Robert cared and he looked crushed by it.

  
Robert saw his face, saw his eyes widen and then fill with heartache and he hated himself even more. He hated hurting everyone.

  
"Yeah well, don't want him dying on ya do I?" Robert tried to laugh, cut the obvious tension in half as he joked about only caring about Aaron because he cared about Aaron and Ed being together. He hoped Ed bought it.

  
Ed smiled, sending relief through Robert. He obviously did, or he was just pretending to. Either way it settled the atmosphere a little.

  
A nurse began walking towards them and Robert fought the urge to stand first as he watched Ed get to his feet and tell the nurse he was Aaron's boyfriend.

  
"Can I see him?" Ed persisted as the nurse weighed up the decision, her expression given her reluctancy away.

  
"Aaron's very tired at the moment sir, he really does need to rest." The nurse spoke softly and then gave in, "Five minutes okay?"

  
Ed nodded his head nearly as eagerly as Robert had done, "Thank you - that's fine thanks." He smiled before looking at Robert.

  
"Don't mention me yeah?" Robert tried not to get too emotional again as Ed frowned at him. "I don't want to go upsetting him anymore than I have done..." He whispered, hating the thought of today's actions completely ruining the foundations that they had laid in place together.

  
Ed nodded as he followed the nurse, disappearing down the hallway and missing the mess of a man he had left sitting there, hugging onto himself and not being able to forget the damage he had done.

 

***

 

Robert was able to control himself again after letting out some tears, he told himself that after a bout of crying fits he was better for it. Even if he didn't feel any different. Ed had been gone for more than five minutes and he felt like a fool waiting for him to come out and tell him how Aaron was doing. Robert got to his feet before widening his eyes as he realised that Connor had driven them there and so he didn't have a car to go back home in. A part of him felt glad, thought it was a sign or something that he wasn't meant to leave but then he saw Ed coming towards him and he felt like an idiot for even entertaining the idea.

  
"Didn't think you'd still be here..." Ed didn't seem to be too bitter anymore and Robert tried to hide his jealousy as he thought about Aaron being his soft and gentle self and him making Ed feel calmer.

  
Robert nodded dismissively, "How is he?" He couldn't help himself.

  
Ed sighed, he looked tried all of a sudden. "He didn't say much, but then again he didn't look in too much pain when I was there so I suppose that's good." He concluded, trying to see the positive side.

  
Robert nodded again, this time slower than before. "Yeah it is..." He whispered out.

  
"He said - said that his chest ached and, and that he _hurt_." Ed looked troubled as he spoke, "But he couldn't describe the pain, he said it wasn't like anything he'd ever experienced, not even after Jackson -"

  
Ed stopped himself as if he didn't want to divulge too deep into Aaron's life with Robert, but Robert had already joined the dots and realised that the boy that Aaron had fallen in love with before, the one that ended in the cruelest way imaginable, must have been called Jackson.

  
"I know about Jackson..." Robert spoke seriously as he realised what Aaron had meant, it shattered him as he understood that Aaron had said he felt a pain that he couldn't even compare, not to even how he felt after he lost Jackson.

  
Ed seemed shocked by that and then almost hurt but he tried to brush it off and pretend that Aaron telling Robert about _Jackson_ wasn't such a big deal.

  
"Right." Ed cleared his throat and then rubbed at his face, "Well like I said, he wasn't saying much. If anything he just felt completely distant, like he wasn't really there." Ed shuddered the words out and Robert had to look away, feeling terrible.

  
"He just needs time to recover..." Robert said turning back round and then trying to smile.

  
Ed nodded back, not quite believing Robert though.

  
"Anyways, I'm heading off now." Ed sighed and looked towards his watch before looking back at Robert.

  
Robert gulped and pulled out his phone, "Yeah same - better call a cab..." He muttered the last part under his breath but Ed heard.

  
"Cab?" Ed picked out, "What happened to your -"

  
"Connor took it," Robert sighed out, before scrolling though his phone discreetly because you weren't allowed phones in the hospital.

  
Ed lingered for a second before sighing, "Fancy a lift?" He had a kindness in his voice that Robert couldn't help but smile at. Suddenly he realised why Aaron was with him and wanted things to remain that way, he was the sort of person who was _good_ , right down to his very core and that was rare in a person. Despite everything, Ed was willing to drive Robert home because he was just that sort of bloke and Aaron must have gravitated to such a goodness when everything else was so bad.

  
"Are you sure?" Robert asked weakly, digging a hand in his pocket.

  
Ed rolled his eyes, "Dosen't look like you've had a very good day yourself." He offered, trying to understand Robert that little bit better, not hate him as much as he should.

  
Robert wasn't looking for pity but his eyes were already red raw from crying and then frantically wiping tears away, he didn't have the effort to try and say something witty back.

  
"You could say that." Robert said dryly before looking towards the floor and then up at Ed, "That lift...I wouldn't mind one if that's alright." He titled his head and watched Ed nod and then begin walking towards the exit.

 

***

 

Somehow Robert had ended up at Ed's. They originally sat in silence during the journey but then Ed started asking questions and Robert was too guilty about everything to be blunt and dry with his replies. Ed broke down half way through the journey and Robert told him to take them back to his, he didn't actually think Ed would though. He had been talking about normal things and then caught a glimpse of Aaron's favourite chewing gums or something and couldn't help but start welling up. It hurt Robert to see so he tried to not react until he _had_ to, until he was edging a bit closer and then making sure they got back to Ed's okay.

Ed was in the kitchen, getting a glass of water before promising to take Robert home. He left Robert standing by the door, looking around the flat and being reminded of what he had ruined the minute he had taken Aaron from Ed. There wasn't pictures of Ed and Aaron plastered around the flat and for that Robert was grateful, he told himself jealously didn't come into it. It did though, of course it did.

Robert edged further into the space and saw that the flat itself was bigger than what he had expected, the living room was spacious enough and had a large television on the wall. Robert felt his heart tug a little as he saw just one small picture near it, resting on a table and in a brown leather frame that looked rather expensive. Ed had a rugby shirt on, the colours stripped purple and white across it and he was holding a trophy out in front of him. He looked elated as he stood there, eyes wide and a massive grin on his face. And then Aaron was there, an arm round Ed and his head facing him, kissing his cheek and appearing just as happy as Ed was. Happy. He looked so _happy_.

  
Robert ripped his eyes away because Aaron wasn't happy now, he was deeply _saddened_ by what had happened and Robert was too much of a coward to even see him. He didn't want to have the rejection, not from someone who loved him, not from Aaron.

  
"That was last year." Ed came into the room, appearing a little better than he had done in the car as he joined Robert near the photo. "Won the county league with my try." He added, a smile on his face as he spoke.

  
Robert had no idea about rugby but could gather that meant he had saved the day, of course he had.

  
"You look dead happy." Robert pointed out, referring to Aaron mostly.

  
"Yeah he does." Ed said, of course he knew what Robert was trying to say.

  
Robert just stared at him and felt guilty again because obviously Aaron was stuck on his mind and he wasn't _his_ , he didn't need to feel the way he did but he couldn't help it though.

  
"I don't make him happy." Robert shrugged as he spoke, trying his hardest not feel too insecure about the fact that Ed made Aaron smile that bit wider.

  
Ed titled his head and scoffed, "I think we both know it's hard to actually tell when Aaron is happy." He sighed before walking towards the sofa and watching Robert follow him.

  
"He was such a mess when I met him you know." Ed began as he settled himself. "I've never seen someone put signs over stalls as angrily as he did that first match day." Robert smiled as he watched Ed remember fondly like Aaron had done. "But it takes time with Aaron, for him to - open up and trust ya." He added before shaking his head. "That's why he hurt so much tonight Robert, because he put all he had into loving you and - and you've abused it." He wasn't angry as he spoke, just frustrated and Robert could understand.

  
"I feel _terrible_ Ed, I never wanted to hurt him." Robert pushed a hand out and sighed, "Believe or not...I actually do give a shit about what I've done to you and him." He added, just so he could attempt to clear the air between them.

  
Ed tensed at that, "I believe ya Robert, I believe that you feel guilty but you know what I don't believe?"

  
Robert looked up and frowned.

  
"I don't believe ya aren't _falling_ for him just like ya said you wouldn't." Ed's voice was laced with worry and Robert thought back to his eager nod at the hospital and how Ed had involuntarily reacted straight after.

  
He couldn't admit to such a thing even if it was true. Even if seeing Aaron stick up for him with his family and get on so perfectly with his sister had made him fall that little harder. Even if Robert had mentally said 'fuck it and kissed Aaron on that damn landing. He couldn't tell Ed that, not when it would be over in a few weeks and Aaron would completely move on and forget that he ever loved the fucked up blonde with ridiculous daddy issues.

  
"I'm not - _falling_ for Aaron." Robert didn't realise how long it had been since Ed had posed the question but Ed's face told him he had left it hanging in the air for a while. "I care about him Ed, _of_ _course_ I do. It's hard not to when you feel responsible for someone but _no_ I'm not falling for him and I _won't_."

  
Ed's eyes flickered as if he was mulling it over. "Yeah?" He let out after a few seconds.

  
Robert nodded his head, "Yes Ed." He was shocked at how easily he was able to tell Ed, maybe it could be true.

  
Ed sighed, "How will you _know_ you won't fall for him?"

  
Robert knew that the question was coming and had to look away for a second. He couldn't be sure, he didn't know if he would be able to resit the urge to kiss Aaron or let a sparatic luv moment go any further. He nearly let it. He nearly let Aaron kiss him, touch him all over, they could have gone even further. His stomach twisted, he was in Ed's flat and thinking about having sex with his boyfriend, _Jesus_.

  
Robert turned his body back to Ed's, "I just know okay? I won't let myself go there with him because I'm not an idiot, I know it's fake - I know that in reality I'm just a fucking blip on what you two have so why would I let myself fall for him?" It made sense logically but then again you can't _help_ who you fall for can you?

  
Ed nodded, almost believing Robert now.

  
Robert smiled, "Anyway I do remember telling ya he wasn't _that_ irresistible." The memory was clear in his mind as he spoke, they had been in Robert's kitchen and Ed was threatening him about feeling anything for Aaron, falling in love with him in the end. How wrong had he been then. How fucking wrong.

 

***

 

Robert somehow found himself slumped in his bed at three in the morning, shoes still on and his shirt damp with tears. It was then when he was thinking about Aaron the most, wondering if he was crying himself to sleep like Robert would be doing - all alone in that hospital room. He wondered if Aaron hated him, if this heart ache had somehow shifted the love and made it poisonous or something.

The possibility was presenting itself in Robert's mind and he had visions of Aaron sweating uncontrollably and feeling sicker each day because the luv spell had acted out against him somehow because of the intensity of the divine heart ache. It was possible, of course it was.

Robert kicked his shoes off and looked towards his phone, Victoria had tried ringing three times and he hadn't even realised. He rolled his eyes as he tossed his phone aside and tried to block out the drama of his family, he knew that she would persuade him that the whole thing wasn't as bad as he thought of something like that and he would only end up resenting her for trying. Robert sighed, unable to get comfortable before getting up and then looking around the room. He couldn't settle.

  
Robert looked towards the door and suddenly found his feet dragging across to Aaron's small room, the bed was made in Aaron's hap hazard way like always and Robert smiled. He walked in closer and then found Aaron's small hoodie, picking it up and holding it towards his nose so he could breath in all the musky scent that made up Aaron. He cried then, sobbing about how everything had ended up and where he would go from here with Aaron. It didn't take long until he was wrapping himself up in Aaron's duvets and hugging a spare pillow, just desperate to be close to Aaron again. Too desperate.

 

***

 

_Robert was walking towards the ward, his feet dragging him there and then he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Aaron's empty bed. He was shaking suddenly and then thinking the worst, thinking that Aaron was gone, he had been snatched from him in the worst possible way. He was dead._

_  
Robert's eyes flickered and then suddenly he was somewhere else, he was in some muddy field and it didn't take long for him to realise he was back in Emmerdale._

_  
This time though, Aaron wasn't by his side. He could make out the mechanic from across the field and he desperately called out for him but it was pointless because he had all at once turned mute. His words were nothing but an agonising silence as he opened his mouth to speak. He's eyes burned as he saw Aaron standing there, shaking his head and then turning away with **them**. Jack, Andy and Katie. _

_  
" **You're a monster. You nearly killed me. I hate you. I hate you Robert**." The words hissed in the air and made Robert fall to the ground, not caring about the muddy floor and the way his body seemed to simply give up on him. Like everyone else did. Every single one. _

_  
Robert opened his eyes again, this time Aaron was there beside him. They were holding hands and Robert titled his head just a little to face the younger man. He didn't know where exactly they were but suddenly a giant clock began falling towards them, Aaron clutched onto his chest and Robert called out for him to move like he was doing himself but Aaron stayed there. He had tears racing down his face and he was sobbing uncontrollably as the clock edged further and further towards him, a crushing weight that he couldn't escape from._

_  
Robert shook his head and suddenly opened his mouth wide as he shouted, " **I LOVE YOU!** " _

_  
The clock turned to a gold sort of dust that decorated the empty room, Aaron's eyes flickered and then he wrapped his arms around Robert as if he was finally free of something. Robert hugged him back tightly and then felt a sharp pain edge through him, he turned around and saw Ed standing there, a knife out in front of him, bloody._

 

_Robert tried to let out a scream but he was falling to the ground already, he felt himself disappearing as he lay there, hearing only Aaron call his name until it vanished and he struggled to catch his breath before -_

 

Robert jolted up from the bed, clutching onto this side as if he really _had_ been stabbed by Ed. He was shaking as he gathered his surroundings, instantly finding comfort in the fact that he was in Aaron's bed. He didn't want to think about the nightmare he had just awoken from, but he was. The clock, Robert telling Aaron he loved him. No, he could never do that, but it was almost like he _had_ to, in order to save Aaron he had to be honest.

  
"Fuck..." Robert whispered, pushing a hand through his hair and then sighing.

 

He waited a while for his heart rate to return to normal before he was pottering around the kitchen and then deciding he couldn't stay at home instead of seeing Aaron. He debated the idea over in his mind. He was pretty certain that there would be some sort argument when he got there, he knew he would have to apologise until the word _sorry_ felt weird on his tongue but he couldn't help but wonder if Aaron actually cared anymore. He could imagine Aaron like Ed had said yesterday night, _distant and almost like he wasn't there_. He wondered if Aaron had already started putting up his walls again, blocking Robert from entering without a suitable enough password, something like _I'll never hurt you again Aaron I swear to you, it's just you and me now. Well until the month is over, I swear I'll look after you properly._

  
Robert held his phone out in front of him and saw that Victoria had messaged him, it was something about 'everything be a shock but it not mattering because 'she really loved seeing him and Aaron. Aaron. Victoria really did like him, but that wasn't relevant not considering the younger man was _made_ to like her brother. It wasn't like Aaron chose this.

  
Robert rolled his eyes and suddenly got a message from Connor. He waited a minute before opening it up because he didn't know what Connor would say, he was angry and bitter last night when he took Robert's car and to be honest Robert wouldn't have been surprised if it was found in a lack somewhere.

 

**From Connor:**

\- _Your car is round mine._

 

Robert frowned harshly as he read the four words. Connor was beyond _done_ then wasn't he? Robert knew that much. Connor was the type of boy who was a charmer, who could be ridiculously fake when he wanted to be. He could have easily added something about Aaron, asked how he was doing and _faked_ that he gave a shit but he didn't. He hadn't bothered to even put up that facade.

Robert tried his hardest not to overact to the bluntness by completely ignoring the message altogether. Yeah he needed his car back to get to Aaron but that wasn't important right now, he'd call a cab, walk, hitch a ride or even travel on burning hot coals rather than face Connor - the spiteful desperate snake - right now. Robert thought about it, how angry he was and he questioned if it was justifiable as he poured the kettle. He thought about it all being his own fault really because he _had_ led Connor on for years now, but then he couldn't get passed how happy Connor was with betraying his own friend. He couldn't forget the little smile on his face when Ed showed up and suddenly Robert was out of place, feeling foolish for worrying because after all as Connor pointed out so readily: Ed was Aaron's boyfriend.

No, no Connor was smart and he knew exactly what games he was playing. Robert had every right to hate him right now he realised as he poured milk into his mug and settled by the sofa, nervously still thinking about what Aaron was going to say.

 

***

 

Robert decided to walk and regretted it after ten minutes. It was raining lightly and he hadn't bought an umbrella, so had no choice but to push his head towards the floor and walk quickly. He probably looked like an idiot but he told himself it didn't matter because he was going to see Aaron. He still hadn't worked out exactly what he was going to say to him, he had no idea how to start a conversation up with him after what had happened.

  
He wondered if telling Aaron that he was sorry even would help matters, the damage had already been done, Aaron was already laying in hospital bed after all. But Robert couldn't just gloss over everything and try to be charming and cheery when he saw Aaron, _no_ he couldn't pretend everything was okay. He couldn't abuse Aaron's love for him by not owning up to his pathetic problems that landed Aaron in hospital.

  
Robert walked quicker and then stopped as he realised that he was already there, the hospital looked bigger as if it was looming over Robert and trying to scare him. It was working as he stood there catching his breath and trying not to get overwhelmed by the sight of a building.

  
Robert shook his head, telling himself to stop being a prat as he walked towards the doors and went inside.

 

***

 

Aaron was pretending to be asleep, he wasn't really but that didn't matter because all the nurses seemed to believe him as he shut his eyes tightly and loosened his body a little. He didn't want to have to speak to anyone at all whilst he was there, seeing Ed yesterday had been enough to make him cry himself to sleep that night. He just wanted to feel better, to stop this aching he had inside that wouldn't budge and he hated how maybe it could only stop if he saw..Robert.

  
His stomach flipped as he thought about _him_ , about what _he_ had done to him. Suddenly he was seeing glimmers of Robert and the boy he was kissing, they were right at the front of his mind and he wanted to cry because it hurt so much. He wanted to tell himself to grow up because it wasn't _real_ , he didn't _really_ love Robert but that didn't help, that just made his chest ache a little more because he was denying himself by trying to make out he didn't love Robert still.

  
What hurt the most was the betrayal, the way Robert was kissing someone else. Aaron had never been cheated on, not ever and so it hit him like a tonne of bricks when he saw the man he loved with someone else like that, in the home they shared, in such a private place that Aaron actually felt safe in.

  
He didn't deserve that. Not when he had tossed and turned in bed waiting for Robert to come home, not when he had messaged him to make sure he was safe even after Robert had told him he wished they never met.

  
Aaron heard a nurse come into the room and he tightened his eyes a little more as he thought about last night when Ed had left. A part of him thought Robert would come through the doors with a smile on his face and a sorry to offer, something at least but it hadn't happened and Aaron told himself it was for the best. He wished it was, he wished his heart wasn't longing for Robert to hold him and say he was sorry and would keep him safe from now on.

  
Aaron heard the nurse's footsteps creep towards him and then fade out again as she walked towards the door and shut it behind her. Aaron opened his eyes slowly, blinking quick because of the light and then sighing because he was sick of laying in bed and thinking about how horrific it had been yesterday, how he really thought for a whole that he was dying because the pain was _that_ unbearable. He couldn't describe it, he had told Ed that yesterday when the kind man came to see him with such worry on his face Aaron felt like being sick.

  
He had desperately wished he loved the rugby player instead, the one with the warm smile and gentle voice. He didn't though and no amount of visits would alter that.

Aaron fidgeted on the bed, trying to stay out of sight of the nurses who were surely wanting to speak to Aaron by now. The door opened as Aaron readjusted a pillow and in walked a nurse, making Aaron twist around and see her. She looked familiar and it didn't take long for Aaron to realise that she was in fact the nurse who told him to live with Robert. God he didn't need this now.

  
"Hello love." The nurse had such a soft voice that it settled Aaron a little and didn't make him as cranky about her walking in. "I'm on a break, I thought I'd see how you were doing."

  
The nurse went to sit on the empty chair by Aaron's bedside and looked up at him expectantly.

  
Aaron gulped before shrugging, "I don't know." He whispered softly, registering that it had been the first time he had spoken that day. "My chest isn't hurting as much as it did last night." He added, a part of him wanting to please her and make her visit worth while.

  
The nurse nodded her had and let out a sigh of relief, "Well I'm glad to hear that pet." She smiled, an honest one as if she actually really cared about Aaron's health.

  
Aaron nodded back shyly before titling his head and leaning into her a little, "What actually _happened_?" He whispered to her, desperately wanting to find out why he reacted that way yesterday and why he thought he was dying.

  
The nurse darted her eyes across the room as if to check if it was bugged or not before shuffling the chair closer to Aaron with little effort. "Divine heart ache." She said seriously, "Yours was a mild case yesterday considering you only collapsed and was able to start breathing again on your own once you got here. It could have been much worse love."

  
Aaron frowned, he didn't understand all this jargon when it came to Lovealthesit, "So I -"

  
"Think of a heart attack but ten times worse, it feels like your heart is _actually_ breaking." The nurse interjected as she raised her hand and then saw the look on Aaron's face, "Yeah, I know - all cliché and that but...you _were_ heartbroken yesterday."

  
Aaron shifted uncomfortably because the thought of telling the nurse how hollow and broken he felt as he slept last night wasn't something he wanted to do.

  
The nurse seemed to notice and sat back on her chair, "I'm glad you're okay love, and so was he." She didn't need to say his name to 'say his name and Aaron was already looking up at her again.

  
Aaron gulped, he didn't want to think about Robert and how he was feeling but he already was.

  
The nurse wet her lips and then smiled as she titled her head, "He was in _bits_ about it love, if that makes a difference, I mean he was so -"

  
Aaron allowed a small part of him to just imagine Robert breaking down, being a sobbing mess of a man because he had hurt Aaron so badly. He tried to hold onto the thought and then it was fogged by the sight of the boy Robert was with, his hands over Robert as he 'comforted' him.

  
Aaron shook his head and felt himself getting angry, "Yeah well it dosen't." He snapped a little too forcibly as he pushed the words out and tried to make them count. "None of it matters because - because," Aaron found it hard to speak, to put into words how he felt.

  
The nurse seemed to understand or at least pretended to as she nodded her head knowingly and then looked towards the floor. "He knows what he's done." She muttered out, still trying to make Aaron see how bad Robert felt about it all.

  
Aaron shook his head hard, "Does he?" He felt tears in his eyes but he brushed them away, "I don't think he does, I can't - I can't stay with him now." He had reached the decision late last night as he thought of nothing else but whatever they had being broken.

  
The nurse sighed, "I know it feels like that now but, you can't just move on from this Aaron. You've tried in the past and still ended up here." Aaron looked away from her. "You can't ignore what you feel." She pushed out forcing him to look back.

  
Aaron frowned, "What so I just forgive and forget?" He snapped again, "After what he's done to me?" He added, bitterness falling on his words.

  
"No love, but you _don't_ bury your head in the sand and try to forget all about it."

  
Aaron breathed out slowly, trying to think of what to do next. He wanted to just run away and try to deal with the pain by himself, just get past it as best he could and never have to see Robert Sugden again. But deep down he knew he could never do that, not ever. He couldn't just leave someone he loved the way he _loved_ Robert. It was almost impossible.

  
"You're under luv spell love, and I know you hate it but Robert's only -"

  
The door opened suddenly and Adam stood there, a frown deep on his confused face as he looked between Aaron and the nurse who was sitting wide eyed.

  
"Luv spell?" Adam said, his eyes darting about the place and his cheeks becoming redder as he stood there. "That shit is for make believe." He tried to laugh but then caught sight of his best friend's face and knew it wasn't a joke at all. "Aaron?" He whispered, praying for confirmation of his thoughts.

  
Aaron sighed, flawed by his arrival because Adam wasn't meant to know a damn thing about this sorry mess. He didn't want to have to tell him at all, but he was standing there with that confused look on his face just waiting for Aaron to tell him the truth and he couldn't lie.

 

***

 

The kind nurse had left them to it and Aaron was thankful. Adam didn't seem to want to hear any of it at first, he was doing his usual pacing up and down the room thing with a hand on the side of his head. But then Aaron started crying about it all and Adam gave in, told him to start from the beginning and let him know all about it.

  
"I can't believe this," Adam shook his head hard, he was sitting on the chair now and finally had stopped pacing and making Aaron feel sick. "Mate I'm sorry."

  
Aaron didn't know who's to react to that, a part of him wanted to tell Adam not to be sorry because at least he loved someone but then he caught his surroundings and realised where exactly that _love_ had left him wound up.

  
"I'm sorry for not telling you." Aaron said after a few seconds, "I didn't want you knowing about this." He added, titling his head a little as if he was ashamed.

  
Adam frowned, "Why not?" He wondered, "I'm your best mate Aaron." He tried not to raise his voice as he spoke.

  
Aaron nodded, "Yeah I know mate but - but I just - I tried to keep it as quiet as possible, that way it didn't really feel like it was happening you know?" He whispered, still feeling awful as he spoke about it all.

  
Adam didn't pester him about it any longer and waited for a few minutes until he spoke again. "So that's why you're living with the posh twat." He noted with a shake of the head.

  
Aaron tried to smile, "He isn't a posh one." He said softly, "He's from Yorkshire mate." He added to try and made Adam smile, he did and then rolled his eyes.

  
"Still a _twat_ though." Adam concluded with a shrug. "One that's put you in 'ere 'cos he's too busy copping off with someone in the living room -"

  
Aaron winced a little at the memory, " _Don't_ Adam, please just leave it."

  
Adam looked up at his friend and nodded his head in agreement. Aaron sighed, feeling a little overwhelmed because of all the questions that Adam had fired at him. He needed to sleep off all this stress and -

 

The door opened awkwardly and it took Aaron a few seconds to realise who it was, his eyes reached the door later than the rate of his heart thumping quickly and he realised exactly what was causing such an effect.

  
"Please don't kick me out," Robert had never looked so small in Aaron's eyes as he pleaded by the door and tried to avoid eye contact with Adam as best he could.

  
It took all of two seconds for Aaron's eyes to start welling up with tears and then for Adam to move towards him instinctively. "Leave, now." Adam barked towards the door.

  
Robert gulped, he didn't want to have to beg even more but he would, he had to. Robert moved his body a little so that he could look at Aaron a bit clearer, their eyes meeting and then locking all at once.

  
"Aaron I'm _begging_ ya, please I just want to speak to ya." Robert whispered, his voice all high and panicky as he spoke.  
Aaron dropped his head, his heart was still beating like mad and Adam in the middle of them wasn't helping matters at all. He couldn't run away from Robert forever.

  
"Adam..." Aaron whispered prompting Adam to face him, "Could you give us five minutes?"

  
Adam's eyes widened, "Aaron you could have _died_ yesterday 'cos of 'im!" He was shouting now as he looked at Aaron and then shook his head, he knew him enough to know he already had made his mind up.

  
Adam pulled away and sighed, "Fine." He muttered before charging towards the door and purposely pushing past Robert, "I'll just be outside yeah?" He added, softening his voice especially for Aaron before throwing Robert a nasty look and leaving.

 

Robert stood there for what felt like hours, he suddenly didn't know what to do or even say to Aaron because nothing could make up for it all.

  
"Aaron...," Robert settled for, moving closer towards the bed and seeing the way Aaron tensed with every stepped, "Please, _please_ don't hate me. You have no idea how sorry I am." He didn't plan on getting so emotional, letting seem him break down but he couldn't stop himself.

  
Aaron let out a shaky breath and looked away from Robert's view, "I don't know what you want me to say to ya." He settled on saying after debating whether or not to completely ignore him altogether.

  
Robert blew out a breath and then sniffed, "Just listen to me and - that's all I want Aaron, to tell you that -"

  
Aaron turned back to face him, eyes a little wider as he spoke because he was angry, so angry that it hurt him all over. "You're sorry." He whispered dryly, "You didn't mean to - to hurt me 'cos you weren't thinking straight." He said the words a little harsher as he spoke, he could tell by the look on Robert's face that he was stunned by how Aaron had almost read his mind.

  
Robert gulped, nodding his head. "I am, I'm _so_ sorry Aaron - please, please just - just know that at least." He looked towards the ground, his hands shaking a little as he spoke and tried to honestly get his words out as best he could.

  
Aaron's eyes fluttered a little as he heard the emotion in Robert's voice.

  
"I hate myself." Robert whispered as Aaron looked up at him. "And I'm not just saying that Aaron, I really _do_." He added before daring to edge a little closer to Aaron as he spoke. "What happened to you yesterday it - it really," he couldn't finish his sentence as he looked away and tried to calm himself a little.

  
A part of Aaron wanted to wrap his arms right round Robert and tell him it was okay, that he was okay and that he didn't hate him, he _loved_ him. But he didn't, he couldn't because he was thinking back to how scared he had been the night before, how petrified he was of everything coming to an end for him.

  
"I thought, I thought I was dying ya know. Twenty four and dead 'cos I loved a bloke too much." Robert looked towards Aaron and had stubborn tears in his eyes as he nodded. "How pathetic is that?" Aaron scoffed and attempted to roll his eyes but instead he looked down towards his blanket and felt so small and vulnerable in Robert's eyes,"I was so scared Rob - and it was - it was because, because of _you_!" He hated the tears that fell, he hated the way Robert moved so quickly towards him and was able to touch his arm and sooth him and make him feel that little bit better.

  
Robert was able to stop the tears rushing down Aaron's face and suddenly the air was filled with shallow breathes as Aaron looked up at him and then shook his head. "I was so _scared_." He whispered into the small space between them.

  
Robert nodded his head and pulled a hand up to Aaron's face to hold. "Aaron, I'm so sorry, I didn't - I _never_ wanted this to happen, please believe me. I - I was terrified that I'd fucked it all up yesterday with you, I thought that I had lost -" Robert stopped himself as he felt tears in his eyes that couldn't fall in front of Aaron, not now.

  
Aaron sniffed, feeling Robert pull off of him a little and go to sit beside him. He wished he could just forget about what happened but he couldn't. "You thought you'd lost me?" He posed the question a little shakily before watching Robert nod shyly. Aaron steadied himself on the bed, "How do you think _I_ felt when I saw you with -" he didn't have to go on, the sight of Robert's face falling told him all he needed to know.

  
Robert pushed a hand over his eyes, "Aaron, Connor means nothing to me." Even thinking about Connor now made Robert feel guilty.

  
Aaron shook his head, "It didn't seem like that yesterday." He whispered, the pain was still so _there_ and he couldn't escape it. "You were _leaving_ with _him_." He added, he couldn't forget that.

  
Robert shook his head this time, leaning closer and suddenly pushing his arms out, "Yeah I admit, I wanted to." Aaron looked unimpressed and nearly turned away before Robert caught his arm, "And then I saw that - that _fucking_ chocolate bar that you put in that drawer and, I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave ya."

  
Aaron's lip quivered a little, "You still thought about it, going away with _Connor_."

  
"I know, I know that telling ya I didn't mean it won't help Aaron but I've learnt my lesson." Aaron frowned a little at his words. "Seeing ya collapse like that, just - just fall to the ground Aaron," Robert was speaking shakily again. "I _couldn't_ handle that. You wouldn't have heard me but, I said things and I meant them Aaron." He was speaking so seriously now that their was nothing left in the air.

  
Aaron allowed himself to think about what he had heard before his eyes shut and he blacked out, _Stay with me yeah? Fuck please, please please please Aaron. Don't leave me alone, I need you._ He had spent the night telling himself that he hadn't heard Robert right, that he must have just made it up because Robert wouldn't have said something like that. But he did, he had and more importantly he _meant_ it.

  
"I heard Rob," Aaron whispered out the words and it tingle through Robert's body because he wasn't sure if he had heard Aaron call him _Rob_ before but it didn't matter because it sounded brand new.

  
Robert lifted his head, "Yeah?" He let out because he had to be sure that Aaron was right about what he had said.

  
Aaron nodded, "You meant it?" He almost wanted confirmation that Robert _felt_ something for him, anything near what Aaron felt.

  
"Of course I did." Robert let out hastily as he dared to let a hand linger near to Aaron's. "Aaron I _meant_ every word of it, I was so scared and - and what I said, it was like what I _had_ to say."

  
_Stay with me yeah? Fuck please, please please please Aaron. Don't leave me alone, I need you._

  
Robert buried his head towards the floor, "It scares me being alone." He admitted, feeling so vulnerable that he couldn't say anything else after that until he felt Aaron reach towards his hand and gently stroke it before pulling away.

  
"I haven't forgiven ya Rob." Aaron whispered, knowing that he nearly had but he couldn't tell Robert that.

  
Robert nodded quickly, "I don't expect you to, not yet. I hurt ya so badly Aaron and - and I know that, that I'll have to earn all that trust back."

  
Aaron cleared his throat, shocked by how much Robert understood his view.

  
"But I _promise_ ya, I promise ya Aaron that - that from now on, I'm gonna support you - make you laugh more and I'm never letting anything like this ever happen to ya again. I'm looking after you smiler." He whispered the last words out and added a wink to make Aaron smile shyly at him.

  
_I'm never letting anything like this ever happen to ya again._

  
Aaron couldn't stop thinking about how badly it seemed like Robert meant forever as he spoke and it took a lot for Aaron to correct him, injecting a bit of humour. "Yeah well, until the month is over." He whispered out before sighing and seeing Robert look at him awkwardly as if he realised how it sounded.

  
"I tried telling myself that - that I shouldn't go back to the flat." Robert looked up at him with wide eyes.

  
"But you are right?" Robert let out softly, weak and dependent on Aaron all of a sudden. It scared him just how much he wanted Aaron to be with him, suddenly he wanted to cherish their remaining days instead of waste them on hospital visits and arguments. "I swear it will be different, I swear I won't hurt you Aaron." He was speaking so seriously again and Aaron could see it all, he could see the pain and the worry and fuck even the heartache Robert was experiencing.

  
Aaron nodded his head, despite his worries and the way his chest still ached because he couldn't deny the fact that Robert seemed to have reached a new level in affection and although it scared him, suddenly Aaron felt less alone in this love thing that was going on. Maybe, just maybe Robert was falling in love with him right back.

Aaron had half expected Robert to leave after his little speech but he didn't, he stayed. He sat there, his fingers dancing close to Aaron's but not touching, not daring to. They were silent for most of the time, Aaron eating ravenously away at the sandwich Robert had bought him and Robert trying to solve the crossword in the paper.

  
Adam eyed them from the window and had to stop and stare at the scene, Aaron looked so relaxed as if he was in some spa rather than a hospital ward. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes flicked back and forth to Robert's as the older man sat there calmly reading the paper, only looking up with a worried expression to see Aaron as if to check he was still breathing. They looked like an old married couple, them ones you see in the corner of a restaurant hardly saying a word to each other, at first you think they're in some sort of loveless marriage but then you realise they are so comfortable with each other, no words need to be exchanged at all.

  
Adam found a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and he stopped it as fast as he could because it wasn't right. Whatever Aaron and Robert were didn't come from a natural progression of love. It was _forced_.

  
Adam pushed the door open and watched Robert rise to his feet automatically, clearing his throat and looking almost frazzled by Adam's sudden appearance.

  
"Still here then." Adam noted, looking towards Robert as he spoke. "Going back to his then?" He asked a little defeated as he turned to Aaron.

  
Aaron nodded shyly and then raised his head, "Don't make me feel bad Adam." He pushed out just knowing that his best mate would make him feel like a lovesick fool.

  
Adam tutted. "He should feel bad." He said bluntly, this time to Robert.

  
Robert gulped, "Trust me I do. Look I hate myself for what I've done but...I can't change it now can I?" Adam shifted on his feet and rolled his eyes. "I'll make it up to him though," Robert had this almost _teasing_ look about him as he turned to Aaron and it sent a shiver down the younger man's spine. It was almost like some flirty sexy offer and Aaron found himself blushing because well...Robert _was_ very _sexy_. He figured that out all by himself, he didn't need a spell for the attraction to be there and that was a scary thought, a temptingly scary one.

  
Adam cleared his throat, stopping the moment, "Yeah well...I'll make sure Ed hears about that."

  
Robert ripped his eyes away from Aaron and instantly felt guilty whilst Aaron simply scowled at his mate.

  
"I'm going now anyway." Adam sighed out as Robert nodded.

  
"Yeah me too." Robert mumbled out because the mention of Ed had undoubtedly changed the atmosphere in the room and he felt too guilty now.

  
Aaron tried to hide his disappointment as he watched Adam leave and Robert get ready to do the same, stopping by the door and then turning back to Aaron.

  
"I hope in time...you forgive me for -"

  
"What? Breaking my heart?" Aaron spat out, catching Robert's attention and then smiling to ease the older man's panic. "I'll try," he added seriously.

  
Robert smiled, his feet moving towards Aaron and then halting as he got to him, it took a few seconds for him to press a kiss to Aaron's forehead because the gesture was so protective and caring but he did it anyway. Robert hurried off after that, feeling all bashful and missing the way Aaron was left blushing.

 

***

 

Robert couldn't deny how much better he felt after seeing Aaron, of course he still had that guilt that would not budge but apart of him didn't want it to. The rotten feeling inside helped him focus on what happens when he gets closer to someone and then ruins it. It just reminded him of all the pain he could cause Aaron. Pain he could never inflict again.

  
Robert tutted to himself as he approached the flats, he had a stitch from walking all the way there and back and suddenly he felt old. Thirty. Living in a modern high tech flat in London, that made him sound mature right? Not old, no not old.

  
Robert walked past the narrow alley way and turned to face the car park, stopping suddenly as he saw his car in its normal place. For a second he wondered why he hasn't taken it to the hospital but then he realised Connor had it - which meant Connor had bought it back. Robert narrowed his eyes as he looked closer and saw that he was sitting inside the car. He had a sly smile on his face and was moving his hands up and down the steering wheel as he looked across at Robert.

  
Robert gulped, anger for Connor should have subsided but it hadn't because the younger man wasn't even _sorry_ about what happened. He was more focused on getting Robert away from Aaron, that's all he cared about.

  
Connor switched the engine off and got out of the car swiftly, making sure to wave a hand out in front of the vehicle as if to say: _Here_   _Robert I've got your car for you, I'm such a good boy._

  
Robert stared blankly wondering if he should turn away and not even bother talking to him.

  
"No thanks then!" Connor said, puffing his chest out a bit as he saw Robert attempt to turn away.

  
Robert huffed as he looked towards the younger man, "I _was_ going to get it from ya myself -"

  
"I thought you were avoiding me or something." Connor shrugged his shoulders, letting out this confident smile that shocked Robert even though he was used to the confidence and charm that poured out of Connor.

  
Robert sighed as he shuffled on his feet a little, "I went to see Aaron." The air was suddenly different after that, Connor tensed all over and his confident smile disappeared.

  
"Course." Connor rolled his eyes as if he didn't even care if Robert saw him or not. "Can't stay away for too long." He added under his breath.

  
Robert's eyes flickered and he suddenly ripped them away from Connor's view so that he was facing the flats again.

  
"Do one Connor." Robert mumbled, before hearing Connor's footsteps approach him and then suddenly the younger man was spinning him around.

  
"Are ya serious?" Connor's eyes were wide and Robert kept a hard stare, "Well - well _sorry_ I'm not overly emotional about some bloke getting in between -"

  
Now Robert's eyes widened, "What? Me and you?" He almost chocked on his words. "How many times Connor there is no -" He closed his eyes tight, he didn't know what to say because he had said it all before and still Connor clung on, Robert always let him in the end and that needed to stop.

  
Connor's eyes flickered as hurt raced across them, "I know." He ducked his head, as if admitting that deep down he knew that there wasn't a Robert and him. Connor raised his head again, appearing small and shy as he spoke, "I saw ya yesterday, I've never seen ya like that." He shifted uncomfortably and Robert looked away.

  
"Yeah well, I didn't know what was wrong with 'im." Robert tried to act calm, even shrugging his shoulders as he spoke.

  
Connor scoffed, "I _know_ ya Robert. I know that yesterday, you were the most worried you've ever been in your life and that's because you're really falling for a bloke that's under a fucking spell." He spat the words out and then shook his head.

  
Robert gulped, _no of course he wasn't._ His heart raced as silence continued and all he could hear was _who you tryna kid?_

  
"I'm not -" Robert was cut off by the feel of Connor close to him, tugging at his sides and then suddenly lifting his feet up so that he could whisper into Robert's ear.

  
"I could help you out with that though, you know offer you a distraction or something..." He was speaking slowly and soft and Robert felt his heart beat a little fast.

  
"Make you realise it's not him you need."

  
Robert pulled away at that because he did need Aaron, he could admit to that. " _No_. No alright just - just go Connor." The words blurted out awkwardly.

  
Connor sighed, turning over Robert's car keys in his hand and then passing them back to him. "I get that you don't want to hurt him like you did last night. It's a good excuse I suppose but," Connor met Robert's gaze, "You _know_ I'm right. You know that you were so worried last night and that _terrifies_ someone like ya, someone who is afraid of lov -"

  
"That's enough Romeo." Robert pushed a hand up and sighed because it was all becoming too real.

  
Connor nodded his head before moving his eyes up and down Robert's body - _judging_ him and his actions. "You know where to find me, ya know when the month is _over_. When you and him are nothing but a weird memory in your mind and nothing in his at all." He wanted to hurt Robert and he succeeded, he was walking away but still having such an impact on Robert that he ached all over as he thought about his parting words.

  
_You know where to find me, ya know when the month is over. When you and him are nothing but a weird memory in your mind and nothing in his at all._

  
Robert shuddered as he thought about it, Aaron forgetting him just like Chrissie did. Suddenly he was thinking back to his dream, the clock and the weight that was crushing Aaron and only turned to dust when Robert said he loved him. Out loud.

He would have to do the same thing if he wanted Aaron to stay, but he wouldn't. He couldn't because then he remembered the way Ed had stabbed at him so menacingly in that dream and he knew it wouldn't work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was probably the longest chapter for this fic I've written (so far!) it just didn't seem to want to end. I hope you liked it and once again just a MAHOOSSSIVE thank you to everyone who reads this wacky story and then actually takes the time out to leave an encouraging comment for me. Thank you so very much! Xx


	14. Fixing 'this'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron comes back to the flat and after a bitter conversation with Connor things take a surprising turn as Robert delves into his past and things get even more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm so sorry for the delay of this chapter. I've been pretty busy lately and kept telling myself that the length of the last chapter was pretty much two chapters in one so it was okay but I'm back and although this chapter isn't the longest I hope you enjoy! Xx

The air was different, thicker and almost clouded with a feeling neither of them really wanted to address, something had been broken and it remained just hanging in the air, stubbornly not leaving them alone. Robert had his hands shoved deep in his pocket and Aaron hovered by the door awkwardly trying not to look at the spot where he had fallen. It was an unwelcoming reminder of what had happened two days, when his heart had practically shattered into pieces and he was left feeling shallow because of Robert.

  
Robert had made an effort around the place, fluffing cushions and patting down quilts for Aaron to rest on. He told himself it nearly made up for what he had done, what he had caused but he knew it didn't. He knew it couldn't.

  
Aaron shuffled on his feet, still feeling a little sore but well enough to be discharged into the care of Robert. He tensed as he thought back to a few hours ago, Ed had been there at the hospital, keeping a distance but smiling all the same and Aaron had been surprised. He had expected to see Robert pushed up against a wall again but instead the two men gave each other a courteous nod of the head. The moment was an odd one, but was squashed by the arrival of a nurse, a smiley woman who was more than happy to tell Aaron he could leave.

  
There was that awkward moment where she looked between Ed and Robert and then asked Aaron who would be looking after him at home, Aaron blinked, heart thumping like mad as he saw Ed turn away.

  
"This one," Aaron pointed towards Robert, trying to make the air lighter even though it was hard to because Ed was clearing his throat and biting back a comment that would hurt them all.

  
Robert was able to rip Aaron away from the memory, leaning in a little towards the younger man and then pulling away again.

"Welcome home then," he waved a hand up and then patted it down towards his side. He caught Aaron's expression and darted his eyes towards the floor.

  
"Yeah," Aaron mumbled, shuffling his feet towards the sofa and then attempting to sit himself down. Robert was there instantly, his hands helping Aaron settle and find a comfortable position, Aaron allowed it for a second before shaking his head.

  
"I can manage Rob," despite the nickname there was no endearment behind it, if anything it was almost like Aaron couldn't bring himself to say his full name, couldn't be bothered.

  
Robert pulled away, nodding his head quickly and trying his hardest not push Aaron. He was still grateful that Aaron had agreed to come back with him, Adam had persisted that he stayed with him but Aaron refused and Robert felt lucky as he heard Aaron protest.

  
"I know you can." Robert mumbled, moving further back towards the kitchen and catching the way Aaron pulled a blanket over him. "Tea?" He offered and Aaron let out the slightest nod of the head before sighing, "I'm dying for a decent meal too."

  
Robert turned round, a smile on his face because Aaron was the least subtle person he knew. "Yeah?"

  
Aaron nodded his head, "Could you maybe ..."

  
"Go out an get you something?" Robert smiled again, his own heart beating like mad because he really did _know_ Aaron now and it had only been two weeks since this whole thing started.

  
Aaron pulled this face, it was adorable. "Pretty please." He pleaded before frowning, "Actually you _owe_ me mate." He added with a knowing smile.

  
Robert felt guilt pour through him and he nodded his head, "I do don't I." He said, more to himself than Aaron.

  
Aaron saw the way Robert looked at him, he had taken it to heart and he didn't want him to. "Yeah you do," Robert looked up at him, "I mean _honestly_ your driving on the way back here was awful."

  
Robert let out a shaky laugh, relief washing over his face that he couldn't hide. "Sorry about that," he mumbled before picking up his keys and grabbing his wallet and phone from the table. "I'll surprise ya yeah?" He added as he walked past Aaron.

  
Aaron nodded again before frowning as he watched Robert stop by the door. "Are - are you going to be okay?" It was so soft it almost melted into the floor.

  
Aaron didn't know what to say, he was playing with his hands and then looking up towards Robert as if to let him out of his misery. "I'll be fine, like all the other times." He reassured Robert and then suddenly draped a hand out for Robert to hold loosely.

  
Robert welcomed it, sighing as their hands met and he felt like they were _almost_ able to come together again. "Yeah?"

  
"Yes." Aaron spoke defiantly, "Don't go soft on me Sugden." He added, rolling his eyes and then letting go of Robert's hand, " _I'm_ meant to be in love with _you_ remember?" The words sent a shiver down Robert's spine, it was said to remind Robert that his feelings had a cap on them and couldn't get past a certain level of fondness for Aaron because at the end of the day it was Aaron who was in love with him, not the other way round.

  
Robert nodded away shyly, getting towards the door and then winking towards Aaron before he left. He couldn't deny how lighter he felt, how that heavy feeling in the air was slowly disappearing.

 

***

 

Aaron sat for a few minutes before shuffling towards the television and flicking it own. The news was boring and so was this game show Robert seemed to enjoy watching, he left it on. His eyes were growing heavy to hold up and soon he was wanting to rest them altogether. He found himself drifting into a sleep too quickly for him to register.

 

_He was drifting away somehow, his feet floating despite the lack of water that was surrounding him. He was in a field somewhere, the clouds were forming in the sky and then suddenly it started raining. Robert appeared next to him, he was smiling and then Aaron realised the blonde man had started to cry, it was his tears that were causing the rain somehow and he couldn't stop. Aaron tried to grab hold of Robert, shaking at his shoulders and trying his hardest to stop him from crying as much as he was but it was useless. Aaron blinked and then Ed was next to him, tugging at Aaron and trying to pull him away from Robert's grip but Aaron couldn't leave. He was still begging Robert to stop crying and it was aching him, "I do Aaron, you know I can't say it but I do, I do, I do, I do." He was hearing it over and over again and catching his breath each time he registered what they meant, Robert loved him, Robert loved him but he couldn't say it but he did. Ed was more forcible in his movement, able to pull away a shocked Robert swiftly by the arms and Aaron found himself battling against Ed to float back to Robert. Aaron turned his head and realised Ed had disappeared, Ed hadn't even been there in the first place, he had been battling with himself._

 

Aaron was jolted out of his dream by the sound of the door, someone was knocking and Aaron waited a few seconds before going to open it, he couldn't get the dream out of his mind. The door opened and Aaron rubbed at his eyes, expecting Robert to walk through the door quickly so that he could shut it again. He didn't though, instead Aaron was met by Connor and his anger was almost instant.

  
"Can I help ya?" Aaron growled, shifting on his feet and ignoring how hard it was to balance.

  
Connor seemed caught off guard as he looked into the flat, "Robert around?"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Nope." He mumbled, "He's not so -"

  
"You feeling better?" It was asked with little concern in his voice and Aaron realised it was only an attempt to stick around in case Robert came back.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders, "No thanks to you."

  
Connor appeared offended, "The one who rang the ambulance, hm yeah that's fair." Aaron was shocked by how similar he was to Robert, the same dry and cutting voice and then the confident smirk.

  
"I wouldn't have needed one if you -"

  
"What?" Connor butted in, "It's not my fault Robert wanted to leave." He added, shaking his head.

  
"Yeah I know that." Aaron shifted on his feet and felt his jaw twitch as he looked back at Connor, "But you _know_ what you did. I could have -"

  
"But yet you're still here." Connor butted in again, a hand deep in his back pocket and a bitter smile on his face, "Must be powerful stuff this luv spell, I mean he can treat ya like dirt and you still stay."

  
Aaron tried not to react but Connor seemed like the time who wanted to push someone's buttons. "It's not like that."

  
Connor rolled his eyes, "Maybe you're right, I mean he does care about ya." Aaron settled at his words. "The question is, how much?"

  
Aaron frowned, confused by Connor's words. "What's that supposed to mean?"

  
Connor leaned closer, a smile on his face, "When you were having your little heartbroken fit, I _saw_ the way he reacted, how he felt and trust me he _cares_ , he really cares."

  
"And your point is?"

  
Connor laughed smugly, "Think about it for a second, what happens when Robert cares: he falls in love." Aaron's face fell.

"The _one_ thing he said he wouldn't do to ya, love you. That'd ruin everything wouldn't it." Aaron's eyes flickered, Robert loving him wouldn't be _that_ bad, maybe even a good thing when he thought about it. He loved Robert, maybe Robert loved him back.

  
"You know, considering _Ed_ is the one you are _actually_ with." The words were pushed out and managed to make Aaron's thoughts crumble around him all at once. _Ed_ , of course Robert couldn't love him.

  
Aaron remained silent as Connor tried to look for an emotion. "Sad isn't it?"

  
Aaron tensed his jaw, "You know what's _really_ sad? The fact that Robert was _this_ close to leaving with ya," Aaron pulled a hand up to demonstrate the space, "And then _couldn't_ 'cos of me." He didn't like being this petty but he couldn't help it.

  
Connor's eyes flickered and then his head dropped as he backed away, "He's playing a dangerous game Aaron, and you know he is." His words unsettled Aaron as he stood there, "He'll ruin your life. You know your _actual_ one 'cos he's a selfish bastard when he wants to be and if he _has_ fallen for you then..." Connor looked Aaron up and down as he was pitted him, "You can kiss goodbye to a future with Ed." Aaron's face fell again, he was shaking a little and then practically slamming the door in Connor's face.

 

***

 

  
Aaron was more than thankful when Robert came through the door, his breathing was a little erratic and Aaron wondered if he had been running back.

  
"Sorry I took so long," Robert huffed out as he slammed the door behind him, the way he acted confirmed Aaron's thoughts.  
Robert placed the bags down on the table and tried to settle, he had told himself that he was an impatient person as he waited for the food, his leg kicking against the stool but really he wasn't. The real reason for his shaky leg was because he was away from Aaron and that made him nervous, _really_ nervous because leaving Aaron alone was something he hated doing. He was just out of hospital, he was weak and left alone to his own thoughts which meant he was probably sitting there thinking about how much he hated Robert for what he had done to him.

  
Aaron shook his head slowly, biting down on his nails as Robert walked towards him and realised something was wrong.

  
"Aaron?" The name was offered with a shaky breath as if he wasn't sure whether or not to ask if Aaron was okay or not.

  
Aaron looked up tentatively, his eyes falling on Robert's and then he gulped. He was thinking about Connor and then about that dream he had and he couldn't help but wonder if Robert really was starting to fall in love with him. He shivered at the thought, his instinct was to smile and feel giddy because he did love Robert, he really did and he was kind and considerate and -

  
"Yeah?" Aaron mumbled out, realising that he hasn't answered because all he could think about was all these things he linked to Robert, gentleness and loyalty and then he was realising they all had nothing to do with the luv spell at all.

  
Robert shuffled towards Aaron, "Are you okay?" He was so soft as he spoke that Aaron nearly forgot about Connor's visit altogether, but then he looked towards the door and he was reminded.

  
"Your little friend came round." Aaron tried not to sound bitter as he spoke but Robert's reaction told him that he obviously had.

  
"Oh." Robert couldn't say anything else, he was suddenly angry at Connor for coming round yet again despite what Robert had told him. He genuinely thought that the younger man had taken the hint.

  
' _You know where to find me.'_

  
It didn't seem like Robert would have to look far.

  
Aaron scratched the back of his neck as if he was fidgety and Robert wet his lips to speak again.

  
"What did he want?" Robert had ideas floating around in his mind, Connor teasing and making Aaron feel worse about everything. Robert raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but fill the space between him and Aaron. "Gosh he didn't make ya worse did he?"

  
Aaron shook his head, they were sitting closer now and a warm feeling overwhelmed him slightly. He ignored it as he bristled, "No. He - he just wanted to see you." He shrugged then and sighed as if to act like he wasn't bothered even when he was.

  
Robert tensed, "I told him to stay clear." He muttered almost under his breath but Aaron heard and rolled his eyes.

  
"Yeah well he _didn't_ , he was going in about -" Robert lifted his head up and frowned, wanting to know more but Aaron stopped himself because it felt wrong to talk about Connor's ideas about Robert ruining everything.

  
"About what?" Robert pushed and then flickered his eyes as if he knew Aaron wouldn't budge.

  
Aaron shook his head, "It dosen't matter." He sighed out a long breath and then attempted to smile, "What did ya get me then?"

  
Robert softened, moving a hand up to Aaron's shoulder and squeezing it as he stood up, "Fish and chips do ya?"

 

Somehow Robert had managed to slide next to Aaron without a fight, Aaron was sleepy and almost a little out of it as he lay on the sofa, eyes drooping as he felt Robert pat his hair like a little child. It was soft and comforting and Aaron found himself nestling further into Robert's chest as he settled.

  
"You get some sleep yeah?" Robert whispered down towards Aaron, still locking his hands through the younger man's hair. "Sleepy head." It was said too softly, too lovingly and Aaron noticed the term of endearment was almost needed by him.  
Aaron wriggled a little, "Just a few hours yeah..." He pulled a hand up towards Robert and their hands both touched for the briefest of moments before Aaron dropped it again, "Thanks baby." He whispered the words out, his eyes shutting then and stunning Robert completely.

  
He peered down and saw Aaron's eyes closed, a smile on his face and looking relaxed. ' _Baby_ ' Aaron didn't say stuff like that, not ever but he had and now Robert couldn't help but wonder if it was a flicker of a sparatic luv moment or if Aaron was really just being this affectionate now. Robert froze, love didn't force you to be affectionate or use loving nicknames but Aaron did, that was all Aaron. The real Aaron.

Robert wanted to stay in the moment, he wanted to continue hearing Aaron's steady heartbeat against his chest and feel him move up and down slowly, seeing the rise and fall of his chest and then the shallow breathing. He didn't though, it was all becoming too real for him and he had to fight the urge to plant a protective kiss on Aaron's forehead. Robert was able to peel himself away from Aaron, watching the way Aaron shuffled in his sleep and was able to settle himself on the pillows. Robert smiled down at him before walking towards the kitchen and then hearing his phone vibrate on the table, Victoria was ringing him _again_.

A nervous sensation filled Robert inside and he debated with himself whether or not to pick it up or not. He couldn't help but feel nervous and want to push her away because he didn't want to hear her disappointment in him, her tears and upset and complete shock at who her brother _still_ was.

  
It continued ringing, his phone moving about on the table and Robert suddenly grabbed it, sighing softly before answering.

  
"Hello," Robert's voice was purposely low as he ventured into his room to let Aaron sleep in peace.

  
"Robert?" Victoria sounded so childlike as she spoke and it hurt Robert even more, she was almost crying and he could tell.

 

"Please don't hang up on me. I just want to talk." Robert shook his head, deflated all of a sudden. "There's nothing to _say_ Vic. I can't - I can't have ya hating me as well." His voice broke then and he had to catch his breath as he remembered that dream he had, Victoria had been standing with the rest of his family.

  
Victoria sighed, sniffling down the line. "I don't _hate_ ya Rob. I'm just trying to understand."

  
_'I don't hate ya Rob.'_

  
Robert felt tears in his eyes as he rested his head in his hands. Victoria didn't hate him, he could hold onto that.

  
"I just - I don't get why you'd do that to someone, he seems so lovely and -"

  
Robert cut her off with the raise of his head, "I didn't _mean_ to, I - I wasn't thinking straight when I did it okay? I was just - just lonely Vic and he was there." It sounded horrible when he said it, as if Aaron was just any other bloke who managed to grab his attention. It had been so much more than that, it was almost like fate that someone like Aaron had entered his life when he was so low.

  
Aaron, actually confident enough to walk over to him and strike up a conversation, he smiled for a second realising that at least Aaron had liked him a little before he forced the younger man to love him.

  
Vic tutted, "And now what? He's stuck loving ya."

  
Robert stood up, a feeling dragging him towards the living room again and making him lower his voice, "No, just for another two weeks and then..." Robert's eyes found Aaron still sleeping softly, he gulped hard as he felt tears in his eyes but he tried to ignore them. "And then it'll be like I never existed." It ached as he spoke then, it ached all over.

  
Victoria noticed the sound in her brother's voice and sighed to herself, "And that's what you want yeah?"

  
Robert cleared his throat, nothing Aaron starting to stir. "It dosen't matter what I want." He hissed down the phone because it didn't, how could he be that selfish and simply think about keeping Aaron when he wasn't his. He never had been and never would be.

  
"It does Robert. Of course it does." Victoria persisted down the phone, "I'm not going to pretend I know about luv spell or - or how madly in love with ya he is but I know what I saw when you visited. It wasn't just him looking _that_ way at ya, Rob it worked both ways believe me."

  
Robert gulped hard, shaking his head at yet another person telling how he felt about Aaron and how _clear_ as day it was. First Connor and now Victoria.

  
"Why would it be so bad for you to be happy with him Robert, ya know make it work? It's clear he makes ya feel -"

  
Robert shut his eyes, someone was on his mind and it made his heart race as he stood there.

 

Aaron shuffled again, his eyes falling open and then closing as he heard Robert nearby, his voice hushed and quick as he said, "Because he's got a _boyfriend_ who loves him! And I took Aaron away from him, I stole him and - I promised to give him back so I will. I _have_ to Vic."

  
Aaron felt his heart thump louder than ever before, he was breathing quickly and feeling himself grow emotional as he heard Robert speak to his sister sounding do defeated and broken.

  
"That - that's why it can't _work_." Robert added the last part and then chocked back a few tears. He could hear Victoria let out a little gasp and then sigh down the phone, disappointed.

  
"Oh Rob." It was all she could say, there was nothing else.

  
"It's for the best." Robert pushed out, "For everyone Vic." He added just to try and please her but it fell on death ears as she began to cry.

  
"I just - I want ya to be _happy_ Robert, that's all I want." He hadn't expected his sister to be so concerned considering all the time they had spent apart that Robert thought surely had caused lasting damage to their relationship.

  
_I am, I could be. It won't last, it never does._

  
"I will be, I promise ya Vic - some day." It was let out as a whisper, hardly spoken. "Listen I'll speak to ya later yeah?" Robert had to get off the phone, he couldn't bare upsetting his sister anymore. "Thanks for not hating me Vic." He felt like a boy as he spoke but Vic's little laugh made him feel better.

  
"I love ya Robert, know that."

  
Robert nodded, "I do. Love you too kid." He whispered before putting his phone down and running a hand through his hair.

 

Aaron was frozen on the sofa, he had heard the last parts and wanting to wrap his arms around Robert and not let go but he was able to control himself as he heard Robert approach him.

  
Aaron rubbed at his eyes and lifted his head up, faking the way he had just woke up. "Hey," Aaron tried, noticing how red Robert's eyes were from crying. He hated it. "Are you alright?"

  
Robert debated with himself, wondering whether or not to force out a smile and not muddy the waters by offloading to Aaron. Robert shook his head in the end though, too tired to lie and in all honesty wanting desperately to be comforted by Aaron.

  
"Vic rang. Again." Robert pushed out, he had been ignoring her purposely and now he felt awful considering she only wanted to understand. "She - said she dosen't hate me." He blew out a shallow breath and then felt Aaron shuffle towards him and place a hand over his.

  
"That's good Rob." Aaron whispered, making small circles on Robert's hand and calming him down. Robert tried not to act too surprised at the gesture and its immediate effect but he was almost blushing by how powerful Aaron's love was for him.

  
Robert lifted his head up after a few seconds and sniffed, "All she wanted was to, to understand and I can't explain it to her." Robert ran a hand through his hair, frustrated at himself.

  
Aaron nodded, "Why not?" He titled his head and tried to look at Robert in the eyes but the older man backed a way a little.

  
"It's complicated," Robert lifted his head up and Aaron could see the tears in his eyes, "I'm fucked up Aaron. I - I make people love me 'cos I'm a _mess_ and I'm alone and I - I hate being alone." He was shaking, his hands trembling underneath Aaron's and prompting the younger man to pull his away just so that Robert could feel more in control.

Robert tried to stop but he couldn't, everything was coming to the surface and there was nothing he could do about it because his heart was telling him to tell Aaron everything.

  
"You're not alone Robert. I'm here. Vic - Vic's here for you too." Robert shook his head at Aaron's words because he just didn't get it. He really didn't.

  
"You're going to leave me too though, and I can't blame anyone but myself for that." Robert tried to stop the words coming out so desperately but they did, he was splurging it all straight from his heart and watching Aaron's face fall.

  
It took seconds for Aaron's arms to reach over and hold onto Robert, tight and secure and making Robert feel _safe_ and not alone at all. He buried his head into Robert and fought the urge to say something like 'I don't want to leave you' because it had entered his head without him thinking and suddenly he was wondering how much effect did the spell have on the words, if anything.

  
"It's okay Robert." Aaron bit down on his lip as he pulled away and felt Robert breathe out a slow shallow breath, he looked so broken and sorry and Aaron hated how badly he wanted to make him feel better.

  
Robert shook his head, he leaned back on the sofa and shut his eyes for a few seconds. Aaron was unsure what to do or say but instinct took over and he grabbed at Robert's hand and began making small circles again. Robert's breathing seemed to steady again and then his eyes flickered open.

  
"I didn't know about what I had until I was a teenager you know." Robert mumbled the words out, the quietness of those few minutes had made him realise he needed to start from the beginning and explain everything as best he could.

  
Aaron arched an eyebrow, "How did you find -"

  
Robert scoffed and shrugged his shoulders, "Got drunk and looked it up." He played with his hand for a second before sighing, "Lovealthesit right there in bold writing it was just _staring_ at me, making me feel like I was a freak or summat."

  
Aaron shifted so that he could hear Robert a bit better and Robert turned his head, as if he was grateful.

  
"There was all sorts on there, scared me shitless I remember." Robert gulped as the memories took hold. "I told myself that I wouldn't ever do it to anyone, that - that I couldn't but, but I was young and -"

  
Aaron's eyes flickered, "Katie." He whispered her name out and then felt awful for it as he saw the way Robert reacted. He was still so hurt by what had happened all those years ago.

  
Robert was able to let out a little nod, "She was _beautiful_ and clever - too clever for Andy." He tried to smile at that but Aaron beat him to it. "I had feelings for her, feelings I shouldn't have and the reason why my dad didn't tell me about my condition was because he reckoned I would have put it on her." Robert bit down on his lip, "I mean - in the end he wasn't too far off."

  
Aaron frowned, "Your own brother Rob." He whispered, trying not to sound judgmental in his tone.

  
Robert nodded, "I know." He sighed softly. "They had been arguing and she was crying, so upset and - and I thought, I could stop her tears and make her happy, I really was only trying to make her smile I swear."

  
Aaron was stunned by how childlike Robert seemed in the moment, as if he was still that young lad begging for forgiveness.

  
"You don't have to explain yourself to me," Aaron leaned in a little closer, "I love ya no matter what." The comfort that took hold of Robert was like no other and he resisted the urge to kiss Aaron hard on the lips and rip his clothes off and then cuddle with him for the rest of the night.

  
Instead Robert nodded and continued, "I changed my mind and - and that's when Andy and dad came in. Andy was so angry at me and, and Katie - she looked so frightened. I hated myself and so did my dad, that's why he sent me away. He said he was ashamed and that, that I couldn't stay."

  
Aaron gulped hard, anger rising in him again. "He just sent his own son away, no money, no -"

  
Robert shook his head, "Nothing."

  
"You were a kid." Aaron whispered the words out, feeling emotional all of a sudden because he knew what it felt like to be tossed aside when he caused trouble. He knew what it was like to be alone.

  
"Not in their eyes. I was just some lad who bought shame on the family." Robert rolled his eyes, "Dad said it was about what I could have done to Katie but I know what it was about, he didn't want a son with Lovealthesit. He had been ashamed from the start and whatever I did, it wouldn't have changed a fucking thing in his mind." Robert looked down again, "I was always going to be the disappointment."

  
Aaron felt a tear roll down his face, "You're not in my eyes." Robert shook his head, he couldn't trust what Aaron was saying.

  
"Just leave it Aaron."

  
" _No_!" Aaron pulled at Robert's face so that he was staring at him properly. "I meant what I said to them, you are worth ten of them - you really are Robert." Robert shook his head again, he didn't want to take any of it to heart. "You - you are a mess of a man sometimes hey..." Robert laughed at that and Aaron only stroked at Robert's face. "But I've never met anyone like you, and - and I _see_ ya Robert. I really see you and I love you. I love all of you."

  
Robert knew it wasn't true, he knew Aaron would forget soon and that he would be forced to do the same but he didn't care in that moment because who was he to deny himself love?

  
"The things - the things I've done Aaron. You can't love all of me." Robert whispered, nothing how there foreheads seemed to edge nearer, "I've hurt you so badly."

  
Aaron shook his head, "I don't want to think about that." His eyes were closed and his breathing focused as he leant into Robert even further and then suddenly opened them. "I'm sorry for, for what I said though about - about loving a loser like you or whatever. I didn't mean that, I _promise_."

  
Robert nodded against Aaron, already forgiving. "I'm sorry too," he breathed the words into Aaron whose lips were parted slightly almost in preparation for a kiss. His eyes were wide though, blue and beautiful and Robert had to catch his breath because he wasn't having a sparatic luv moment. "I - I'm not counting down the days Aaron, I'm not counting down the days until you forget me."

  
Aaron brushed a thumb over Robert's cheek and suddenly breathed in before pushing his lips onto Robert's and melting into the older man. The feeling was so uplifting Aaron almost felt the need to rise up and fall down into Robert again and again. It was unresisting at last and breathy and long and Aaron felt something _more_ as he ran a hand through Robert's hair and felt the older man do the same. He couldn't describe the feeling bubbling inside but it almost felt like a wall was being pushed through again and again, pieces were crumbling and all he had to do was keep kissing and kissing and then it would fall.

  
Robert was overwhelmed with the feel of Aaron giving himself so freely, so wonderfully freely. Hands and mouths and hair and breaths and lips over and over again until Robert realised what he was allowing, what he was doing not only to Aaron but to himself. He was allowing himself to fall in love, deeper than ever before. He was kissing and holding someone who would forget him in two weeks, he was only causing himself more heartbreak.

  
Robert pulled them apart, it took a few seconds of little kisses before he could bring himself to do it but he did. He was met by a blushing Aaron, hair all out of place and mouth red from the kisses. Neither of them spoke as they got their breaths back and tried to settle again, Aaron was looking at Robert and was almost mesmerised by him. He had felt more and more pieces of whatever was inside of him break away but it wasn't completely broken down yet, nearly, if Robert had allowed a little more time.

  
"Fuck..." Robert panted, feeling bashful and awkward because _he_ had stopped the kiss and made the air like this because he wasn't giving any explanation as to why he removed Aaron's gorgeous excited lips from his own.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, feeling confused and almost rejected as Robert struggled to say anything else. "You, you didn't want to then ..." he was sure he sounded like a little boy and looked like one too in Robert's eyes but he couldn't help that.

  
Robert sighed softly as he looked towards Aaron, he seemed so in love it ached him. "No Aaron, _you_ didn't want to. Aaron Dingle, the bloke with a boyfriend who loves him. He didn't want to kiss me, Aaron Dingle under a luv spell did and - they're not the same person."

 

_As much as I want them to be._

  
Aaron felt tears prick his eyes.

  
_No Aaron, you didn't want to._

 

Aaron could feel his heart beating out of his chest. _I think I wanted to, I really wanted to. Aaron Dingle with the boyfriend wanted to kiss you._

  
Aaron dropped his head, he couldn't explain that. He couldn't when he was under this obvious spell that seemed to be _weakening_ day by day and being replaced with _actual_ feelings. Robert wouldn't listen, he wouldn't understand.

  
"You know I'm right, don't you?" Robert whispered, Aaron had remained silent.

  
Aaron lifted his head up and nodded cooly before shrugging his shoulders, "Course." He got up a little too quickly and felt Robert's hand on his back steadying him. Aaron pulled it off and smiled, "Cheers for stopping us _mate_. I think I'll have a lie down in my room." The words were meant to be laced with bitterness and Robert felt it as he watched Aaron walk away from him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you so much for your continued support for this fic, it means the world! <3


	15. Turning tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an attempt to move forward after their kiss Robert iniates a date where truths are revealed until an event draws Aaron away from Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update yay! So real life sucks. A levels are a pain and require attention and I also have a Saturday job now so it's hard to keep writing and being able to update. The goodish news is that I've written loads today and I have a tons to share with you! This chapter isn't the greatest, it's frustrating and a bit bad I think but pls keep with this. The drama is going to be epic soon.

Aaron was thankful he could go back to work, he almost welcomed the sight of familiar faces that would surely take his mind off his confused feelings for Robert. He loved him, but it felt like it was becoming more than that. As if he was tipping over the edge and having these new feelings that were unfamiliar and scary but inviting at the same time. A few days passed since their kiss and things had changed between them, Robert kept a little distance and would disappear into the small study that he hardly used for hours on end, 'working'. They would always eat together and they did still have little moments where there eyes met and a connection was defiantly felt but Aaron had become able to control the way he smiled at the older man now.

 

***

 

Aaron pulled a part of an old car out by his bare hands and examined it, it was filled with grease and definitely knackered.

  
"Gonna need to order this part Lee." Aaron's voice carried over the entire garage and Lee lifted his head as he heard.

  
"Wow Dingle's been back five minutes and already bossing us about then." Lee walked over to Aaron, and watched as the blue eyed mechanic rolled his eyes.

  
Aaron had missed the banter, the laughter between mates and even Dylan, the youngest worker with the most outrageous laugh in the world.

  
"I'm only messing," Lee had a thing for pushing people about as he talked to them and Aaron was nearly sent flying as Lee shoved at his shoulder. "It's good having ya back."

  
Aaron nodded shyly, "Yeah it's good to be back." He muttered, although his mind was firmly on Robert and the way the older man's face had fallen as Aaron told him he'd be going back to work. Robert had tried to hide his obvious disappointment but he failed as Aaron caught sight of his face, the way his eyes drooped as they sat and ate dinner and then how he cleared his throat and tried to smile through it all. Robert had wanted him to stay, he was working from home full time now and Aaron tried to ignore the way the decision was done 'for him. He told himself it was because Robert couldn't be bothered with all the travel, not because he wanted to spend hours with a grumpy bloke who loved him dearly.

  
"Oi ya can get me a cuppa considering you've had time off eh!" Dylan lifted his head up from under a car and winked at Aaron before focusing his attention on the attractive woman who he was lucky enough to call his girlfriend. Leah.

  
"Alright babe?" Dylan stumbled to his feet and Aaron and Lee watched on trying not to burst out laughing at their friend's foolish ways.

  
Leah's eyes flickered to Aaron's and he looked away shyly because he didn't know how many times he had to tell her he was very much _gay_. It was quite bad at first, she was very much attracted to him and made it clear as she circled the little garage 'looking for a new car' and trying to catch his attention. She _was_ beautiful and Aaron was thankful she had got the hint after she saw him snogging Ed after closing up - suddenly her attention was on Dylan who was well aware he was punching above his weight.

  
"You getting off work any time soon?" Leah was all smiley and flirty and Aaron hated to think it was for his benefit as he got back to work. The sound of another girl nearby alerted Aaron's attention, squeaker than Leah's.

  
"Who's that fit bloke there?" The girl was bad at whispering and Aaron rolled his eyes as he carried on working. "God his car is _amazing_!" The girl was almost squealing now but Aaron was too concentrated on reinserting the correct wires to care.

  
"Hm, blonde, tall, well dressed. Looks like your luck could be in babe." That was Leah's voice and suddenly Aaron was thinking about Robert.

  
"He's coming this way, _shit_."

  
Lee folded his arms over, "Anything I can do for you mate?"

  
"Er, yeah could I speak to Aaron?" Robert's voice filled the garage and Aaron had no choice but to rip his eyes away and stare at Robert who was looking _gorgeous_ in his pale blue shirt and dark blazer.

  
Leah scanned him immediately, eyes slowly looking him up and down as he stood there.

  
Lee smiled as he looked at Aaron and saw his immediate reaction, "Er, yeah mate course." Robert smiled at him and Aaron still stood there in shock before feeling Lee push him towards Robert and then the girls huddle elsewhere.

 

"Hi." Robert pulled a hand in his pocket and looked at Aaron awkwardly because he hadn't seen him in overalls before. What a glorious sight.

  
Aaron cleared his throat, "Alright?"

  
Robert nodded, "Yeah I was just ... I mean I - I had to meet, a uh client in town and - and I thought that, maybe you know - I should ..." He tried to stop his words coming out so jumbled but it was hard, he had overthought his journey to Aaron and turned it into some big deal for no reason. He had seen Aaron that morning and had a perfectly fine conversation but things had certainly changed since they had kissed and he didn't want to have that over them any longer. The days were dwindling quickly and he wanted to have fun with Aaron not be awkward around him.

  
Aaron nodded his head along slowly, willing Robert to continue.

  
"You know come and see where you work." Robert let out a nervous laugh a few seconds later and Aaron had to try and not find it adorable.

  
Aaron smiled and looked around quickly seeing the faces of Lee and Dylan and then Leah and her friend all staring at the both of them. "Yeah well," he cleared his throat and watched them all try to look busy. "Here it is."

  
Robert didn't know why he felt so awkward but he did, maybe it was because he was out in the open with Aaron for the first time and he was wondering if the younger man would have a sparatic luv moment and make it even _worse_.

  
"Yep, there it is." Robert noted, looking ahead and seeing a blonde girl eyeing him and making him look away a little shyly. "Listen I was, wondering if you want to - to gooutfordinnertonight."

  
Aaron lifted his head and frowned, the last part was so unclear he couldn't help but say, "You what?"

  
Robert sighed and then gulped, "Considering you're back at work now and - well I can't be bothered to cook tonight, maybe we could go out."

  
Aaron raised an eyebrow. "You asking me out on a date Sugden?"

  
Robert blushed before managing to let out a shy smile. "Well I reckon you already love me so I don't think it's that big of a deal." He was trying to act like the Robert most people knew, confident, cocky.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "Yeah okay then."

  
"We'll go out after you get home from work then."

  
"Yeah I'd like that." Aaron had a smile on his face, a permanent one.

  
The sound of Lee approaching them made Aaron shake his head as if to clear his thoughts.

  
"Who's this then?" Aaron felt Lee pat his back hard.

  
Robert smiled a little, "Robert Sugden." He extended his arm and Lee shook his hand, eyeing him up and then smiling.

  
"He's a mate." Aaron was able to speak then and suddenly smiled, as if he was thankful for Robert's new found confidence in introducing himself.

  
"A single one?" The voice came from the girl with Leah, she was smiling and walking towards them and the atmosphere shifted immediately as Robert stood there staring at her.

  
Aaron had to bit his tongue, he knew Robert was bisexual and so he could hardly intervene and tell her she was getting the wrong end of the stick. It wasn't really his place to say anything. It didn't stop him feeling the way he did when he smiled at him even wider.

  
"Er - I -" Robert couldn't help but feel flustered as Aaron tried not to react. This wasn't what he wanted at all, he was trying to arrange a dinner date with Aaron so that they could _talk_ and now a girl half his age was being all flirty.

  
"Cassie." Cassie was still smiling as Aaron saw the way Robert was looking at her, the faintest smile on his face. Aaron felt his heart ache a little as he wiped at his hands and pressed the oil onto his overalls, he couldn't bare to look and walked away instead.

  
"Robert." Robert was trying to focus on this Cassie girl who seemed to quite like him but all he could see was Aaron walking away, charging almost back to the car he was working on and he felt like he was hurting him, as if Cassie was just a Connor replacement.

Aaron tried to get back to work and focus on the tricky engine but he couldn't stop wondering if Cassie had got Robert's number, if he was taking _her_ out to dinner instead tonight. The sound of heels on the gravel alerted Aaron and he stubbornly pulled his head up from the bonnet to see Cassie's face. She appeared a little deflated and he tried to resist the smirk on his face as he heard her explain how he didn't seem that interested in her.

  
No one seemed to notice Aaron's expression but he felt exposed as Leah caught his attention.

  
"Is he gay then?" Leah queried. Aaron bristled because of course Robert must have been gay if he wasn't interested in Cassie, a girl he didn't even know.

  
"Er no he isn't gay." Aaron tried to act like he wasn't bothered with the conversation but he heard Dylan let out a little laugh.

  
"Of course he's not gay, Aaron would have pounced by now." Dylan was laughing harder now and Aaron tensed as he tried to ignore him.

  
"How do you know him?" Leah pipes up again, making it awkward.

  
"I - we, we've been friends for year, since school but he only recently moved down here so..." Aaron was proud of himself for making it up on the sport and being convincing.

  
"So he's straight then, definitely?" Cassie tried, moving further towards Aaron and appearing confused and uninterested in anything else.

  
"No he isn't straight either." Aaron battled with the engine one last time before given in and seeing the expressions on his friends faces. They all looked completely lost.

  
"He's _bisexual_. He likes both." Aaron rolled his eyes and Cassie looked at him blankly.

  
"Gosh I don't know whether that's a bad thing or not, I mean I reckon I'm still in with a _chance_ at least." Cassie was dopey and blonde, very _blonde_. Aaron couldn't bring himself to continue the conversation any longer.

  
"Yeah well he isn't interested in ya so it shouldn't make a difference either way." Aaron knew he sounded jealous then but he didn't care, he slammed down the boot of the car and walked towards the small counter just to get away from the group and calm his thoughts.

 

***

 

Adam appeared half an hour later and Aaron didn't know whether to be happy or not. Adam always knew what was wrong and now he knew about Robert and the spell Aaron wouldn't be able to hide anything from his best mate.

"Alright lad?" Adam slammed a hand down on Aaron's back as he worked.

  
"M'working Adam." Aaron decided quickly he didn't want to talk about how jealous he was before and how it seemed disconnected from the spell completely.

  
"Ah take a break, it's nearly five and that's when ya clock off so don't lie." Adam moved round and faced Aaron.

  
"There's something wrong." Adam appeared away with the fairies sometimes but he had this talent at spotting whenever something was really wrong with Aaron.

  
Aaron rolled his eyes and tried to fight back his emotions but it was pointless. "It's Robert, of course it's Robert." He muttered softly before looking around and seeing that Lee was dealing with a customer.

  
Adam tensed at Robert's name and looked away, "Come on, you can buy me a coffee and tell me all about it." He patted at Aaron's hair and then watched as Aaron gave in and looked towards Lee, signalling that he was taking a break.

  
"What do you mean it felt different?" Adam sipped at his coffee as they sat in the small shop away from the large group that had entered ten minutes ago.

 

***

  
Aaron played with his hands awkwardly, unsure about how to get his words out and tell Adam how he felt when he saw Robert with Cassie. He had felt pain but it wasn't like before, it wasn't like the pain he endured when he saw Robert with Connor, this time it was controlled and in a way that hurt even more. It just felt _different_ , as if this was a new feeling that he was able to experience away from the luv spell.

  
Aaron shugged, "I can't _explain_ it. I mean I just -"

  
"You were jealous?" Adam declared, resting against the seat. "That's all. What's the issue? I mean you're _bound_ to be jealous after what he did to ya."

  
Aaron nodded his head slowly, "But this time it was ... it wasn't _intense_ and - and it didn't hurt me it just made me sad, and angry and almost like it was _normal_. Like I wasn't even under a spell." The realisation shook him a little as he sat there.

  
Adam frowned, "But that isn't possible." He blurted out. "I mean - you _are_ under this spell and you can't stop that. Right?"  
It didn't make sense, it was almost impossible for Aaron to think he was somehow experiment feelings outside such an intense spell but it felt like he was. It really did.

  
"Yeah, you're right I'm just - just confused is'all."

  
"Hm." Adam lifted an arm and then leaned towards Aaron. "Don't worry bro, it'll all be over sooner than you know."

  
Aaron lifted his head at that and stared blankly, unable to think for himself all of a sudden.

 

***

 

The last thing Aaron wanted was to see Robert right now, sit across from him and have a talk about 'things' but he couldn't escape it, not when Robert seemed so nervous about it all as Aaron came through the door. 

Robert had this smile on his face and was waving a hand out as if to greet Aaron awkwardly, it didn't take long for the younger man to realise that whatever this talk would involve was enough to make Robert anxious and he hated the thought.

  
Things between them were relatively okay after they kissed and things became even more confusing because he wanted it, _really_ wanted it and the thought of Ed hadn't even entered his head as their lips pressed. But then Robert had pushed him away and spoke seriously, telling the younger man he didn't want to kiss him and making Aaron feel foolish. It had ruined things but the thought of this 'date' with Robert clearing the air was literally the last thing he wanted to do.

  
"So you ready to go then?" Robert rubbed his hands together and then looked towards Aaron, he was desperately trying not to look too nervous but he couldn't help himself considering what he was going to say later that night, what he was going to ask Aaron about _them_.

  
Aaron smirked, "You alright?" He tried to sound cool and almost a little confident as he stood there and Robert was quick to nod his head.

  
"Yeah just, I mean I booked a table and you are a bit -"

  
"Late." Aaron pulled a face, thinking back to his chat with Adam. The useless one. "Sorry I had a coffee with Adam."

  
Robert's face fell a little, "My biggest fan." He said sarcastically.

  
Aaron frowned, "You can hardly blame him." He shrugged, not meaning to stick up for Adam as much as he did.

  
Robert tensed his jaw, "No you're right, considering." He cleared his throat awkwardly and before Aaron knew it he was walking towards Robert and kissing him slowly on the cheek.

  
Nothing had to be said but it settled Robert immediately.

  
"Let's go then." Aaron mumbled as he pulled away and felt their hands brush past each other, he missed the smile on Robert's face as he walked towards the door again.

 

The lighting in the restaurant was dimmed and neither of them wanted to comment on how romantic the setting appeared but they both _knew_.

  
Robert sat across from Aaron and suddenly started playing with his fingers as if he was a child.

  
"Fancy place this," Robert looked around and then back to Aaron who simply nodded and tried to smile, try to hide _something_ he was feeling.

  
Robert gulped, he had sensed a shift in the air ever since they had kissed so passionately and he _had_ to pull away. He had dreamt of the disappointment which clouded Aaron's face as he did so and it made him ache all over. Robert had to noticed, things were changing with Aaron as the days went by and he was almost realising that the younger man's feelings were becoming _more_. As if he was falling even harder in love with Robert despite the fact that he couldn't, it was impossible.

  
"Aaron I -" he felt as if he was nearly jumping off a ledge or something as he dared ask the younger man if his thoughts held any weight at all, if Aaron really was feeling something _more_.

  
Aaron lifted his head, "Get her number then?" He couldn't seem to think of anything _but_ Cassie and Robert exchanging numbers, texting, _sexting_. God knows what else. He knew what had happened, heard it from Cassie herself but somehow he still wanted to hear Robert talk about it.

  
Robert's eyes widened and it took him a few seconds to even register what Aaron was talking about but he saw the look in Aaron's eyes, he saw the way he seemed annoyed by his own thoughts that he just had to blurt out.

  
"Cassie? The girl at the garage." Aaron shouldn't have gone on because he knew Robert had realised for himself who he was talking about, it didn't stop him though.

  
Robert gulped, the only word he could think of when he recalled Cassie was _forward_. She was honestly beautiful and Robert knew on a night out he probably would have kissed her silly if he was drunk but _no_ he didn't get her number, he didn't want it.

  
"Er no." Robert leaned forward over the table and was thankful for the small candle in the middle of it, "I didn't get her number."

  
Aaron nodded his head shyly and then titled it to the side, "Why not?" He had wanted to ask the question as soon as Cassie started going on about Robert rejecting her. It had circled his mind over and over again. "She's not bad looking." He tried to hinder Robert with his words.

  
Robert shook his head, "No she isn't but, but I didn't want her number alright?" He tried to keep cool as he spoke, the last thing he wanted was to blurt out all his feelings for a certain someone across the table.

  
Aaron squinted, "Weirdo." He tried to smile as he spoke and Robert caught his eye.

  
"Yeah I'm a right weirdo for not wanting to hurt you again." Robert tensed as he spoke and leaned away.

  
Somehow his words didn't help Aaron fully, it felt as if Robert was sparing himself for Aaron and that if it wasn't for the spell he would have been with Cassie instead of him that night.

  
"I could have coped," Robert lifted his head as he heard Aaron. "Our bond is strong now so I mean - if you wanted to go with her tonight then -"

  
Robert hadn't realised how blind Aaron was to his feelings for him, a part of Robert was grateful he seemed so obvious to how madly Robert was falling in love with him. "Look I wanted to go out with _you_ tonight, that's why I booked this table and showed up at the garage in the first place!" Robert didn't mean to snap but he had.

  
Aaron nodded his head before smiling, "I thought you were just passing by, had a meeting or something in town?" He hadn't believed him then, he didn't now.

  
Robert cleared his throat, caught out because really he had got dressed especially to stumble across Aaron's garage and ask him out for dinner. "Yeah well - I - it was, I mean -"

  
Aaron smiled again, "Whatever you say." He mumbled gently, the tension easing with his words.

  
Robert nodded shyly, "I didn't want her," he admitted seriously.

  
Both of them ignored the 'I wanted you' that rested in the air uncomfortably.

  
"I'm sorry," Aaron mumbled, instinct took over and he pulled a hand up to Robert's, locking his fingers into the small spaces between Robert's and looking a little more seriously, "I didn't think."

  
Robert's breath hitched a little, they hadn't touched like this since they kissed and he put it down to a conscious effort on both their parts. But now Aaron was making those small circles again and Robert was relaxing enough to lean a little forward again and look right into Aaron's eyes.

  
"Aaron I - I've been meaning to ask you something." Robert tried to ignore the nerves in his voice again as he spoke and saw Aaron look at him as if he was equally as nervous about what was going to be asked.

  
"Go on then," Aaron leaned back on the chair, trying to be as confident as possible even though his heart was beating out of his chest.

  
Robert huffed out a breath, "Is - I mean has anything felt ... I don't know like _different_ recently?" He saw the initial look on Aaron's face and it nearly made him catch his breath because there was recognition there as if Aaron most certainly _did_ feel like things had become different between them.

  
Aaron sat there for a few seconds, his mind working over time because he couldn't believe that Robert had felt the same sort of shift. As if they were diving over an edge or something ridiculous and they couldn't help it. He had felt something different that day when he saw Cassie with Robert and although Adam hadn't been a great deal of help, it still was fresh on his mind.

  
_But this time it was ... it wasn't intense and - and it didn't hurt me it just made me sad, and angry and almost like it was normal. Like I wasn't even under a spell._

  
_Like I wasn't even under a spell._

_  
I wasn't even under a spell._

  
"Aaron?" Robert's voice woke him from his thoughts and Aaron lifted his head a little in shock.

  
"Yeah, yeah a bit Robert and -" Aaron frowned for a second, wondering how exactly Robert had realised. "How do you think things are _different_?"

  
Robert blinked quickly, "Aaron when we, when we kissed," his voice was soft and low as he leaned into Aaron and spoke. "It felt as though you wanted to."

  
"I did." It was suddenly easy to admit and Robert's eyes widened before falling again.

  
" _No_ I mean _you_ , not - not the bloke I made want to kiss me."

  
Aaron frowned, a memory shifting through his mind. Their first night in the flat, the argument and then the kiss that made Aaron feel awful and guilty. He had shouted at Robert about it not being his thought because he was under a spell and couldn't control it. He couldn't control kissing Robert.

  
" _I didn't make you want me Aaron, I made you love me - everything else is up to you_."

  
That's what Robert had said in response, so why was he saying differently now? Why now was it all Robert's doing and Aaron was nothing more than this robot designed to love and love and love.

  
Aaron frowned, he realised there was no way he could prove what he was feeling because it was all mixed up and jumbled because a part of him felt this need to break away from the spell and the other was firmly under it.

  
"I don't know what to say," Aaron mumbled his words out and shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"

  
Robert shook his head, it was pointless really but he needed to hear Aaron say it.

  
"That you love me," it was almost like a plea, a soft desperate one that filled the air and made Robert's heart swell.

  
Aaron leaned across the table, joining there hands as if he did so. "I Aaron Dingle, love you Robert Sugden."

  
Robert felt tears in his eyes, "I wish you did." He whispered, he didn't mean to say that aloud and Aaron leaned back a little shocked at his words.

  
Before Aaron was sure Robert didn't care about the younger man loving him, he didn't even want to hear the words but now he had tears in his eyes as he wished they were because - maybe he didn't want to _really_ be in love all on his own.

  
Aaron stood up a little suddenly, "I - I need to go, um I just -" he quickly made it towards the toilets and splashed cold water over himself. His mind was telling him to run, to get out of there because he was still clinging onto the fact that after all this was over he had someone there, Ed. But his heart, his stupid heart was telling him to stay with Robert because Robert was beginning to love him back, he was fighting it but maybe he would lose against himself and they could actually be happy.

It was ludicrous Aaron realised as he thought about the fact that Robert had to admit to loving him before the month was out, he had to actually say the words and he wouldn't. He wouldn't because Robert was telling himself now that despite things being _different_ and Aaron possible feeling _more_ it was only temporary and he couldn't ruin Aaron's _real_ life. Of course Robert would want to be nobel that way. Of course.

 

***

 

Robert sighed hard, he hadn't expected himself to be a coward and stop the conversation about Aaron possibly feeling more. He was planning on being crazy and actually asking Aaron what he would say if he was falling in love with Aaron back. He was building up to that, he was nearly going to but he held back, he watched Aaron jump up and leave because he couldn't handle the conversation any longer. Not when it all seemed so fake in his mind, not when they only had just over a week left and Aaron only seemed to become more and more confused as the days went by. It wasn't fair and the thought of Aaron forgetting him and being able to move on with Ed was something he knew he had to handle.

  
But then again, Robert needed to know. He needed to know what Aaron would say if he was that brave and told Aaron how he felt. Then he'd be able to deal with things because he would defiantly know where they stood. Maybe Aaron would welcome it and tell Robert he wanted him and not Ed and Robert would be able to actually tell Aaron that he loved him aloud. It could be perfect.

  
The sound of Aaron's phone vibrating caught Robert's attention, he sighed as he pulled it over and saw that it was Ed, of course it was Ed. It kept ringing and ringing and Robert gave into the urge to answer as he held it again this ear.

  
"Hello?" Robert couldn't make anything out really, he heard the sound of people shuffling about and then a siren.

  
"Er hello?" He tried again, looking around and seeing if Aaron was on his way back, he wasn't.

  
"Aaron? It's - accident, ambulance -" the line cut off and Robert's eyes widened. Ed was in an accident, a _bad_ one maybe and they had called Aaron because ...

  
_Aaron's his boyfriend you idiot._

  
Robert bit down on his lip, unsure what to do because he needed to ask Aaron before he panicked over Ed and he lost him. He didn't have time to think as Aaron walked towards the table, looking a little sheepish as he did so.

  
"Listen I'm sorry for just walking off like that. It's just a lot to get my head around, I mean I'm only under a spell Robert. It's not like this is - I mean we are a - a -" Aaron blurted the words out and Robert's gulped hard realising he had to speak now because anymore time was wasted.

  
"Aaron I know we're not a couple, believe me. And I know that _this_ ," he pointed to the space between them, "It's my fault I _know_ but, but I don't regret it Aaron."

  
Aaron's eyes flickered, "You don't?"

  
Robert shook his head, "You've been there for me these last couple of weeks and I'll always be grateful Aaron, and when I said I wished you loved me really it was - it was because I - I um ..." His palms were sweaty as Aaron gripped hold of his hands and smiled.

  
"Hey it's alright," Aaron whispered, his heart melting and,  _I love you I love you I love you,_ on the tip of his tongue.

  
Robert shook his head hard, "It's not though 'cos I've broken my promise and I didn't mean to." He wasn't supposed to fall in love, he wasn't supposed to feel this way somehow.

  
Aaron's eyes flickered again as he watched Robert struggle to get his words out. Robert took a deep breath, gripping hold of Aaron's clasp and looking up at him with tears in his eyes, "I really didn't want to make this hard for you Aaron but I -"

  
The sound of Aaron's phone ringing made Robert's heart sink, _time's up,_ he thought as he watched Aaron let go of his hands, let go of him and run back to -

  
"What's happened?" His voice was high and tight and suddenly his eyes were filled with tears.

  
Robert hated it.

  
"Oh God, is he - okay, I'll be right there yeah, thanks bye." Aaron ended the call and Robert saw his hands shaking.

  
"What's -"

  
Aaron lifted his head, "It's Ed, he - he's had an accident and, and he's not breathing or anything." He couldn't help the tears that fell, spell or no spell they were racing down his face because he couldn't bare the thought of Ed in pain, soft and gentle and loving Ed. Too loving for Aaron's own good.

  
Robert stood up, moving over to Aaron and lifting him up. "It's okay, let's - let's go now yeah?" He was startled by Aaron's worry, after days of not speaking about Ed at all he was still so present in Aaron's mind and of course he had every right to be. Aaron might not have loved Ed but he cared for him deeply and that was unsettling as Robert remembered what he was about to say before the phone rang.

  
"He can't - he can't die Rob." Aaron whispered as they approached the car, Robert placing a hand over Aaron's shoulder as they walked together.

  
Robert gulped, guilt took over because he had been too wrapped up in his own selfish ways to even tell Aaron. But he didn't know Ed wasn't breathing, he still felt guilt though.

  
"He won't, he won't Aaron I swear." Robert pressed a kiss to Aaron's forehead and Aaron stopped suddenly, stared up at Robert and then clung to his body as if Robert offered all the protection in the world.

  
"Hey, shh it's going to be fine." Robert spoke so gently as he felt Aaron cry into him like a child, he wanted to hold him forever he thought but eventually he let go, opening the car door and driving straight to the hospital trying to forget how differently the night could have gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter a little bit, like I said, it isn't the best but I do hope that some people are sticking with this story (fingers crossed!) I've outlined the ending and it is heartbreaking and epic and I also couldn't help but introduce a certain character later on in the story (I wrote about them today with robron and I'm so happy about how well they slotted in ... the 'they' and not 'he/she' because I'm a tease!)  
> If you're still with this than THANK YOU and I hope you carry on giving this the time of day!


	16. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron discovers the truth and confides in Adam about his evolving feelings. Robert heads into a downward spiral and is forced to face his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys if I write a bit today then I'll upload again tomorrow because the cliffhanger is awful and I'm so sorry! Enjoy reading though <3

Aaron charged towards the small counter and rested his hand on the desk, alerting the nurse immediately.

  
"How can I help?" The nurse was soft and kind and Aaron tried to calm his thoughts as he stood there.

  
"Ed Roberts. He's my - my boyfriend, is he okay?" Aaron blurted out the words and Robert had no choice but to stand behind him awkwardly, sliding his hand down Aaron's back and then pulling it away completely.

  
"He's in the ward to your left, conscious at the moment and only a suspected broken leg."

  
Aaron's shoulders fell, relaxing and then suddenly he was almost falling back towards Robert and wanting to be held. Robert moved his body closer to Aaron's and patted at his back a little lovingly.

  
"You can go see him if you'd like." The nurse tried before becoming busy by the sound of the phone nearby.

  
Aaron nodded his head and turned towards Robert. Robert's face fell as he saw how puffy Aaron's cheeks had got, all red and wet from his tears, he just wanted to hold him and keep him close and protect him from the harshness of this world.

  
"I told you he'd be fine," Robert whispered, moving a hand up to gently caress Aaron's cheek. He wasn't affectionate like this and they were in the middle of a hospital but he didn't seem to care about that, he just needed to be there for Aaron.

  
"Yeah," Aaron blew out a shallow breath and tried to steady himself, "God I should go sort my face out before I see him, I don't want him thinking I was crying. He hates when I cry."

  
"So do I." Robert admitted, catching a tear and stopping it from falling even further.

  
Aaron gulped and walked towards the ward with Robert, the seats were almost identical to the ones Robert had to sit in twice already this month. It unsettled him.

  
Aaron rubbed at his eyes and then patted down on his face before looking towards Robert, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

  
Robert sighed, he didn't want to be the third wheel but he couldn't just leave Aaron. "It's fine. I don't mind staying here for a bit." He whispered before watching Aaron nod and turn to enter Ed's room.

  
"Aaron wait," Robert stood up from the seat and pulled Aaron into this tight crushing hug that made Aaron melt into him. It was so soft and loving and everything Aaron needed, 'I love you, I love you, I love you' fluttered on his lips as Robert pulled away.

  
"I'll be just here yeah?" Robert whispered, gesturing towards the seat and then looking into Ed's room and then feeling guilty again for not telling Aaron as soon as he got back from the table, it wouldn't have made any difference but _still_.

  
"I know you will." Aaron had this warm tired smile on his face that said _I know you'll always be there for me._

 

Aaron moved slowly into Ed's room, shuffling towards the bed and then seeing Ed resting there. It felt odd looking at him now, he didn't have this guilt about Robert anymore and it felt like he could somehow care for them both - just differently. 

 

"Ed," Aaron whispered, ducking his head towards the bed and seeing Ed's eyes open softly. He was smiling almost instantly and Aaron felt this warmness travel through him because he would always be fond of Ed and that loving smile. He used to make him feel so special.

  
"What are you doing here?" Ed tried, breathing softly as he spoke. "I didn't think you'd come." He whispered, his hand moving towards Aaron's and then resting there.

  
Aaron shook his head, tears in his eyes. "Of course I would. Ed I care, you know I care."

  
Ed smiled at that, "I know."

  
Aaron frowned as he looked down at Ed's leg, bandaged up well. "What happened Ed?"

  
Ed pulled a face as he shifted on the bed, "I was training and - I slipped. It was raining pretty hard -"

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "Ed you know that's dangerous." He chastised the weak man and then tutted, "Why were you training?" He asked, realising his season wasn't starting until the next month.

  
Ed shrugged, "It helps sometimes." He whispered before stopping himself completely as he saw Aaron's face fall.

  
"Because you're lonely, because of me." Aaron hated himself again, he was quick to blame himself and this was no different.

  
"Don't start Aaron." Ed huffed out, "Don't blame yourself or even Robert for that matter."

  
Aaron frowned harshly wondering why exactly Ed was so lenient about it all.

  
"I'm sorry." Aaron whispered, unable not to apologise. "I know you don't care but I do Ed, the thought of you in pain hurts." He admitted softly.

  
Ed smiled knowingly, "You're here now so that's all that matters." He noted my drawing out a shallow breath, "I thought they wouldn't be able to get ahold of you." He added as he saw Aaron settle slightly.

  
Aaron narrowed his eyes, "I picked up the minute they called Ed, of course they would have been able to get ahold of me. I haven't forgotten you." 'Maybe I've forgotten us though.

  
Ed moved his arm up weakly, "Hey it's alright." He said slowly. "One of the nurses just said they had to ring ya twice that's all. Something about the connection being bad the first time although you did pick up. It dosen't matter though Aaron, I'm just tryna make conversation." Ed seemed tried as he spoke and Aaron stood there confused.

  
He picked up his phone straight away, the first time they called.

  
"I - they only rang once Ed." Aaron said defiantly.

  
Ed nodded his head, his eyes growing tired as he spoke, "Okay babe." He whispered before closing completely.

  
Aaron frowned and then stopped as he saw Ed trying to sleep, "You sleep yeah? I'll be back tomorrow." He mumbled out before kissing Ed's hand and not feeling an ounce of ache travel through his body.

  
Robert was still there as he opened the door, the older man's hair was all over the place and he looked almost haunted by something as he sat there.

  
"Hey." Aaron tried to smile and alert Robert attention but it wasn't working as Robert still looked down towards the floor, unmoved.

  
"Robert?" Aaron tried again, leaning a little froward towards Robert and then touching his shoulder.

  
Robert ripped his mind away from his guilt and looked up at Aaron, he seemed better already. Ed had made him better.

  
"Is he good?" Robert whispered out softly, "Tell me he's good." He almost begged.

  
Aaron nodded his head and smiled, "Yeah he's fine. He was just being an idiot and training in the rain and -" Aaron stopped himself suddenly.

  
Robert lifted himself up, "Let's go home yeah? It's been a long day hasn't it?" He was kind when he spoke like this, it just radiated out of him completely.

 

***

 

Robert slammed the door to the house shut and made quick work in making Aaron comfortable on the sofa. The younger man had been silent the whole journey back and Robert was equally as mute. He couldn't deny how much better he felt now he knew Ed was fine but that guilt he had for the disregard he had shown him earlier was still there.

  
"Tea?" Robert offered Aaron, he was still quiet and only nodded as he sat there frowning.

  
Aaron sat there thinking, he was still wondering what Ed had been going on about before he left.

  
"Ed reckons they couldn't get ahold of me or something." Aaron mumbled out to Robert.

  
Robert's eyes widened, "Oh?" He whispered, engaging only a little because he didn't like where this was heading.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I told him I answered first time though." He said before fishing out his phone, he hadn't even thought about checking until now.

  
Robert turned his back to Aaron, focusing on the teas inside and then feeling his heart thump hard and fast.

  
Aaron unlocked his phone and scrolled through the list of calls in front of him.

 

 **Ed** _(18:43)_ was at the top and then suddenly he looked down further and saw his name again.

  
**Ed** _(18:38)_

  
The number wasn't highlighted in red which meant that someone had answered it, Aaron hadn't though. He couldn't have, which meant -

  
"You answered it." Aaron realised all at once. "You must have." He concluded.

  
Robert turned around slowly and was met with the look on Aaron's face, it was filled with confusion and upset and anger.

  
Robert sighed deeply, he knew lying wasn't going to get him anywhere but he didn't want to upset Aaron. He was already in way too deep to cause him any sadness again.

  
"Let me just explain what -" Robert tried but he was cut off by the sight of Aaron standing up and walking towards him angrily.

  
"He rang and ya didn't think to say anything." Aaron declared, shame and disgust was present in his voice and Robert hated himself for putting it there.

  
"I picked up and they said there had been an accident and - gosh the connection was _terrible_. All I heard was that he was in an accident and something about an ambulance and then it cut off."

  
Aaron shook his head, "So?" He barked, "That's more than enough to go by."

  
Robert sighed shakily, "I was going to tell you I swear Aaron."

  
"When? When it was convenient for ya? He could have been dying." Aaron inhaled a breath and slowly began to gather himself again because he hated he thought of himself overacting.

  
"They rang again didn't they? No harm done." Robert tried to reason, even shrugging his shoulders a little.

  
Aaron looked up at him as if he was a stranger. "Why do you have to do this?"

  
Robert shuffled on his feet feeling exposed. "Do - do what?"

  
Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose, "I come so close Rob, it felt so different and - and I almost thought that things were starting to seem _real_." Robert hitched his breath, he felt the same. He felt the same thing.

  
"And then you remind me of what you're really like. Selfish." Aaron whispered sadly, the anger had gone completely as he moved towards the door.

  
"Aaron please don't walk out." Robert begged as he caught up to him, "Look I'm sorry okay? I'm so sorry for not telling you straight away but I was _never_ trying to keep it from you. I was just -"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Putting your needs before anyone else's." He sighed before feeling Robert hold onto his arm to stop him going. "Putting your own selfish needs way before someone who is _hurt_ , someone who I care about." He had tears in his eyes as he pushed away Robert's arm with little effort.

  
" _Please_ Aaron," Robert begged again as he watched Aaron walk away from him, slamming the door behind and then leaving Robert entirely alone knowing that Aaron hated him entirely now and that the spell was slowly wearing off.

 

***

 

Robert foolishly thought he could sleep soundly that night, he didn't though. His mind was rammed full of thoughts about where Aaron had ended up. He thought about Aaron sleeping on a hospital chair, aching a little at the distance between them and then a darker thought circled his mind as he imagined Aaron collapsing again and in a bed next to Ed. It was possible.

They had argued yet again and Robert hadn't stuck to his promises about keeping Aaron happy.

  
The next morning Robert's eyes were heavy and raw from feeling sorry for himself, for crying about the state of his life and hating how loud his heart would thump as he thought about Aaron.

  
Robert poured himself a coffee and stewed. He was working from home but the thought of taking out any paper work and attempting to make deals was the last thing on his mind, Aaron seemed to be at the forefront. Aaron wouldn't go away.

 

***

 

Aaron pushed hard down on the engine and nearly let oil spill out over him, he was hardly thinking straight as he worked and he hated how Robert seemed to overwhelm him even without him being around. Aaron twisted at his neck and sighed, he was thinking back to the night before and how uncomfortable Adam's sofa was. He couldn't remember much of the night considering Adam's answer to all Aaron's tears was beer and more beer.

  
Aaron's eyes flickered at a memory that wouldn't budge though, "He's just so, so _difficult_." Aaron had his head in his hands as he spoke, his eyes were wet with tears and he slumped down on the sofa as Adam sat across from him.

  
Adam pulled a face, "That's love ain't it? Difficult." He pulled the can towards his mouth and shrugged his shoulders.

  
Aaron sniffed, of course he knew it was. Jackson was the most difficult person to love at times, when he refused it completely and when Aaron gave his everything to someone who didn't want anything from this world any longer. He knew what difficult meant, he knew that being with Ed had been difficult too but then the line between Ed and just the difficulty of happiness became blurred.

  
Aaron blinked, "That's _real_ love though Adam." He pointed out, "Not this - Lovealthesit shit." He moaned, feeling icky all of a sudden for being under a spell.

  
"It's not the same thing but - but it -"

 

Adam narrowed his eyes, "But it feels like the same thing?"

  
Aaron nodded his head and then leaned towards Adam like he was telling him a secret, "It feels like - like I'm _really_ in love with him." He whispered, the words dripping out softly.

  
Adam widened his eyes, "But that's not possible, right?" He said wearily before sipping at his can.

  
Aaron frowned harshly, "Maybe it is." He shrugged his shoulders gently. "Maybe the line just needs to be blurred enough until the spell becomes less powerful and - and the _real_ love shines right through."

  
Aaron looked up at Adam and saw his face.

  
"You're kidding right?" Adam had this childish grin on his face, "That sounds like a flipping fairytale mate." Adam was drunk Aaron thought as he watched his best mate pull his hands towards his chest and smile, "'Oh my love for him is greater than any spell.'" Adam's voice was purposely high as he spoke and Aaron quickly shoved him hard as he watched.

  
He knew it sounded silly, but he couldn't deny how right it seemed. How logical it played out in his mind because it explained things. It explained how he could easily see Ed without flinching and being in pain, it explained why things felt different between them and why he wasn't having as many sparatic love moments. It explained how calmer he seemed and how the guilt he had seemed to ease away from him.

  
Somehow, at some point, Aaron was sure he had slipped from being under a powerful spell to being genuinely in love.  
The memory was able to shake him and Aaron couldn't help but slam down one of his tools as he tried to forget about it. The sound of someone walking on the gravel was able to make him jump back into his work mind, he had to at least try to sort the engine out before the customer came to have a look.

  
The sound Aaron heard came to a halt and was replaced with the sound of someone clearing their throat.

  
"Suppose you'd like to chuck that at my face instead?" Robert had this shyness in his voice that made Aaron look around and stare at him. Robert quickly averted his eyes to the tool tense in Aaron's hand and then dropped his head towards the floor.

  
"I'm busy." Aaron roughly spoke, twisting his body back towards the car and making it clear he wasn't interested in hearing what Robert had to say to him.

  
He did care though, that's what _really_ hurt the most when he thought about it all. He wanted to know what actually went though the older man's head when he decided that Ed didn't matter that night.

  
He wanted to understand because he loved him, that hadn't changed in the slightest - it had only got more _complex_.

  
Robert tensed, feeling like a fool for not being able to just turn away and do the _decent_ thing by Aaron for once. He couldn't though, he had driven all the way there expecting _something_ to happen and he wasn't going to leave so easily.

  
"Too busy to tell me you were safe." Robert pointed out, unable not to have bitterness in his voice as he spoke. He had hardly slept, he had been worried about Aaron the whole night and the whole morning because his mind was against him and played tricks telling him that Aaron could be hurt, in danger, _dead_.

  
Aaron sighed at that, he didn't know how to respond because he had actually meant to ask Adam to send Robert a sarky message from his phone telling him he hadn't managed to break his heart again or something like that but he had forgot, genuinely.

  
Robert felt his heart tighten as Aaron continued to ignore him, it burnt through him because suddenly Aaron wasn't looking at him with a big smile on his face and telling him that he loved him no matter what. It felt as though Aaron could now chose what he did with this spell and he was readily throwing it away. Throwing Robert away.

  
"You could have rang me." Robert's voice was soft and quiet and shy as he spoke. It made Aaron's heart thud a little harder and then he felt all this guilt as he allowed himself to look at Robert. He looked exhausted, worse than that _troubled_. He had a red line circling underneath his eyes and Aaron could tell he hadn't slept, a little twitch was noticeable and Aaron could see how pale Robert's complexion appeared.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, he hated how torn he felt just because he had seen Robert. He wanted to hate him, he wanted to hate Robert and love Ed and have a simple life but nothing was that simple. Not ever.

  
"I didn't want to speak to ya." Aaron said dismissively as he tried to hide how bad he felt about it.

  
Robert shook his head and then pulled a hand into his pocket, "I was worried Aaron, anything could have happened to ya and it would have been -"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, he didn't want to hear the panic in Robert's voice because he knew he was so close to turning around and holding him close and forgetting everything that had gone wrong.

  
"Your fault." Aaron finished his sentence for him, his voice rough again as he spoke and then played with the tool in his hand, turning it over again on his palm as he waited for Robert to say anything back.

  
Robert had nothing to say though, what _could_ he say? He was in the wrong, like always and there was no way he could get out of it now.

  
"Aaron. I'm sorry. You know I am." Robert settled for a simplicity in his words, he didn't want to sound like he was trying too hard because Aaron would only turn away anyway.

  
Aaron's eyes hardened, "Do I?"

  
Robert frowned at the bluntness in Aaron's tone, it caught him off guard a little and suddenly he felt uncomfortable because he had divulged into his past with Aaron and told the younger man all his mistakes and somehow it felt as though Aaron was trying to tell him he didn't believe a word of it. As if Robert didn't know _how_ to feel sorry or regretful for his actions.

  
"I mean you said you'd not hurt me again but you _have_. How can I believe a word that you say Robert?" Aaron knew he was overreacting, he knew deep down that Robert had probably beat himself up all night about being so self centred but he couldn't get close, he wouldn't be able to let go again next week when all _this_ was forgotten.

  
Robert walked towards Aaron a little more, his face filled with hurt. "You know me Aaron. You _know_ me better than -" _than_ _anyone_ _else_ _I've_ _ever_ _known_.

  
Robert cleared his throat and looked away before turning back to Aaron who had gathered what had happened, "You know how bad I feel about hurting you, what - what happened to Ed."

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah now you do. But you couldn't give a toss in the moment, no because it didn't matter then." Robert knew Aaron was right, he didn't even try to bite back and hurt him even more.

  
"Just like when ya tried to nick your brother's bird." Robert felt as though he heard the words ringing over and over in his eyes long after Aaron had said it. He felt as though he had been punched hard in the gut and left to fend for himself as he struggled to keep composure because Aaron had gone _there_. He had really used the one thing that he knew would Robert the most and he didn't seem to flinch as he said it.

  
"Still haven't learnt your lesson from that one then." Aaron blew out a shallow breath as he saw the way Robert reacted, he looked completely distraught by Aaron's words and the younger man was flawed by his effect. He saw the power he had and wondered if it was because Robert really did _love_ him. The power of fucking love.

  
Robert backed away, he could see Aaron staring at him open mouthed as if he was shocked himself by how things had gone but Robert didn't care. He couldn't. Not when his heart felt like it was thumping out of his chest, desperate to escape. Not when his head was thudding and wouldn't stop making Robert feel sick.

  
A memory flashed before his mind. Something Jack had said to him when they had met at Victoria's cottage.

  
_After_ _all_ _these_ _years_." His voice was ice cold, " _You_ _still_ _haven't_ _learnt_ _your_ _lesson_.

  
It had hurt then to hear and now Aaron had practically said the same thing, the same message behind the words he spat and it hurt even more.

  
Aaron felt the same as his dad did about what a mess he turned out to be. Aaron. Aaron who _loved_ him, Aaron who _had_ to love him, Aaron who he stupidly, foolishly, embarrassingly had ended up falling in love with too.

  
Suddenly Robert was remembering the dream, Aaron standing with Andy and Katie and Jack. Aaron on _their_ side. It was true.

  
"Robert -" Robert could hear Aaron calling his name and he wondered if Aaron was ready to say something else to wound him further, he wouldn't be able to take it he thought as he turned away and shakily began walking back to his car feeling more alone than ever before.

 

***

 

Robert unlocked the door to the flat and felt a sense of unease take hold of him, it was too early to start drinking, the rational part of his mind told him that much, but he didn't care.

  
He wanted to feel sorry for himself, considering no one else would.

  
Robert moved towards the fridge and pulled out a can, holding it in his hand and feeling rotten already. A part of him wanted to run again, this time alone and without any doubt to hold him back.

  
His feelings for Aaron had become pretty apparent ever since he nearly lost him that night and he had fought hard to keep it inside until the night Ed was hurt and he nearly told Aaron how he felt. He very nearly said: 'So I think what I feel is love for you Aaron, what do we do next?'

But he hadn't had the chance. He was grateful as he stood alone in the flat, grateful he was cut short because it wouldn't have gone down too well. Admitting to loving Aaron would have made everything worse, it would have confused the younger man and made him unsure of what to do. The thought of trapping Aaron by confessing his love aloud made Robert feel sick, he wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing that he had locked Aaron into loving him forever, Robert's 'unlove me' being the only thing able to tear them apart. It felt wrong and he knew it was. He knew he was better off alone.

  
Robert walked towards the sofa and slouched down, the can still in his hand but unopened as he sat there. The thought of Ed managed to make it open though. He had made a promise, a very simple one that he foolishly thought he would be able to keep. Don't fall in love with the grumpy bloke who resents you really for making him love you when he has a life of his own to get on with.

  
But he had done and now he had to let him go. Robert chuckled at the thought of letting Aaron go, it would be easy he thought considering how things were between them. Aaron hated him and things were _different_ or so they kept saying.

Robert had noticed how Aaron didn't seem in pain when he was with Ed at the hospital and he wondered if it was because this hold he had over Aaron had simply dissolved prematurely. It wasn't possible, he thought. Lovealthesit didn't just bend rules and the powerful spell didn't just stop working before the trial month concluded, it didn't do that. But it didn't even matter.

  
"Who cares?" Robert shrugged hard as he downed the can and ignored the work emails on his laptop, "He really hates ya, just like dad - it dosen't matter."

  
_It_ _does_ , _it_ _does_ , _it_ _does_ _because_ _he_ _matters_.

  
Robert shook his head hard and then heard the door, someone was knocking hard and then there was silence.

  
Robert had no choice but to raise his head and wonder who it was. Aaron. But Aaron had a key.

  
The door knocked again and Robert rose to his feet, flattening his hair as he walked towards the door and opened it with a sigh.

  
He was flawed as his eyes met his father's.

  
"I bet you didn't expect to see me here then." Jack's voice filled the air and actually made Robert jump a little in shock just because he couldn't actually believe his father was standing at his doorstep after all these years.

 


	17. Breaking free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron defends Robert and finds his emotions changing as Robert and him connect on a deeper level than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two words .... BRACE YOURSELVES!!!!!

Robert tried to compose himself as he cleared his throat, "What are you doing here?" It was barked out and it reminded him of the way Aaron spoke when he was angry but afraid at the same time. He could relate now.

  
"Victoria's been very upset about," Jack looked towards the door as if he was ashamed, "Things." He finished, making Robert squirm as he heard his father wrap everything that had happened between them into a short sweet word, suddenly it was just 'things' that had caused all the upset.

  
Robert's face hardened, he didn't want Jack bringing up his sister to try and make him seem in the right somehow.

  
"Don't mention her." Robert snapped, "She's rang and we've sorted things out," they still had a way to go but he knew they were okay. "So don't pretend you're here for her."

  
Jack had this effect on Robert, he was able to dominate him with one look and Robert found himself almost cowering away as he watched Jack walk through the door and look around the flat.

  
Robert stayed by the door, still completely confused by Jack's presence. The thought of his father going to such an effort made him feel unsure about what was even going on. Was this some sort of forced intervention?

  
"What _are_ you doing here?" Robert tried again, this time Jack seemed to have an answer prepared.

  
"I treated Diane to a night at the theatre, posh old London eh." Jack focused his attention to the large window that overlooked the city.

  
Robert gulped, it was hardly an answer.

  
"I didn't realise you lived so nearby." Jack looked back towards his son, who was frowning at him. "I saw ya last night, you didn't see me but - you were walking towards these flats after parking your car."

  
Robert flinched a little, the thought of his father _watching_ him felt odd as he thought about it, as he imagined Jack standing by and seeing Robert walk towards his flat with _Aaron_. Aaron. Robert sighed, titling his head and still felt as though he was waiting for some sort of explanation and his face pretty much said the same thing.

  
"We didn't leave things well did we?" Jack offered, the lines on his forehead told Robert that he seemed tired of this, of the battle between him and his own son.

  
Robert tensed, "So you thought you'd pop over to London and sort things out then?" He couldn't believe how confident his father appeared before him, he genuinely thought that if Andy or Katie weren't around he could convince Robert that things could be fine between them all. As if it was that easy.

  
Jack shook his head, "This can't go on, I'm getting old son and -"

  
Robert scoffed, "That guilty conscious of yours is just wreaking complete havoc?" He spat, a part of him felt happy because he had wanted his father to say sorry for so long and it was almost like it was nearly coming but then the other part of him just felt sad about how bitter he had ended up when it came to his relationship with his own father.

  
Jack sighed, tensed and then looked at Robert. "It seems like you're determined to be alone." He pushed out angrily making Robert's face fall.

  
He wanted to say he wasn't but he knew he was.

  
"I've survived fine without you for long enough." Robert snapped back, proud of himself for not breaking down.

  
Jack rolled his eyes and then stayed silent for a second as if he was thinking of a different approach.

  
"What happened at Victoria's, it shouldn't have happened." Jack tried to reason but only appeared vague as Robert listened.

  
"What? Me being there or Andy and Katie saying what they did, and you doing nothing but join in?" It still hurt although Robert tried to tell himself it didn't.

  
Jack raised a hand up as if he was admitting something, "It was a shock to see you Robert, after so long."

  
"And that makes it okay?"

  
"No, no I - Andy and Katie, they shouldn't have reacted that way - it was so long ago and they should have been able to get passed that now."

  
Robert seemed stunned a little but he didn't let it sink in. He didn't _believe_ Jack.

  
"I don't believe ya." Jack flinched at his son's words, "You know what I _do_ believe though, that you'd do anything for a quiet life. You're sick of all the fighting and now 'cos you want us getting along 'cos it suits ya, I'm supposed to just let everything go. Just like that." He didn't want to get angry but he had done because he couldn't believe how selfish Jack was. He bit back though as he thought about how selfish _he_ was, it made sense now he supposed.

  
Jack sighed hard, seeming even older as he stood there and then raised a hand up. "I give up then, if that's how you want to see it." He began walking towards the door again.

  
"I don't suppose you've told Andy and Katie you're here eh?" Robert was suddenly smug as he stood there and saw how his father reacted. "No? I thought not. So what you just expected me to go running back and apologise, beg for their forgiveness so I can be back into the beloved family fold?" He was fighting back tears as he stood there shaking his head.

  
"Well I don't want it. I don't want anything from you." Robert spat, tears now threatening to pour out, "It's way too late for you to try and fix this."

  
Jack lifted his head and shook his head, "What do you want then? Aaron?" He knew he had touched a nerve as soon as he said his name and saw his son flinch.

  
Robert gulped hard, "Don't." He pushed out before seeing his father walk closer towards him.

  
"You want a boy who you've forced to have feelings for you? Is that it." Jack had this thickness in his voice that made Robert cower again.

  
"Just go." Robert was so deflated he had to turn away from Jack altogether.

  
"He'll leave ya soon. We both know it and you'll be alone and you'll regret not apologising for all you've done and trying with your _family_."

  
Robert turned around, wide eyed as he heard his father. " _Apologise_? Nineteen years old, all I did was apologise." He suddenly walked towards Jack and angrily pointed towards his dad's chest. " _You_ made me feel sorry for being _born_. For fucking - _breathing_."

  
Jack's eyes were glassy, "That's not fair son." He couldn't try to pretend Robert was completely wrong because he knew he wasn't, deep down.

  
"And _yes_! Yes I want a boy who I forced to love, I want him 'cos he makes me feel _loved_ , he makes me feel -" Robert panted hard, he wasn't going to talk to Jack about Aaron, he was too special to him.

  
Jack tensed his jaw and looked down at his son, "You might have made him love ya Robert but he won't ever _like_  ya."

  
Robert ripped his eyes away from the floor and stared at his dad, eyes wide and his breath all shaky as he heard the words.

  
"He'll never _like_ the bitter, sorry, sad excuse of a man you've become lad." Jack's voice dripped with shame as he spoke.

  
"Stop it." Robert hated how he couldn't fight back like usual, he couldn't hurt his dad with his words because he felt almost empty inside as though he had nothing left.

  
"It's the truth. Just know that. Remember that." Jack said darkly and then suddenly the words were on repeat as Robert pushed his dad towards the door and was met with little protest from the older man.

  
"Just _go_ , just - just -" Robert carried on pushing at Jack until he felt Jack twist at his arm and then the sound of the door unlocking.

 

Robert's shoulders almost instantly relaxed as he saw who it was. _Aaron_.

 

Jack let go of Robert's wrist and cleared his throat as he saw Aaron look at them both wide eyed and clearly shocked. Aaron's eyes fell on Robert's and he could instantly read his expression, he knew Robert don't want Jack in their home anymore and he'd make sure he would leave.

  
"Care to explain?" Aaron said slowly, leaning towards Jack and catching the older man off guard a little.

  
Aaron shot Robert a look, saying: _don't worry, I've got this_ and making Robert love him just that little bit more.

 

Jack seemed entirely irritated by Aaron's presence as he stood there and cleared his throat, shrugging his shoulders hard as if he didn't care. "Explain?" He remarked with a frown. "I don't have to explain anything to you." He added with a sigh.

  
Robert tightened his eyes shut and held his breath, unease travelled through him as he heard Aaron clear his throat, clearly aggravated.

  
"Well I think you'll find you _do_." Robert's eyes flew open and watched Aaron stare at his father defiantly, "You see this is my home too." Robert felt a tingling sensation take over, Aaron still thought of the place as _home_.

  
Jack shook his head and Robert found himself shuffling towards Aaron without meaning to, desperate for comfort although he knew things between them were sour. Aaron didn't back away though, he didn't resist the movement of Robert and instead twisted his body a little so that Robert's hands were nearly touching his.

  
Jack's eyes flickered down and saw Robert's fingers wiggle nervously towards Aaron's hand, he let out a harsh sigh and his eyes hardened towards Aaron.

  
"I see you're still around then. How much longer is it until you're free?" Jack spat the words out, meaning to hurt Robert _and_ Aaron as he spoke and noticed the way both of their faces fell.

  
Free.

  
Aaron didn't like thinking about it like that, he wouldn't be _free_ next week - he would just be _different_.

  
Robert sighed, a sign telling his father that he was choosing to ignore the question completely. "You've said your piece, now go." Robert finally was able to speak and the words felt defiant as they poured out. He turned towards Aaron and wondered if it was because he was near to the younger man that he was able to feel so confident.

  
Jack still had his eyes firmly fixed on Aaron, eyeing the younger man up and down and taking in his scruffy appearance. He was still wearing navy overalls and had a streak of grease across his right cheek and Jack couldn't help but wonder why his son, all suits and business talk now, was so drawn and _attached_ to the lad.

  
"You heard him." Aaron turned towards Robert and then back to Jack, shrugging his shoulders. "Do one." He snapped.

  
Jack frowned and then leaned towards Aaron, "I will and if you had any sense you'd be following me out that door lad." He turned towards Robert. "Getting away -"

  
Aaron found himself pushing a little towards Jack and Robert found Aaron's arm against his own as he did so. " _Stop_. Alright just get out." Aaron couldn't help but stick up for Robert, it raced through him and bursted out but it wasn't sparatic love, it was _different_. Aaron knew he could stop himself at any moment, the difference was - he didn't _want_ to. The thought was almost unimaginable.

  
Jack looked Aaron up and down again, "Are you going to make me eh!"" His voice was rough as he spoke and Aaron looked towards the floor for a second. "Right little bodyguard then."

  
Robert lifted his head in protest and felt his stomach twist. "Don't talk to him. Just leave." He barked out, the last thing he wanted was for Jack to belittle Aaron the way he always did with him.

  
The words seemed to register and Jack's eyes flickered towards the door again before he walked towards it and then turned back around to face his son. "I'll leave now and you won't ever have to see me again."

  
Robert felt as though he was being punched in the stomach and it ached. He didn't want it to, he didn't want to feel anything but he did.

  
Robert tried to save face, lifting his head up higher this time, "Fine. Does that mean I'll never get to hear you call me a disappointment or - that you won't ever talk about how ashamed you are of me because I have Lovealthesit?"

  
Jack's face darkened just at the word of the condition.

  
Aaron physically winced at the words that Robert was pouring out and he couldn't help but push past their own problems and raise a hand towards Robert's back in support.

  
Jack shook his head, "Don't twist this son, this isn't about what - you, the -"

  
"Lovealthesit." Aaron found himself shielding Robert again and squaring up to Jack without an ounce of hesitation. "Of course it is. That's what it _all_ this comes down to isn't it? Your son isn't who you are  _you_ wanted him to be so you've punished him his whole life."

  
Robert let out a little gasp as he stood there and felt realisation hit him hard over and over again without warning.

  
Jack stayed silent and Aaron was fuelled to continue.

  
"I'm not going to pretend that I know what it was like when he was growing up." Aaron looked towards Robert who had his head firmly towards the ground. "He probably was a nightmare...but I know what he's like now and _why_ he's like that and -"

  
"And it's all my fault is it? It's my fault my son can't _control_ himself and love someone the _normal_ way." Jack's voice was loud and booming and Robert was stunned by the way Aaron didn't seem to be backing down at all.

  
Aaron shook his head, steadying his breath as he leaned towards Jack. "Well it wasn't like he got much _normal_ love at home eh? Not with you any road. Not with a dad who could barely look his son in the eye or - or bother talking to him about this mind fucking condition he would have to live with for the rest of his _life_."

  
Robert dared to look up and watch the scene play out, Aaron's cheeks were red and his eyes were glassy as he stood there - _defending_ him, saying everything that Robert needed his father to realise.

  
Jack looked towards Robert and gulped hard and then looked back at Aaron.

  
"Yeah, he's told me a lot." Aaron blurted out, filling in the question that Jack obviously wanted to ask - _how do you know?_  
Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "You're right about him being selfish." Robert raised his head and Jack frowned. "He is. He - he looks for love regardless of the consequences, he - he _needs_ love though 'cos he never got any from you."

  
The silence in the air made Aaron's heart race a little faster as he saw Jack's face fall a little and then his eyes widen.

  
"You - you can't blame me for what he did to you." Jack reasoned, his voice a little unsteady.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "You're right I can't. But what I can say is that there's plenty of people with his condition who don't go around asking multiple people to love them, they don't shove blokes they've just met towards a wall and command love 'cos they've just been dumped and the thought of being alone is _that_ scary. And d'you know why?" Aaron turned to Robert and felt his heart break from him, he looked broken by it all.

"'Cos usually people have family to fall back on, to remind them of what real unconditional love is. But well Robert dosent have that with you does he? So he's been living a life _desperately_ trying to find it again and again and again." Aaron couldn't quite believe how well he knew Robert, it was almost second nature to recount the mess of the man he loved with all his heart though.

  
Jack stayed silent for a second before staring harshly at Aaron, "You've got some nerve boy." He pointed towards him and then backed away.

  
Aaron had half expected his words to act as some sort of breakthrough for Jack but of course they didn't.

  
"Probably. But someone has to defend your son." Aaron said confidently, "And that's me, _always_."

  
Jack scoffed at that and Robert instantly cowered again, knowing why.

  
"Yeah or until this," Jack made a point of swirling a finger towards Aaron's chest, "Whole thing rubs off and you'll be alone again." Jack said as he looked towards Robert.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I _love_ him." It made him tingle as he said the words, trying to fight a smile.

  
Robert wished it was true, he wanted to believe but he couldn't because the trial period hadn't stopped yet and no matter how _different_ Aaron said he felt - he was still under luv spell, maybe he was slipping away but _still_. Still he was under at least small fragments of a spell.

  
Jack pushed opened the door and shook his head. Robert wondered if it was out of disgust or shame. "Of course you do lad." He said sarcastically before looking at Robert once again. "Remember what I said. Remember it all." He remarked before leaving the flat and shutting the door behind him.

  
Robert breathed out a heavy sigh, struggling to catch his breath because he couldn't quite believe what had just happened. Was that the last time he would see his dad? He couldn't think about that, he wouldn't.

  
Aaron was cautious with his movements, walking towards Robert he laid a hand flat on Robert's back and gestured for the older man to sit on the sofa. Robert obliged, nodding his head and falling back with ease. His breathing was slowing down as he watched Aaron sit next to him, their thighs meeting - they were pressed together so close.

  
"He's gone now." Aaron whispered, looking gently across at Robert and seeing how stunned the older man still appeared.  
His eyes were heavy and bared red rings that told Aaron he had been crying at some time throughout it all. Aaron tried to think of when but realised he had been too wrapped up in the moment to notice.

  
Robert gave Aaron the tiniest nod and looked towards the floor again. It felt like weeks had gone by since he opened the door and saw his father standing there, bold as brass and just assuming everything would work out. Robert was genuinely flawed by how ignorant his father was to all the deep rooted internal damage he had caused.

  
"He didn't even come to London to see me, I was just a passing thought." Robert spoke softly as he stared towards the ground. "He was taking Diane to the theatre or something - I can't really remember what he said." He bit down on his lip nervously and Aaron fought the urge to hold him close and tell him it was alright.

  
"It's fine, you don't need to remember -"

  
"The point is, he just - he thought he could just show up and make things better." Robert didn't mean to interrupt but he couldn't help himself, it was all just pouring out and then he felt tears begin to fill his eyes. "It's not that easy."

  
Aaron nodded shyly, "I know mate." He whispered making Robert frown and a cry a little more inside because he didn't want to be Aaron's mate and then he felt pathetic for being so silly about it all.

  
Aaron couldn't bare to see Robert cry, he always knew he was the sort of bloke who was on the verge of complete breakdown when he was pushed by he never thought he would see so many tears.

  
"Please don't cry," Aaron whispered, almost urging Robert as he leaned towards the older man and attempted to wrap his arms around him.

  
Robert shook his head, "I hate him." He remarked quickly. "I hate him for - for thinking he can just - just treat me like that and I'll come back running 'cos I'm so lonely." He was bitter, he was trying to channel his emotions the best way he could - through anger.

  
Aaron ducked his head, "I'm sorry." He whispered out, he just wanted to make Robert better and he knew he couldn't. Not really. He had tried to fix the problems but had obviously failed in doing so.

  
Robert frowned, "What for?" He asked before lifting up Aaron's chin softly, "You've got _nothing_ to be sorry for okay?" He whispered gently, their eyes meeting for a second before Aaron looked away.

  
"I thought - I mean what I said to him Robert, it was - I shouldn't have just assumed that you would have wanted me to -"  
Robert felt his heart skip almost, "Thank you." He said simply, shrugging his shoulders and blinking gently. "No one has _ever_ \- I mean," Robert saw the way Aaron looked at him and grew shy, "I just want to say thanks for standing by me."

  
Aaron nodded his head, "It's fine." He forced out shyly, cheeks nearly blushing as if he trying hard to say he loved him.

  
Robert frowned hard, "I don't deserve it. Not after what I did Aaron." He couldn't get past it, how selfish and wrong he had been when it came to Ed. "How can you even think of standing up for me?"

  
Aaron raised an eyebrow, "You _know_ why." He whispered shyly as he began playing with his hands. "Plus, what I said at the garage was majorly out of line. I'm sorry." He sounded sincere as he spoke and Robert felt like he was melting all of a sudden.

  
Robert nodded and then looked towards their hands, "I'm sorry too, Aaron I _hate_ hurting ya. I - I'm so sorry about Ed." He blew out a shallow breath suddenly and Aaron nodded.

  
"I forgive ya, 'cos I know you're sorry - you're a good man." Aaron said seriously, his eyes focusing on Robert as he spoke and almost knowing that the older man would protest.

  
Robert squirmed as he remembered what Jack had said to him. "I'm not Aaron. You just _think_ I am but it isn't the truth." He had tears in his eyes again as he spoke and then felt a lump forming in his throat, "Ed. Ed is a _good_ man Aaron. Not me." It hurt to say, to think but he couldn't exactly stop the thoughts that were so abundantly clear.

  
Aaron blinked softly, "He is. You're right about that, but I don't want him when I have you."

  
Robert raised his head, heart racing as he kept the words on repeat over and over again. He wanted to say, ' _you have me, you have all of me_.' But he didn't.

  
' _I don't want him when I have you.'_

  
It took seconds for Robert to jump up and walk towards the kitchen, desperate for Aaron not to see the way the tears were falling fast down his cheeks because he didn't know how to feel. He had longed for Aaron to be this honest for so long but he knew he couldn't trust his words, he knew he was under a _spell_  deep down and - Ed.

  
He had made a promise to Ed and he owed him.

  
"Please don't Aaron -" Robert managed to mumble out as he felt Aaron come towards him. " _Please_ \- just, don't say that to me." He attempted to turn back towards Aaron and couldn't as he felt his heart break a little. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to hold Aaron and be _close_ to him, he wanted _him_ yet _couldn't_ have him. Not really.

  
Aaron sighed hard, hating the thought of making Robert cry. "I'm sorry, I - uh, I shouldn't have said that." He realised now it was wrong, he realised that it was unfair to keep saying things like that to Robert when things would be over next week. But he didn't feel guilty, Ed had barely entered his mind. He felt sad about it all as he watched Robert try to calm himself down, he was stunned by the effect of his words and once again it hit him hard and fast, the realisation that Robert _loved_ him and couldn't bare the thought of letting him go but would _never_ admit to it. Not ever.

  
The thought circled Aaron's head and for the first time he felt lucky that he was under this spell and wasn't in control. He knew that it would all be over for him by next week, this entire month would seize to exist for him and he would be with Ed again completely oblivious to what had happened that month. But for Robert, it would be completely different.

  
He would be _haunted_ by it all, he would still be in love and have nothing to do about it. He'd be stuck in love with someone who didn't even recognise him anymore and Aaron knew that's why he was so distraught now.

  
Aaron tried to push the thought to the back of his mind as he looked towards the door and sighed. He needed to give Robert space right now, some time for himself.

  
"I'm - I'll go back to work, do some, overtime or summat and give ya space." Aaron saw no reaction from Robert who was staring out the window and he tried to ignore the way it hurt.

  
Robert didn't want him to leave. He wanted reassurance suddenly because he kept thinking of what Jack had told him.

  
_'He'll never **like** the bitter, sorry, sad excuse of a man you've become lad.'_

  
His eyes widened as he wiped his tears away and realised how sad and sorry he seemed, he didn't want that. He wanted Aaron to tell him he wasn't like that.

  
Robert heard the door open and quickly raced towards it, standing by it and essentially blocking Aaron from leaving him.

  
"Aaron," Robert's breath was shaky and nervous as he spoke and Aaron could tell.

  
"My dad - he said, he said that just because you think you love me, it - he said you'd never like me you know? As a person. As me. And - I just -"

  
Aaron didn't think, he just acted. It took seconds for him to push himself towards Robert and kiss him. Their lips meeting and dancing together perfectly for the briefest of moments before Aaron pulled away again and saw the way Robert looked at him in complete awe.

  
"I like you Robert, as a person, as you." Aaron was shy all of a sudden and his cheeks were bright red as he spoke. "I like you the most out of anyone, ever."

  
Robert laughed at that as Aaron rolled his eyes at his own childish words. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said." He declared, smiling at Aaron.

  
Robert titled his head back towards the door and frowned, "Don't leave me." He whispered, "I don't want you to go."

  
Aaron frowned, deciding to take the words at face value and not look any deeper for some sort of meaning. "I just thought I'd give you space -"

  
Robert pulled a face and smirked, "It's strange," he whispered out before shrugging, "But I don't need space from you."

  
Aaron nodded, "Then I'll stay." He said simply.

 

***

 

It was dark outside and Robert and Aaron still hadn't managed to do anything but sit and talk on the sofa about anything and everything. Robert had drunk a few cans whilst he divulged into his life a little more and refreshingly heard Aaron tell him about his little sister who he was suddenly dying to met as he watched how animated Aaron became at just the thought of her.

  
"She seems amazing." Robert's words rolled of his tongue as he sat close to Aaron.

  
Aaron nodded gently against the sofa as he slouched down, "Yeah she is." He whispered a little sadly before clearing his throat. "I mean she's practically a mini me so she _must_ be at _least_ amazing." He added trying to ease his feelings, he missed seeing her as much as he used to do.

  
Robert chuckled and pulled a face. "I bet she'd hate me." He said cooly as if it was almost a fact.

  
Aaron frowned, he couldn't understand the deep self hatred Robert had for himself but then he thought of himself and _Jackson_ and everything that he felt for himself too.

  
"Why d'you say that?" Aaron turned to face Robert and arched an eyebrow.

  
Robert shrugged his shoulders, "Most people do."

  
Aaron blinked softly as he leaned towards Robert a little, "I don't." He mumbled out softly.

  
Robert looked at Aaron, his eyes even bluer in the moonlight. "You don't count." He pointed out. "Besides you're not 'most people' are you?"

  
Aaron stayed silent and Robert sighed.

  
"I don't get how _you_ don't hate me even _with_ the spell." Robert couldn't help himself. "I mean I practically ruined your life. I took you away from everything you knew and -"

  
Robert caught Aaron's expression and stopped himself. The younger man had a little smile on his face as if he wasn't taking any of it seriously.

  
"You didn't 'ruin my life' Robert, you _really_ didn't." Aaron smiled and then suddenly grabbed hold of Robert's hands forcing Robert to look at him. "You know when you say you hate yourself Robert." Robert looked away and felt a lump forming in his throat.

  
Aaron gulped, remembering all the apologises from Robert and what he would say.

  
' _I hate myself ... and I'm not just saying that Aaron, I really **do**.'_

  
Aaron steadied his breath and pulled his hands up to cup Robert's face, forcing him to look back at him once more. "Do you mean it? Really? Because, I couldn't bare you hating yourself Robert." He didn't mean to cry but he was sure tears were in his eyes.

  
His heart was breaking over and over again in a different way and he suddenly realised what his mother had been through when he had hurt himself so badly and hated every part of him. He felt sick.

  
Robert didn't know what to say, his mouth was dry and he could see tears in his eyes. He did hate himself sometimes, always maybe, it just needed something to trigger it off and he would have this intense self loathing that he thought he deserved to feel.

  
"Sometimes..." He mumbled out knowing Aaron was desperately waiting for an answer.

  
Aaron nodded and then pulled Robert fiercely into his arms, wrapping Robert's long arms around him and kissing his forehand lovingly. "I know how it feels, to _hate_ yourself. It feels awful Rob. Please, please I'm begging you try for me not to focus on that bad shit yeah? I don't want you feeling guilty all the time."

  
Robert pulled away and shook his head, wiping his tears. "Sometimes I can't help it - dad's _right_. I ruin lives Aaron I _do_."

  
"Well you've _made_ mine so -" Aaron blurted out without thinking.

  
Robert gasped, sobering a little as he stared into Aaron's eyes and then slowly moved a hand over the younger man's chest to hear the sound of his heart beating hard and fast. "I don't know if I can believe ya, you're under a -"

  
Aaron moved even closer to Robert, their noses almost touching. "I _mean_ it." He said defiantly and Robert almost gave in before Aaron pulled away from him.

  
He didn't want the moment to end. Robert felt his heart thump against his chest as he heard his own breathing fill the room.  
"Tell me you love me."

  
A plead, a desperate cry for mercy. He knew it was wrong, he knew that hearing Aaron tell him was not what he needed to hear considering what would happen between them next week but he pushed all that aside as he saw Aaron look back at him.

  
"I love you."

  
Effortless, soft and slow.

  
"I really love you Robert Sugden, I'll never love anyone else." Love couldn't help but come pouring out of Aaron.

  
Robert nodded his head and gently pulled Aaron's head towards his own so that their foreheads met.

  
"It - it seems so _real_ when you say it. Like - like there's no spell at all." Robert whispered before daring to graze his lips over Aaron's and let out a shaky breath. "I wish there wasn't, I wish Aaron, I fucking wish -"

  
Robert felt as though every doubt and worry had been thrown overboard, he couldn't hold back and hate himself for loving Aaron for a minute longer. He wanted Aaron, _all_ of him and to deny that would be like denying the sky was blue or the grass was green.

 

_Impossible. Impossible. Impossible._

  
Aaron hitched a breath as he threw himself into Robert completely, kissing him over and over again and getting that same feeling he had when they last kissed like this, as if he was teetering on the edge of a feeling and was nearly about to dive off. Escape something, escape 'the spell.'

  
Robert felt Aaron pulling at his top and suddenly felt nervous, he knew what would happen and fuck he was ready for it but still, the moment he had wanted had arrived and Aaron wouldn't be sleeping in his poxy box anymore. No. Not tonight.

  
Aaron pushed himself up towards Robert again and then felt Robert kiss at his neck and travel his large hands down to his waist, kissing and kissing and making Aaron moan with such an intense pleasure.

  
Robert could spell the oil and grease and gel that lingered on Aaron and kissed him harder as he attempted to pull at his overalls and whip them off. Aaron smiled into another kiss and then pulled himself off for a second, standing up and briefly catching the shock on Robert's face.

  
"Your bed or mine?" Aaron had never looked sexier as he said the words, looking down at Robert seductively and the passion red hot in his eyes as he waited for an answer.

  
Robert gathered himself, shaking a little because he hadn't kissed someone like that so passionately before.

  
"Aaron," Robert panted hard as he grabbed hold of Aaron's arms. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

  
He remembered what Aaron had said about taking advantage and he couldn't bare the thought of Aaron waking up and hating him for what they had done.

  
Aaron kissed at Robert's mouth and pulled him towards the hallway before pinning him against the wall and whispering into his ear, "You're all I want, believe me Rob. Believe me." He kissed at Robert's ear and finally, _finally_ Robert did.

  
He pushed Aaron into his room, muttering something about the bed being bigger and whipped of his shirt, unbuckling his belt with haste as he felt Aaron kiss his neck over and over again.

  
He had imagined this with Aaron countless times but he never thought that the younger man would be so affectionate, so soft and gentle and *loving. He imagined rough and hard and quick but not this, this was greater than he ever thought possible.

  
It lasted, it wasn't rushed as they panted and moaned and held onto eachother, reaching for hands and arms and mouths as they finally, _finally_ had sex. Robert was in his bed, and Aaron was with him and they were naked and vulnerable yet alive and completely surrendering to each other as they joined together and _loved_. Aaron could feel himself changing as he deepened kisses and felt Robert push forward into him time and time again, bucking his hips and calling his name over and over again. He shut his eyes tight and felt himself falling completely, hard and fast and then he was slipping away and watching as parts of himself seemed to vanish entirely until he was left with just the feeling of his heart beating.

  
His mind was telling him something as his eyes opened wide.

  
_We did it, we fucking did it, the spell - we broke the fucking spell Robert._

  
Robert had beads of sweat along his forehead as he kissed down Aaron's back and felt himself falling too. The sensation was too hard to grasp and he rolled his head back as he felt his stomach tighten.

  
Aaron couldn't describe the feeling bubbling up inside as he let out a gasp. "Fuck - Robert - I, I -"

  
His thoughts exploded as he came, "I LOVE YOU," he panted out and felt Robert move against him even faster before letting out an echo of Aaron's name and then slowing down altogether.

  
Shaky breaths filled the room and made Robert tremble against him as he cleared them both up, replaying the way Aaron had told him he loved him just then, it sounded different, as if he was saying it for the first time.

  
Robert stared down at Aaron and fell towards him, feeling Aaron play at his hair and kiss at his forehead.

  
"I love you, do you hear me? I love you, I love -" Aaron couldn't stop himself, it wasn't a sparatic love moment, he didn't feel like he had no choice, he just simply wanted to. For the first time in his life it felt _easy_ telling someone that he loved them. It was second nature with Robert just like everything else.

  
Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron even tighter and kissed at his chest before looking up at him and steadying his breath as he went to speak, to say that he felt the same and to actually say the words. "I -"

  
Aaron nodded his head lovingly, tears in his eyes because he _knew_ that Robert wouldn't say it, he knew that deep down Robert wouldn't believe him when he said the spell was broken now because he _felt_ it happening as they made love. He knew Robert still hated himself for ruining what Aaron had with Ed, he knew he'd never get to hear the words back but Aaron told himself it didn't matter.

  
"I know," Aaron whispered gently, playing with Robert's messy golden locks again and catching him by surprise.

  
"You know?" Robert whispered back, focusing on the sound of Aaron's voice and the way his eyes appeared glassy in the dark.

  
Aaron nodded before smiling, "Probably before you knew yourself." He pointed out.

  
Robert smiled, knowing it was true as he hugged at Aaron and kissed his shoulder quickly. "If I could Aaron, if this whole spell shit really was wearing off or -" Robert pushed himself up and looked directly at Aaron as he spoke. "I'd said the words until my fucking lips were numb." 

 

 _I'd say it to you every minute of every day, I'd tell you I love you all the time and you'd know and believe me. Always_.

  
Aaron wiped at tear away and joined their hands together, "I know Rob." He said sadly, a part of him wondering if he could do at least _try_ and make Robert see sense. He stopped the thought though as he realised he couldn't prove anything at all.

  
Robert rested into the crook of Aaron's neck and felt his eyes grow heavy, a feeling took hold of him as he tried to focus on the fact that he had never felt luckier and safer in someone's arms and not on the thought of loosing Aaron.

  
The sound of his watch at the bedside ticked on though, alerting Aaron who couldn't help but wrap his arms around Robert a little tighter, desperate to hold onto the man he _knew_ he had _really_ fallen madly and whole heartedly in love with that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration just took hold last night and I wrote all of this! FINALLY FINALLY THINGS ARE LOOKING GOOD (but let's also remember I love angst!) I hope you enjoyed this double update weekend, the fic is coming to an end soon but honestly there are plenty more arrivals, twists and turns to come before it all finishes! <3


	18. Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron notices a constant reminder he has been marked with which puts everything into perspective. Robert meets a new face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter sorta says it all really, this is sort of the beginning of the end but don't you worry there is plenty more drama to come.

The light from the window streamed into the room and Aaron opened his eyes slowly, squinting as he looked up and tried to shield himself from the sun. For a second he was confused, the sheets looked different and the bed felt larger and -

  
Aaron caught his breath suddenly, and looked down. Robert was in his arms. Robert and all his confident, sarky ways had been reduced to just a man laying in Aaron's arms and it made the younger man's heart melt in his chest.

  
Robert stirred and began opening his eyes, looking up at Aaron and smiling instantly. "Morning." Robert mumbled into Aaron's chest, kissing his skin and then resting his head back down. He tried to control the way his heart was racing but he almost couldn't.

  
He had slept with Aaron. Aaron had slept with him. It had actually happened, that much was _real_. He knew that.

  
"Morning." Aaron said back, a hand resting on Robert's head.

  
Robert bit down on his lip and slowly pulled himself up so that he could stare at Aaron. He couldn't help but smile at the younger man.

  
Aaron felt himself blushing, "What?" He whispered down towards Robert.

  
Robert shrugged, "I just, I just can't actually believe that - ya know, we actually -"

  
Aaron nodded, "Yeah we did." He paused as he saw Robert's face, mouth open wide. "You don't - regret it or -"

  
Robert silenced Aaron with a kiss. "God no. _No_." He whispered into Aaron. "It was - it was _perfect_." He felt shy suddenly and nearly pulled away.

  
"Yeah it was." Aaron couldn't say anything else but Robert knew what he meant. Aaron gulped hard, a cloud of sadness taking hold of him as he thought about the fact that he wouldn't remember it. This time next week it would seize to exist and Robert would be a stranger and that intimacy they shared would be long forgetten. Yes, they had broke the spell but Aaron knew that Robert had to say the words to make it official. He had say 'I love you' so that Aaron didn't forget the real love he felt now.

  
"Are you okay?" Robert said, leaning towards Aaron and kissing his shoulder.

  
Aaron cleared his throat, unaware that his eyes were almost looking glassy. "Yeah fine." He whispered, soft and slow as he lent down towards Robert and fell into his arms.

  
"Why wouldn't I be?" He whispered, "Finally got ya in bed." Aaron pushed at Robert's side and felt him laugh. It filled the room until he stopped and kissed down on Aaron's head.

  
"Do you believe in fate?" Robert said, his mind is working over time as he pulled his hand into Aaron's.

  
Aaron frowned before pulling a face. "Uh. No. Not really." He said, swirling his foot around Robert's leg.

  
"I didn't, but -" Aaron caught Robert off guard by meeting his eyes.

  
"But what?" Aaron asked, a small smile on his face.

  
"But you came along." Robert said, his throat tight because he had been thinking about it all night long, about how they had met and the coincidence of it all. Any other bar that night Robert could have wondered into. Any other bar. "It's like I was meant to find ya somehow." He can't explain it, knows it sounds cheesy.

  
Aaron smiled, "Or I was meant to approach a fit blonde sulking at a bar." Robert laughed as he thought about it, how Aaron had been the one who started it all off. "Ya know I don't do that, like not _ever_." Aaron blushed as he thought about it.

  
"Why did ya?" Robert said curiously because he _knows_ Aaron now and the ideas don't seem to match up.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip and thought hard for a minute before shrugging, "Dunno really." He concluded, "I just feel this need to."

  
Robert smiled before squeezing at Aaron's hand, "Fate." He said and Aaron stayed silent, almost in agreement.

  
Something told Aaron to look down towards his forearm, an instinct probably and then he gasped as he saw the number written there. Black large font, the number **4** rested there.

  
Aaron gulped hard and Robert felt the atmosphere change in the room, "Aaron is -" he looked towards Aaron and followed the younger man's eyes until he saw it. It looked just like a tattoo but the ink was so much darker.

  
"What's -" Robert grabbed at Aaron's wrist and held it, examining the tattoo and feeling sick for some reason.

  
"Is - why does it say that? I didn't - I don't get it." Aaron panicked, unsure of what was going on with his body.

  
It was like something clicked in Robert's mind, "It's - a countdown." He whispered into the sheets of the bed.

  
Aaron's eyes widened. "To what?" He snapped, trying his hardest to rub at the marked area on his skin. Robert stopped him abruptly and stared into Aaron's eyes. "To the spell being broken."

  
Aaron shivered, how had he not realised how quick time had passed them by? Four days, including this one. Four days.

  
"Oh," Aaron ducked his head and quickly darted towards the bathroom, he was almost sure he was going to be sick.

 

***

 

The mood changed after Aaron returned, an apology and a panic session over as Robert kissed him and held him close and didn't dare to look at the signal on his arm. They forgot about it, tried to anyway. They wanted to spend the day in bed, Robert wanted to keep Aaron close and not let him go but he did.

  
Aaron was on his laptop when he walked into the living room and saw that the television was on despite Aaron not watching anything. If it was anyone else Robert would have gone spare but he doesn't, it's Aaron and Aaron's not just anyone. Not after last night he thought as he stood there. Aaron's someone he loves, deep down.

  
"Brew?" Robert offered with a yawn as he approached the counter.

  
Aaron stayed silent, fixated on the screen.

  
"Aaron?" Robert asked again before walking towards the younger man. Suddenly Aaron snapped and his eyes looked widely at Robert.

  
"Uh yeah sure," Aaron said before sighing and exiting the tabs that littered his screen. He had to keep telling himself that he couldn't just find out the truth about what was happening to them, what _had_ happened to them last night when everything just felt so good and wholesome between them.

  
Robert finished making the tea and walked towards Aaron, he had this smile on his face and he couldn't stop it from growing.

  
"Hey I thought we could do something today." Robert said, finally clearing his throat and telling himself to get a grip.

  
Aaron turned to face him, a smile on his face too that looked a little fake as he hid his thoughts away in his mind. "Yeah like what?" He asked, this time his smile widening because the thought of just dragging Robert back to bed was enough to make all the worried niggling ideas fade completely.

  
Robert shrugged. "I don't know. Go sight seeing or something." He said before laughing because he saw Aaron pull a face.

  
"Fine _not_ sight seeing then," Robert breathed out.

  
"I have work Rob." Aaron said with a shake of the head, "Maybe tomorrow though yeah?"

  
Robert frowned before ducking his head, "I just want to spend the day with ya, make the most of the time -" he cut himself off and Aaron had to look away.

  
"Yeah." Aaron let out after a few seconds of clients between them, a hand came up towards Robert's and Aaron linked them together perfectly. "I love ya." Aaron didn't mean to say it, it just happen to blurt out and he felt like an idiot for ruining the moment. He had to laugh to himself a little though because he would have never thought a confession of love would ruin any sort of moment, it did though, in spectacular style as Robert got up quickly and moved towards the kitchen sink.

  
"Aaron -" Robert had thoughts of last night dancing around in his mind, Aaron had said it so many times and he had to bite down so hard on his tongue to stop saying it back that he almost tasted blood. "You know -"

  
"I know, and it should be enough." Aaron said, he didn't know why he was using this time to argue his point but he couldn't help himself. "I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you -"

  
Robert turned around sharply, "No I don't Aaron, that's the issue here. Can't you see that?" He said, his voice tight and his eyes nearly filled with tears. "You can say it until you're blue in the face Aaron but it's just words, you're under a _spell_. A spell Aaron that makes you think you love me. It's not the same."

  
Aaron saw the tears in Robert's eyes and watched the older man wipe them away embarrassed clearly by his emotions. "How can -" Aaron tried to move closer towards Robert but he stopped himself short. "I can't prove it to ya can I? That this is real for me now."

  
Robert frowned harshly, "That's impossible Aaron." He said and suddenly Aaron felt like a silly little kid who was stuck in his own fantasy world and now the older more reasonable man was stamping all over his ideas.

  
Aaron's jaw clenched and before he could say anything else he heard his phone ring.

  
It broke the tension a little and Robert seemed to regret his bluntness as he moved towards Aaron and tried to hold him by the waist. Aaron shook his hands off as he searched for him phone, catching Robert's sad eyes and accepting a kiss, an apology from the older man before he answered the phone.

  
"Hello?" Aaron asked, Robert staring at him still.

  
"Uh Aaron. It's me." Aaron's face paled a little and suddenly he was looking towards the floor and away from Robert.

  
"Ed. Hi." Aaron pushed the words out and felt his insides burn with guilt. How could he? How could he do that to someone who loves him the way Ed does? He had cheated. He _loved_ someone else. He had become that sort of _prick_ who breaks people's hearts.

  
Robert gulped hard and watched Aaron walk towards the window, biting his nails nervously.

  
"I was wondering if you could do me a favour." Ed said, the sound of a monitor beeping beside him and making Aaron's heart thump harder as he thought of him laying in a hospital bed alone whilst Robert and him had the most passionate and best -

  
"Yeah course." Aaron mumbled softly, nodding along and trying to block out the feel of Robert around him.

  
"I need some clothes from the flat, they're saying I have to stay another night -"

  
"Is anything wrong?" Robert heard the worry in Aaron's voice and it almost justified never having the balls to say _it_ back.

  
"Routine checks or something. I'm fine, just a bit tired." Ed said before letting out a yawn. "So could ya, you know get some stuff for me and bring it here?"

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "What now?" He asked, plans of spending the day with Robert slipped from his grasp.

  
"If that's alright." Ed said, in such an 'Ed - way' that Aaron almost instantly gave in.

  
Aaron pinched the bridge of his noes, "Um let me just square it with work and then I'll see what I can do yeah?"

  
"Cheers babe, you're a life saver." Ed whispered down the phone and Aaron had to smile he thought, it was polite to smile.

  
"I'll see ya later then." Aaron said before hearing Ed say the same and ending the call.

 

Robert was by the sofa as Aaron turned around.

  
"He needs some stuff being bought to the hospital for him." Aaron said, suddenly a little nervous about the mention of Ed in front of Robert, _especially_ after last night.

  
Robert nodded, "Do you want me to drive ya over?" He asked, not really knowing why and then regretting it as Aaron pulled a face.

  
"That'd be beyond weird." Aaron shook his head hard and Robert looked away shyly before gaining some confidence.

  
"Why would it be weird? He knows how ya feel about me?" Robert blinked slowly and Aaron rolled his eyes knowing that Robert just wanted to be reminded of last night.

  
"Yeah well I doubt he knows what I let ya do to me last night." Aaron tried to find some humour in the situation but he was still on edge.

  
Robert rose to his feet, "I suppose I'll see ya later then." He leaned towards Aaron as if to kiss him and then he cleared his throat, unsure of himself.

  
With every kiss, every touch, he'd fall harder and wouldn't be able to let Aaron go and then he'd trap the man into this life he'd never be sure Aaron _truly_ wanted. But then again he couldn't deny how badly he wanted to, how instinctual it all was.

  
Aaron's eyes flickered and it felt as though he had read inserts thoughts as he placed a hand to the blonde man's chest, "I'll do all the initiating, you just play along." He whispered and something about it made Robert melt as he felt Aaron kiss his mouth slowly and then a little faster before pulling away and walking towards the door.

  
"See ya later." Aaron said, blushing a little as he closed the door behind him and left Robert shaking his head, overwhelmed still by the effect the boy had on him.

 

***

 

Aaron felt odd as he unlocked the door to the flat, he hadn't been there in weeks and it felt odd. It put him on edge. The walls seemed whiter, the air colder. Aaron gulped as he walked into the living room and spotted a few cans laid out on the table, all empty. It made him think back to times when Ed was low. He used to drink to block out a bad game, an argument.

  
Aaron couldn't help but feel guilty about it, for making him like that. He knew it was because of him Ed was training hard in the rain, not thinking straight. It was all his fault.

  
Suddenly Aaron didn't want to hang around a second longer, he was darting into Ed's bedroom, _their_ bedroom and looking around for clothes to pack into a bag. It made him shake a little as he caught side of a picture, Ed had taken it a few years ago when they were in Paris. Aaron remembered the day, they had been happy then because they were having _fun_ and being _young_ and up for sex every minute of the day. Aaron held the frame in his hand and admired how young they looked, Ed less muscly and Aaron with no facial hair at all. Ed was looking at Aaron, smiley and bright and Aaron was pulling face. It summed out how serious they both were about their relationship then really. It meant so much more to Ed, it always had and Aaron would never understand how he had managed to make someone like Ed _love_ him like he did.

Aaron didn't hang around, it took him a few minutes for him to dart out the door and head towards the hospital. Aaron caught his breath as he reached Ed's room and saw him laid out on the bed, his leg was bandaged up and he looked tired as he fluttered his eyes towards the door.

  
Aaron shuffled on his feet and walked inside the room, the sound of machines beeping nearby made him tense a little.

Suddenly he was imagining how Ed must have felt when he visited him, when it was him in hospital rather than Ed. He must have been beside himself with worry, anxious and frightened and _fearful_. Aaron didn't feel like that, he felt sad and sorry but a part of him knew that no _love_ was felt even now. He could admit to loving him, he thought, but not romantically. More like a love you have when you're just so familiar with someone, when you're _fond_ of someone and could be completely at ease with.

But that was all.

  
"Hiya." Ed seemed to perk up as he saw Aaron and suddenly he was shuffling on the bed.

  
Aaron raised an eyebrow and waved up the small bag he was holding, "I bought ya some stuff." He mumbled softly and placed the bag on the bed before looking up at Ed. He met Ed's eyes and tried to smile.

  
"Cheers." Ed sighed, pulling himself up a bit more and then pulling a little face.

  
"Ay are you okay?" Aaron asked me, worry in his voice as he spoke and placed his hand on Ed's.

  
Ed nodded, "I'm fine." He sighed but looking towards the sheets. "How's Robert?"

  
Aaron stared for a few seconds, Ed saying Robert's name felt odd and wrong and suddenly he didn't know what to say because he had been trying to block out what had happened the night before but now it was all he could think of. Robert's hands on him, Robert and him kissing passionately - all opened mouthed and filled with heat.

  
It put him on edge, made him question what Ed knew but then as he looked up at him he saw nothing but genuine curiosity in his eyes.

  
"He - he's uh, good." Aaron pushed out the words and Ed nodded before frowning.

  
"Don't looked so shocked, the last time I spoke to him he promised to keep his hands off ya, so we sorta settled our differences."

  
Aaron's eyes flickered as he heard Ed speak.

  
"What?" Aaron blurted out. "When?"

  
The thought of Robert making a promise to Ed and then breaking it, intentionally, made him not know how to feel.

  
"When you were in here, when it was Robert's fault - the second time. He came back to ours and was feeling all sorry about it and I told him how I felt." Ed said, looking up at Aaron as he spoke.

  
Aaron looked towards the floor, removing his hand from Ed's and gulping. "How _did_ you feel?"

  
Ed sighed, "Like he was taking you away from me, like he had this - this ability to ruin us by - by ya know, sleeping with ya and taking full advantage of the spell."

  
Aaron shivered at the way it sounded. He hadn't been taken advantage of last night, he _wanted_ it and he could _feel_ the spell breaking as they made love. He knew that it was the last thing that has to happen before he could realise he loved Robert for real now.

  
Aaron gulped as he registered the words, he felt sick with guilt because Ed had been so adamant that Robert would have been the problem when in fact it was him. It was Aaron who kissed Robert, who tugged at him and pulled into the hall and asked where they should fuck. It was all _him_.

  
"But he told me he wouldn't, he said he knew that they'd be no point because what me and you have," Ed grabbed at Aaron's hand and smiled. "It's real. He can't ruin that."

  
Aaron blinked softly knowing that Robert had shattered it all. He couldn't say that though so instead he just nodded and started unzipping the bag.

  
Ed lifted himself up so that he could see what was inside, a frown appeared on his face as he did so.

  
"What?" Aaron said, noticing Ed's face fall a little in disappointment.

  
"You didn't bring my charger." Ed clicked his tongue and then shook his head before looking further, "Or that rugby magazine by the bed side."

  
Aaron sighed hard, angry at himself for neglecting the things Ed needed. "Fuck." He said shakily and already Ed was laughing as if he didn't care.

  
"Hey it's alright. I'm not even allowed to use my phone in here really." Ed smiled softly.

  
Aaron shook his head and suddenly pulled out his phone, "No, no I'll- I'll call Robert and ask him to go and get you it yeah? And the magazine."

  
"Don't be stupid Aaron."

  
Aaron ignored him, shaking his head and looking towards his phone as he found Robert's number. He knew he was overreacting but somehow if made him feel better, it was an attempt to stop feeling so guilty about hurting Ed and loving and not regretting sleeping with Robert at the same time.

  
"No - no it's fine. We have a spare key don't we? Yeah, yeah right at the front of the flats. Right? No, under the mat. Yeah we do." Aaron started typing, making mistakes and then restarting the sentence again and again.

 

 **Robert:**  
_I_ _need_ _you_ _to_ _go_ _to_ _Ed's_ _flat_ _and_ _get_ _him_ _a_ _magazine_ , _it's_ _urgent_. _There's_ _a_ _spare_ _key_ _under_ _the_ _mat_.

 

"Aaron _please_ ," Ed forced out and Aaron looked up sharply.

  
"It's alright - he'll bring it yeah?" Aaron leaned towards Ed and tried to smile.

  
Ed's eyes flickered and then he frowned. "Are you - has something happened?"

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, he had forgotten how well Ed knew him. They had been together for a while and he had seen Aaron at his lowest. He knew him. He could detect the signs and although he didn't always provide the best comfort, he _tried_. He always tried.

  
"Nothing." Aaron said simply and then regretted being so sharp as he saw Ed seem even more concerned. "Seriously, I'm fine."

  
Ed gulped, "Somethings happened." He said darkly, his eyes lowering instinctively onto Aaron's forearms - he was searching for scars, his eyes burning into the sleeves of Aaron's jumper.

  
"No. _Nothing_ like that I promise ya." Aaron said slowly, looking into Ed's eyes.

  
"Then what?"

  
The question hung in the air as Aaron stood there. He didn't know what to say. Something _had_ happened, he'd slept with Robert, he had falling in love with Robert for _real_. He was _certain_. A lot had happened.

  
"I just -" 'say it, just admit it' "I was just -"

  
"Worried. Feeling guilty about the accident I had 'cos you weren't there." Ed said knowingly and Aaron was stunned, it wasn't wrong so he nodded.

  
"Yeah." Aaron whispered softly.

  
"Well don't be," Ed shrugged his shoulders and then suddenly he was pulling Aaron towards him and kissing him hard. Aaron lifted his eyebrows in surprise, his eyes open as Ed pressed his lips against his. He didn't feel anything that he should, he thought to himself as Robert entered his mind. Ed and him had been passionate once, once upon a time when Aaron was drawn to the muscles and the strengths and how safe Ed made him feel as they made love time and time again.

  
Ed pulled away and smiled. "Soon this will all be over yeah? It'll just be me and you." Ed hugged at Aaron and Aaron let him, moving an arm around towards Ed's back and kissing the side of his head. There was still something about Ed's hugs that made him feel protected against the world so he hung on tighter.

 

***

 

Robert should have been answering emails but instead he was on the phone. Victoria had called him and he couldn't help but answer.

  
"Vic?" Robert said as he held the phone to his ear and smiled.

  
"I've been meaning to ring." Her voice was low as she spoke and Robert frowned.

  
"Yeah, why?" Robert asked a little seriously.

  
Victoria stayed silent as if she was struggling to speak.

  
"Dad said he'd came to see ya. To sort things out between ya."

  
Robert frowned, feeling as though she had missed out something but he didn't dwell because he preferred bad mouthing his so called father.

  
'Is this what he's been saying?" Robert scoffed and then shook his head. "He's unbelievable. He came and practically told me to apologise to Andy or Katie or else I'd end up alone and bitter." Robert spat the words out and sighed. "I hate him Vic."

  
"No you don't Rob, don't say that." Victoria almost pleaded down the phone, her voice tight and heavy.

  
"I _do_ , God I mean if Aaron wasn't here -"

  
"Aaron. How's he doing?" Victoria changed the tone in her voice and suddenly Robert was smiling as if the mention of Aaron was able to ease all the anger he was feeling towards his dad.

  
"He's doing fine." Robert tried to act cooly, smiling just a little as he said the words. "He's great Vic." He blurted out to fill the silence.

  
"Is he now?" Victoria teased her brother causing him so smile a little more. "Any _development_?"

  
Robert gulped hard, "Why - uh why would you say that?"

  
Victoria sighed, "Something in your voice.' She muttered before pausing. "But that's silly right 'cos next week the spell is broken."

  
Robert felt as though his dreams had been poured on with cold water. His happy mood changed and he sobered a little as he heard his sister speak.

  
"Right?" Victoria said, the silence leaving her confused. "You said nothing would happen 'cos it wouldn't do any good, because he had a _boyfriend_ -"

  
"I slept with him last night." Robert blurted the words out suddenly because it was all he could think of. He was closing his eyes and seeing Aaron, kissing him and holding him and suddenly he just had to let it out.

  
Vic tutted down the phone and Robert didn't know what to say.

  
"I slept with him Vic and - and now I _know_ I love him. I shouldn't but I do Vic." Robert was panicking as he spoke and speaking in a way that only Aaron and Victoria would ever hear.

  
"Oh Robert, what have you done that for?" Victoria sighed hard. "You know it can't work out, you told me yourself."

  
"I know." Robert pushed out harshly. "I know but I just - I couldn't help it and he _wanted_ me Vic. He wanted me too."

  
"That's because he's under a spell Rob!" Victoria almost snapped and Robert winced as he heard her. "I'm sorry, it's just - what you're saying is - I don't know whether to be happy for you or not." Victoria sighed hard and tried to reason with herself. "I just want ya to be happy Rob and I don't know if - if holding on to Aaron will make ya."

  
Robert frowned, finding truth in her words. "He makes me happy Vic. But - but I couldn't live with it, just taking him from Ed like that. Despite how many times he keeps telling me he loves me. I know it can't work."

  
Victoria sighed softly, "Oh Robert,"

  
"He was just there Vic, dad had came and hurt me so badly and - he was _there_ for me and I gave in." Robert whispered the words out and suddenly heard Victoria make a sound.

  
"About dad -" Victoria began darkly.

  
Robert frowned and then suddenly felt the phone vibrate against him, Aaron's name popped up and flashed with a message.

  
"Hold on Vic." Robert said quickly before reading the message and gulping hard.

  
The last thing he wanted was to go to Ed's flat again, it was just a reminder of everything that Aaron and him had before he came and fucked everything up.

  
Robert sighed hard and pressed down on his phone with his fingers, replying.

 

**To Aaron:**

_Yeah sure, I'll be as quick as I can._

 

Robert sighed and held the phone to his ear, "Listen Vic I've got to go yeah?"

  
Victoria sighed hard, "No - no Rob I need a word."

  
"We've talked, I'm fine and so are you and that's all I really care about. I couldn't care less about dad anymore alright?"

Robert snapped a little and suddenly he heard Vic sniffle down the phone and he felt bad. "Vic I -"

  
"Don't worry about it." Victoria said softly, "I'll let you get on with it." She said before suddenly hanging up.

  
Robert swore and looked towards the floor in frustration before sighing and putting on his shoes. He stood up suddenly and figured that by blocking out Victoria's upset he could focus on getting what Ed needed and thinking of Aaron.

 

Robert approached the flats and sat in his car as he looked at them. He remembered the last time he drove there, Ed sobbing next to him as he worried about Aaron. It had been enough to make him want to stay away from Aaron, the guilt was so bad.

It didn't stop him though, instead he _slept_ with him. Great.

  
Robert's mind wandered towards Aaron and Ed. He tensed as he thought about Aaron by _his_ bedside, unable to leave _him_ and so instead had to send Robert for things Ed needed.

  
Robert pinched his nose and frowned as he watched a young girl with blonde plaits arguing with a bloke right outside Ed's flat. She looked about thirteen and carried a backpack as she scowled towards the man who was pointing towards her. Robert rolled his eyes at the thought of having to walk past the scene to get into the flat but then he saw the man lean in a little closer and then he saw fear flash in front of her eyes. She seemed unnerved and Robert felt uncomfortable just watching and not actually helping the situation. He thought about what Aaron would do and soon he was out of the car and walking towards Ed's flat.

  
"I didn't take your stupid wallet!" The girl shouted towards the man, her body language all rigid as she spat the words out.

  
The man wore a long coat and had a bellowing p voice as he made a sound and then suddenly snapped, grabbing at the girl's arms as if he was about to shake her. Robert's eyes widened and suddenly he was putting a hand out and pushing the man back so that the girl was safe from his grip.

  
"What do ya think you're playing at?" Robert shouted towards the man, his eyes wide and alert as he spoke.

  
"This little brat stole my wallet and I want it back. Now." The man tried to look at the girl but Robert shifted his body so that she was out of his view completely.

  
"No I didn't, he's lying." The girl shrugged her shoulders and suddenly Robert turned around and saw her properly, he knew she was lying because she had honest eyes that gave it away but he still smiled at her, she seemed somehow familiar.

  
"You little -" the man made an attempt to push forward and Robert effortlessly shrugged him off.

  
"Do one now and I won't call the police." Robert ordered towards the man, catching his eyes and noticing his curly wild hair.

  
"What? She's the one who pinched my wallet in the cafe."

  
"Yeah and you're the one who assaulted a kid. You put your hands on here mate so I don't think they'll take too kindly to that." Robert had a smug smile on his face as he watched the man pale and then stagger back into he turned himself around and walked away.

  
"Thanks." Robert heard the girl say and suddenly he cleared his throat and turned around to see her. He nodded his head and then tensed his jaw, "You alright?" He asked before seeing her nod and deciding to smile. "How much was in it?" He asked and it didn't take long for the girl to roll her eyes and smile back.

  
"I just needed some money for a bus fare - I've only used the coins. Honest." The girl reasoned, shrugging her shoulders as she spoke.

  
"Right then..." Robert dug a hand in his pocket. "So you're taking the bus now yeah?" He somehow felt this need to know she was going to be alright, even though it was in the middle of the day and she was a blatant thief.

  
The girl pulled a face and stared up at the flat. "I'm waiting for someone, well actually they're not here." She sighed hard and shook her head. "I'll just wait a while, they don't know I'm coming." Her eyes glistened and she let out a smile. "It's a surprise."

  
Robert raised an eyebrow and smirked as he watched her lean against the wall of the building.

  
"Why don't you just give them a ring?" Robert asked, squinting a little in confusion.

  
The girl sighed, "My phone's dead." She said quickly, raising her phone and waving the blank screen in front of Robert.

  
Robert pushed his phone in front of her but she shook her head. "Uh I don't know his number off by heart. Soz."

  
Robert looked up at the flats, he didn't want to go in and be reminded of what he had taken from Ed. Instead he could present Aaron with this charity case and it'd be a good excuse as to why he didn't get Ed a magazine or whatever he wanted.

  
"Well I can't leave ya here." He sighed hard and she looked up at him almost confused. "My flat isn't far, charge your phone up, find his number and give him a ring yeah? You can use my charger." He smiled at her but she still looked at him the same.

  
"Why?" The girl blurted out, shuffling on her feet. "You're not a perv or out are ya?"

  
Robert's eyes widened at the question, "What? No _no_ uh ah I was just, look you don't have to -" he realised that this act of kindness was probably fuelled by how he had handled things with Victoria. Another younger girl, this time he could help.

  
The girl walked towards Robert and smiled, "Fine. Suits me." She shrugged her shoulders again and Robert relaxed a little.

  
"Robert." Robert said, extending his hand for her to shake. "Thirty, blonde, an arse but definitely _not_ a perv."

  
The girl chuckled and shook Robert's hand, "Lola." She seemed to struggle getting the name out as she stood there. "Fourteen, blonde, a thief but not _too_ bad at getting away with it."

They shook hands and Robert guided her to the car, hearing her gasp as they approached it. He laughed and felt lighter as they drove back to his flat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked this chapter, there are subtle hints scattered in this chapter about Jack and also Lola and I hope I don't disappoint! <3


	19. Little sisters cause trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron receives devasting news about the progress he thought he and Robert had made Robert discovers who the mystery girl is and finds himself enthralled in a day out with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation ;))  
> I love Liv so much so I couldn't have her be mentioned in this and not have her actually feature in some of the chapters. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this cheeky chapter and also look out for little bits about the Sugdens ... it will all make sense soon!

Aaron let Ed go finally, kissing his cheek as he walked towards the door and left feeling guilty for everything. He had tears in his eyes as he walked slowly through the hospital and thought of the mess he had made of his life. He could tell himself that it was all because of a spell but he knew he played a staring role in last night's performance.

  
"Love!" Aaron turned to the side and saw the nurse that knew him, knew _about_ him. Sheila, he remembered.

  
"Hi." Aaron said glumly, drying his eyes a little as he approached her.

  
Sheila frowned at Aaron and appeared gentle as she gestured for Aaron to follow her into a room.

  
"Visiting that muscle man of yours then?" Sheila gave a smile and watched Aaron nearly fall apart at the reference to Ed. Suddenly she was all apologetic and Aaron had to shake his head in protest.

  
"It's not your fault. It's mine." Aaron pushed out angrily.

  
"What is love? Ed? He had an accident, nothing you could have done there." Sheila tried softly but Aaron still shook his head.

  
"It's not just that - it's - I feel  _so_ guilty after what I did but I _can't_ regret it. I don't want to regret it." Aaron had tears in his eyes and was suddenly pushing down on his hands.

  
"Regret what love? What did you do?"

  
Aaron gulped, "It's what me _and_ Robert did." Aaron leaned closer to her. "We slept together last night and - and I think I managed to break the spell. I love him, for real."

  
He had excitement somewhere in his voice and Sheila stared wide eyed and shocked as she heard the young man.

  
"You - slept together?" Sheila stumbled on her words. "That's all that happened Aaron, _nothing_ else." She seemed a little defeated as she spoke as if she knew Aaron was ready to protest.

  
Aaron shook his head, "No listen, something _changed_ and - I can't describe it but,but it felt like I was pushing past a feeling and entering another. Love. Real love." The thought made him giddy and sick at the same time.

  
"Love that's impossible, you still have a few days left don't you?" Sheila reasoned slowly.

  
Aaron frowned, "Then how do you explain the fact that I don't feel _pain_ when I'm with Ed? I was just with him for about an hour in there and I didn't feel an ounce."

  
"You've worked through the pain. It's possible Aaron." Sheila tried, her hand coming up to her head as she spoke.

  
"No, no what's happened is I've broke the spell. But Robert won't believe me, he keeps telling me to stop talking about it because it's not possible -"

  
"He's right Aaron. He's the one with Lovealthesit. He should know a little more shouldn't he?" Sheila raised an eyebrow and Aaron realised she was right for a second before shaking his head. He wasn't giving up on this.

  
"He won't let me _explain_. He's just - shutting me down and -"

  
"You know how Robert feels about you Aaron."

  
Aaron shuddered, _he loves me I think._

  
"Last night would have been a big deal for that lad, sleeping with you, strengthening all his feelings. For what? You to forget him next week."

  
It stung as she spoke and Aaron had to look away.

  
"This is so hard for him Aaron, I told him not to let his feelings get any deeper but obviously he couldn't help himself." Sheila sighed softly, not annoyed but almost a little frustrated.

  
"You going on about the spell being broken - what do you think it's doing to him eh? It's giving him false hope. Love, he already wishes you weren't under a spell, don't make him believe it's true because it'll make it even worse when you forget him."

  
_I wish there wasn't, I wish Aaron, I fucking wish -_  They had kissed after that.

  
Aaron gulped, feeling even worse than before. "How do you explain how real it feels then?" He just wanted answers.

  
Sheila tutted gently and held Aaron's hand, "This stage is called Phantom Luv." Aaron frowned hard. "It's when the spell appears to be slowing down because the love gets more intense. Sometimes, rarely, real feelings can slip in," Aaron raised his head in hope but Sheila just shook her head sadly, "They're only small though, just feelings of ah uh attachment, fondness, not love." Aaron's lip quivered and he sighed hard as he looked towards the floor and realised nothing had changed at all and in fact all he was doing was hurting Robert even more.

  
Aaron sniffed and suddenly pulled the arm of his jumper up, "This came today." He looked down at the number in disgust and Sheila looked away sadly. "So - I guess it really is happening then, me pretending that all this might be real is - is _pointless_." He whispered before standing up and racing out the door, determined not to cry his eyes out in front of the nurse.

 

***

 

Aaron felt defeated as he walked towards the door of the flat and heard laughter from inside. He frowned hard as it continued, all high and -

  
A woman? Aaron tightened his grip on the handle and then hesitated again as it stopped and he listened to how young the voice was. A girl, a young girl. He thought of Victoria and then shook his head. She wouldn't have travelled all this way, he told himself as he opened the door.

  
Robert stared up at him as Aaron searched for the girl who had been laughing and talking only seconds ago.

  
"Hey." Robert seemed a little nervous as he stood and greeted Aaron. "Look I'm sorry about those magazines and -"

  
Aaron blinked quickly, he had forgot all about that. The conversation with Sheila had shook him to the core and made him realise that any affection he gave Robert was only going to hurt him even more because _apparently he was wrong and no spell had been broken so Robert would just let the month end, let them end because he'd think it was for the best._

  
Aaron shook his head, "Is someone here?" He asked, pointing towards the bag on the sofa.

  
Robert gulped, "Uh yeah. I was about to go into Ed's flat and I saw some guy really laying into this kid, she was waiting for someone but didn't have any battery on her phone so -"

  
Aaron frowned, "There's some random kid in the flat?" He asked, the question didn't really need to be answered.

  
Robert sighed and walked towards Aaron, "She's just charging her phone up and then she'll be on her way." He said before kissing Aaron's cheek.

  
Aaron flinched away, Sheila and Ed in his mind. Robert noticed and suddenly felt worried.

  
"Is everything alright?" Robert whispered but then the door of the bathroom opened and the girl was heading towards them, her head towards a bracelet she was wearing.

  
Aaron made a little sound, gasping as he saw the girl and realised who it was.

  
Robert looked at Aaron and then saw the girl look up and stare exactly the same way back. Her eyes wide and alert and smiling.

  
"Er Aaron this, this is -"

  
"Liv." Aaron said, tears in his eyes quickly. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked and suddenly Liv was racing towards him and crashing into his arms.

  
Robert watched, stunned because he couldn't believe he had helped the girl that meant so much to Aaron, his little baby sister.

Aaron pulled away and began playing with his sister's hair. "Well?" He asked gently, trying to work out how she'd come all this way.

  
"Mum's not doing great." Liv said darkly, "Auntie Lizzy is looking after her and I hate feeling like I'm in the way as she tries to look after me too."

  
Aaron tutted, a hand on her arm. "Liv you're _supposed_ to be looked after, you're the kid." He reasoned before smiling at her and softening.

  
"I just wanted to see ya." Liv said hopefully. "But you weren't at your flat." She said before frowning. "What _are_ you doing here?"

  
Aaron looked towards Robert nervously, _good question_. "I - uh I could ask you the same question." He forced out smile, arching his eyebrows.

  
Liv turned towards Robert and shrugged, "He was helpful."

  
Aaron shook his head, "You just went off in a stranger's car?" He yelled out, hands flying. Robert hadn't seen him like that before.

  
Liv groaned, "It was broad daylight Aaron." She tutted. "I _did_ ask if he was a perv before I got in his car."

  
Aaron rolled his eyes in frustration and Robert laughed.

  
"And she did say her name was Lola. Very inventive that." Robert chipped in, looking at Aaron and seeing how wound up he still seemed. "No harm done yeah?" He said, a little softer as he looked towards Aaron and watched the younger man relax a little.

  
Aaron smiled just a little, "Well this is Robert as you know." Aaron looked towards Robert as he spoke to his sister. "I've been staying with him for a few weeks."

  
Liv pulled a face. "What about Ed? Where's he gone? I knocked today at the flat but no one answered."

  
Aaron gulped, wondering if there was any point in telling her everything if he would forget next week. No, no point.

  
Liv frowned gently, "Are you not together any -"

  
"They are." Robert pushed out because Aaron was being more than useless. "Aaron's a mate, I needed someone to - to make up this month's rent and - well he offered to help." It was a poor reason and Liv already seemed to question him.

  
"And what? Ed is happy about you living away from him?" Liv made a point of talking to her brother as she spoke, she wanted answers from _him_.

  
"He's in hospital at the moment." Aaron blurted out and suddenly Liv's eyes widened. He felt bad instantly because he knew how much Liv liked Ed, and all his rugby mates and free tickets to matches. She liked _him_ though, Aaron was sure of it.

  
"He's fine don't worry, just - he had an accident. That's all."

  
Liv sighed and looked towards the sofa, "I take it I'm sleeping here then. You only have two rooms right?"

  
Aaron looked nervously at Robert. They had days left together and now they were lumbered with a teenager who wanted her brother's full attention after not seeing him for weeks.

  
"I - uh -" Robert stammered as he tried to work out what to say to her.

  
"Liv you can't just stay here." Aaron said suddenly before sighing. "Your mum - she'll be worried sick."

  
"About herself, not me. I told her, she knows I'm here." Liv reasoned, pulling on her hoodie that matched Aaron's.

  
Aaron squinted, unconvinced. "Does she? Are you sure about that?"

  
Liv rolled her head back, "Yeah." She let out with a moan.

  
Aaron gestured towards Robert and suddenly they were walking towards the kitchen area, backs away from Liv.

  
"I didn't know she was even *thinking of coming here." Aaron panicked. "God Robert I'm -"

  
Robert lifted his head, "If you're going to say 'sorry' don't. Don't be silly." He put a hand on Aaron's arm and then pulled it away again as he watched Liv from the corner of his eye.

  
Aaron twisted his lip with his teeth, "I haven't seen her in ages." He whispered, letting out a smile. "One night yeah? I'll take her out tomorrow and then I'll sort things out with her mum."

  
Robert smiled, he thought he should have been angrier with the girl who was potentially ruining his and Aaron's last days together. But he wasn't, he liked here he saw so much of Aaron in her he couldn't possibly find her any less than amazing already.

  
"Mind if I tag along?" Robert asked gently before watching Aaron's eyes appear glassy as he nodded.

  
Liv coughed loudly and they turned towards her. "Got any food? I'm starving."

  
Robert smiled and walked towards her, pushing out a tenner from his pocket. "Go down the end of this road and get us some kebabs eh? My treat."

  
Liv frowned yet still smiled at him. "Er - I'm the one who's actually going to get it so -"

  
Robert leaned towards her, "Yeah well consider yourself lucky I ain't making you carry them back on your head, I _could_ tell Aaron how I came across you this afternoon. Does the word wallet ring a bell." He was teasing her and her eyes widened in shock before she shook her head.

  
"You wouldn't." Liv said, a smile in her face, in her eyes.

  
"Try me." Robert winked before walking back towards Aaron at the sink. "Off you go little Liv." He teased before hearing the door slam shut behind her.

 

***

 

 

The four disappeared over night, replaced with a big black **3** printed on Aaron's skin.

 

 

***

 

They went out the next day, Aaron couldn't help but walk a little close to Robert as Liv walked ahead, he told himself she hadn't noticed how his hands brushed along side Robert's every now and again.

  
"She's ahead." Aaron whispered, his hands falling into Robert's and his eyes fluttering as Robert holds it back. "She can't see." He adds and then he feels Robert make small circles on his knuckles.

  
Robert smiled, feeling himself relax as he thought back to that morning. He had almost forgot that Liv was in the living room, fast asleep on the sofa as he went to make Aaron and him coffee.

  
"Thankfully. Just like this morning." Robert teased, whispering into Aaron's ear and making Aaron blush and remember his own silly actions the night before.

  
He hadn't been able to sleep in the spare room, it felt odd and wrong. The bed was too cold and the pillow felt lumpy as he tried to settle so instead of sleeping there he has crept across the floorboards and laid next to Robert. Their chests meeting as they embraced and Robert welcomed him back with a kiss, he hadn't been able to rest either.

  
"She wouldn't have just walked in on us." Aaron said quickly as he watched Liv continue walking ahead.

  
"Yeah but if she was awake she would have seen us _both_ leave what she thinks is just my room." Robert pointed out and Aaron paled.

  
"Shit yeah sorry." Aaron looked towards the floor and sighed before feeling Robert squeeze his hand.

  
"Yeah well I wasn't complaining last night _or_ this morning so ..." Robert looked into Aaron's eyes and nearly leant in to kiss him before he saw Liv turn around sharply and smile.

  
Aaron instantly pulled his hand away and started talking about something completely different, avoiding his sister's stare as Robert looked towards the floor sheepishly.

  
"Uh are we getting something to eat? I'm literally _starving_." Liv said, pointing towards her stomach and pulling a dramatic face.

  
Robert rolled his eyes and walked towards her, "Well considering you are _literally_ starving." Aaron smiled as he watched Robert place his hands on her shoulder and make her laugh a little. He couldn't believe how well they complimented each other. "I think I can stretch to a fancy pizza or something."

  
Aaron frowned as Liv smiled and began pulling Robert towards a restaurant she had spotted.

  
"Lead the way." Robert said, feeling Liv let go and begin walking towards it. He stared at Aaron and saw the frown still on his face. "What have I done?"

  
Aaron felt himself melt as he tutted. "You're spoiling her. You already got her dinner yesterday - she's _my_ sister, I should be -"

  
Robert looked ahead and saw Liv was nearly out of sight, suddenly he took the chance and kissed Aaron hard on the lips. Aaron was a little shocked but gave in. He was kissing Robert back and then feeling the older man pull away.

  
"It's nearly over now Aaron." Aaron knew exactly what he was talking about, the giant 3 on his arm filled his mind and he instantly pushed his head towards the floor, struck with deep upset. "Hey," Robert lifted his head up gently. "I want to spoil her, I won't ever see her again." Robert cleared his throat as if the thought moved him. "Let me yeah?" He added with a whisper and suddenly Aaron was nodding and accepting and loving Robert even more than he ever thought possible.

 

***

  
Liv ordered the cheapest pizza on the menu and Aaron could tell it was done on purpose, he knew that his little sister had some sort of awareness of his own insecurities.

  
Aaron sat down next to her and Robert sat opposite them, a foot resting beside Aaron's and stroking up and down the younger man's leg making him smile a little shyly as he felt Robert close to him.

  
"So how did ya meet then?" Liv was full of questions suddenly and directing them openly so that Robert and Aaron seemed to freeze and not know what to say.

  
Aaron cleared his throat, she was his sister after all. "Uh he bought his car to the garage and we got talking." He tried to make it sound casual and Robert nodded

  
"Right, you just randomly started talking then." Liv knew what she was doing as the atmosphere grew tense. "Didn't think you were big on chat?" She added, looking towards her brother and making Robert laugh.

  
"Yeah well I'm a great talker." Robert said lamely before shifting on his seat and feeling Liv look at him still.

  
"Aren't you a bit old to be having twenty something year old mates?" Liv questioned with a smile that made Aaron gasp in absolute horror.

  
" _Liv_." Aaron hissed, "What is wrong -"

  
Robert just laughed though, her bluntness reminded him of Victoria when she was a teenager. "I'm only thirty and what can I say? Aaron wasn't that bad and - he's helped me loads." The last part made Aaron pull his head up and smile, almost blushing.

  
"Hm that's good of him isn't it?" Liv said, picking at the leftovers of her pizza and seeing the look on her brother's face, she'd never seen him like that before.

  
Robert looked towards his phone and saw that Victoria had tried calling him, he bite down on his lip and then sighed. She was making an effort with him so he had to make some back, even if they would probably talk about Aaron for the majority of the time. Robert stood up and Aaron's eyes followed him. "Everything alright?" He asked, leaning towards Robert a little.

  
"It's Vic, I should ring her back." Robert said, dialling her number as he began to walk away.

  
"Who's Vic?" Liv said, watching Robert walk out of sight. "Girlfriend?" She added a little sadness in her voice as she spoke and Aaron looked towards her quickly.

  
"What? No. No his sister." Aaron seemed agitated by the questioning as he looked down at his own phone.

  
"You gonna give Ed a ring?" Liv pushed out, testing the waters.

  
Aaron's jaw tensed, "No." He forced out, he was thinking of him though and he was shocked that Liv could almost _tell_.

  
"You don't want to." Liv said, leaning back on her chair. "Because it's over isn't it? Robert - it's him you want to be with."  
Aaron's eyes widened a little and Liv simply smiled, almost victorious.

  
"How - _no_ Liv. You've got it all wrong okay?" Aaron pushed a hand out in front of him and was suddenly thankful that his phone rang. Saved by the bell he thought as Adam started going on about something Aaron didn't care about.

 

Robert hugged at his leather jacket as he stood outside the restaurant and held the phone to his ear. "Vic? You rang - is everything okay?"

  
Victoria sounded as if she was trying hard not to let her emotions get the better of her. "Uh well not really. It's sorta kicked off again -"

  
Robert pinched his nose and sighed, "I take it the 'again' part refers to me? It's all kicked off again over me?"

  
He didn't know what to really think as he waited for a reply.

  
Victoria sighed, "Yes it's about you!" She snapped before settling herself.

  
"What did I do?" Robert let out with a frustrated look on his face as he spoke to her.

  
"It's more about what dad did." Victoria stopped herself short suddenly. "He - he had a row with Andy over you."

  
Robert held his breath, "Did you just say -"

  
"Listen you should come home." Victoria blurted out. "There's - something, something I need to tell you." Her voice was serious suddenly and Robert didn't say anything, his mind screamed 'don't you dare' though.

  
"I can't Vic." Robert whispered as he looked towards the restaurant and sees Aaron and Liv sitting there, he can't leave, not when he only has a few days left.

  
"Robert, it's urgent. Everything's just a mess and now Andy's not even talking to dad." Victoria almost sounded desperate as she spoke and Robert latched onto the words.

  
_Now Andy's not even talking to dad._

  
What the hell had happened?

  
Robert cleared his throat, "But _why_?" He asked before thinking about it. "Is it because he came to see me, dad I mean? Because if so, you can tell the golden boy that it was a wasted trip."

  
Victoria tutted, "It's more than that. Look I'll explain everything when you bother coming back."

  
"Why would I?" Robert snapped, it still hurt to think of the way he was pushed out of the village her again by his family. "Vic have you forgotten what happened -"

  
"That doesn't matter. Not anymore Rob, we've got bigger problems now. You need to come -"

  
Robert didn't understand, a part of him didn't want to.

  
"No I don't Vic. I need to stay here."

  
Victoria scoffed harshly. "With Aaron?" Robert stayed silent. "Oh I get it, you've only got a few days left haven't you? He's more important than your family."

  
Robert nodded without thinking, of course was. "Yes." He snapped. "Because he makes me feel loved Vic, more than dad or - Andy ever have so I'm choosing to stay with him instead of dealing with whatever shitty problems are going on back home." He hated the way he shouted at her, apologised almost immediately as he heard her sniffle down the phone.

  
"It's fine. You're right, you shouldn't have to bother." Victoria cut the phone and Robert stood there gathering himself for a few seconds before he walked back inside the restaurant.

 

Aaron wrapped up the conversation with his best mate as he saw Robert walk back towards the table, he could tell instantly that the phone call with Victoria hadn't been successful.

  
"What's happened?" Aaron asked and Robert couldn't hide his confusion as he sat down and sighed hard. Aaron gulped and looked towards Liv.

  
Liv looked up awkwardly and took the hint. "Uh I'll - I need to go toilet." She disappeared out of sight and Aaron instantly pulled Robert's hands towards his own, holding him.

  
"What's happened?" Aaron pushed again and this time Robert shook his head.

  
"I don't know." Robert said honestly, "Vic rang and - and apparently my dad has had an argument with Andy, it's all kicked off."

  
Aaron frowned and then nodded. "Okay. About what?" Robert shifted on his seat and pulled his hands away from Aaron's. "Me of course, I cause arguments even when I'm miles away."

  
Aaron tried to smile but Robert looked towards the floor. "Something has happened, I don't know _what_ but - but -" he raised his head and looked at Aaron. "She wouldn't tell me."

  
Aaron sighed, "Why not? Why isn't -"

  
"Uh because ... she wants me to come home. She - she said she'd explain it all when I do." Robert admitted with a shrug.  
Aaron paled a little, the thought of Robert going back there and facing his family made him almost become that protective body guard again.

  
"So when are you going?" Aaron tried not to sound sad as he spoke but he couldn't help it.

  
Robert seemed shocked, his eyes widened and he suddenly leaned forward and held Aaron's hand again. "I'm not, I _can't_ go - just leave ya. Not now, not when all this is so nearly over and -" Robert cut himself off and tried not to get all emotional. "I just - I want to spend every minute I have with ya, every _single_ minute until it's all over." Aaron ducked his head and had tears in his eyes. "So yeah I'm not going back. I'd choose you over for just three days - over whatever might happen with them."

  
Aaron looked up and wiped his eyes, "You'll regret it. You'll _regret_ it all when I - I -" _forget you._

  
Robert shook his head hard. "I won't." He whispered. "Aaron you helped me realise that I don't need them. All I need is you." He didn't think he'd ever be able to say it aloud but he couldn't hold it in any longer.

  
Aaron wiped at his eyes again, "But I -" _I'll leave you, and you'll still need me but I won't know._

  
Robert smiled, "Gosh cheer up eh." He said, pushing at Aaron's arm. "Let's live for now yeah?"

  
Aaron snorted. "Don't try to be young mate." He said softly.

  
"Hm yeah well I think Liv would like it." Robert laughed and Aaron pulled a face.

  
"She reckons it's you I want to be with." Aaron said with an awkward smile.

  
Robert raised an eyebrow. "She knows about us?" He whispered, leaning towards Aaron.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I said she was wrong and then Adam rang, saved me." He leant back on his chair. "Thank God. She was pretty certain though, almost smug."

  
"We made it obvious then." Robert sipped his drink and shook his head at Aaron, teasing him.

  
"Yeah well we've got to put her straight." Aaron said, "Tell her she's very much wrong. I don't want her thinking - and then me not knowing or remembering and - do you understand?"

  
Robert nodded, "Yeah of course." He said, a little sad that Liv wouldn't know how happy her brother makes him.

 

Aaron had walked towards the bar of the restaurant and ordered them desert 'his treat' he kept saying as Robert bought out his wallet. Robert was watching him, just smiling and Liv coughed loudly, grabbing his attention.

  
"You alright?" Liv teased and suddenly Robert blushed and tried to shake his head.

  
"Yeah. Why?" Robert said, leaning back on his chair and knowing that Liv was probably going to say something to him about _Aaron_.

  
Liv turned her body and watched her brother, he was giving these little looks towards them and smiling, looks towards _Robert_.

  
"He doesn't want me to know." Liv turned back around to face Robert.

  
Robert frowned, "Know what?" He asked, knowing _exactly_ what she was trying to say.

  
Liv smiled, "About you and him." Robert tried to speak but Liv shook her head. "I think that _he_ thinks I'd be upset or something." Liv shrugged her shoulders. "That Ed not being around would make me sad but - I just want him happy. You, you seem to do that 'cos - I mean he's never looked at Ed like the way he keeps looking at you."

  
For a second Robert felt his heart flutter and he couldn't help but force down a smile but then a voice in his head screamed _you know why he looks at you like that, you know what you've done._ Robert cleared his throat and leaned towards her, "Liv - me and Aaron are literally just mates, that's all."

  
Liv scoffed, "Yeah right Robert. He said the same thing, it's all _lies_."

  
Robert shook his head, "Liv, your brother loves Ed okay?" He had grown to believe the thought, Aaron loved Ed in some sort of way.

  
Liv frowned, "Then how comes he hasn't talked about visiting him _once_? He hasn't even asked if I wanted to?"

  
Robert shook his head, deciding to ignore the point. "Look Liv, I'm just a mate of his and by next week he would have done me the favour of staying and helping with the month's rent and - and he'll be back where he belongs." He tried not to sound heartbroken but his eyes gave his feelings away.

  
Liv opened her mouth to speak but Aaron suddenly walked back towards their table and she decided against it, telling herself that she'd save her sweet evidence until they got back to the flat.

 

***

 

The sound of the TV filled the room despite the fact that no one was watching the film that had been put on for Liv's benefit mostly. Robert and Aaron had fallen asleep on the sofa, Aaron's head resting on Robert's shoulder and the older man's head tilted towards Aaron's. Liv watched with great amusement, wondering why exactly she was being kept in the dark about the fact that her brother obviously was with Robert now instead of Ed. Nice and safe Ed.

  
Robert blinked his eyes open and saw Liv turn her attention towards her phone. Suddenly he realised just _how_ him and Aaron had fallen asleep and he shoved at the younger man so that they weren't leaning on each other so obviously anymore.

  
"Gosh." Aaron grumbled out, noticing how his hand had covered Robert's as they rested on the sofa, looking like some tired married couple. Aaron pulled the hand away and Robert cleared his throat and yawned, looking down at his watch and noticing the time.

  
"Bit late now isn't it?" Robert sighed, yawning again as he stood up and looked at Liv. "Sorry for taking your - bed." He pointed towards the sofa and Aaron stood up awkwardly, wondering how much his sister had seen.

  
Liv turned round to Robert, "You looked very _comfortable_ , didn't want to intrude." She teased before seeing Aaron's face redden.

  
"Right I'm off to bed then." Aaron instinctively turned towards Robert and nearly leant in before Robert's eyes widened and Aaron just punched at his shoulder awkwardly. "Night mate." He said quickly before ruffling at Liv's hair.

  
" _Your_ bed yeah Aaron?" Liv called out and Robert's face paled as Aaron froze on the spot.

  
Robert gulped hard as he watched Aaron slowly turn towards his little sister and try to scoff. "Er yeah, what sort of -"

  
Liv stood up quickly, "You _both_ obviously think I'm a kid or summat which is why you're lying to me about both of ya getting it on." She snapped, her cheeks getting red.

  
Robert blushed and Aaron began to walk towards her trying to fight back how embarrassed he was about it all, "Liv it's nothing like that -"

  
"I thought you'd say as much." Liv suddenly stormed towards Aaron's room and left Robert and Aaron standing awkwardly in the living room.

  
"Maybe we should just tell her we're together." Robert whispered, he didn't mind her knowing at all.

  
Aaron frowned. "Rob if she knows then what's she going to say when she visits next and I'm back with Ed? She's going to want to know where you are and I can't tell her that!"

  
"I'm sure Ed wouldn't mind coming up with a few stories." Robert mumbled just as Liv re - entered the room with something behind her back.

  
"I worked it out when you looked at each other weirdly when I said I'd have to sleep on the sofa. So," Liv showed them the object that was behind her back. A wooden spoon. "I put this under your pillow." She said to Aaron, pointing the spoon in his direction. "I figured if you were sleeping there you'd probably mention it in the morning. But ... you didn't."

  
Aaron's jaw literally dropped in shock, he couldn't believe how sneaky his sister was capable of being. He remembered the pillow being lumpy but he didn't stay around to investigate, instead he just walked over to Robert's room and held the older man tight.

  
Robert couldn't hide how impressed he was and suddenly he was smiling at Liv and catching Aaron's worried look, he didn't know what to say.

  
Aaron blew out a shallow breath, "Listen Liv, this is - it's all _really_ complicated at the moment alright?"

  
Liv frowned, "So by that you mean you're still with Ed?" Aaron rolled his eyes at her sharpness and then nodded his head.

  
"It's just a _fling_." Aaron moved a hand over his eyes. "I can't believe I'm discussing this with my little sister." He added awkwardly.

  
Robert flinched at the word 'fling' and wanted to scream ' _a fling where I love you and you love me and we've felt like this for the longest time and we could try and make this work if I wasn't such a selfish arse with Lovealthesit'_

  
Liv turned towards Robert, almost wanting to confirm what her brother had admitted. "We uh - we're mates first and foremost." Aaron raised his head. "Just having a few nights - _together_ before he leaves." The word 'me' hung in the air but Liv didn't seem to question the sad look on Robert's face or the way his eyes had gone glassy.

  
"Fine." Liv pushed out before walking towards the sofa and slumping herself down in defeat. "Night then _mates_." She said, still unconvinced that her brother hadn't seriously fallen for the older man with kind eyes and a sense of humour that matched her own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sixth form finishes tomorrow YAYYYY so I am really hoping (I might be being optimistic here) to finish writing by Christmas Day and upload every day leading up to Sunday??? It could happen guys, it could be a really cute Christmas present but it's not set in stone really. I'm hoping!


	20. Spanner in the works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandra turns up wanting answers. Aaron and Robert face the wrath of Ed and realise they only have two more days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, wohoyyyyy! Enjoy this chapter guys ;)

Robert woke the next morning with just one thought in his mind, _Two Days_. Aaron was beside him, his head on Robert's chest snoring softly and Robert had to squeeze at him a little just to check that this was real, that he really _did_ only have two more days with Aaron until it was over.

  
_Say it. Just tell him you love him and you don't need to worry anymore_ he thought about how simple it sounded, how _easy_ it would be to sit Aaron down and confess what Aaron already knew but aloud this time. It would be perfect and then it wouldn't be. Every morning Robert would be plagued with guilt, he would have robbed Aaron of a whole life he had, Ed would be heartbroken and Aaron wouldn't _really_ be his. Aaron would never _truly_ love him despite all the 'different' feelings that had exploded after they made love that night.

  
Aaron kissed at Robert's chest lazily as he moved up on the bed and saw Robert, his face looked filled with worry and Aaron suddenly frowned. "Babe? What's - what's wrong?"

  
Robert's eyes fell on Aaron's forearm and he was almost haunted by the number **2** that stared back. Aaron quickly dropped his arm and kissed Robert hard on the lips, pinning the older man's arms back and deepening their pleasure again and again as he pressed into him.

  
"I can't - I can't tell you how much I'll miss that." Robert panted as Aaron pulled away with a smile.

  
Aaron wanted to agree but he knew he wouldn't remember the feel of Robert's lips against his or the countless freckles that he could count as they made love over and over again.

  
"I wish - I could say the same." Aaron's lip wobbled a little and Robert kissed his forehead, he didn't want to see Aaron crying.

  
Robert gently let Aaron go as he moved off the bed and went to one of the drawers. "I was going to give you this - tomorrow or something but -" he turned around and passed Aaron a card, golden and shiny and almost delicate to touch.

  
Aaron smoothed the edges with his palm and looked up at Robert, "Is it soppy?" He asked with a little laugh.

  
Robert pulled a face, "A bit yeah." He admitted, "Open it tomorrow, I just wanted you to have it with you now so you don't feel upset." Aaron held the card to his chest and then leaned towards Robert, "I love you, I do - so don't you tell me I don't."

He had tears in his eyes as he hugged at Robert and felt the older man cling onto him.

  
"You know I -" Robert mumbled out into Aaron's shoulder. Aaron pulled away and looked at Robert.

  
"I know." Aaron nodded gently, kissing Robert's cheek.

  
"Seriously, in any other life - you'd be mine for _real_ and I'd never let you go. You know that right?" Robert whispered, holding onto Aaron's face and watching him nod. "You will always be the one who got away." He added sadly and Aaron gasped a little. "And I'll never feel like this again." He seemed haunted by his own words and Aaron kissed him then, trying to forget everything and just focus on their bodies and moving together.

 

***

 

"Oh you've decided to rise then?" Liv sat at the table eating a slice of toast and texting on her phone.

  
Aaron looked towards her sheepishly, after all the soppy chat, Robert had taken control and they'd enjoyed themselves in bed and then in the shower before they both realised they had a teenager living with them at the moment.

  
"Oh Ed rang by the way." Liv said cooly as she sipped at her drink. Aaron's eyes widened as Robert came walking towards them.

  
"What did he say?" Aaron asked leaning towards his sister.

  
Liv shook her head, "To tell ya that he's back home and that he misses ya and he'll see ya in two days."

  
Robert bristled as he walked towards the kitchen and Aaron nodded his head at his sister.

  
"So you're going back in two days then?" Liv said, dragging her words out and trying to get a reaction.

  
Robert turned towards her. "That's when the month is up." He spoke cooly as if he was unfazed by his words completely.

  
Liv squinted and then looked towards her phone again. Aaron walked towards Robert and sighed hard, "I've got work in a bit, only a half day though." He pointed out and watched Robert's face fall.

  
"I thought we could -" Robert's gaze dropped down towards Aaron's covered arm. "Just drive out somewhere, do whatever." He whispered, a hand on Aaron's waist as he spoke and looked to see if Liv was staring, she wasn't.

  
"Later." Aaron promised. "I'm taking her with me to the garage, working her hard." He said looking towards Liv and smiling.

  
There was a knock on the door and Liv suddenly grew sheepish, almost cowering as Robert went to answer it. His eyes fell on a woman he didn't recognise, red hair and wide eyes and looking completely shocked as she saw Robert standing there.

  
"Oh my - who are _you_?" The woman asked and Robert scoffed, staring at her in disbelief.

  
"Uh I could ask you the same question." Robert said and suddenly Aaron was coming towards him.

 

The woman seemed relieved as she saw Aaron and Robert frowned as the younger man let out an awkward smile.

  
"Sandra." Aaron said slowly before looking at Robert. "This is -"

  
"Where's my daughter!" Sandra shouted and suddenly Liv appeared to walk towards them.

  
"Hiya." Liv whispered almost to herself.

  
Sandra barged herself through the door and hugged at her daughter fiercely, Liv stood there, not reciprocating the embrace as her arms stayed by her side.

  
"Olivia what are you doing?" Sandra said bluntly and Aaron suddenly walked towards them.

  
"She's staying with me." Aaron pointed out casually, "Because you were ill again." He added and the look on Sandra's face told him he was wrong.

  
"Oh is that what she said?" Sandra looked towards Liv and shook her head.

  
"It's the truth! You were all down and sad and so -"

  
"You thought you'd just swan off to London." Sandra snapped before looking at Aaron. "And you just let her? I thought you had more sense than that Aaron." Aaron's face fell a little and Robert hated how insecure he looked.

  
"What did you expect him to do just let her sleep on the streets. Liv told us you were fine with it." Robert moved towards them and almost stood in front of Aaron, shielding him from the woman's disapproval.

  
"Who are you again?" Sandra spat angrily.

  
Robert cleared his throat, "Robert. Aaron's mate, I live here."

  
Sandra eyes him for a second, "Well Robert, I wasn't fine with it. One minute she's sulking upstairs and the next my sister's showing me a note she's left me saying she's gone down to see Aaron for a few days."

  
Aaron shoot a look at Liv.

  
"How did you not ring me?" Sandra said, clearly frustrated.

  
Aaron found strength somewhere, probably in Robert as he walked towards Sandra, "How did _you_ not ring _me_? Your daughter had travelled all this way and you didn't think to check if she had made it alright?"

  
Robert shook his head, "Or were you too busy being wrapped up in yourself."

  
"Robert -" Aaron said, noticing the tears in Sandra's eyes.

  
"No, no there's a reason she came all this way. It wasn't just to see her brother." Robert looked at Liv who had her head down. "It was more like a cry for help, attention from you."

  
"You don't even know me." Sandra said, pulling at Liv and holding her.

  
"You're right but I've got a pretty good impression." Robert said before walking towards the table and taking a seat.

  
Aaron cleared his throat, "How - how did you know where to find me?" He asked Sandra.

  
"Your Ed told me you'd been staying here for a few weeks, helping out a mate." Sandra sighed, "Thanks for letting me know you'd changed address." She hissed.

  
Aaron shook his head, "Why didn't he warn us." He sighed but Liv was already looking at him sheepishly.

  
"Ah well he did say that on the phone too." Liv whispered, "But I thought you'd miss her."

  
Sandra shook her head, "I can't believe this. This is all -"

  
Liv rolled her eyes, "Stop blaming Aaron, he's been great and so has Robert." Robert raised his head and smiled kindly at Liv.  
Sandra tutted, "Yeah well - much appreciated." She forced out, "C'mon let's go now." Sandra said, pushing at Liv's arm again.  
Aaron knew it was coming but he didn't want Liv to go just yet. Robert stood up, knowing that Aaron had been saddened by the news of her leaving so soon.

  
"I want to stay here. Mum please -" Liv pleaded, her hands out in front of her.

  
Sandra sighed and leant down a little, "I know that you love your brother and he probably gives ya much better time than I do." Liv stared blankly, not protesting anything. "But from now on, I'm going to make sure we spend more time together yeah?"

  
Liv smiled at that, tried to anyway and then her mum hugged her.

  
"I'll wait in the car." Sandra said before looking at Aaron. "Thanks, I mean it." She offered before her eyes moved over to Robert's. "And you too, thanks for looking out for her."

  
Robert nodded, "You're welcome." He said before watching the woman leave a little calmer than when she first arrived.

  
Liv looked sad as she stood there and suddenly Aaron wrapped his arms around her, "Oi don't be sad, we'll see each other _real_ soon yeah?"

  
Liv nodded and then looked up at Robert, "Will you still be around?"

  
Robert wanted to say 'of course I will' but he knew he wouldn't be. "Uh -"

  
"You and Aaron _are_ mates first and foremost right?" Liv teased and Robert just nodded.

  
"It was nice meeting ya Liv." Robert said and then fought the urge to hug her, settling for a high five instead. "You look after him." Robert whispered to her, looking at Aaron who had began collecting her things.

  
Liv frowned, unaware he was talking about when he was nothing but a forgotten thought in Aaron's mind. "Yeah you too." She whispered back.

 

***

 

Aaron didn't want to let her go as he waited by the car with her.

  
"So I'll see ya soon then?" Liv said, her voice a little needy.

  
Aaron nodded. "Yeah, of course."

  
"Aaron?" Liv said softly to her brother. Aaron looked at her, "Mmm?"

  
"Follow your heart eh?" Liv whispered, hugging him again and then looking up at the flat window. Robert was standing there, waving and looking adorable and Aaron knew what she meant. The thought stayed as the car drove away and he looked down at his arm again.

 

***

 

 _Two_ _more_ _days_.

  
Robert saw Aaron's face, all twitchy and nervous and making him worry. He wanted to say something but then he didn't, Aaron subconsciously lifted his arm and Robert saw the number stare at him. Another reminder. Another one to ruin what they were sharing. They were at ease with themselves now, affectionate and soft and everything that Robert had always wanted them to be and of course it was all too late.

  
Robert shifted on the sofa and draped his arm a little closer to Aaron's, "Did she get home safe?" He asked, although hours had gone by he still thought of Liv and how _special_ she was, he would remember her.

  
Aaron nodded against him, "Yeah she did." He said softly before sighing.

  
Robert moved a hand closer to Aaron's and kissed his head, "You missing her?" He asked and Aaron nodded again. "Me too." Robert admitted before pulling a face at his own openness. "The place is more quiet without her here." He added before thinking of just how quiet it would be when Aaron left him too.

  
"I didn't want her to go, I mean I know she had to but -" Aaron pushed out as he sat up and looked towards Robert.

  
"You didn't want to say goodbye." Robert offered, helping and making Aaron duck his head. "I hate goodbyes too."

  
Aaron lifted his head and was flawed by how upset Robert appeared, a hand came up to hold the older man's face. "We - we won't do that, not the way everyone else does." Aaron tripped over his words but the meaning was still there and Robert couldn't help but kiss him, passionately at first and then slowing into a beautiful meeting of lips as well as minds.

  
The sound of the door being pushed open pulled them apart instantly and Robert stared, a little confused as he saw Connor standing there, a bottle half drunk in his hand and an angry look on his face as he watched.

  
Aaron turned quickly and shot up, "What - the - get out ya creep!" He snarled, watching Connor walk towards them, all off balance.

  
"I knew it." Connor spat, shaking his head. "Good thing you left the latch on eh? Because - because _he_ never would have known."

  
Robert frowned, lifting to his feet and shielding Aaron from Connor and his drunk words. "Know what?" He pushed out, praying that he hadn't seen.

  
"You two snogging each other's faces off!" Connor yelled, a hand up towards them and making Aaron cower. "Now - now _he_ gets to know what's _really_ going on."

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, "Who?" He asked, playing with his hands nervously.

  
Connor turned towards the door again and Aaron watches in horror as Ed stepped forward, tears burning his eyes and making him look so hurt it made Aaron's heart ache for him. Guilt ate at his bones as he cowered into the sofa and watched Ed walk into the room.

  
"I honestly thought it was all in my head. His too." Ed looked towards Connor who had retreated back to the door. "I thought I -"

  
Robert didn't know what to say or do as Ed looked at him, "Ed I never - I never meant to -"

  
"Ruin my life?" Ed snapped, coming closer towards Robert. "You have, you've taken him from me." He shouted before pulling at Robert's jumped and shoving him towards the wall.

  
Aaron stood up and instinct made him pull Ed away, "No _please_ , don't do this. Ed don't -"

  
Ed held on and Robert let him as he looked towards Aaron, "Let him, I deserve it." He panted out.

  
Ed shook his hand and then let Robert loose from his grip, sniffling as he looked towards Aaron. "How - how could ya?"

  
Aaron bit down on his lip and fought back a memory, an argument they had before all of this 'I saw you, you kissed him, you kissed him back' - it made him shiver but he couldn't let it fester. "I - I'm sorry Ed okay - I'm so sorry." He moved towards Ed and tried to reach out a hand but Ed turned away from him, as if he hadn't remembered the memory.

  
"Do you love me?" Ed almost whispered into the air.

  
Aaron thought about the question and nodded his head, in his own way he did love Ed. He wasn't lying about that because he had grown to realise that he loved Ed, just not the way he should do.

  
"Of course he does." Connor laughed, a drunken mess by the door as he looked towards Robert. "That's why he's snogging you isn't it Robert?"

  
Robert saw red, charging towards Connor as Ed and Aaron turned their heads to watch. "What is _wrong_ with ya?" He asked, staring down at Connor. "Why would -"

  
"Why let him go back to a happy little life when - when he's made you love him. Why does he get to be happy when - when no one else does? He gets to forget what you had but _I_ don't! I'll always know that -"

  
"He means more to me than you ever will." Robert said the words and saw the look on Connor's face, the colour drained and his eyes softened as he was about to cry.

  
Aaron let out a shaky breath and watched as Connor turned and left, practically running out of sight as Ed stayed.

  
Ed tensed, "Is this meant to be payback?" The question filled the air and Aaron's eyes widened at the thought as Robert stood perplexed. "Because you know how sorry - you _know_ and I thought we moved past that?"

  
Aaron was thankful it was bought up but then hated the way it was mentioned, "Of course it isn't payback." He spat harshly before sighing.

  
Robert saw how desperate Aaron seemed and walked towards Ed cautiously, "Listen to me Ed, he loves ya. I've made him feel the way he does for me, it's - it's fake and he'll forget it. Please I'm begging ya don't - don't punish him for my mistakes."

  
Ed flinched at the words and then felt Aaron grip onto his arm. "I forget this Ed, all this in two days will - I won't remember it." Aaron gulped hard. "But I'll remember you and what we had and I'll need ya Ed. I'm so sorry for - how I feel but -"

  
"You love me?" Ed asked again as if he needed to hear it and Aaron nodded again.

  
"I love you Ed. I _really_ do." Aaron knew it wasn't true, not really, not the way Ed loved him.

  
Ed nodded his head and then rubbed at his eyes. "You still - you'll want me after this won't you?"

  
Aaron's eyes fell on Robert's and he had to rip them away as he looked towards Ed. "Of course. Ed I need ya so much." That was true, the thought of not remembering Robert and wanting Ed was something he had thought of in his mind recently.

  
Ed sighed and allowed Aaron to hug him, hugging back a little loosely Ed kissed Aaron's head and then stepped back. Robert could feel the tension between them and felt awful. He had broken the promise he made Ed.

  
"The minute he forgets ya, you bring him home." It stung to hear the word home be used for Ed's flat but he nodded all the same as he watched Ed leave and shut the door behind him.

  
Aaron sank into the sofa and buried his head in his hands, "He'll always know I cheated on him. I didn't want him knowing that." He tutted softly and then felt Robert's arms around him.

  
"I'm sorry." Robert whispered into Aaron's ear before pulling himself away. "For everything."

  
Aaron shook his head, "Not this again." He said before turning to Robert. "I don't blame you for this."

  
"You should, me _and_ Connor."

  
Aaron rolled his eyes at the name, "Yeah well, what he said was right." Robert arched an eyebrow. "I get to go back to being with Ed, being naive and he'll always know what happened between us, so will you."

  
Robert sighed, the thought weighed heavy on his mind. "Yeah. But I'll treasure it." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'll treasure the fact that I'll never forget you. I promise Aaron."

  
Aaron kissed Robert's cheek and played with their hands. "Promise me you'll see your dad and Andy after -" _I_ _leave._

  
Robert's eyes widened, "What? No - no I don't want to." He argued, "Not after everything."

  
Aaron turned to him, "You'll need them, when I'm gone. You _will_ Robert." It hurt to be so blunt and Robert winced.

  
"I'll have Vic." Robert said shyly, "She's all the family I need."

  
"But your dad -" Robert waved a hand out. "Since when have you and him been on the same side?"

  
"We're not!" Aaron shouted, "Look I know he's - made ya feel worthless and - I hate him for that Robert but - but something, ya said _something's_ happened between him and Andy yeah? Maybe he was defending _you_?"

  
The thought had crossed Robert's mind and for the faintest minute he hoped it was true but then he fought against it. "He wasn't."

  
"How do you know that?" Aaron craned his neck. "He might want to put things right or -"

  
Robert stood up, "Yeah well it's too late for that." He pushed out. "And if Vic thinks I'm going all that way to hear him call me a disappointment again and - tell me I _need_ him then - then I won't -" Aaron stood up and placed a hand on Robert's arm, relaxing him immediately and making Robert blow out a shallow breath as he stood there.

  
"Sorry," Robert whispered. "For getting worked up about it, it's just -"

  
Aaron shook his head, "Let's not talk about it, let's go to bed." He whispered before kissing Robert's forehead. "Tomorrow -"  _it's_ _the_ _last_ _day._

  
"I'll spoil ya rotten, I'm taking ya somewhere nice." Robert hugged at Aaron's waist and smiled as he let Aaron guide him towards the bedroom, both ignoring the countdown as they embraced.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Liv is gone unfortunately :( but errrr I have dropped some hints about Jack again in this and also a certain character being not all as he seems in this chapter ... It's not a massive twist but it does change things a little. Gosh I'm teasing, if you have no clue what I'm talking about don't worry, all will be revealed tomorrow (when I next update, fingers crossed!)


	21. A fantasy of us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert enjoy a final meal together but Robert is left unsettled when Aaron tells him something about Ed which changes how he sees him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter yayyyyyy!!!! This is official the calm before the goddamn storm by the way. Seriously.

Robert opened his eyes and saw Aaron laying beside him, a feeling raced through him and made his heart race faster. He couldn't look away, he couldn't miss a second of the view in front of him because it wouldn't be there the next morning.

  
Robert felt a clump in his throat and fought against it, a hand coming up to Aaron's face instead and feeling his bristle bead tickle against him.

  
Aaron's eyes flickered open and he was smiling shyly almost instantly as he saw Robert's face, "Morning." He whispered before moving his arm and draping it over Robert's shoulder, kissing him lightly.

  
"Morning." Robert whispered back before spotting the number 1 on Aaron's arm and feeling dread hit him hard.

  
Aaron flinched, seeing the look in Robert's face and wanting to hide. "I'm sorry," he said gently, pushing his head into the covers.

  
Robert felt as if his stomach had been kicked, "Don't hide from me," his voice was so soft that it almost broke. Robert lifted his hand up and kissed Aaron's lovingly.

  
Aaron groaned as he looked up at Robert, "This sucks." He whispered into Robert's chest, "I hate this." He added, just as quietly.

  
Robert cradled Aaron's head and a part of him was almost thankful that Aaron would forget this, he wouldn't have to be in pain about it all. "I know it does." Robert kissed Aaron's head before clearing his throat, "But today isn't the time for tears, it's our last day Aaron and we're making it count. I promise."

  
Aaron smiled then and Robert mirrored him, "Yeah?" Aaron asked. Robert nodded and kissed him again, a familiar thought circling his mind _I don't want this to end._

 

_***_

 

Robert's phone kept buzzing, filling the air as Robert sat at the table with Aaron by his side, he felt the need to silence it and Aaron placed a hand on Robert's to try and ease him a little.

  
"Hey it might be important." Robert titled his head a little as he heard Aaron speak, knowing it would be Victoria ringing him again and not wanting to do anything about it.

  
Robert shook his head, "It's Vic." He huffed out quickly before sipping his coffee.

  
Aaron pulled a face, "Well you didn't leave things on good terms last time did ya?" He offered and Robert tensed as he remembered Victoria telling him to forget about it all but not really meaning that, actually wanting her brother to race back home for a reason he still wasn't sure of.

  
"No ... well no we didn't but I know what it's about." Robert said flatly and Aaron sighed. "My dad. I don't care Aaron."

  
The phone stopped buzzing and Aaron stood up to retrieve it, "At least read the messages she's left ya." He said, passing the phone over to Robert.

  
Robert looked down and saw a message.

  
_Have you heard from dad?_  Nothing else. Just that and it made Robert's blood boil at all the vagueness.

  
"What?" Aaron frowned, leaning forward until Robert showed him the message and he frowned even harder.

  
"Well have ya?" Aaron asked softly, the thought of Robert's family made him wince because he knew how they affected the man he loved and he couldn't help but hate them for it.

  
Robert shook his head hard, "No. Of course I haven't." He barked and then stopped himself, seeing the surprise on Aaron's face and kissing at the younger man's hand to try and appolgise.

  
"Look I just - I want to forget all about him, _them_." Robert forced out before hearing the clock nearby, it made his heart jump as he grabbed hold of Aaron's hand and squeezed. "Let's not spend our last day talking about him please?"

  
Aaron nodded before moving his body closer to Robert's and kissing him gently. "Alright then." He whispered gently, deciding that he couldn't upset Robert by carrying on.

  
Robert smiled, his eyes wide and full of love. "Right, go get dressed then." He said, jumping from his seat and pulling at Aaron's arms.

  
"What? What do you mean -" Robert silenced Aaron with a kiss then before rubbing at the younger man's arm. "We - we're going out, I'm taking ya out some place nice." Robert puffed out his chest proudly and then smiled. "And before you say 'I have work' don't. I called your mate and he's letting you have the day off."

  
" _Robert_." Aaron stressed, shock on his face because he knew he would somehow have to make up all the hours he had taken off.

  
Robert waved a hand up and then pulled Aaron towards his waist, softening the younger man almost instantly. "I said I was gonna spoil ya, and I intend to." His voice was like gravel and Aaron shivered as he heard it before sense came back to him.

  
"Rob there's literally no need to do this." Aaron tried, anxious about the amount this day out would cost.

  
Robert knew him, he knew that money was the thing worrying Aaron and he tutted. "Will ya stop thinking like that?" He said suddenly and Aaron blushed, a smile on his face though because they were like an old married couple reading each other's thoughts so easily.

  
"It's just -"

  
Robert put a hand through Aaron's hair, "Let me do this for you Aaron." He whispered softly into Aaron's ear. "For _us_." He added and Aaron nodded against him, giving in.

 

***

 

They showered together and that took longer than expected when you considered all the extra time they had spent kissing, pushing and holding each other against the wall.

  
Aaron looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes falling on the number again. Not being able to escape it even if it had been forgotten about whilst he was passionately kissing Robert in the shower. He couldn't escape now he thought, the number pressed itself down into his skin and made Aaron's eyes water because he wanted it gone but then he knew the minute it did that it would be over. Everything would be over and he'd forget Robert and what they had.

  
Aaron ripped his eyes away from the mirror and turned towards the shirt he had laid out on the bed. He smiled as he pulled it on, trying his hardest to think about the countdown of hours ahead.

  
"Ready?" Robert poked his head around the side of the door, smiling as he stood there hiding himself away a little.

  
Aaron frowned, looking at him. "Let me see ya then." He teased, walking towards Robert and smiling.

  
Robert ducked his head and walked into the room revealing a burgundy suit that made Aaron's mouth fall open a little. It fitted him perfectly and despite the coy way Robert pushed his hand inside a pocket, he still looked beautiful and dazzling and - 

  
"Robert you -" Aaron had never seen him look so beautiful, he thought of Robert beautiful when he was half asleep, free of worry and stress and smiling a little, freckles across his face, dancing. But not like this he thought.

  
Robert rolled his eyes, "I thought I'd make an effort." He pointed out, he had thought about what to wear like some teenage girl and then realised that Aaron hadn't seen him in his suit before. He wanted to impress but now he just felt awkward about it all, too much attention wasn't something Robert was used to.

  
"Yeah well you have and you look amazing." Aaron ducked his head and turned to kiss Robert's cheek, tiptoeing a little. "I just look -" he mumbled a little as he looked away.

  
"Sexy." Robert said before kissing Aaron and trying his hardest to stop how insecure Aaron seemed. " _Really_ sexy." He mumbled, a hand rubbing over Aaron's arm.

  
Aaron pulled away and Robert smiled before tilting his head, "So are we going out or what?"

  
Aaron nodded quickly before watching Robert pull away and walk back into the living room. Aaron stared down at his forearm again, raising his jumper and seeing the number before pulling it down quickly again and blowing out a shallow breath.

Shaking off the feeling inside and smiling as he went to join Robert. He wouldn't let time ruining what he had with Robert, he couldn't.

 

***

 

Aaron blushed as Robert opened the car door for him and watched him get out with a smile on his face. They had been driving for just over half an hour and the way Robert kept checking the time told Aaron they had reservations or something.

  
Aaron turned towards the right and saw a little restaurant open, quaint and cosy looking yet still not the type of place where you'd be able to wear trainers.

  
Aaron gulped a little before feeling Robert's arm on his waist, holding him a little.

  
"Well, do you like it?" Robert titled his head towards Aaron. "I didn't want to go anywhere _too_ busy or flash or -"

  
Aaron turned towards him and smiled, a little nervously though. "It's great." He said before walking in its direction and carefully pulling Robert along with him.

  
Robert stopped short of the restaurant and Aaron felt his reluctance. "Is it - is it too much for you?" He bit his lip and Aaron was flawed. He didn't think Robert did insecure and worried but apparently there were even more layers of Robert he hadn't properly uncovered yet, parts he'd never actually know.

  
Aaron arched his eyebrow, "I'd say if it was." Robert scoffed. "Yeah alright, maybe I'd just try and let you know without _actually_ saying it but, my point is - it isn't too much for me, so stop fussing."

  
Robert nodded and Aaron led them inside, stopping as he heard Robert give his name. He took the opportunity to act like a nutter and take in the smell of Robert, his strong scent almost made him weak as the older man brushed a hand over his and guided them to the table in the corner.

  
Aaron played with his hands as he sat there and watched Robert order them drinks and then turn to him. "What do you want to eat?" Robert asked, gesturing towards the menu Aaron hadn't even picked up.

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "Uh - whatever you have I suppose." It sounded so girly, so sickeningly in love that Aaron blushed again as the waitress waited, a smile on her face.

  
Robert smiled too, "Good, just two steaks please - both medium rare yeah?" He looked back at Aaron who nodded and then smiled again as the waitress took their menu's away.

  
Aaron loosened as she left and actually leant himself over a little so that Robert could brush their noses together if he wanted to.

  
"This place is -" Aaron looked around, seeing how empty it seemed and being thankful. He saw the candle on the table and let out a little laugh. "Romantic." He settled for.

  
Robert rolled his eyes, "I'm trying to be Aaron." He sighed, smiling a little as he looked at the younger man and felt a little unsure. "Even if -"

  
Aaron knew what was coming next and stopped Robert by pulling their hands together. "I love it." He said before ducking his head. "I love ya." He added, knowing he shouldn't have.

  
Robert nodded though, instead of shouting or becoming awkward like Aaron had dreaded. "I know and - so do you yeah?" He wanted to say the three words, couldn't though.

  
"I know." Aaron whispered back, his eyes never leaving Robert's as he spoke to him.

 

***

 

Aaron pushed a hand through his hair and watched Robert finish off the glass of wine he had in his hand, he lifted an eyebrow up and Robert laughed at the way Aaron was staring.

  
"Uh is there a problem?" Robert joked, leaning forward and watching as Aaron shrugged his shoulders and knocked a chip from him.

  
"You, being a wine person." Aaron grimaced a little and then smiled. "I suppose it's normal for _thirty_ year olds."

  
Robert gasped comically and then laughed. "Wow - cheep shot that." He said before settling the glass down and sighing.

  
"I don't remember ya drinking wine when I first met you." Aaron thought it in his head, didn't mean to say it aloud though. He _had_ been thinking about it though, their first meeting and how significant it was, how it changed everything.

  
Robert blinked, a little taken aback. "Yeah well ... I was drunken _twat_ when you first met me wasn't I. Propped up against that bar, God I was a mess." He rubbed a hand over his face and then smiled. "I don't know why you took pity on me." He added, remembering how Aaron had sat there and listened through it all. All he seemed to talk about was Chrissie back then and Aaron, a random, had cared enough to offer him advice and be _kind_.

  
Aaron pulled a face, "It wasn't pity." He shrugged his shoulders and then held them high again, "I just - I wanted to approach ya I suppose. I was _drawn_ to ya." It was awkward to admit considering he'd blocked out that night for nearly a whole month. He hadn't wanted to think about it, about _why_ he had even ended up out that night when he had a boyfriend waiting at home for him.

  
Robert's eyes flickered, "Even when -" he stopped himself, he didn't want to mention Ed and ruin it.

  
"Me and Ed -" Aaron ducked his head a little and breathed out slowly. "He, he thought we were fine but - but I knew what had happened." He cut himself short again and felt like an idiot for feeling a tightness in his stomach, he had no right to.

  
Robert leaned closer, suddenly he saw something different in Aaron's eyes. "What's - what do you mean?"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes and then settled himself a little, "Before - before all of _this_ , a few weeks before actually I saw Ed and his 'so called mate' - he, Ed kissed him, or - well he said it was the other way around but I saw. I know what I saw." Aaron chewed in his lip and saw the look in Robert's face, pure shock.

  
Robert couldn't process it or even try to because Ed was good. Ed was safe and gentle and he wouldn't hurt Aaron but he _had_.

  
"What - uh, what happened? I mean what did he say about it?" Robert stammered out quickly.

  
Aaron shook his head. "He said that it was just the once and I believed him. I do. He wouldn't cheat on me like that, he _loves_ me."

  
"But he _did_." Robert forced out, remembering the 'payback' comment he had been confused about. It made sense now.

  
Aaron darted his eyes, "Not really, I mean yeah he shouldn't have kissed him back or whatever but - but there was a reason why I didn't give him hell." Aaron clicked his tongue. "I didn't scream or shout because I wasn't even that bothered really, instead I just forgave him and carried on and then eventually slopped off to a bar - not really knowing what would happen."

  
"But when I kissed you -"

  
"I realised I wasn't a cheater." Aaron said softly, "I _couldn't_ even if I wanted to."

  
Robert smiled and then it faded as he thought about it all. "You shouldn't have told me that Aaron."

  
Aaron frowned, "Why?"

  
Robert pinched his nose, "I thought Ed was perfect. I thought he was _good_ and moral and that tomorrow you'd be going back to someone that deep down, in your own way you loved - but he hurt ya Aaron."

  
Aaron stroked Robert's knuckles, "He _is_ a good man Rob, he made a mistake yeah but I understood. Me and him had ... we'd been distant for a while and I suppose a bloke offering him some attention would have turned his head a little but he _loves_ me and - he wants to keep me safe."

  
Robert turned away quickly.

  
"He _does_ make me feel safe Rob, and - that's what I need." Aaron titled his head so that Robert couldn't avoid his stare.

  
Robert nodded, he could believe that. "He was sorry though?" He tried and Aaron nodded.

  
"The night I was at that bar, it was meant to be behind us. I - I wasn't over it yet and I know that doesn't make sense because it didn't hurt the way it should have but _still_." Robert sighed, "I get it." He mumbled before smiling, "I shouldn't be too mad actually, I mean if that hadn't happened then, then you would have never come into that bar that night."

  
Aaron smiled, "Yeah I suppose so." He said and then arched an eyebrow. "You gonna call it fate again?"

  
Robert nodded confidently, "Of course I am." He leant back and then looked a little more serious. "You've changed my life Aaron, you know that right?"

  
Aaron's mouth felt dry and he blinked out a nervous smile. "You've changed mine too. I know that, I mean it sounds silly considering I won't remember but - I swear to ya, you've changed me for the better." He had tears in his eyes as he spoke and Robert nodded along.

  
"I was uh, unsure about a lot of things before I met you Aaron, but I knew that - I mean I was sure that I hated parts of myself." Aaron raised his head and looked worried, Robert reached out and joined their hands again, "But you've healed those parts, made them seem a little less horrible and - and ugly and for that I'll always respect you and appreciate ya. I promise."

  
Aaron gasped a little, taken back by the words and unable to say anything for a whole until Robert looked away. "That's all I wanted Rob, I just want ya happy because despite the fact that you don't think ya deserve to be, you _do_ and I fucking adore you. I love you Robert -"

  
Robert's eyes began to water and he pushed a hand up to shield his face before groaning, "I don't want that to be the last time I -"

  
Aaron looked out towards the window, it was a lot darker now and he thought for a second. "It won't be. Let's go home yeah? Just me and you."

  
Robert nodded before feeling his phone vibrate again, missed calls cluttered his screen and he ignored them, purposefully not telling Aaron as they both stood up and walked towards the car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be updating again soon, because the next chapter will rip your heart out. I hope the Ed thing goes down well, I'm a little wary that people won't like it but in all honesty I always felt like Ed was of course lovely and good but almost TOO good - I could deffo imagine the situation but that's just me ... I wanted to add drama to the idea that Robert isn't letting Aaron back into the arms of like a saint, ed is not better than him in the sense that he can hurt Aaron too and that's important. I hope you liked this chapter, prepare your souls for the next....


	22. Away it (you) goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert's time draws to an end but there last few hours together are ruined by someone from Robert's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAIR WARNING THAT THERE ARE SO MANY TEARS IN THIS CHAPTER IT IS A JOKE. 
> 
> PREPARE FOR SOPPY STUFF, SADNESS, SHOCKS AND LOTS OF DAMN CRYING!!

The flat was dark when they got back and neither knew what the time was considering Aaron purposefully disabled the feature on Robert's car so that they weren't rushing anything. Robert flicked the light on and smiled, he was happy, _really_ happy and it felt odd as he thought about it. It had been so long since he had been truly happy and the fact that it was temporary was enough to make his eyes water.

  
"I had fun." Aaron offered, walking towards Robert who was by the kitchen area. "Thank you Rob." He added before kissing the side of Robert's neck and holding him.

  
Robert didn't know what to say or do, instead he just froze, let Aaron rock him a little back and forth and try not to cry about how much little time they had left. Hours, he thought, it must only be _hours_ left now.

  
Robert sniffed and Aaron pulled away gently so that he could look at the older man. "Oh no please, please don't cry." He said, hands cupping Robert's face and shaking as he did so.

  
Robert shook his head, "I don't want you leave me." He hadn't meant to say it but he had and Aaron looked horrified at the words, at the realisation.

  
"Baby you know I wouldn't, not if I - I had the choice." Aaron whispered into Robert's chest and Robert instantly felt a pang of guilt hit him hard as he realised he was to blame for Aaron forgetting him because he wouldn't just say the words.

  
"Just - just tell me you love me Rob." Aaron tried, tears in his eyes as he buried his head into Robert's neck and sought some comfort.

  
Robert's chin wobbled, he was so close to saying it but he knew he couldn't. What they had would never be real if he did, he would always know he trapped Aaron into loving him forever and the thought made him a monster.

  
"I can't." Robert shook his head and wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry for saying that, it's not fair." He whispered, referring to the comment about Aaron leaving him.

  
Aaron nodded, he looked defeated and Robert shivered as he saw his eyes, all lost of hope.

  
"Aaron." Robert titled his head towards him. "Dance with me?" It fell of his tongue and was offered to Aaron without thinking, he just wanted to hold him and sway and be happy.

  
Aaron wiped his eyes and pulled a face, "I don't _dance_." He said before trying to smile. "Where did that come from?"

  
Robert shrugged and then hugged Aaron's waist, "I want to dance with you and forget everything else, I want to hold you and - I don't want to let you go until I have to."

  
The small smile on Aaron's face faded and he looked a little serious as he draped a hand over Robert's shoulder and titled his head. "Rob, there's no music." He whispered and then Robert walked towards the side unit, pressing a few buttons on an old disc player that Aaron hadn't ever paid attention to.

  
For a few seconds nothing happened until the room was filled with _Love me tender, love me true, never let me go ..._

  
"My mum loved this song." Robert ducked his head and appeared like a shy child before Aaron walked over to him and grabbed his hands, pulling him into a dance.

  
Robert moved in time with Aaron, both of them swaying to the music as Aaron nestled his head on Robert's shoulder lovingly.

 

_Love me tender_

_Love me sweet_

_Never let me go_

_You have made my life complete_

_And I love you so_

 

Robert felt his eyes well up as he held Aaron and kissed the younger man's head softly. They still found themselves swaying to the music and Aaron could feel himself melting into Robert even further as they stood there, he couldn't let go.

  
_Love me tender_

_Love me true_

_All my dreams fulfilled_

_For my darling I love you_

_And I always will_

 

Aaron kissed Robert's chest then, "I will." He whispered and Robert let out a shaky breath, he wanted to tell him that he was wrong but there was no use in that. All he could do was agree, because that was true.

  
"So will I." He whispered back, still swaying.

  
_Love me tender_

_Love me long_

_Take me to your heart_

_For it's there that I belong_

_And we'll never part_

 

Aaron chewed on his lip as he rested against Robert's chest, he could see the night shy and it hurt, it was dark and he knew that despite not knowing the time, it was nearly over. They would part and he'd forget.

  
_Love me tender_

_Love me dear_

_Tell me you are mine_

_I'll be yours through all the years_

_Till the end of time_

 

Robert looked at Aaron then, tears in his eyes as they rocked a little, forgetting the timing of the music and almost struck by the words. Aaron wanted to shout 'I'm yours' a thousand times but he didn't, instead he kissed Robert and kissed him again and wouldn't stop.

  
_When at last my dreams come true_

_Darling this I know_

_Happiness will follow you_

_Everywhere you go_

 

Robert pulled away and let a tear fall as the song ended, stopping just as abruptly as he knew they would.

 

***

 

Aaron wiped at his eyes again and looked towards the window, "I don't know how much longer we have, I - I don't want to know." He shook his head and then looked at Robert.

  
Robert nodded and then went to sit on the sofa, Aaron following him tentatively. "Thanks for dancing with me." He said, trying to smile.

  
Aaron smiled back, "I liked it." He whispered gently before holding Robert's hand.

  
"I - I just want you to know one thing Rob -" Aaron's voice became shaky. "You keep saying you're not gonna try with your family and I don't blame ya, I really don't." Robert looked up at him. "Because they don't _love_ you like I do, no one will. I want you to remember that you - you're capable of making someone _really_ love you. Spell or no spell Robert - what I feel for ya - it," Aaron felt Robert kiss his cheek softly. "You're loved."

  
Robert didn't think it would have so much of an effect on him, simply hearing someone say he was loved but it _did_ , because for so long he had battled with the feeling, the craving of having someone love him back and now he did. Spell or no spell.

  
"So are you." Robert whispered, sometimes he forgot how Aaron said he used to be. He had surely come a long way.

  
"Me and you, we're just - I'm gonna stay with ya until the end okay?" Robert had seen Chrissie forget him, he had hated it and felt sick and swore to himself 'never again' but he couldn't leave Aaron.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I don't want ya upset." He had tears in his eyes again.

  
Robert sighed, "I don't want to say goodbye to you." He forced out. "I can't just leave now and come back later."

  
"But I'll forget -" Robert gently stroked Aaron's hand and kissed it.

  
"We're just going to lay here, close our eyes and wait yeah?" It was awful, the way it sounded was as if they were waiting for the deaths and Aaron buried his head into Robert's chest again.

  
The sound of the door opening made them both jump and Robert tried to ignore it. Aaron lifted his head up and thought of it being Connor, coming to stir up some more trouble but then he pushed it aside.

  
"Answer it Rob." Aaron whispered into Robert's side, "Just tell them to do one."

  
Robert nodded and then lifted with an uneasy feeling as he walked towards the door and opened it slowly.

  
His eyes fell on the man on the other side, he was greyer, maybe a little shorter, still wearing that stupid farm hat and panting, out of breath and looking pale as he held onto the door frame.

  
"Son, let me in." Jack panted out heavily and Robert stared back in shock.

 

***

 

It took seconds for Aaron to appear at Robert's side and his eyes widened as he looked at Jack, he looked awful, pale and small and broken and it made Aaron uncomfortable as he felt Jack stare at him.

  
Robert was almost frozen, "I - I uh, what are you doing here?" He couldn't face this now he thought, it was too much and he needed to be with Aaron now not Jack.

  
"I - uh needed to see ya son, please." Jack hunched over a little and Aaron pushed passed Robert, taking Jack's weight a little and shuffling him into the flat and onto the sofa.

  
Robert watched, stunned a little before he pulled Aaron's arm and the younger man turned around. "What are ya playing at?" Robert hissed.

  
Aaron frowned, "Look at him. There's a reason why he's come all this way Rob and it can't be just I have a go." He looked towards the sofa and then back at Robert. "Just hear him out, let him catch his breath a least."

  
Robert heard shallow breaths from the sofa and tutted, he didn't want to have to give in but Aaron's kind eyes made him.  
Robert approached the sofa and Aaron stayed where he was until Robert gestured for him to follow too.

  
"What do you want?" Robert had his head down towards the floor and Jack wiped at his forehead before sighing.

  
"To put things right, before - before it's too late son." Jack looked at Robert and his eyes had never seemed to tired before.

  
Robert's eyes began to fill with water and he hated it, "How? How are you gonna manage that?" Aaron placed a hand on Robert's back and tried to settle him.

  
Jack let out another shallow breath, "I can't bare what I've done to this family."

  
Robert's eyes twitched, shock running through him as he heard the words from his dad. He was blaming _himself_.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, equally as shocked as he saw Robert's hands shaking.

  
"What do you want me to say?" Robert tried to stop his hands from trembling. "You sent me away because you couldn't handle who I was." He snapped quickly.

  
Jack almost winced, "No son. I couldn't handle who I had made ya." There was a difference and it cut the air harshly. "I saw - saw you and I - saw myself and - all the mistakes I'd made, I just passed them on and I - I didn't help ya son." He had this look on his face that made Robert feel unsure about everything anymore.

  
"You - you hated me dad, you do." Robert was almost trying to convince himself it was true. "I messed with the one you loved more and you _hated_ me."

  
"I don't hate you Robert - I _love_ ya son." Jack was out of breath all of a sudden and Robert gasped as he heard the words, tears falling down his eyes as he tried to understand.

  
Robert blinked and then suddenly he felt his heart racing, Jack's eyes fluttered shut and he twisted in pain until he was stretched out on the floor.

  
"AARON! Help me!" Robert shuffled towards the floor and held his father's head. He hated this, he didn't want this.

  
"Son - forgive - forgive me - please I -" Jack was mumbling and Robert shook his head as he heard.

  
"Shh it's okay, stop trying to speak." Robert ordered before looking at Aaron. "Phone an ambulance for him."

  
Aaron was in shock, his hands flying to the corner of the room and dialling 999 as he watched Robert and his dad on the floor, both so broken and in pain.

 

***

 

  
Robert found himself holding his dad's hand, shaking all over as he tried to stop crying because he couldn't believe it, he couldn't get his head around it all. His dad didn't hate him, he _loved_ him. He _was_ loved.

  
Aaron crouched down beside Robert and kissed his head, "Three minutes yeah?"

  
Robert nodded, focusing on the rise and fall of his dad's chest. "I don't want him to die. I didn't want this to -"

  
Aaron held Robert closer, "Don't think like that, he'll be fine." He whispered softly.

  
Robert shook his head, "He was trying to get ahold of me and I just kept ignoring him, I just - oh God." He pulled his head down and suddenly Aaron wondered if this was how he reacted when he experienced divine heart ache. It made tears fill his eyes instantly as he waited with Robert.

  
"It's going to alright Jack." Aaron tried, not really knowing what to say as Robert sobbed quietly.

  
"I don't - I don't hate him either you know." Robert admitted gently to himself and Aaron sniffed.

  
"I know mate, I know." Aaron replied, his face wet from tears as he heard the door open and two medics rush in to help.

  
Robert peeled himself away and watched nervously with Aaron as they helped Jack, pulling masks over him and opening up a stretcher to support him.

  
"Is he alright?" Robert asked shyly as they lifted him up.

  
"He seems to be struggling with his breathing but we can't be sure yet until he is properly checked over at the hospital." The man offered an apologetic smile before turning.

  
"That's - it's okay." Aaron moved a hand up Robert's back and rested it there, sensing Robert's shoulders loosen from their tense position.

  
"Are you both coming with us?" The medic turned around and Aaron's face fell. He had nearly forgotten, how ironic.

  
His heart practically shattered as he realised that Robert _had_ to go, he had to be with his dad and his family and not Aaron. "Er no just him."

  
This time it was Robert's face that fell and the paled as he realisation hit him hard. Aaron who he would loose in a matter of hours or his dad who he could loose in a matter of minutes.

  
"We'll call ya when were leaving." The man disappeared and Robert staggered back towards the table.

  
"I'm - I'm not going. I can't go." Robert pushed out his words and grabbed at Aaron's arm. "How could you even _think_ I would?"

  
Aaron let out a shaky breath. "You need to go." He said flatly before walking away and freeing himself from Robert's grip.  
Robert frowned as he followed Aaron, "I can't leave you Aaron - not now, I _can't_ -"

  
"You can't leave your dad. He could be - there's something wrong with him Robert and I saw your face." Aaron looked crushed as he spoke. "You couldn't bare the thought of him dying, being hurt and I can't take away however long left you have with him."

  
Robert grabbed Aaron's shoulders, "I _can't_ leave you, I - you know I -" he couldn't do it, he couldn't say it and his head fell as he tried.

  
Aaron tried to be strong as he lifted Robert's head. "Tomorrow, with any luck Robert your dad - who _loves_ you will be here and still love you." He became shaky again. "I won't though." It was meant to make Robert see sense, it wasn't meant to punch Robert in the gut mercilessly.

  
Robert shook his head, "No - no I -"

  
"You know I'm right Robert, you need to be with him because he'll be around longer than I will and you need him. You'll need him like I need Ed." Aaron realised how it sounded and tried to look away.

  
Robert gulped, "How can you say that? I want to be here with you. You're all I need." He pressed their foreheads together and Aaron pulled away, saving them both.

  
"Until I forget who you are." Aaron whispered. "I couldn't bare the thought of you being alone Robert, you need your family and your dad _loves_ you. Please Robert, I'm okay with this."

  
Robert cried then, "Promise?" He whispered and Aaron nodded against him.

  
"Please don't be angry with me Aaron, I - I'm so sorry." It was his way of agreeing, his way of saying he'd leave and Aaron held him.

  
"Of course not, there's nothing to apologise for, you've have to go babe, it's okay." Aaron knew this was love, selfless love at its finest.

  
Robert closed his eyes and imagined Aaron becoming confused and scared in a flat he didn't know, he hated it. "I'm - I'm gonna try and come back before." He said quickly. "I just - I don't want to say goodbye."

  
"Ready now." The medic appeared at the door again and Robert nodded as he watched him disappear back down the stairs.

  
Aaron stood and pulled Robert to his feet. "This isn't goodbye okay?" Aaron whispered before holding onto Robert for dear life and tightening his arms around the older man's neck, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

  
His words filled the air and Robert smiled as he let Aaron go. "I'll see you later yeah?" He offered, their hands were still joined as he tried to pull away and Aaron hate to bite back the need to say 'don't leave me' as he let his hand fall.

  
"I'll see ya later Sugden." Aaron said, soft and slow and his eyes never leaving Robert's as he backed towards the door and gave him this one final look that said, 'I love you Aaron.' Before he disappeared and Aaron fell to the ground, knowing deep down that he'd never see Robert Sugden the same way again.

 

***

 

Robert bit down on his lip nervously as he walked into the hospital behind his father, he had been practically no use to them considering he didn't know much about his dad anymore. He had blocked out most things so he had no clue what was wrong with him.

  
"Where are you taking him?" Robert whispered, still too broken to make sense of anything. He wanted Aaron to be there by his side, he needed him.

  
"Just running some tests, sit yourself down and we'll call you when we can." The nurse seemed to try and settle him but it was no use as he stood there alone, watching his dad disappear from his view.

  
Robert looked down and felt his phone in his pocket. Victoria. He had to tell her, he had to try and explain why their dad had travelled all this way.

  
Robert sighed as he went to sit down on one of the chairs and then frowned as he heard a familiar voice.

  
"Please just check for us. He shouldn't be out on his own, he's ill. Please." It was Victoria, he was sure of it and Robert suddenly moved towards the voice, needing to hear it again amongst the busy hospital noise.

  
"He might have gone to Rob's Vic let's check okay?" It was Andy and Robert froze as he saw his face, his brother with his arms around his sister. It made him shiver a little and feel unsure about what do.

  
He couldn't understand it and his mouth felt dry until Victoria raised her head and gasped, "Robert?" She called out before racing into his arms and making Andy look away.

  
Robert's heart raced as he held her and then felt her pull away. "Are you here with Aaron? Is he okay?"

  
Robert shook his head slowly and gulped, "It's dad." Andy walked towards them then and raised an eyebrow.

  
"Is he here?" Andy asked, no softness in his voice as he spoke.

  
Robert nodded, "He came to the flat and he - he collapsed, I don't know what's wrong -"

  
"This is all your fault." Andy leant closer and Robert could see hate in his eyes, he truly believed it was all done to him.

  
"Don't say that to him, he didn't know." Victoria whispered loudly, her back to Robert.

  
"Exactly, because he was ignoring your calls Vic. He didn't care and he didn't deserve dad caring about him either."

  
Robert pushed a hand through his hair, "What is he on about Vic?" He asked, his voice shaky as he spoke.

  
Vic turned around slowly and had tears in her eyes, "Why weren't you answering my calls Rob?" She whispered, "If you just answered then -"

  
"Then what? Something's wrong, something's happened." Robert tensed as he saw the look on Andy's face. "'Tell me." He added, hands stretched out.

  
"Dad was adamant that he was - was going to come down and sort it all out with ya but - that's why I was ringing you and wanted ya to come home instead because he isn't up for it, not in his condition Robert." Victoria sighed after she spoke and Robert still stared blankly expecting me. "I didn't want you finding out like this but -"

  
"Dad's dying." Andy forced out, his eyes fixed on Robert's as he spoke. "He has cancer and he's not got long and he wanted to make peace with ya even though I told him it was pointless."

  
The words cut through Robert suddenly, he staggered a little until he was sitting on a chair and he could feel Victoria rubbing his back. All he could think of was the fact that he was going to loose Aaron and his dad, they both were leaving him and he couldn't bare it.

 

***

 

Aaron sat there on the sofa for a bit, crying and then stopping and then crying again when he put back the song that they had danced to earlier. He knew he had done what was right, what Robert needed but he couldn't help but feel sick with sadness because Robert had left him, not the other way around, not like what he thought would happen.

  
Aaron sighed as he walked towards their room and found himself laying on the bed, lovesick as he buried his head into Robert's pillow that still smelt of him, it was comforting. The sight of the drawer made him remember that gold envelope that Robert had given him, the one he hadn't opened yet. He quickly reached across and grabbed it, smiling nervously as he opened it up and saw the card inside.

  
It was blank on the outside and as he looked inside he could see Robert's writing. He bit down on his lip as he braced himself to read it.

 

_Dear Aaron,_

_When you read this it will nearly be the end of us and that seems strange because we should have had longer. A month. That's all it was. Four weeks of you being forced into my life and that's it for me, you're it for me. I know it's not simple and it won't work out, but you'll always have a place in my heart and I won't be able to find anyone like you again, I wouldn't want to._

_You hated me at first, hated what I did to you and didn't blame you for it but then you loved me and it was the best feeling in the world. I'm sorry I took it for granted and hurt you and made you cry Aaron, I never ever wanted that because you know how I feel about you. I didn't mean to fall in love with you but I did and I want you to know that you've made me so happy and I'm so grateful for that._

_We didn't have long together but you'll always be with me, even when you forget about how amazing we once were. You made me smile, stop hating myself and who I was, you made me realise that I might be a good person after all and most of all, you made me realise that I was capable of loving someone whole heartedly._

_I do. I love you Aaron, I always will. I know it. I'm sorry not being able to tell you but I swear I do, I could write it out a thousand times but I think the ink would run out and I've left you a little poem on the other side of this._

_I know you'll forget me but I'll always remember you, forever Aaron._

_All my love, every single bit, forever yours,  
Robert. Xx_

 

Aaron hated how easily it managed to break him, the tears fell gently and then all at once he was sobbing to himself again. He blew out a deep breath and turned the card over, a small poem on the other side.

 

**I read this at school and thought it was shit because I was an idiot and I didn't realise what it meant. I do now though and all I can think about is the time we had together. Don't call me soft please.**

 

 _Love’s time’s beggar, but even a single hour,_  
_bright as a dropped coin, makes love rich._  
_We find an hour together, spend it not on flowers_  
or wine, but the whole of the summer sky and a grass ditch.  
 _For thousands of seconds we kiss; your hair_  
like treasure on the ground; the Midas light  
turning your limbs to gold. Time slows, for here  
we are millionaires, backhanding the night  
so nothing dark will end our shining hour,  
no jewel hold a candle to the cuckoo spit  
hung from the blade of grass at your ear,  
no chandelier or spotlight see you better lit  
than here. Now. Time hates love, wants love poor,  
but love spins gold, gold, gold from straw.  
 

Aaron read it over and over again and smiled, there time together had been limited but their love had been able to shine through it all and make things good and meaningful.

  
Aaron held the poem to his chest and rested his head against the pillow, smiling a little as he shut his eyes and thought of Robert.

 

***

 

Robert pulled his head up and let out a shaky breath as Victoria continued to rub at his back. He wished it was Aaron instead, longed for his touch, his soft voice that could calm his mind.

  
"I didn't want to have you finding out like this." Victoria sniffed before scowling at Andy.

  
Robert shook his head, it didn't matter how he found out - at least he knew. "How long have you known?"

  
Andy sighed, "He told us a few days ago." He shook his head and looked towards his brother. "He hasn't got long."

  
Robert frowned and put his head in his hands. "What does that actually mean?" He forced out slowly, he didn't understand what 'long' actually meant.

  
Victoria placed a hand on Robert's. "They said - if we're lucky then maybe a few weeks."

  
Robert breathed in and looked towards his sister. "Weeks?" He didn't understand, he wouldn't let himself because it was too much to think about. "What if - what if we're not lucky, what then?" 

  
Andy shook his head hard, "Any day now."

  
"No, he can't be -" Robert settled himself a little, knowing that it wasn't helping Victoria. "It makes sense now I suppose." He whispered softly as Victoria looked at him. "Why he came all this way, why he kept wanting to get in touch, why he -"

  
"You know how he is about family, he couldn't bare the thought of you being separated from us, him not being able to sort things out before he ..." Victoria trailed off and Robert had to look away from her.

  
"Regardless of everything that's happened, family means everything to him." Andy pushed out before sitting next to his siblings and daring to look at Robert.

  
Robert bit his lip hard and thought about it, Jack was a family man - always had been. "You know that's a bit hard to believe though, after all the fighting. Him sending me away."

  
"Now isn't the time for that." Victoria snapped before sighing and looking at Robert. "Did you hear him out, I mean did he get the chance to say anything before -"

  
Robert nodded, "He said he didn't hate me, that he loved me." Andy looked up at that and Robert couldn't help himself. "I bet you hate that don't you? That's why you argued."

  
Andy stood up, "You don't know anything about that." He looked tense and Robert stood up to match him.

  
"I have a pretty good idea though, what? My dad isn't allowed to feel guilty for chucking me out the family home just because it means you aren't golden boy anymore?"

  
Victoria pushed him back, "That's enough. I mean it." She hissed, her eyes darting towards both of her brothers. "We can't have this right now." She added before noticing a nurse walking towards them.

  
"Uh is there any news about Jack Sugden?" Victoria asked, her eyes a little hopeful.

  
The nurse had a sad expression on her face as she looked at her, "He - he's still struggling a little for breath but we've managed to deal with his pain. Considering his condition, his state isn't alarming us at the moment." 

  
Robert nodded, it wasn't good news then. Simply, for someone dying of cancer his state was pretty normal.

  
"Can we go see him?" Robert lifted his head as he heard Andy speak and thought about going to see him as some sort of family.

  
"Yes, yes of course." The nurse said before walking away, hurrying herself a little.

  
"Come on then." Andy mumbled, his head towards the floor. Robert raised his head, a little unsure and thinking of Aaron. Aaron would make him feel better.

  
Victoria nodded and raised to her feet before standing with Andy. "You coming too then?" Andy asked, this time directing his words towards Robert.

  
Victoria smiled, tension easing itself a little as Robert stood slowly and walked with them towards Jack's room.

 

Jack had his eyes open and let out a cough as he saw Victoria first enter the room, followed by Andy and then Robert trailing behind.

  
"You can't keep scaring us like that." Victoria had tears in her eyes as she squeezed her father's arm and tutted.

  
Robert looked at his dad, he had more colour in his face and seemed a little more alert.

  
"You shouldn't have run off like that dad." Andy piped up, "We were worried about ya."

  
Jack nodded slowly and then looked at Robert, smiling. "I couldn't leave things the way they were." He said, his eyes not leaving Robert's. 

  
Robert ducked his head shyly and Victoria nodded hers.

  
"I understand that, I do but - dad you're not well - you can't afford to just -"

  
"I'm dying sweetheart, it doesn't really matter does it." The words hung in the air and Robert tensed.

  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Jack looked at Robert again and shifted on the bed.

  
"That doesn't matter now, at least I know." Robert wiped at his face and Jack looked between his children.

  
"This is what I wanted." Jack said simply and Victoria grabbed hold of his hand as she stood there.

  
Robert stared blankly at them, still unsure how to feel and his mind constantly driven by the thought of Aaron. How much longer?

  
"Could you give us a minute." Jack cleared his throat and Andy looked towards Robert, knowing that's who his father wanted a minute alone with.

  
Victoria nodded, letting go of Jack's hand and smiling. "I should ring Diane, tell her not to worry eh?"

  
Andy stood there for a few seconds, as if defying his dad's words and then he suddenly shuffled his feet, his eyes looking up at Robert. "Don't make him worse." He said before leaving.

  
Robert found his feet shuffling towards Jack's bed and he felt his chest tighten. "I'm glad you're okay. Really I am." He didn't know what else to say as Jack looked at him.

  
"Son," Jack pushed out weakly, "I need you to forgive me before I - before this kills me good and proper lad." 

  
Robert nodded, he had told himself so many times that it was too late to mend things between them but he had never heard his father speak with such sincerity before, as if he really meant it.

  
"What you said, everything you've said has been right son. I've - I've pushed you away, haven't been there for you because I was ashamed." Robert's eyes widened. "Not of you though son, of myself for not being _there_ for you - I projected everything onto you instead of helping you. Instead of being there for you I - I made sure I was better with Andy and Victoria, as if that made up for it all somehow."

  
Robert couldn't speak, he didn't know how he was supposed to react to this level of honesty that was being presented to him by his dad. It was fresh and new and odd.

  
"I'm sorry for failing you." There, blunt, cutting, right there for Robert to hold. He didn't know what do do with it, it just just sat there and then Robert had tears in his eyes because if he wasn't overwhelmed before then this was another level of the emotion taking hold.

  
"You - do you mean that?" Robert whispered and Jack nodded quickly towards him.

  
"I - I always thought that it was me you blamed dad? You - you were ashamed of _me_ and what I'd done. You still are."

  
"I was disappointed son. That was all." Jack said softly, his voice image Robert shiver. "I hate myself and I knew you hate yourself too." He didn't, Aaron had taught him how not to hate himself nearly as much as he once did.

  
"I'm sorry son." Robert heard the words and couldn't help but know they were real. That his dad actually meant them.

  
Jack shifted a little on his bed and saw the look on Robert's face, worry. "I didn't mean to scare you earlier or Aaron for that matter. He -" Robert turned away because it ached. Jack noticed and cleared his throat, "He's a good lad, _good_. You don't get many of them."

  
Robert looked up and tried to see the look in his father's face, stomaching the words and wondering if this was his nod of approval.

  
"He stuck up for you didn't he?" Jack titled his head towards Robert and watched his son nod a little in agreement. "He's good." He said again and this time Robert looked up and Jack nodded his head as if to say ' _yeah, I approve_.'

  
Robert ripped his eyes away, "It's pointless now dad." He spat, a hand coming up to rub his face. He imagined Aaron at home, crying into a pillow all alone and he couldn't handle it.

  
"Why? Has something happened or -"

  
"Today was out last day." Robert said plainly, playing with his hands. "I knew it was coming but I just -" his head ducked slowly and Jack cleared his throat.

  
"I ruined your last few hours." Jack realised, "You need to go back." Robert raised his head. "Go back and tell him that you love him son." He practically ordered and Robert stared wide eyed.

  
"It's - it's too late for that, he's - I can't just -"

  
"You love the lad, he loves you and he makes you bloody happy doesn't he?" Jack had life in him all of a sudden and Robert had the faintest smile on his face as he heard him speak.

  
"Yeah, yeah he does." Robert admitted softly.

  
"Then away with ya boy, don't come back unless he's standing beside ya. Is that clear?" Jack pointed towards the door and then back at Robert.

  
Robert stood quickly, a sense of thrill running through him suddenly because he _knew_ he had to try, he had to get him back.

  
"Thanks." Robert offered before racing out the door and running towards his brother. "I need - your car, really quickly."

  
Andy frowned, "You running again?" He said bitterly before Victoria snatched his keys and passed them to Robert.

  
Robert shook his head and smiled at Victoria, "I'll explain later!" He called out before finding Andy's car and jumping in, back to Aaron to tell him he loved him, to say the words aloud.

 

***

 

The door of the flat opened with ease and Robert felt a shiver race through him as he walked in slowly.

  
"Aaron?" He called out, panting a little and trying his hardest not to think about the fact that he had run out of time.

  
_He'll remember me, of course he'll remember me, it's not too late._

  
The lights in the living room were still on but Aaron wasn't there and Robert frowned as he walked into the hallway, staring into their room and seeing him lay there.

  
He was asleep, his chest rising and falling gently as he gripped onto the card that Robert had written him, _still_.

  
He looked beautiful as Robert creeped into the room and crouched down beside the bed, he pulled a hand up to Aaron's face and gently stroked his cheek. It had been less than an hour but he still had missed him so much, he had longed for him. He needed him to open his eyes and comfort him as he told all about his dad, and him dying any day now.

  
"Aaron," Robert whispered into the sheets, so soft and tender that it nearly broke. "Babe wake up, I'm back - hey," he gently touched Aaron's hair and smiled. "I'm back like I said, I said I couldn't leave you and I haven't." He whispered against Aaron and then felt the younger man stir.

  
Robert's heart raced as Aaron began to open his eyes, flickering them a little and showing Robert just his blue they were.

  
"Hey, hey Aaron I'm here." Robert whispered, a hand finding Aaron's and holding tight.

  
Aaron looked at Robert and his heart raced increased, speeding and thumping and going wild.

  
Robert frowned as he saw the way Aaron was looking at him, his mind filled with dread and suddenly he gripped onto the sheets to try and stop himself from breaking down.

  
"Aaron?" Robert begged, trying again to hold onto Aaron as he knelt there. "Aaron it's me, please God no."

  
Aaron frowned as Robert came nearer, flinching away and staring blankly. "Who - what am I doing here? Who are you?"

  
Robert felt his world almost fall apart as he looked at Aaron, confusion and panic written on his face as he tried so desperately to make sense of everything like Chrissie once tried to.

  
"I don't - I don't know where I am." Aaron flinched away again and then shuffled out of the bed. "Did we?" He pointed down towards the bed and Robert stood up, hating everything in the world for making Aaron forget him like this.

  
"Aaron don't panic okay?" Robert moved towards Aaron, hands out in front of him but Aaron turned, walking towards the living room and pulling a hand through his hair.

  
"I don't get it, can you just tell me where I am because I -" Aaron stopped himself and frowned. "Ed. I need Ed, can - I need to go to see Ed." His hands flew out in front of him and he stared at Robert, just a man in front of him that he didn't recognise.

  
Robert's heart ached, "Gosh no, Aaron please don't - don't do this." He couldn't handle it, he thought he could but he couldn't. Tears were in his eyes again and he shuddered as Aaron backed away from him.

  
"Do what? Listen if we - if we slept together then I - I _really_ don't remember but you need to stay away from me okay?" Aaron had his hands out as if to protect himself and Robert had to look away.

  
"Please Aaron," Robert begged, "Don't do this to me, I fucking need you." He shook his head and Aaron titled his.

  
"Are you okay?" Of course Aaron was being kind to a stranger, that's how they first met. Aaron being kind as always.

  
Robert _shook_ his head and dared to walk towards Aaron. "No, no because -" he looked at Aaron and ached. "Because I _love_ you, you _idiot_ and - you don't know anything anymore and -" Aaron's eyes widened in shock, he didn't know what to say or do. He just felt sorry for the man. "I love you Aaron and it's too late." He was practically sobbing into Aaron's chest and the younger men tensed around him.

  
"I think you've had a bit too much to drink." Aaron pulled himself away. "I don't know where I am, _shit_." He bit his nails nervously and started to get panicked again as he looked towards the door. "I need to go -"

  
Robert raced towards the door and blocked Aaron's way. "No, no it's okay." He had to stay calm, to try and make this easy for Aaron and not let his emotions take over. Robert wiped his eyes, "I'll ring Ed for you okay?"

  
Aaron nodded slowly, "You know Ed?" He asked with a frown on his face.

  
"Uh - yeah, I - yeah I do. I'm his mate Aaron, you -" Robert didn't know what to say as he struggled to come up with a story that made sense, "You're just a little confused that's all."

  
"Why am I here? I don't know you." Aaron pushed out, his hands a little shaky.

  
Robert tried to ignore the way it hurt as he nodded. "You've not been feeling too great recently, remember?" Aaron closed his eyes, he felt as if there was a hug black hole missing from his mind and he wasn't sure of anything.

  
"So -"

  
"I'm looking after you for a bit, Ed has - been away." Robert let out before seeing how confused Aaron seemed and walking towards him.

  
"You said you loved -"

  
Robert gulped, "I'm -" he tried to let out an uneasy laugh. "I'm just a bit tipsy, thought you were my ex or summat just - don't worry yeah?"

  
Aaron nodded again, he looked so vulnerable and unsure still.

  
Robert held his phone and dialled Ed's number before turning away and telling him to come and get Aaron. It took seconds for him to agree.

  
"He's on his way." Robert turned towards Aaron again and smiled. "It's okay."

  
Aaron felt this need to say sorry as he saw the man in front of him, his eyes were red and his face was puffy and he looked so tired.

  
"Are you sure you're alright?" Aaron whispered, titling his head towards Robert. "I'm sorry for - freaking out a little."

  
Robert nodded his head wanting to hold Aaron and kiss him and not let him go. "It's fine, you just - you're confused."

  
Aaron nodded this time, "I'm sorry I don't remember you." Robert's head shot up and he couldn't fight back his tears, it was almost like _his_ Aaron was speaking to him and he couldn't help but lean forward and rub at Aaron's arms.

  
"Don't be sorry, don't worry -" Robert leant his forehead against Aaron's and then felt Aaron pull away.

  
"I'm sorry I -" Robert knew he was freaking Aaron out even more but he couldn't control it.

  
The door knocked and Aaron looked up in hope that killed Robert. He wanted to leave. Robert fought back the urge to bolt the door and walked towards it slowly, Ed was standing there, hair messy from sleep probably and a worried look on his face.

  
"Is he alright?" Ed spoke lowly as he looked at Robert. "Tell me he's -"

  
Ed looked into the flat and saw Aaron, he smiled at him and Aaron smiled back. It made Robert stagger back and open the door wider, "See for yourself." He whispered before Ed walked into the flat and hugged Aaron tightly.

  
Aaron felt safe in his arms and the confusion melted, he could still see the blonde man though, standing by the door looking heartbroken for some reason.

  
"Thanks for ringing." Ed turned towards Robert and Aaron frowned.

  
"He's your mate isn't he?" Aaron tried to make sense of it and Ed nodded slowly.

  
"Yeah babe, let's - let's get you home now yeah?" Ed guided Aaron towards the door before looking at Robert again. "I'll get his things tomorrow." He whispered, firm hands in Aaron's shoulders as he guided him away.

  
Aaron stopped, something telling him to. "Thank you," he whispered to Robert, to a stranger in his eyes. A fragile one.

  
Robert's chin wobbled as he nodded and moved out of the way so they both could leave. He was crying inside, drowning and needing Aaron to turn around and just remember him, just _remember_ but he didn't.

  
"Aaron!" Robert looked towards Aaron, he was halfway down the hall and he turned back with a frown on his face.

  
Ed turned too though, "Don't you dare." He said quickly, his eyes darkening as he realised that Robert had the power to start it all up again.

  
Robert stopped himself, smiling at Aaron instead. "I'll see ya later yeah?" His exact words, the _exact_ words he had used earlier.

  
Aaron frowned, his eyes flickering as if the words meant something to him but he didn't know what. It was comforting though and he smiled as he turned back around and disappeared from Robert's sight - leaving the older man a mess, broken and alone and completely and utterly destroyed with only himself to blame.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... That happened. Firstly I'm so sorry about how long this chapter is but it so many plots overlapped and I couldn't end it at any given point without being mean. 
> 
> The song <3 yeah it's one of my FAVES and I had to add it somehow, I didn't know it would be so brutally used in THE chapter where it all goes very sad. 
> 
> So Jack is dying, it explains a lot of why he was constantly showing his face and why Vic wanted Robert home. Aaron was a selfless baby who sacrificed his time with Robert so that he could be with his dad. Gosh so much happened and I am more than happy to hear what you thought of it all. AARON DOESNT REMEMBER!! There isn't a catch to this, there's no pretence about it but it really isn't the end yet because this is Aaron and Robert and ... no more needs to be said really.
> 
> I hope I didn't disappoint :((( but I always (since the beginning) wanted to write the scene where Robert races home and there is a little bit of hope and then it's just gone. Anyways I should be uploading again soon, my target is to finish this all by the new year, writing and uploading so stay tuned my lovelies and don't cry too much about all this!


	23. Without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to deal with his family issues without Aaron by his side but surprisingly finds himself making amends. Aaron tries to adjust to his old life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robert definitely needs a hug in this chapter, hope you enjoy guys!

Robert flickered his eyes open and saw Aaron laying next to him. He was smiling and his eyes had never looked more beautiful as he started to kiss at Robert's neck and tried to get his attention.

  
"Aaron," Robert had tears in his eyes straight away as he reached out for him, "You came back to me."

  
Aaron nodded, "Of course I did, I love -"

  
Robert launched up from the bed and panted hard, his neck almost snapping as he looked to the space next to him, empty. Missing Aaron.

  
Robert gulped hard and held a hand to his chest, trying to calm himself down. He had been dreaming, it was all a dream and Aaron was gone.

 

Ed. He was back with Ed.

  
Robert thought about it, a few days before it would have settled him because Ed apparently didn't hurt Aaron but he _had_ , he had hurt Aaron in the past and cheated on him. He didn't deserve someone like Aaron.

  
_Neither do you_.

  
Robert fidgeted as he heard his own thoughts and then looked towards Aaron's side of the bed, it hadn't hurt like this when Chrissie had left him. He had got drunk and ended up meeting Aaron, only the love of his life mind. The one who didn't know him anymore.

  
He ripped his eyes away from the sheets, hating the emptiness and craving the sight of Aaron again before he thought of his dad.

  
He was dying, he was leaving him and there was hope there for things between them to actually get better. His dad was _sorry_ and that meant the world, it made Robert rethink everything and want to try because Aaron was right - he did need his family.

  
Robert decided to get up, a hand running through his hair as he walked into the living room and caught sight of Aaron's things, they were scattered everywhere. Just little _things_ like the pen he had stolen from the garage he worked at and the broken phone case that wouldn't fit his phone for some odd reason.

  
Robert smiled as he looked at the reminders and then he tried not to cry, tried not to become overwhelmed again by _everything_.

  
The sound of the door knocking made Robert groan, he didn't want to see anyone but his feet seemed to move towards the sound until he found themselves opening the door and seeing his sister staring at him.

  
"You alright?" Victoria smiled, walking into the flat and then sensing a change, it felt as if life had been sucked from the stylish place.

  
"Robert?" Victoria looked towards her brother and then her face fell because it made sense now, why he ran off last night, why he hadn't come back, why he looked so broken and drained. "It's Aaron isn't it?" She had forgotten all about the dwindling gays, her attention on her father instead.

  
Robert nodded his head slowly and cleared his throat, "Yeah he's gone." He spoke quickly, sniffing and looking towards the kitchen sink so that his sister couldn't see him.

  
Victoria gasped, unable not to as he hand covered her mouth and she realised how much that had taken from her brother. He was distraught and she knew it. "Oh Robert I didn't -"

  
"I was too late." Robert said plainly, making his shoulders rise and then fall. "He - had no clue who I was." He shivered before feeling Victoria walk towards him and touch his arm gently.

  
"I'm so sorry," Victoria tutted, blowing out a shallow breath. "I know how much you loved him, even though you couldn't say it out loud -"

  
"I wanted to." Robert turned towards her and allowed his sister to see the tears in his eyes, "So badly Vic." He ducked his head and then shook it. "But I ran out of time and I just had to watch him be - be so confused."

  
Victoria shook her head, "It must have been, been so awful." She whispered, "I don't know what to say."

  
"Neither did I." Robert looked towards the floor. "I didn't have a clue Vic."

  
"Hey shh, it's - it's okay." Victoria titled her head and rubbed at Robert's arms again.

  
Robert shook his head, "How? I've lost him Vic, the only person who -"

  
"Mattered." Victoria interrupted and then suddenly Robert was nodding and falling into her chest as if he was a child.

  
He let go after a while, trying to hold onto a shred of dignity as she looked at him and pitied her brother. He didn't want that.

  
"The most important thing is that he's safe, he's with Ed." Robert nodded his head and tried to convince himself that was for the best. It had to be for the best. "That's all I care about."

  
Victoria nodded, "It's okay to be sad though."

  
Robert lifted his head, "I only have myself to blame." He pointed out before staring back at his feet and trying to think of anything else to bring up. "Dad, how is he?"

  
Victoria blew out a shallow breath and shook her head, "Diane is - she's coming down to be with him." She said quickly and Robert knew what she meant. He knew that meant Jack wasn't well enough to go back to Yorkshire.

  
"He's a little weak, a little uh - fragile."

  
Robert hated the way his father looked the night before, he remembered his father as strong and brace and demanding. Not weak and limp and broken.

  
"It's weird seeing him like that, I just keep remembering the way he used to pick us up over his shoulders and -"

  
"Tell us he'd feed us to the sheep if we slipped off." It made Victoria smile, a hand coming up to her face and resting by her cheek.

  
Robert smiled with her, for a second he was happy. "We were happy then." He pointed out, "Naive to everything wrong in this shitty world."

  
Victoria looked sad as Robert spoke. "Come see dad Rob."

  
Robert didn't know whether or not to go, he didn't know whether he could face anymore pain. His dad expected Aaron with him. "He told me not to come back unless Aaron's beside me."

  
Victoria's face fell and then she grabbed Robert's hand. "Come on, Aaron would want you to be with us. He'd hate to have you all alone." It was right and Robert knew it, that's why he nodded and agreed.

 

***

 

Jack smiled weakly as he saw Robert come into the room, Andy was there already and he offered his brother the faintest nod of the head.

  
"Robert," Jack cleared his throat and his eyes darted around the room, looking for Aaron and then seeing the way Robert looked at him.

  
"I was - too late dad." Robert ducked his head and Andy frowned, unaware of what they were taking about and feeling left out as he tensed on the chair.

  
"What's this?" Andy piped up, his neck nearly snapping as he turned towards Robert and then his father. "Too late for what?"

  
Robert didn't say anything and Jack sighed, looking at Andy and frowning. "Nothing son, go ring Katie eh, see how the kids are doing?"

  
Andy shook his head quickly, "They're fine at the hotel dad." He forced out before leaning back on his chair. "Go on then, what were you late for?" He asked again.

  
Robert tutted and fished out Andy's car keys, hurling them at his brother. "Cheers." He mumbled flatly before attempting to leave, he would rather wait his turn then share it with Andy who wouldn't stop trying to pry.

  
"Yeah keep walking, go back to that bodyguard of yours before its -" even Andy could recognise what he had said, what it meant and how it linked to what had just been discussed. "That boy - did he -"

  
"The spell broke, he left and he forgot." Robert didn't know how he was keeping it together but he seemed to be. Andy didn't know what to do with his face and so he just stared all open mouthed and idiotically.

  
"Robert," Jack called out towards his son and Robert looked his way. "Stay, stay here. Don't go back to an empty flat." The way he said the words made Robert wince, for so long he had been alone and had been used to the feeling but now it made him want to cry. Thirty years old and crying over being alone.

  
Andy didn't say anything and Robert decided to stay, at least Andy wasn't chucking him out of the room like he had first thought.

 

***

 

Jack fell asleep fairly quickly and Robert sat there looking at his hands on the opposite side of the bed to where Andy was sitting. He looked tried and Robert wondered if he had actually been back to the hotel that he was staying at with Victoria and like he said, the kids and Katie as well.

  
Andy lifted his head and looked at Robert, he just stared at him and when Robert went to speak he bolted out of the room.  
Robert debated whether or not to follow him, or stay or just go back to that very empty flat without Aaron there waiting for him.

  
The quiet grabbed hold of Robert as he sat there, he kept thinking about Aaron. He couldn't stop because he didn't know how he was. If he was at work right now or if Ed had told him to have the day off. If Ed was kissing him right _now_ he thought, if his hands were all over Aaron and he was making him moan out in pleasure in places Robert had yet discovered.

  
_You didn't have enough time._

  
_You didn't deserve enough time_.

  
The door flew open and Andy stood there, he had two cups in his hands and he slowly passed one to Robert. Robert looked down and saw that it was coffee, hospital coffee. He titled his head a little as if to say thank you and Andy shrugged as if the gesture didn't mean anything.

  
"I accidentally put too much change in so," Andy huffed out a breath as he settled down on his chair and looked at Robert. "Hardly been sleeping well." He stared a little harder and Robert nodded his head.

  
"That my fault too?" Robert asked, dared to try and find some ground with his brother after all this time.

  
Andy smiled but Robert knew it was hardly a friendly one. "He'd be home if you hadn't been so stubborn and just done what Vic asked you to do."

  
Robert scoffed, "Stubborn?" He hissed. "What about you?"

  
Andy frowned as shifted on his feet as if he understood.

  
"You practically chased me out of town a few weeks ago." Robert rolled his eyes. "All because -"

  
"Of your mistakes." Andy pushed out, a hand coming up to his temple and resting there. "Don't you _get_ that?"

  
Robert did, he understood. He had understood for years and he'd been sorry and hated himself for _years_ until it didn't mean anything anymore.

  
"One mistake." Robert raised his finger to exaggerate his point. "Just _one_ , one I made when I was a - a stupid, _stupid_ kid and that was it."

  
Andy shook his head and then looked away.

  
"I didn't ruin your life or - or tear you away from _her_. In fact, you - you and her got closer didn't you?" Robert shook his head and felt his eyes water. "Everything worked out didn't it? You married her, you had your kids and I - I was begging people to love me because I thought my family didn't." He hissed the words out and then looked towards the floor, he had wanting to say all this years ago but he didn't have the courage to.

  
Andy's eyes flickered towards Robert's and he frowned as if he was effected by the words, as if he hurt from hearing them. "I didn't want you to go forever."

  
Robert pulled his head up in shock, he didn't know what to say but he had a feeling Andy wasn't finished.

  
"What you did, I forgave." Andy shuffled his feet as he sat there, the machines beeping as their father remained asleep. "But dad," he looked towards him and then back at Robert. "He stood by me, he made a choice when he told you to leave and - and I knew that if I told him I forgave you for what you tried to do, he'd hate me for making him push you away."

  
Robert let a tear roll down his face, "So you let dad think you hated me all these years, just because it was easy for you?" He tensed as Andy attempted to speak. "But when I visited, you were angry - you were _really_ angry."

  
Andy nodded, "Because I thought you'd changed. I saw you in your swanky suit and nice car and I thought putting people under spells was something the kid I hated would have kept doing. But you proved me wrong, you were standing there with Aaron and I hated you all over again."

  
Robert winced as he looked down at his hands again, "I didn't use him you know. I loved him, I really did." He whispered the words out and then felt odd because he had never had the chance to speak with Andy like this before.

  
Andy softened, "I told you that - that no one would ever love you. I shouldn't have said that." It was almost an apology and Robert took it.

  
"It's okay." Robert sniffed out before sighing. "Andy, we won't ever be - be close like we were, I'm not expecting that honest." Robert fidgeted with his hands. "But if me and you were to try at least to - to not hate each other when dad's awake then -"

  
"Not just for dad's sake." Andy said, nearly smiling and making Robert's eyes widen in shock.

 

***

 

Jack opened his eyes and smiled as Andy and Robert looked at him, they were on opposite sides of the bed but both of them seemed at ease and it settled him.

  
"Never thought I'd see the day lads." Jack cleared his throat weakly and Andy smiled.

  
"Yeah well, I think it was time we got over ourselves." Andy said, leaning back and then looking at Robert's face. "What?"

  
" _Just_ you?" Robert frowned and for a second he had Andy fooled before he smiled and Andy rolled his eyes. It was all so new, so odd but he wasn't complaining because he knew Aaron would be happy with him.

  
Jack looked at Robert seriously, "I know you probably don't want to talk about it but, Aaron. Is he okay?"

  
Robert tensed and then nodded his head slowly, "He's back to his old life I suppose, happy."

  
Andy smiled quickly as if words seemed to fail him.

  
Jack nodded his head and looked sad as Robert spoke, "Don't look like that." He snapped me he saw the pity and hated it. He wanted it gone.

  
Andy looked up and frowned, "Hey he's only trying to -"

  
"Don't try and understand, don't try and act like - like you cared about him at all. You both just thought I was using him."

Robert didn't know how to stop himself, he just couldn't handle Jack and Andy trying to make out as if they were sad for him when they hadn't cared at all when Aaron was still with him.

  
"That's not -" Jack tried to stress his point but Robert seemed to be getting even more upset.

  
"True?" Of course it is. Face it you're still not past the fact that I like snogging boys just as much as girls and I actually fell in love with a _lad_."

  
The air changed, it had been hanging in the air since he had seen his dad's head shake at Victoria's cottage when Andy has said 'Blokes now as well' and actually laughed.

  
It had been a problem, always had.

  
"Lovealthesit, bi and completely alone at _thirty_." Robert stood up quickly and Andy stood too. "No wonder why..." He muttered softly.

  
"Robert, I shouldn't have -" Andy tried, remembering the way he had mocked Robert a few weeks before. "It doesn't matter."  
Jack grabbed hold of Robert's arm and guided him down on his seat again. "It doesn't." He forced out, "I just - I just wanted you happy son."

  
Robert found it hard to believe and looked away.

  
"With anyone, and - if you didn't think I would have accepted who you are then -"

  
"You didn't _accept_ me having Lovealthesit. What did you expect me to think?" Robert spoke clearly and then rubbed a hand over his face, drained from all the talk of the past.

  
Jack gulped, "Another thing I failed at." He said bitterly to himself and Robert darted his eyes up at his dad. "I just want you happy and I know I haven't made you happy."

  
Robert couldn't tell him he was wrong, Jack was right. He had made Robert feel worthless over the years, guilty and wrong and hated and he couldn't just ignore that all.

  
"I'm sorry son." Jack said, his eyes looking tired and weak again.

  
Robert looked at him and moved his hand so that he was holding Jack's, a memory of him on the floor of his living room flashed in front of his eyes and he blocked it out.

  
"I know you are." Robert said firmly, meaning it. Jack nodded gratefully.

  
"Listen I better be going actually." Robert stood and Andy looked saddened. "I'll come back later, I just need some time you know?"

  
"Of course." Jack said before lifting an eyebrow, "Where's Vic gone?" He asked with worry in his voice.

  
Robert had almost forget the way she had left him to go by himself. "She's meeting Diane." He said, smiling as he walked towards the door. "She'll be here soon."

 

Andy stood and watched Robert leave the room before running after him. "For what's it's worth, I'm sorry about Aaron."

  
Robert didn't know how to react and just nodded and smiled because it meant a lot to him. Robert wiped at his face as he walked out of the hospital, a part of his heart healed but still blackened by the absence of Aaron.

 

***

 

It was raining as he walked home, fat droplets fell hard on his head as he tried to shield himself away. It was pointless though and he was instantly reminded of the time he had walked to the hospital to see Aaron, after he had put him there in the first place.

  
Robert turned the corner, shaking a little because of the cold and then stopping dead in his tracks as he saw an unfamiliar car outside the flat. He frowned as he walked towards it and then spotted someone coming out of the car.

  
"Alright." Robert sucked in a breath as heard Ed speak and had to look away. It hurt, it killed and then his eyes fell on the car, searching for Aaron.

  
"What do you want?" Robert wasn't thinking, he was just drained and tired and he wanted Ed to go away. His heart raced suddenly though because for a second he allowed himself to think that maybe Aaron wanted him, that Ed was bringing him back or knew they weren't working. "Is - Aaron -"

  
Ed ducked his head forward and tried to stay out of the way of the rain. "I've just come for his things." He was almost cold as he spoke and Robert didn't know what to say, he just nodded slowly and waited for Ed to gesture towards the flat.

  
Robert knew he had to let him in, let him see Aaron's things and take them all from him and he hated Ed for it.

  
Robert walked towards the door, fishing out his keys and unlocking the door quickly. He climbed the stairs slowly and then unlocked his own flat door before shuffling inside and staring back at Ed.

  
"I'll get them." Robert reasoned, not wanting Ed anywhere near their room. Ed agreed, sitting uncomfortably on the sofa and looking down at his phone.

  
Robert lingered for a second before going into their room, he saw a few pairs of Aaron's jogging bottoms on the side, crumpled and probably in need of a wash. Robert smiled as he lifted them up and then went to his drawers, Aaron usual snuck a few of his socks in their and got them all mixed up together. The memory made Robert's heart ache for a second until he cleared his throat, shaking his head and realising that Aaron's bag was in the spare room, the one that was once his. The drawers were filled with Aaron's things, all his god awful hoodies were scrunched together messily and his jeans were laid out, taking up way too much space. Robert gathered them quickly and spotted a black bag on the side, a luggage one that Aaron had bought with him that very first night.

  
Ed appeared at the door as Robert stroked at one of Aaron's hoodies. "Nearly done?" Ed said, the air was so thick that Robert couldn't look up at him. He just nodded his head and turned towards the doorframe, collecting Aaron's overalls that hung on it lazily.

  
Robert zipped up the bag, hoping he'd forgotten to add things just so that he had _something_ left. Anything left.

  
"I got his charger from the living room." Ed said, attempting to walk into the room. Robert shot his head up and looked into Ed's eyes, he didn't need to say anything because Ed seemed to understand, he just looked away as if he couldn't see how broken Robert was.

  
Robert picked up the bag from the bed and passed it to Ed slowly, "There." He whispered, feeling as though he was passing another piece of his heart to the man who wasn't as good as he first thought.

  
_Better than you though._

  
Robert couldn't deny that.

  
Ed gripped the bag and nodded, "Cheers." He said before turning around and walking back towards the living room.  
Robert's face fell a little and he realised he couldn't let Ed leave without - "How is he?" It was let out in a whisper, a gentle little one that made Ed fidget on the spot and stay silent for a few seconds.

  
"He's fine." Ed reasoned, his head still towards the floor and making Robert realise he wasn't, he was probably still confused and it ached. He never saw this with chrissie, he had no idea what she was doing now or if she had ever got back to her old self. He could only hope.

  
"Tell me the truth, _please_." Robert was practically pleading and Ed looked up, still looking uncomfortably.

  
"He's just a little confused. He'll be alright." Ed tried to not sound worried or emotional but Robert could tell. He _knew_ that something had happened yesterday, he knew Aaron probably wasn't settled.

  
Robert walked towards Ed slowly, "What do you mean _confused_?" Ed seemed to ignore him and suddenly Robert grabbed at his arms. "Ed I need to know -"

  
Ed pushed Robert back, seeing him stagger a little. "No you _don't_ , you're a _stranger_ okay? It isn't your problem anymore, *he isn't your problem so just -"

  
Robert shook his head, "He isn't a problem. He -"

  
"He's nothing to do you with you, he doesn't even _know_ you, do you hear me? I'm dealing with it." Ed dropped his head and then let out a shaky breath. "Have I made myself clear?" He raised his head and Robert held his breath for a second before nodding, he had to agree.

 

***

 

Robert needed an escape, he had to find a way out of the place that reminded him so much of Aaron. He thought about going to the hospital again but he couldn't, he'd cry and break down because he still couldn't believe that his dad was dying on him after all this time.

  
The sound of cars travelling past him made Robert shudder, he was vulnerable to everything as he stood alone on the pavement. A part of him thought about running away, just taking everything he had and leaving behind all the memories made in this shitty city that he had grown to hate.

  
Robert looked up and watched a couple across the road, two guys just sitting there, looking into each other's eyes and smiling and holding hands. They looked so happy, he almost wanted to cry because he wondered if that was how Aaron and him looked yesterday before everything went wrong. They looked in love, properly in love and it made him smile and crave for Aaron by his side again. Just for a few minutes, it would be enough. He'd make the most of it just by looking into Aaron's eyes and holding his face and kissing him and telling him that he's loved, that he _loves_ him so much -

  
The fell of someone pushing into Robert made him turn sharply and then suddenly his eyes met hers. Her hair was shorter, sharper but her eyes, gosh they were kinder, softer and she looked so well.

  
"Chrissie." Robert whispered gently and Chrissie almost instantly frowned.

  
"Sorry do I know you?" Chrissie said before looking up at the man who stood by her, he had short brown hair and a kind look about him. Robert looked at him and saw his familiar confusion.

  
"Uh, yeah - I -" Robert stopped himself short and saw the ring on Chrissie's finger, an engagement one. "We knew each other years ago, I worked for your dad's company."

  
The man beside Chrissie blinked, "Oh right." He said a little awkward before extending a hand. "Regan." He shook Robert's hand slowly. "Chrissie's fiancé." He seemed so proud as he spoke and Chrissie still looked towards Robert curiously.

  
"Robert." Robert looked towards Chrissie and smiled at her, he was genuinely happy for her. "Well congratulations." He said, trying to not sound too forward.

  
Chrissie finally looked towards her ring and away from Robert. "Yeah uh, gosh I'm sorry for not remembering you I -"

  
Robert raised a hand and waved it, he had a smile on his face because it was so good to see her, to know she had got over him and she was _happy_.

  
"It's really good to see you." Robert titled his head and then smiled again.

  
Chrissie nodded, "Yeah uh, you too Robert." She said, still a little unsure of herself as he side stepped on the pavement and went to walk away.

  
"Good to meet you." Regan said softly before following Chrissie and leaving Robert stood there feeling all bittersweet because although he didn't love her anymore like that, *still there was a sadness there for how it all ended. At least she was happy though.

 

***

 

Robert stumbled into his flat, a little more drunk than intended. He had spent the day at the bar, the one where they had met. It looked smaller, more cramped and suffocating and even the bottles of beer weren't enough to ease the way the place made Robert want to run away again.

  
Robert managed to reach the sofa before panting hard and looking up at the ceiling, he felt guilty for not being at hospital and spending all the time had had left with his father, but it was almost like he couldn't. He couldn't go there and sit with him and hold his hand and just pretend that his heart was healed, it wasn't. It was broken and cracked and only Aaron could mend it.  
Robert leaned forward and then looked ahead, instantly he saw the purple hoodie of Aaron's. The one he loved, his favourite.

Robert moved across to grab it and tried to stop his need to sway as he gripped the fabric and smelt it. It was Aaron, all Aaron and Robert couldn't let it go.

  
"Aaron," he whispered into the material softly, "I love you so much." He wondered if this would ever fade, the feeling inside of being completely in love with Aaron and it being completely unrequited. He thought about Chrissie, he had loved her too once yet he had been able to get past that. He had been able to move on and fall again, _harder_ than he ever thought possible.

  
He remembered telling Aaron he loved it, whispering into his ear tenderly and holding the younger man close to him. He remembered Aaron telling him to keep it when the time came and Robert had forgotten all about it as he packed the things away. It was almost like something kept it there for Robert.

  
"I miss you." Robert kissed the hoodie and then wiped at his eyes before standing up quickly, he staggered back a little uneasy on his feet and then he walked slowly towards the door.

  
He had to see him, just once, just to say that he loved him once more. Maybe it would work, just maybe.

 

***

 

Aaron sat there like he had done all day, his head ached and his mind was almost blank asHe tried to act somewhat normal. The night before he hadn't questioned as much as he wanted to, Ed simply held him and smiled and told him how much he had missed him. Aaron just nodded, his heart not feeling the same and not understanding _why_ Ed seemed to be holding him so tightly as if he was scared he'd run away if he let go.

The door shut and Ed came through the door holding a black bag and smiling at Aaron. He was being so attentive and sweet and Aaron still didn't understand why, had something happened? The question wouldn't leave his mind until he thought about something that was still lodged in his memory, Ed kissing his friend. Maybe that's why he was being so nice. Aaron shut his eyes and tried to think hard about the last thing he could remember, he had left the flat and walked somewhere alone, a bar maybe and he -

  
"I've got your things here." Ed walked towards Aaron and pressed a kiss to his temple as he sat opposite him. Aaron stared blankly. "Aaron?"

  
Aaron's eyes flickered as he looked at Ed and nodded, "From your friend's house?" He remembered that, last night, the crying and the way the tall man seemed to almost be breaking in front of him.

  
Ed nodded slowly, looking away from Aaron for the smallest second.

  
"Was he okay?" Aaron asked softly, something telling him to because he couldn't help but feel sorry for this bloke who had apparently been looking after him for a while whilst Ed was playing matches. Even if he couldn't remember him at all.

  
Ed seemed almost offended by the words and suddenly he snapped his neck up at Aaron. "What?" He said nervously, almost on edge.

  
Aaron frowned slowly, his heart beating a little quickly, "Have I said something wrong?"

  
Ed hesitated before dropping a hand on Aaron's knee, "No, of course not." He whispered, "I just," Aaron looked at him expectingly. "Yeah he was fine, just a bit hung over."

  
Aaron chewed on his lip, "I don't know why I don't remember him." Ed cleared his throat awkwardly. "He said he was looking after me and I just -" there was no memory of it, none at all. "I feel bad -"

  
Ed's eyes widened, "No please don't feel bad Aaron. This isn't your fault." He looked all serious as he spoke and Aaron frowned again before nodding and sensing that Ed seemed passionate about his point.

  
Aaron nodded his head and then played with his hands wondering if it wasn't his fault then who's fault was it?

  
Ed sighed and then held Aaron's hand, "Did he - was he alright with you before I came?" He seemed nervous as he asked the question and Aaron recalled the way the bloke had acted, he had been _crying_.

  
"He was - he was just, he said he loved me." He laughed nervously and then looked at Ed's face, he didn't look amused and Aaron frowned at him. "He must have been _really_ bladdered."

  
Ed remained quiet, deep in thought before he looked up at Aaron, worry still in his face and then clouded by anger. "Yeah. He was. Don't listen to him."

  
Aaron scoffed, "You think I actually believed him?" He laughed, this time a little less fake because it all sounded ridiculous as he thought back to it.

  
Ed had to laugh too yet Aaron could tell he was faking it. "Yeah sorry, just - just ignore me." He kissed Aaron and smiled, moving a little closer to him and looking into his eyes. "I missed you."

  
Aaron's eyes fluttered, "So you keep saying." He teased before feeling Ed tug at his hoodie. He froze for a second and then felt his heart feel pressured down with something, a feeling he didn't understand, _guilt_.

  
"What's wrong?" Ed pulled back, he looked crushed for a second as Aaron stiffened and seemed unable to reciprocate the affection. Aaron frowned and shook his head, "Nothing, it's nothing." He whispered before closing his eyes and pinning Ed down onto the sofa. His lovely, kind, _safe_ Ed.

 

***

 

Aaron had his arms wrapped around Ed and smiled as his boyfriend kissed his bare chest. They were always good at being like this, that's how they started. Sex. Aaron not wanting to go on dates and get too close because he was still damaged after Jackson but Ed had stuck around. He was patient like that, he did all the running and Aaron let him until he was ready and then it all got serious, all shared places and dinner dates and 'I love you's'.

  
"We should get out of here." Ed pressed his head into Aaron's hair as he spoke and Aaron frowned at his words as he moved a hand up Ed's muscly arm.

  
"And go where exactly?" Aaron bit down on his lip and Ed shrugged his shoulders.

  
"Anywhere we want." Ed said, tightening around Aaron and then lifting his head. "What do you think?"

  
Aaron didn't know what to say, instinct said no though and he didn't know why. "I uh -"

  
The sound of the door being knocked on made Aaron jump and Ed sighed as he kissed Aaron, as if to silence his curiosity.

"Ignore it." He hissed into Aaron's ear but Aaron wriggled out of the grip and looked towards the door still.

  
"Ed let me in." Aaron felt a tingle race through him as he heard the voice, it was the man from last night. Ed's friend.

  
Ed tensed and dropped his head towards the sheets covering them a little.

  
"You can't just leave him outside." Aaron whispered, already trying to get up and reach for his clothes that they had ripped off.

  
Ed pushed his hand towards Aaron's chest. "No, I'll get rid of him. You stay there." He kissed Aaron's head and then pulled on his jeans, as if he wanted to remain shirtless on purpose.

  
Ed walked towards the door and rolled his eyes as Robert continued to knock, getting louder and louder each time.

  
Ed swung the door open and Robert stood there, unsteady on his feet as he stared at Ed, all bare chest and muscly and looking both angry and pleased with himself.

  
"What do you want?" Ed hissed, his face close to Robert's as he spoke.

  
Robert bit his lip and tried not to get emotional, he just needed to see him, to hold him, "I - please I just -" he said beginning to walk into the flat.

  
Ed pushed him a little so that he was standing outside again and Robert ducked his head almost in shame.

  
"We're a little busy now." Ed knew what he was saying, he knew that as he bit down on his lip and looked towards the living room, at Aaron, that he was really saying ' _you know we just had sex right? His hands were all over me because he's mine again_ _and I'm his and you don't mean anything_.'

  
Robert staggered back at the words, he couldn't even think about it because he felt sick already. "You - you and," his hands were shaking and he could feel his heart almost breaking at the realisation, at the pictures in his head.

  
"I'll spare you the details." Ed whispered, eyeing Robert almost wickedly and then clearing his throat, "Now go."

  
Robert gulped hard, he couldn't let it get to him. Of course they had slept together, they were boyfriends, it was expected and he had to get passed it. "Is he okay?" He had to ask, he had to know at least if Ed was refusing to let him see his beautiful blue eyes.

  
Ed rolled his eyes, "Did you not listen to what I said at your flat? You - you need to _go_."

  
Aaron frowned from the sofa before pulling on his clothes and hearing Ed speak in whispers. He stood up and walked towards the door to find Ed staring hard at the man from last night. He looked even worse, tired eyes and hair all out of place.

  
"Alright?" Aaron asked, his eyes looking right at the blonde man and then seeing his face fall, eyes almost watering at the sight of Aaron.

  
"Aaron," Robert gasped, he couldn't control himself as he looked at Aaron and felt as though everything was okay again. His hair was all fluffy and curled and he had this little smile on his face, clothes dragged on his body in a rush Robert realised.

  
Ed stood between them purposefully and looked towards Aaron. "Babe could you put the kettle on, I'm gagging."

  
Aaron's eyes darted towards the man who was still staring at him in almost awe, his eyes all big and wide. He didn't understand him and that made him wary as he walked towards the kitchen, curiosity outweighed it though as he poured water into the kettle and thought about how green his eyes were.

 

***

 

Ed turned back to Robert, "Robert I'm serious, you need to leave us alone." Robert fought back the urge to cry at the word 'us'.

  
He knew he had to leave, he knew it was a bad idea coming in the first place but he was drunk and he needed Aaron. Not in that way, he just needed to sit with him and hold his hand and tell him about his dad. Maybe even cry about it because he hadn't done that yet, properly broken down about it. He knew he would though and the thought of it hitting him when he was alone made him scared.

  
"Robert -"

  
"Why? It's not like you deserve him." Robert snapped, he was always going to say it because it was almost sitting on his tongue, waiting to pour out. Ed looked at him blankly and Robert was riled up even further. "You, you went on at me for - for hurting him but _you_ were doing - doing that before I even came along. You were making him hurt." Robert pointed towards Ed and slurred on his words causing them to loose some effect.

  
Ed leaned towards Robert, "You're drunk mate, go home." He said, attempting to shut the door.

  
"So you didn't snog your _friend_ then? You didn't _cheat_ on - on the best, most- most fucking amazing -" Robert was stopped as Ed pulled at his shirt and held him tightly. His eyes were darting everywhere and he looked caught off guard by what Robert knew about him.

  
"You're taking bullshit." Ed hissed before feeling Robert wriggle from his grip and shake his head.

  
"Aaron told me." Robert panted harsh, "He even tried to stick - stick up for you when he said that he _caught_ you."

  
Ed seemed to wince at the memory and he looked towards Aaron who was in the kitchen, head bent down probably looking for biscuits. "You think you knew about me and Aaron but you _don't_. You've known him for what? A month and you think you know what's best for him, what he deserves."

  
"I know _you_ don't deserve him, I know that he's only with you because you're a fucking safe bet." Robert spat the words out and suddenly felt the force of Ed pushing him hard towards the ground.

  
Aaron looked up as he heard the sound and saw his boyfriend looming over the man on the floor now. He dropped the packet of biscuits and raced towards the door. "What's happened?" Aaron asked, Ed didn't say anything and neither did Robert. His blood almost boiled as he stood there and watched Ed stare down angrily. "Ed." He barked, pulling at his boyfriend's arm before kneeling.

  
Robert felt dizzy as he held his head and then saw Aaron beside him, kneeling there all wide eyed and concerned, "Are you alright?" He heard Aaron ask. For a second he felt like saying _'no I'm not, I miss you and I need you because dad is dying and I can't cope on my own and I love you_.' But he didn't. Instead he nodded weakly.

  
"I just - I'm a bit - bit drunk." Robert slurred a little, "I fell." He added and Ed couldn't watch, guilty.

  
Aaron smiled weakly, "Need any help?" He had a hand out and Robert stared at it for a few seconds before gripping it hard and feeling Aaron pull him off the ground with ease. Robert couldn't help but stare at him, at how calm and relaxed he seemed - just like Chrissie had done, he looked so kind, so concerned and Robert was reminded of the hours they had talked when they first met that night in that bar - when everything changed.

  
"Thanks," Robert whispered towards Aaron before looking at Ed, feeling his eyes almost burn a whole in his back. "I should -" he didn't want to go, he didn't want to leave Aaron now but he didn't have a choice.

  
"Night then." Ed said roughly before pulling Aaron towards him, almost claiming him.

  
Robert nodded, staggered back and then looked at Aaron one last time. "Night." He whispered to him causing Aaron to frown at the softness in his voice before saying, "Night."

  
Robert lingered for a second before pulling his eyes away from the pair and racing down the stairs, his head was racked with emotions, feelings he couldn't put into words and he felt sick as he thought about it all. His shoulders slumped against the building and he trembled as he leant against the wall, being sick as he thought more about Aaron and Ed being together like that, hands and mouths and tongues -

  
He wiped his mouth and felt ashamed as he did so, he darted his eyes around the street before he looked back up to the flat window and saw Aaron stood there, watching him, a hand pressed against the window. Robert pulled his eyes away and blinked out the tears he had, he couldn't stare back, he wouldn't do that to himself or to Aaron. There was no point.

  
Aaron watched Ed's friend stagger down the street, leaving his sight as Ed shut the door finally and sighed.

  
"What did he want then?" Aaron asked, crossing his arms and still out the window curiously.

  
Ed frowned, moving towards the sofa and pulling his shirt on. "Who?"

  
Aaron tutted and then turned to face Ed, " _Your_ mate." He pointed out.

  
Ed rolled his eyes, "Oh nothing. I couldn't really work it out, he was pissed like he said." He shrugged his shoulders as Aaron walked towards him.

  
"Yeah, is he always like that?" Aaron bit his lip as Ed struggled to think of an answer.

  
"Well, he's had a hard time recently -"

  
Aaron shut his eyes hard and remembered something the blonde man had said at the unfamiliar flat.

 

_I thought you were my ex._

  
"Did he have a break up?" Aaron asked, titling his head.

  
Ed pulled a face, "You could say that." He said, dismissively.

  
Aaron sat next to Ed and twitched his nose, "Oh. Complicated?" Ed turned to him and smiled, a hand falling into Aaron's hair, "You have no idea." He whispered causing Aaron to nod and open his mouth to speak. "Oi where's that brew of mine?" Ed asked with a smile on his face and Aaron pulled a cheeky little face.

  
"I think somebody was too busy eating all the biscuits he could find." Ed teased and Aaron rolled his eyes.

  
"Piss off." Aaron rolled his head back and then looked back at Ed with a little more ease as he smiled.

  
He wasn't as confused as before and his head didn't ache, he was better he thought even though Ed's mate seemed to be stubbornly settling into his mind for a reason he didn't know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take this opportunity to say MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope everyone had a lovely and peaceful day tomorrow, I won't be uploading tomorrow and the next few days I might be a little behind because of family things but I'll try my best! Xx


	24. The way things are (have to be)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is drawn to Robert and confused by Ed's drunken confessions.

Robert smiled at Victoria as he walked into the hospital, a coffee in his hand as he approached her, a hospital one. He had hated them at first but now they were bearable.

  
"Do you want one?" He asked her and she barely nodded, sitting on the chair looking all small and like a little girl again. "Hey," Robert placed the coffee down and wrapped an arm around her tightly causing her to almost crumble into his chest. "Shh it's okay,"

  
Victoria shook her head, "They said, they said he's - he has pneumonia."

  
Robert froze for a second as he heard the words. It had been a few days since he had made a fool out of himself at Ed's flat and he was starting to focus on his family a bit more, staying at the hospital most nights just to be around them all. He was starting to think that maybe he could get through this without becoming an alcoholic too but then this - _this_ happened and he was right back there.

  
"But - he can't have, they would have -" Robert stumbled on his words as Victoria sniffles and pressed a tissue to her face.

  
"They told me and Diane last night." Victoria sighed hard and Robert caught his breath. "Right after you left." Victoria added, knowing that her brother wasn't taking it well.

  
Robert thought hard for a second, he knew Jack wasn't getting better, in fact with every visit he grew paler and had to try even harder to smile but he didn't want to accept the fact that his body was failing him and he _couldn't_ fight back.

  
"How - how bad is it?" Robert mumbled, fearing suddenly the thought of actually seeing his dad.

  
Victoria shook her head, "I don't know, he looks pretty much the same but -" her head titled, "He's not really chatty." Victoria widened her eyes. "I think he's in pain."

  
Robert frowned at the thought, "The doctors would have sorted that out for him, made him _comfortable_." The word slipped out and the siblings looked at each other, both realising what that meant, he wouldn't last long now. They could only make his ending as comfortable as possible. That's all they could offer.

  
Robert hugged Victoria tightly and kissed her head before standing, "I'm going to go see him now." He said, wiping at his eyes and smiling sadly as he walked towards the room.

  
Robert opened the door slowly and saw Diane sitting by the bed, she was gripping Jack's hand and whispering about something before she turned around and saw Robert standing there. Diane stood up, her eyes wide as she pulled herself away from the bedside and greeted her step son.

  
"Hello love." Her voice was just the way he remembered and she still had a smile on her face, friendly and socialable. She had aged well, Robert noted as she walked towards him and then wrapped her arms around him tightly. He lifted an eyebrow in surprise before she let go and kissed his cheek.

  
"How are you?" Diane titled her head and Robert nodded shyly, not knowing what to say.

  
Diane looked towards Jack and smiled, "I'm just going to ring Andy for ya, tell him to pop down." She moved away from the bed and passed Robert, squeezing his shoulders as she walked out.

  
Robert was still silent after she left and the sound of the machines drummed into his head over and over again. He walked towards the bed and looked down at his father who tried to smile at him but he was too weak and he pressed a hand to his chest as if in pain.

  
Robert's eyes widened. "Shall I call someone?" Robert tried to hide the fear in his voice and Jack managed to shake his head slowly, "No son, it'll pass."

  
Robert stood still, a little unsure about what to say or do. He decided to listen to his father and sat down slowly.

  
"Vic just - she said that," Robert stumbled on his words and his father nodded knowingly at him, it was enough to make him realise that he didn't need to carry on if he couldn't. "I'm sorry."

  
"It's not completely shocking, I'm weak." Jack sighed, "I can barely -"

  
"Talk yeah I know." Robert pushed out before his hand moved onto the sheets. "So don't." He almost ordered.

  
Jack smiled then, tilting his head. "You talk then."

  
Robert frowned, he didn't know what so say and then he did. Aaron. He talked about seeing him, about Ed refusing to let any real conversation take place, he mentioned getting drunk and even went on about Chrissie who his father didn't even know. He had to stop himself from crying as he talked about how happy she looked, how he wouldn't ever be that happy again. Jack held his hand weakly, little _Oh son's_ leaving him as Robert ducked his head. It helped though, made Robert feel a little better for sharing.

 

***

 

Robert didn't mean to, he just ended up there again. Like the day before. He had just been driving back from the hospital and turned left instead of right and then thought 'fuck it' as he drove towards Ed's flat. He wasn't stupid, he knew that he could only watch from afar, in the comfort of his car as he saw looked up at the flat. He would stay there until the lights were turned off and then he'd feel almost disconnected from Aaron again. He'd leave then, aching until he got back to the flat and slept with Aaron's hoodie close to his chest.

  
This time Robert parked a little nearer, dared to because it was later and he thought that it wouldn't matter. His eyes were fixed on the flat, the window that Aaron had stared out of a few days earlier. He wanted to see him again, he wanted desperately to watch Ed leave so that he could slip in and convince Aaron they loved each other, that they had something real between them. It felt stupid to think he thought to himself. Aaron would think he was crazy or think himself to be mad and that would be awful. He didn't want that.

  
Robert sighed hard and ripped his eyes away from the window before hearing someone tap on the window of his car. Robert looked up lazily and then his eyes widened in shock because he could make out the figure and knew it was Aaron standing there.

  
"Shit." Robert hissed to himself before grabbing his phone and hating himself because he knew it was too late to act as if he wasn't just staring up at the flat like some crazed stalker. " _Shit_." He shuddered to himself before daring to look up and face the car window again.

  
Aaron was still standing there, looking a little like he expected Robert to roll it down. Robert wondered if he could just turn the engine on and drive as fast as he could but then he realised he couldn't just do that. He didn't want to really because Aaron was so close and Ed wasn't lurking.

  
Robert pressed the button and the window fell quickly, cold air rushing inside the car and making Robert shudder a little.

  
Aaron frowned, "You got a permit?" He asked, his voice serious and judgemental.

  
Robert stared at him, all open mouthed and unsure. "What?" He asked softly.

  
Aaron pointed up at a sign on the road 'permit holders only' and then looked back at Robert. "You can't park here mate."

  
_Mate_. Robert smiled shyly at the word and then looked a little confused again before Aaron's head leaned closer and he was practically sitting in the car.

  
"Only messing with ya." Aaron said before frowning, he didn't understand why this guy was here _again_. He seemed more 'with it' though this time he thought to himself as he stared, he had a nice grey jumper on and his hair looked more in place and presentable and his car made Aaron raise an eyebrow _impressed_.

  
"So what _are_ you doing here?" Aaron asked, he didn't know what else to say and then his mind began to wander into 'insecure' territory. Ed had been weird last night, clingy one minute and then going to bed alone the next and Aaron didn't get it. He was suddenly all secretive, all hidden and almost _still_ guilty about this kiss that Aaron caught. He had left that morning and barely looked at Aaron as he walked out of the door, he hadn't even called to say when he was coming home and now the cans that weighed down the plastic bag Aaron was holding felt heavy and depressing. All he could think of was Ed becoming bored again, straying like before -

  
Robert gulped, "Uh, just waiting for my mate. He lives nearby." He lied and Aaron didn't seem convinced.

  
"I'm not an idiot." Aaron spat, all his frustration about Ed's behaviour seemed to pour out of him.

  
"I never said -" Robert was caught by surprise and didn't know how to react.

  
"You're here to see if Ed was home. Well you mustn't have arranged it very well because he's not here." Aaron knew he might be wrong as he spoke but that didn't matter. This mate of Ed's seemed to have intense conversations with his boyfriend and seemed fragile and lonely. Aaron used that and used his insecurity and made five.

  
"What? Arranged what?" Robert stumbled on his words, hating how angry and hurt Aaron seemed over something he didn't know about.

  
"I don't know, a hotel or -" Aaron was cut short by Robert's waving hand.

  
"Me and _Ed_?" Robert said slowly, "Aaron you've got it all wrong."

  
Aaron looked away. "Why, else would you be here?"

  
It was a good question and Robert gulped hard, _'because I'm still in love with you, pathetically so and I haven't had the privilege of forgetting how amazing you are_ ' that wouldn't help.

  
"I told you why already." Robert said slowly, trying not to sound too harsh and make Aaron angry at him even more.

  
Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose and Robert darted his eyes away because he knew what that meant. Aaron was _pissed_ off.

  
"Why else would you come the other night?" He hadn't forgotten that. He hadn't forgotten how he was ushered into the kitchen like a little maid as they talked. "Did ya expect him to be alone?"

  
Robert sighed hard and stared up at Aaron, he didn't look calm now, he looked almost tortured by his mind and Robert wanted to open the door and hold him tightly, tell him it was all okay.

  
"Aaron you don't -"

  
Aaron shook his head, "Just leave us alone." He snapped, realising that wanted the conversation to end as he backed away from the car. Robert unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door, unable to let Aaron leave like that.

  
"Aaron _wait_ ," Robert sped up and then caught Aaron by the arm. For a second he looked straight into Aaron's eyes and felt this need to shake at his shoulders and say ' _this is me, this is Robert, how could you forget me?_ ' But he didn't, he just sighed, instead was grateful that Aaron stopped walking.

  
"There's nothing going on." Robert forced out. "Ed loves you." It felt weird to say but he knew it was true.

  
Aaron bristled and Robert attempted to draw closer, "I'm sorry if -"

  
Robert felt Aaron's hand push at his chest, "Look I don't even know you alright so quit acting all concerned about what I think." He snapped quickly, "You might be Ed's friend." He looked at Robert, nothing more than just a stranger really, and stared into his eyes. "But you're nothing to me so just - just do one yeah?"

  
Robert had to suck in a breath to stop himself from crying because it still hurt, he was a fool to think a few days without him had mended any part of his heart. If anything he was even more fragile.

  
Aaron turned back to the flat, chewing on his lip as he heard the blonde man call his name. He turned back again, curiosity rippled through him.

  
"I'll stay away." Robert forced his words out and they killed him, he saw Aaron's eyes widen and for some reason a part of Aaron felt sad very suddenly. Almost like a cloud of the emotion was able to take hold and he was caught up in the way his feelings told him what to think. It was odd, so odd that Aaron had to blink hard to fight back the feeling.

  
"Fine." Aaron shrugged his shoulders and then saw that Robert was going to speak again. "I'm sure your _mate_ is waiting for _you_ now." He reasoned, as if to tell Robert to leave more politely than before. 

  
Robert nodded, a smile sadly resting on his face as he walk and then drove away, his face wet with tears as he turned the corner and spotted Aaron still watching on the same spot, face almost in awe, Robert shook his head and pressed harder on the pedals.

 

***

 

  
Aaron heard the door go at three in the morning and Ed shuffled in, he stank of booze and Aaron frowned hard at him. Ed wasn't like this, Ed was together and controlled and knew his limits.

  
' _I'm gone after three pints_ ' he had said once on a date or something.

  
Aaron eyed up with a sense of disgust, he looked like he'd had eight.

  
Ed pressed a hand against the wall and kicked his shoes off with great effort before turning around and seeing Aaron standing there in the dim light, hardly visible.

  
"Baby..." Ed staggered towards him and missed his mouth, sloppily kissing at Aaron's neck instead until his boyfriend shoved him away. 

 

"Where've you been?" Aaron said roughly and Ed didn't seem to have answer. "I've been _calling_ ya."

  
Ed frowned before waving up a hand, "I'm sorry okay?" He said quickly, "Sh I'm sorry."

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Where you -" he stopped himself, knowing the chance of getting answers out Ed right now we're almost non existent.

  
"Just - just tired of it." Ed wasn't making sense as he pressed a hand to his head and then suddenly raced to the toilet to be sick.

  
Aaron sighed hard, too tired for this because he had work in a few hours. He couldn't just leave Ed though, he followed behind him and crouched by the toilet making small circles in Ed's back as he wretched down.

  
Aaron pulled his hand away once Ed was finished and bought him to his feet a little unsteadily before using a cloth to wipe at Ed's mouth.

  
Ed seemed pretty much out of it as he held Aaron's arm, "He was - he was _right_ ... I don't deserve ya, I don't -" he had tears in his eyes and Aaron froze, he didn't understand and he hated how confused he was.

  
"Ed what -" Aaron tried to calm him but it was pointless as Ed shook his head and pointed towards Aaron.

  
"But he doesn't deserve ya either - he knows that," he muttered to himself almost. "But he wants ya and - he always will, he _always_ \- always ..." Ed seemed to give up on his words and his head dropped as Aaron held him up.

  
_He?_

  
"Who? Ed you're not making _sense_." Aaron pushed out, a hand cupping Ed's face because maybe this is what was bothering him.

  
Ed shook his head and shuffled out of Aaron's grip, staggering back towards the living room. "You don't want me like that - no, no you _don't_ because - it will always be _him_." Ed's eyes were glassy as he held his head in his hands. "Deep down you'll always look for him."

  
Aaron almost laughed at how drunk Ed was, he was talking shit and not making sense and he still didn't know who 'he' was but he could tell that Ed was probably thinking about his mate, the one he had kissed. Or maybe it was the blonde one, the one he had been horrible to, he felt guilt in his heart again as he thought about it.

  
"I love you Aaron," Ed whispered as he slouched down on the sofa and felt Aaron stand by him, holding his head up. "So does - and you, you never loved - but you loved him, I - you still -" he was almost babbling and Aaron pressed a finger to his lip to silence him but it didn't work. "That's why we need to _move_ , we need to run away from this - from him before you - you fall in -"

  
"Ed babe, who are you talking about?" Aaron realised how upset Ed seemed and tried to make any sense of what he was sprouting.

  
Aaron watched his boyfriend shake his head and sigh in defeat, his eyelids looked like they were growing heavy and he wriggled on the sofa, "Forget it, I'm sorry." He whispered before he began to sleep.

  
Aaron watched him for a few minutes before standing and going into their room to get a blanket for him. He dropped it down and Ed was already asleep, it settled Aaron a little as he walked back into their bedroom and pulled the covers over him. He thought it would take minutes to fall asleep but it took hours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the longest of chapters but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless, I'm trying to write as much as I can but I don't have as much time as I'd like. Anyways, the next chapter will be more Aaron centred because there's loads of questions and things that need to be shown like what happens when he goes back to work?? What does Adam say?? Stuff like that will all be included. Hopefully I'll be uploading again soon! Xx


	25. The unraveling of my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron feels trapped and confused as he fails to remember events and spirals out of control.

  
Aaron heard the radio playing and reached out on the other side of the bed, feeling for someone. An image flashed in the front of his mind.

  
"Aaron," the man, Ed's friend, the blonde one who's name he still didn't even know. The the thought made him jolt out of bed and looked around the room, he didn't know why he was even thinking of the guy and it unsettled him.

  
Aaron jumped from the bed and pulled the door open before freezing as he saw Ed standing there sheepishly. He was holding out a tray with a cup of tea and a plate of toast on it and a small smile on his face.

  
Aaron looked up at him and was grateful that he looked better, he appeared almost refreshed but that didn't stop Aaron being angry at him for the way he had returned the night before.

  
"Oh I - I was going to give you breakfast in bed." Ed looked at Aaron and then felt his boyfriend shrug past him as if he didn't care.

  
"You eat it." Aaron snapped, walking into the living room and going towards the kitchen.

  
Ed followed him, _of course he did_ and Aaron bit down on his lip as he felt Ed stare at him from across the room. "Aaron I'm sorry for last night, I was _drunk_."

  
Aaron squinted, "Hm really, I didn't notice." His words dripped in sarcasm but Ed seemed determined to put it right.

  
"Aaron I'm _sorry_." Ed said, coming closer and nearly leaning in before Aaron backed away.

  
"You just said that." Aaron pointed out flatly. "It doesn't change the fact that you stumbled home at _three_ in the morning." He wanted to hide the fact that he cared, that it bothered him. "As far as I knew you were training for a few hours."

  
Ed nodded his head, "Some of the lads wanted a night out, I just went along and I should have rang but I forgot."

  
Aaron scoffed at the so called excuse and rolled his eyes. "So you weren't _with_ anyone then?" His eyes fluttered at how open the question was and Ed's face fall.

  
"No I wasn't Aaron. I wouldn't do that to ya." Ed tried to wrap a hand around Aaron's waist but Aaron ripped it off.

  
" _Again_." Aaron pointed out harshly before moving away from Ed.

  
Ed tensed at the word, "I've explained all that to ya Aaron. I thought we were _passed_ that."

  
Aaron shook his head, " - And then ya come here and start talking _shit_ about me and _him_ , you were off your head."

  
Ed face paled a little and his eyes darted around the room. "I said what?"

  
Aaron frowned, he couldn't really remember all of it. "Rubbish, that I'll always look for him, he needs me - you were just -"

  
Ed moved towards Aaron and hugged him, Aaron didn't hug him back but he didn't push him away either.

  
"I was out of it." Ed said quickly as he pulled away. "I wasn't with anyone last night, I promise ya. There's no one else."

  
Aaron chewed on his gum and believed him, not because he wanted to but just because he knew when Ed was lying to him and this time he wasn't.

  
Aaron instantly felt bad as he remembered how he had accused, no name blondie last night. He pinched his nose and sighed.

  
"What is it?" Ed asked, concerned almost.

  
"I suppose I should apologise to your mate then." Aaron looked at Ed sheepishly and his boyfriend just stared back blankly.

  
"Eh?" Ed asked, he had this look on his face as if he knew what was coming and he dreaded it.

  
"Last night I saw him parked on the street and sorta accused him of - waiting for you, thinking you and him -" Ed's eyes widened in shock and Aaron sighed, knowing it sounded bad.

  
"Obviously you aren't I just - I got a bit, I don't know just worked up." Aaron saw the way Ed was deep in thought and felt nervous.

  
"He was just parked on the street?" Ed asked and Aaron pulled a face because he didn't expect _that_ part of the sentence to grab Ed's attention most.

  
Aaron nodded, "Waiting for a friend." He said slowly as Ed seemed to grow tenser.

  
"Yeah right." Ed spat almost to himself and Aaron frowned harsh at him. "Did you tell him to go?" He asked and Aaron felt bad as he nodded.

  
"He said he'd stay away but I felt -" Aaron was silenced as Ed gripped his arms and smiled.

  
"Good," Ed said without thinking. "That's good."

  
Aaron frowned, "He's your mate isn't he?" He didn't understand again and he felt himself become worked up about it.

  
"Hey," Ed tried to settle Aaron. "I just don't trust him that much -"

  
Aaron didn't believe it, "But you trusted him enough to look after me?" Even if he didn't remember it still happened didn't it?  
Ed was caught off guard with nothing to say so instead he just laughed nervously and looked towards the breakfast he had made Aaron.

  
"You seriously not having that?" Ed questioned and Aaron smiled, he didn't want to carry on having this odd argument (?) either.

  
"No I've got to jump in the shower, get ready for work." Aaron said before walking away.

  
"What? Work?" Ed pushed out nervously and Aaron turned around, a small little frown resting on his face because he didn't understand what the big deal was.

  
"Uh yeah well my heads feeling loads better now and - well you bought my overalls back so I don't really have an excuse." Aaron folded his arms and saw how Ed still seemed unnerved. "Is everything -"

  
"I'll drive you." Ed said suddenly as he walked towards Aaron.

  
"There's no need -"

  
Ed smiled and grabbed at Aaron's waist, "Maybe I just want to have a shower and get ready _with_ you eh." He whispered into Aaron's ear before dragging them into the bathroom.

 

***

 

Aaron saw Lee clapping his hands and smiling as he walked towards him, he pushed his seatbelt off and Ed seemed apprehensive as Aaron walked towards his mate.

  
"Argh I missed ya buddy." Lee clapped on Aaron's back and then smiled as he pulled away.

  
Aaron smiled back and tried to ignore the unease that went through him because he didn't have a clue just how long he had off. There was almost like a big black hole in his brain and he couldn't do anything about it.

  
Ed joined Aaron, a hand almost protectively on his back. "Hiya mate, could I have a word?" Lee looked a little shocked and Aaron tensed, knowing that it was about how much work he'd be doing.

  
Lee nodded his head and then caught sight of Aaron's face, "You alright mate?" He asked, titling his head a little and frowning. Aaron ripped himself out of his thoughts, thoughts that made his head ache because he was picturing being in the garage only about a week ago. He pictured himself asking Lee that they need to order in a part and Lee calling him 'the boss' and laughing.

  
Ed placed a hand on Aaron's arm and Aaron managed to nod. Ed smiled and turned to Lee, "He's just still a little uh," he began talking but then stopped, deciding to pull him to the side instead.

  
Aaron stood there, hands deep in his pockets, _confused_ before he spotted Dylan by one of the cars and tried to start up some sort of conversation.

  
"You alright?" Aaron smiled, titling his head as Dylan lifted his.

  
He smiled widely and then winked at Aaron, "Never thought you'd be returning." Dylan said before looking down at the car he was working on.

  
Aaron frowned and then looked towards Ed and Lee, he could see hands flying all over the place and made a conscious effort to try and hear what they were saying, edging away from Dylan and the loud radio a little.

  
"So the bloke was, what? A random who just -" Lee had a harsh frown on his face, lines cluttering his forehead.

 

"Yeah, look just - don't mention it to him." Ed pushed a hand out in frustration and Lee scowled.

  
"But he's forgotten?" Aaron froze as he heard Lee speak, his heart was beating out of his chest because he had to remember whatever he had forgotten, he _had_ to stop this big messy black hole in his mind from growing.

  
Ed nodded quickly before moving closer, "Yeah but he keeps showing up and if you said he was here then, maybe something will jog his memory."

  
Aaron strained his ears to hear that part but couldn't because suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, turning him around quickly.

  
Aaron stared wide eyed at first and then settled as he realised that he knew the face, it was Leah.

  
"Oh he's alive then." Leah tutted hard and then rolled her eyes. "I haven't seen ya for ages." Her mouth turned into an circular shape as she spotted Ed. "He's on the scene again then?"

  
Aaron kept blinking, didn't know how to stop because the information was hitting him too fast for him to take it all in. The last part _stuck_ though, when was Ed ever not on the scene? He hadn't told her about Ed and his mate, he hadn't even told Lee.

  
"What does that mean?" Aaron asked, eyes squinting at the woman who appeared to giggly and smiley for his mood.

  
Leah frowned then, a little shocked maybe at Aaron's tone as she straightened her back. "Well last time I saw ya -" she stopped herself and then shook her head, "Your mate." She said as if it had just entered her brain. "He didn't even take my mate's number. She was dead upset." Her arms crossed over and then Dylan appeared from the car looking towards Aaron.

  
Aaron felt as if they both wanted answers and his heart began beating out of his chest because he didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

  
_What mate?_ He could only think of Adam.

  
"What - Adam?" Aaron pushed out, his frown looking sadder as he attempted to make sense of the conversation.

  
Leah rolled her eyes, "No. No this one was _fitter_. Tall, blonde, _fit_." Aaron had someone in his head but he pushed him back, so far that he forgot the colour of his eyes all of a sudden.

  
Aaron wet his lips, tried to gather himself and then heard Leah speak again.

  
"Cassie? My mate. She was here and you said he was -"

  
Ed lifted his head and suddenly began walking over to them all, Lee behind.

  
"What's wrong?" Ed asked, all his attention on Aaron who just couldn't understand. Leah seemed so adamant that he had been there with some mate but there was honestly _nothing_ in his brain that remembered that. Nothing at all.

  
Leah rolled her eyes, "Your boyfriend here has the memory of the goldfish." Aaron raised his head, insulted and hurt and Ed could tell.

  
"Oi, don't say that." Ed seemed serious as he spoke and Leah raised her hands in defeat.

  
Lee looked towards Aaron and the younger man could sense some pity there that he didn't get either. He pulled his eyes away and then looked towards Leah.

  
"Listen sweetheart, this isn't a drop in centre. Dylan's working so if you don't mind clearing off then -"

  
Lee then looked towards Ed and gestured for him to do the same before leaning a little closer. "I'll make sure it's not bought up yeah?" He reasoned and Ed managed to peel himself away from Aaron's side.

  
"If _anything_ happens to him, you call me yeah?" Ed kissed Aaron's cheek and pushed his hands deep inside the pockets of his coat.

  
Aaron watched him leave and then looked back at Lee, he felt like the kid at the Christmas party who just walked into the kitchen where all the adults were gossiping about some family secret he didn't know about.

  
"Brew?" Lee asked, pointing towards the kettle.

  
Aaron nodded slowly and Lee smiled, "Ah cheers mate, two sugars is how I like it, remember?" Aaron scoffed at Lee's words and walked towards the kettle to make them both a tea.

 

***

 

Aaron found himself back into the rhythm of work pretty quickly and was proud of himself a little, working seemed to calm all his confusion and he knew that although there were things he didn't get or didn't match up in his mind, it would probably come back to him.

  
It didn't stop the worry though.

  
Ed's words from the night before still made him scared, wary even of who he was talking about. It was a load of ramble but some things seemed to make Aaron wonder. Aaron pressed down on the engine of a car and then his thoughts turned to Ed's mate, the no named blonde one. Ed didn't seem to like him and that confused him even _more_ because they were mates and he had looked after him when Ed was playing rugby.

  
Maybe if he spoke to this mate he could get to the bottom of everything and start feeling like bits of him were missing. Ed didn't seem to want to talk about it but maybe if -

  
Dylan pressed a hand on Aaron's shoulder and Aaron looked up.

  
"Look I'm sorry about Leah earlier, she was just looking out for her friend eh." Dylan held a spanner in his hand and twisted it over in his hands as he spoke.

  
Aaron squinted because _again_ he was being reminded of things he didn't get. "I think she got it wrong." He said bristly before turning around again.

  
Dylan scoffed, "What you calling her a liar?" Aaron tensed at the words and felt himself get riled up suddenly. "We were all there mate. You and the bloke were -"

  
Aaron shut his eyes tightly and begged himself to remember but he just _couldn't_. He turned around quickly and pointed towards Dylan. " _Stop_. Just - just _stop_ okay? I don't know what you're on about." He was shouting as Lee came over and held out a hand to break the tension.

  
Dylan frowned, "Don't shout at me 'cause you can't remember nought." It seemed to completely send Aaron over the edge because he hated the truth, he hated how everything appeared normal yet wasn't. He flung himself forward and landed a punch, hitting at Dylan's side before feeling someone pull him back. It wasn't Lee.

  
"Mate, _enough_ , get of him." Aaron tried to settle himself because it was Adam. He knew Adam.

  
Aaron turned towards his best mate and sighed, "Adam." He whispered softly. "I -"

  
"You need to cool off mate!" Dylan shouted, still riled up from the argument.

  
Lee tried to put a hand on Aaron's arm but he was pushed away. "No get off, don't - you're gonna tell me to calm down but - I will when everyone starts acting normal."

  
"What's he on about?" Dylan asked towards Lee. Lee shut his eyes for a few seconds and then pushed his hands out towards Aaron.

  
"It's alright mate." He tried but Aaron was shaking his head.

  
"Something, something has happened I - I _know_ I can, I can feel it but I just can't _remember_." Aaron panted a little and then flinched as Adam put a hand on the back of his neck and another on his shoulder.

  
"Let's go grab some lunch eh? That's what I came here to ask ya." Adam looked towards Lee to see if it was alright and he nodded.

  
Aaron sighed hard, looked towards Dylan and felt guilty. "I'm sorry for -"

  
Dylan seemed a little freaked out but felt pity more than anger as he shrugged his shoulders. "It's fine." He smiled before turning back.

  
Aaron ripped off his gloves and turned towards Adam, he was smiling a little and Aaron felt safe as they walked towards the town centre.

 

***

 

Adam pushed a coffee in front of Aaron and titled his head, "Drink up then." He sighed, a little softly as he saw how unsettled Aaron seemed.

  
Aaron inched his fingers closer to the mug and slowly picked it up before looking away from the Adam's concerned face.  
Adam gulped, "Do you want me to call Ed?" Aaron shook his head almost violently, coming alive at the words.

  
"No." Aaron pushed out, eyes darting towards Adam. "He'll only tell me I need to rest." He said, rolling his eyes and then sighing.

  
Adam nodded, "Okay then." He placed a hand on his lap. "But you need to talk to me. What happened at the garage?"

  
Aaron gripped his own hands, "Dylan kept going on about some bloke, a mate of mine and - I just don't understand."

  
Adam gulped hard, he knew that the time had passed, he knew that Aaron wouldn't remember Robert but he didn't expect this. He didn't expect all this confusion and unease about Aaron.

  
"It's alright mate," Adam forced out, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around Aaron and comfort him properly.

  
Aaron suddenly raised his head, "When was the last time I saw ya?" He stared seriously at Adam and watched his friend almost _squirm_.

  
Adam's head was suddenly being thrown towards the coffee shop floor and Aaron could practically hear the sizzle of his best mate's brain working over time. He raised his head after a few seconds and his eyes darted across the room before he looked back at Aaron.

  
"Uh before I went to - to -"

  
" _Magaluf_." They both said at the same time, a smile finally forming on Aaron's face as he remembered and felt as if he was finally good for something.

  
Adam nodded his head and smiled, "Yeah mate, yeah." He kept nodding and then stopped short as Aaron's face fell a little.

  
"Then how comes it didn't feel like that?" Aaron whispered, he hadn't hugged Adam tightly and asked all about his holiday and told him that he missed him. Adam hadn't seemed overly excited at their little reunion either. How long had it been? A few weeks?

  
Adam frowned, "What do you mean?" He asked tentatively.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I haven't seen ya in _weeks_ and - it just feels normal, like I saw ya a few days ago." Adam's eyes widened. "Am I being - I'm loosing it aren't I?" He run a hand through his hair and let his curls flop messily.

  
Adam's hand rested on Aaron's arm and he kept it there. "No mate, you're not I swear." He said gently before Aaron looked up at him and pointed towards his temple.

  
"I'm missing stuff Ad, I don't know what's going on." Aaron said, eyes darting towards the floor again.

  
"Nothing for you to worry about." Adam tried, his heart aching for Aaron.

  
"This - this all started with Ed's mate." Aaron thought of him and sighed. "He was looking after me and, and I don't even remember that."

  
Adam frowned, "Yeah?"

 

Aaron nodded, "I felt sorry for him, all drunk and -" he looked up and saw the way Adam looked at him, he seemed stunned and Aaron frowned. "I don't even know why I'm going on about it." He shook his head, that night, the man's tears, it had _stuck_.

  
"It's alright mate." Aaron looked almost offended at Adam's words and shook his head.

  
"But it isn't. I feel like there's this black hole of emptiness in here." Aaron pointed towards his temple again and sighed.

  
Adam gulped hard and then leaned forward. "Listen to me yeah? I'm - I'm your _best_ mate. I'd tell ya - tells ya if _anything_ was wrong, if you had anything to _worry_ about. But trust me mate, you're fine. Don't think about the past, don't fixate on tryna remember things just - focus on the future. No point in upsetting yourself is there eh?"

  
Aaron looked into Adam's eyes, saw the honesty there and tried his hardest to believe it. To believe it all and make sure that it ... _stick_.

  
"Yeah?" Aaron cautiously asked, trying to listen, to trust.

  
Adam nodded slowly, " _Yes_ mate." He said before looking down at Aaron's drink. "Now drink up and get back to fixing cars eh."  
Aaron smiled, his heart still beating a little faster than normal as he slipped his coffee and attempted to take Adam up on his advice, wondering when his best mate became so wise.

  
_Maybe during the black hole period._

  
Aaron rolled his eyes and tried to silence his mind.

 

***

 

Ed was waiting for him when Aaron came through the door, food all laid out on the table. Aaron arched an eyebrow.

  
"We expecting anyone?" Aaron asked, hanging his hoodie by the door and already kicking off his boots and unbuttoning his overalls.

  
Ed shook his head, "Nah." He smiled and Aaron nodded.

  
"Good 'cause I need a shower." Aaron walked towards the bathroom but Ed stopped him with his hand.

  
"I thought that, considering you weren't up for breakfast in bed we could have dinner, a proper one mind." Ed looked towards the table, a hand on Aaron's chest still. Aaron looked down and gulped hard.

  
"Yeah, after I clean myself up though yeah?" Aaron saw how Ed looked, a little defeated expression on his face. Aaron leant over and kissed him gently before moving towards the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

  
Aaron heaved out a sigh, feeling guilty because Ed was trying to make him feel almost normal and happy but Ed was also still lying to him, or maybe just keeping the truth hidden for a reason he didn't know.

 

***

 

Aaron was nearly finished eating, chewing on the last bit of bread on his plate and then looking towards Ed who was _still_ looking straight at him.

  
"How were you after I left today?" Ed didn't have to mention the garage but Aaron knew what he meant.

  
Aaron thought back to the argument, to the coffee with Adam, and then to the hours after where things got a little better. Lee kept him busy and Dylan was over the argument already, laughing about something he heard on the radio as he worked.

  
"Fine." Aaron smiled. "I saw Adam," he said before looking at Ed's expression, he hardly blinked. " _Adam_." Aaron forced out again, wondering why Ed didn't seem to be at all surprised or shocked or asking how he was or just - _something_ considering they hadn't seem him for weeks.

  
"Right," Ed nodded slowly, his expression giving away most of his confusion.

  
Aaron twitched, "He's back from Maguluf." He said a little flatly. Ed suddenly nodded quicker, becoming animated.

  
"Of course, uh, how is he?" Ed asked, titling his head.

  
Aaron ignored the sudden change in Ed and nodded, "Good yeah." He mumbled before remembering how not tanned Adam appeared after being away for so long. He remembered teasing him just before he left about him getting sunburnt on his arms. He didn't look like that though, he looked just the same as usual, as if he he'd back a while ago.

  
Aaron lifted from his seat and began collecting the plates but Ed's hand stopped him again. "I'll do it." Ed said softly and before Aaron could say anything else the plates were being piled by the sink and Ed was turning the tap on.

 

***

 

Ed turned to Aaron as he finished, a smile on his face and the radio humming in the background.

  
"You alright babe?" Aaron looked at Ed and smiled before watching Ed walk towards him slowly, holding him close.

  
Aaron felt safe again, the strong arms of Ed were enough to make him loosen a little and fall into the embrace.

  
"You know, everything I do is because I want to protect ya." Ed's voice was low and husky and Aaron frowned at the words as he heard them. It sounded ominous.

  
Aaron tried to smile again and then Ed grabbed at his waist, holding him even closer. "Dance with me, come on."

  
Aaron frowned, they didn't dance. He had fond memories of house parties in France, Ed jumping around the place high on the thrill of a win and going laughing his head off with happiness. Himself going equally as mad, jumping around to music with loud beats and then feeling Ed grab his waist and mash their mouths together. The way they held each other afterwards was the closest they had ever come to dancing.

  
"Me and you?" Aaron scoffed before feeling a little lighter as they swayed, "We don't -"

  
Ed shrugged, "Maybe I want to." He offered before turning the radio up a little.

  
Aaron gave in, smiling a little as he felt Ed's hands stoking his waist lovingly, the music was relaxing and slow and Aaron's shoulders relaxed until he was swaying and feeling better and -

 

_Love me tender_

_Love me sweet_

_Never let me go_

_You have made my life complete_

_And I love you so_

 

Aaron felt his stomach collapse, his eyes fluttered and he didn't understand the way his heart thumped _so_ hard in his chest at the change of song. Instantly he felt wrong, Ed holding him in his arms felt wrong, heavy and he couldn't bare how guilty his heart seemed as the song played on. It took seconds for him to pull away, for his head to shake and his mind to scream 'no' as he pushed off of Ed.

  
Ed frowned, "Hey what -" he blinked quickly, eyes darting towards Aaron in surprise.

  
Aaron looked towards the window and sighed before looking back at Ed, "I'm sorry I'm just - I'm really tired." He rubbed a hand over his eyes lazily and shielded himself from Ed's expression.

  
The song was still playing, still making Aaron's head ache.

  
_Love me tender_

_Love me long_

_Take me to your heart_

_For it's there that -_

  
"Oh, yeah alright." Ed turned the radio off finally and Aaron felt his shoulders relax.

  
"I'm sorry," Aaron whispered gently, biting down hard on his lip and appearing nervous.

  
Ed tensed and Aaron could sense his frustration. "Yeah. Whatever, I'm - I'll let you go then." He pushed put the words and moved so that Aaron was able to walk freely towards their bedroom again.

  
Aaron nodded, walking towards the hallway before frowning as he saw Ed move towards the sofa and put the television on.

  
"You not coming with me?" Aaron felt like a child as he spoke, all vulnerable. But Ed didn't move, he just sighed.

  
"I'll be there in a bit." Ed said, dry, flat, almost uninterested.

  
Aaron bit his lip again and then walked towards the bedroom, shutting the door tightly because he knew Ed wasn't going to be sleeping there that night. He'd be on the sofa, he'd prefer to be on the sofa.

  
The covers were cold as Aaron sank into them and stared up at the ceiling, a song still _stuck_ in his head, lines he remembered, lines that were in his head somehow even though he'd only heard his mum hum the song a few times in his life and heard it once at a wedding in France. Aaron began playing with his hands as he laid there, recalling the moment the music had stopped, _For its there that_ \- "I belong and will never part."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was an all Aaron chapter and I don't know if that's really annoying but I just had to write it and tie up any loose ends. Next chapter won't be set out like this, just a little heads up ... it's another 'poor rob give him a cuddle' one because something bloody happens! Hope you enjoyed this one though, the ending was so sad to write because I realised that I had made them have 'their song' and then ed and him were dancing to it - it had to be sorted and so poor Ed :(((


	26. Another loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sugden's are faced with a massive blow and Robert finds comfort from an unlikely source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the longest of chapters and really quite sad but ... enjoy I guess <33

Robert could feel Victoria staring at him from her seat, he was almost sure that she was looking at him with pity in her eyes and he hated it. They were at the hospital and their dad was only getting worse and yet still he was feeling sorry for himself and even making Victoria feel the same. He hadn't seen him, he'd purposely stayed away and tried to focus on being there for his family, _just_ his family. It made sense considering they actually loved him and he could accept that.

  
"I'm getting a coffee," Robert stood fairly quickly and Victoria nodded a little.

  
Robert walked over to the machine and pressed the number before slotting in the coins, it had become almost like second nature, the simple motion. A sound beeped and Robert instinctively looked down to watch the cup fall and then see the hot liquid pour into it. He frowned when nothing changed, when the machine did nothing at all.

He shook it a little with his hand and then sighed hard, 'keep it together' his thoughts burned and made him try his hardest to stop crying. He'd been doing so well, he hadn't cried at all and although Jack had only got worse he was _still_ holding himself well. Being there for Victoria, holding Jack's hand and telling him stories and then going back to his flat and falling into bed, Aaron's hoodie close to his chest. He hadn't broken down yet but now -

  
Robert kicked it hard, and then harder until he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

It was Andy and Robert smiled weakly as he turned and faced him. He wasn't alone, little Sarah and Jack were there, swirling around Andy's fingers, clearly bored out of their minds.

  
Andy raised an eyebrow at the machine and Robert saw the coffee waiting for him. He rolled his eyes and turned back around to the children who he hadn't properly met before.

  
Robert knelt and looked at them both, all blonde haired and wide eyed and adorable.

  
"Sarah, Jack, this is your uncle Robert. The one I was telling you about in the car." Andy spoke softly and Robert saw the way Sarah seemed to look straight at him with intrigue. Her sudden interest alerted Jack and he stared too, both of them looked straight at Robert and he gulped a little awkwardly before clearing his throat.

  
"Hiya," he wasn't good with kids, he knew that. Aaron was though - he could bet his life that Aaron would know just what to say to make them smile. "You want some chocolate?" He offered, looking up at the machine next to the coffee one.

  
Sarah nodded quickly and then Robert looked towards Andy. "If that's alright." He asked tentatively.

  
Little Jack frowned at him, "You daddy's brother?" He asked, all wide eyed and surprised.

  
Robert laughed, he hadn't done that in days. "Yeah I am." He said softly before looking at Sarah and smiling at her.

  
"And he's grandad's son too." Andy confirmed, squeezing Sarah's shoulder and then Jack's shoulder.

  
Robert looked up Andy's face and realised that the kids weren't just there to say hello, in fact they were there to say goodbye weren't they?

  
"Have ya seen 'im?" Andy said seriously causing Robert to shake his head.

  
"He's asleep, has been since me and Vic came this morning." Robert hated when he was asleep, the nurses said it was a good thing but he knew it wasn't. He knew he was just slipping away now.

  
"I wanted to let them see 'im." Andy sighed and Sarah looked up at him curiously.

  
"Hey lets get that chocolate and let daddy speak to one of the nice nurses yeah?" Robert didn't know what else to do because Andy looked like he was going to burst out crying or hit something and the kids couldn't see that.

Little Jack came willingly but Sarah needed a little more coaxing by Andy before she joined Robert.

  
"Thanks - I'm gonna see if he's awake now." Andy said slowly, no hope really in his voice as he walked towards the room.

 

***

 

A few hours later Robert was sat in the room with his dad, little Jack on his lap because apparently he had really taken a shine to the tall blonde uncle who gave out a chocolate on a whim.

  
Sarah was by Andy and Victoria was playing with her hair as Diane busied herself with the curtains in the room.

  
Robert looked around the room, they usually only allowed two at a time didn't they? This was them being nice though, allowing a family to be there in his -

  
_Final hours._

  
He could admit that, he had to because to stay in denial would be cruel.

  
"Are you in pain dad?" Victoria leant forward and winced at the thought.

  
Jack shook his head and Robert caught sight of him properly, he was practically _sinking_ into the bed, wasting away and growing paler.

  
Jack looked towards Robert and tried to smile as he saw little Jack bouncing on his knee. Robert's eyes became a little misty as he saw how much pain his dad was in, maybe not physically but inside he was _breaking_.

  
Diane moved closer to the bed, "Do you want to chuck us all out love, get some rest?"

  
Robert frowned, "He's had enough sleep, that's all he seems to be doin'." He snapped a little quickly and Diane cowered her head.

  
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little -" Robert tried to speak but Jack made a little moan and all eyes fell on him.

  
"Dad? Dad are you -" Andy's voice was tight and laced with fear as he stood closer to the bed and watched his father frown a little.

  
Diane looked flustered as he grabbed Sarah by the hand and then pulled little Jack from Robert's lap. "I'm taking - taking them outside for a bit." She said, ushering them towards the door before looking at Jack. "I'll be back in a bit love. I love you." Victoria raised her head and her eyes were filled with tears as she heard Diane speak.

  
Robert had to look away, his heart breaking because that was one goodbye wasn't it? He was dying, right there, right now.

  
Jack moaned again before panting and looking towards the door, towards Diane. "Love you - too." He panted harder.

  
Robert moved a hand onto Jack's and squeezed it as he watched Diane go.  
Victoria moved closer and began to cry, soft and almost silently and it took seconds for Andy to comfort her.

  
"Don't - don't cry love." Jack was forcing the words out as he moved a hand up weakly and gestured for her to hold on.

Victoria sniffled and then obliged, holding on tightly.

  
"I don't want you to go dad." Victoria looked like a little girl again and Robert had to fight back his tears as she spoke.

  
Andy squeezed her shoulder tighter and Jack opened his mouth to speak again, "You - you look after - after her son," he said to Andy before moving his head towards Robert, "And you, you too." He said, slower this time.

  
Robert wiped at his eyes and smiled, "We'll look after each other. I promise." He looked towards Victoria and Andy and saw them nodding in agreement, he couldn't believe how far they'd come recently.

  
Jack smiled, "That's - all, all I wanted." He said slowly before sighing and looking at Andy.

  
"Spoil, spoil those kids for me, show 'em the farm and let them have fun up there eh?" Robert smiled as Andy nodded in agreement, apparently his brother had been wary about them going up there for some reason. Maybe bad memories.

  
"Of course dad." Andy said softly.

  
"You - you just," Jack squeezed Victoria's hand tightly, "You keep being you - you love, promise to, to bang their 'eads together if they start arguing again eh?"

Victoria nodded quickly before looking at Robert and Andy, "Promise dad." She sniffled gently before falling a little onto Andy.

  
Robert blinked as Jack looked his way, his expression heavier and sadder. "You forgive me? Do you - do ya -"

  
Robert knew he would always resent the years, a part of him would always hate parts of their relationship and the things they said and did but he _understood_ now. He understood and more importantly he accepted it.

  
"I forgive ya dad, I forgive you." Robert whispered, soft and gentle and Jack's whole body seemed to relax a little more at his son's words.

  
Jack blew out a breath, "Promise me you - you wont give up." Robert frowned at the words but Jack persisted. "Not on him, you - you deserve to, to be happy with him, I want that son - I _do_." Robert froze, he knew now who he was taking about and he couldn't stop crying now.

Aaron, Aaron should have been there by his side, a shoulder to cry on.

  
He wasn't though and Robert cried down towards his dying dad before nodding his head and becoming overwhelmed with the approval, the promise he had to keep, the fact that his dad, on his death bed just wanted him happy.

  
Jack weakly petted Robert's hair as he cried down onto him before smiling, "Everything's - good now then, everything's -"

  
Victoria's eyes widened and that's when it happened. That's when he left.

  
Robert felt his whole body give way because his _dad_ , the one who he convinced himself he didn't need, was dead. He'd left him.

  
"No, no dad - dad -" Victoria moved closer, tears in her eyes as she shoved at Jack's shoulder and _tried_ and then _failed_ to wake him.

  
Robert lifted his head and looked at her, "Vic - he's - he's -"

  
Andy shook his head, tears in his eyes as he moved closer, "No not yet dad, we're not ready yet. Dad? Dad please." He was crying, shaking a little and Robert cleared his throat as he pulled himself away and suddenly found his arms wrapped around Andy's and his brother wasn't fighting it.

They were _hugging_ , actually holding onto each other and crying and they hadn't done this before, not since they were kids anyways but never this emotional or heartbreaking.

  
Victoria rested a hand on Jack's hair before kissing his head slowly and spotting her brother's. She had to smile before she ran out the rom and fell into Diane's arms, the older woman's cries being heard as Victoria told her the news that ripped them all apart.

  
"He's gone," Andy muttered into Robert's shoulder, "I can't -"

  
Robert nodded, "I know mate, I know." He cried, staying in the moment until Andy moved a little and they broke apart.

  
"I have - let me see my kids wait -" Andy was in a state as he walked out the room and hugged Sarah and little Jack tightly, crying as they hugged him back and allowed their father to break down.

  
Robert stood there, wanting someone to hug, to cry into properly. He needed Aaron. A nurse came into the room and it took a few seconds for Robert to hear her as she told him she had to check a few things. Robert felt like saying, 'we know he's gone, what else is there to check' but he was too weak for that, instead he just nodded and walked out the door.

  
Victoria saw him standing there, almost numb to it all and she wrapped her arms around him. Robert didn't pull away, he held her closer and kissed her head and pretended that the hole in his heart hadn't just got ten times bigger.

 

***

 

He managed to tear himself away, the crying and the sobbing and the tears all seemed to disappear as he peeled himself away from his family and walked towards the car park. He hated hospital, he had memories of Aaron there, and now his dad was added to the list.

  
Victoria seemed to have cried herself out and Andy was comforting Sarah, his arms holding her tightly as Diane sat, almost numb with little Jack on her knee.

No one knew what would happen next but the nurses didn't seem to want to rush them and that made it all the more unbearable.

  
Robert tried his hardest to pull out his car keys but his hands were shaking, trembling almost as he battled with them. He swore bitterly. He was standing in the car park, fighting back all his motions and desperately wanting to slip away like planned. Somehow Victoria had bought the whole 'I'm just getting fresh air' comment and now he stood outside in the cold, one hand trying to stop his palm from shaking and the other pulling his jacket over his stomach in an attempt to keep himself warm.

  
"Rob?" Robert stopped himself and turned round to see Victoria standing there, she had red rings around her eyes and she looked worn out. Robert knew he couldn't just ignore her.

  
"Yeah," Robert said, looking towards the ground and then staring up, answering the question that she knew she'd ask.

"Look I'm just, I need to go home now."  
Victoria frowned instantly and walked towards him, "You can't. You need to be with us, dad would have -"

  
Robert raised a hand, " _Please_ don't try and make me feel bad." He pushed out quickly, already feel he felt awful for just slipping away like he had done. "I just have to do this -" he didn't know what exactly he had to do that had to be done alone, cry maybe. The thought was a dark one and then he thought about drinking to forget this day had ever happened.

  
"Do what? I don't want you on your own Rob, not now." Victoria seemed desperate as she spoke and wiped at her eyes. "He's gone and you're already running a mile again."

  
Robert felt his heart ache at the words, he knew that it's how it seemed and he didn't want that. He wanted to be a proper family again, he wasn't running from that.

  
"It's not like that Vic." Robert said seriously, "I just _need_ to be on my own right now. I'm sorry." He admitted, his hands had finally given in, stopped shaking so uncomfortably.

  
Victoria gently put her hands on top of Robert's and smiled sadly at him. "Well me and Andy and Diane too we, will be here for you." He felt guilty as he heard it, he felt bad because they had lost their dad too and somehow it was all about him.

  
"I'm there for you too, gosh I am Vic I _swear_." Robert placed his hands on her shoulders. "It's just," Robert clicked his tongue. "I thought I hated him a few months ago Vic, I was sure I did and now he's - he's gone and we were finally getting along. It's just a lot to take in at the moment and -"

  
Victoria shook her head, "I get it." A hand left Robert's and she looked towards his car, "Drive safe yeah? I'll call you if - if I need to."

  
Robert nodded before getting into the car and resting his hands on the wheel, the shaking seemed to start again.

 

***

 

Drinking apparently was the answer but it didn't make him cry like he thought, like he secretly hoped because he had enough of this weight he was carrying around with him. This heaviness that wasn't able to lift.

  
Robert leaned forward and his fingers nearly slipped from the glass of whiskey he had poured for himself, another one. He had Aaron's hoodie beside him, he could barely part from it and although everything ached and he felt so small and alone inside, the hoodie was almost like home to him.

It was the first thing he spotted when he walked into the flat, hands still shaking like mad. His hoodie, laid out in the sofa, waiting for him almost, waiting to comfort him and be there for him. Robert told himself it was a sign even though he had his doubts.

  
He hadn't seen him for days, he didn't know what to think about when he pictured him because parts of Robert's brain had began to block out the things he loved most about the younger man, for his own safety and protection of his fragile heart.

  
Robert's eyes dragged towards the floor, towards the spot on the floor where Jack had fallen. He winced as he remembered how scared he was, how confused and utterly broken the thought of his father being dead had made him. He remembered Aaron being there for him that night, telling him it would be okay and soothing his worry - being selfless and nobel and acting like some sort of hero. He hated that part. The part where he left and Aaron stayed and woke up in a stranger's bed.

  
_A stranger's bed._

  
That's what Robert had amounted to. A stranger.

  
Robert downed the whiskey and thought of his father, he didn't think he'd actually see him die like that. Take his last breath and make his children promise to do things for him. Jack had wanted Robert not to give up and Robert had promised not to. He was a fool for doing that.

  
There was a knock on the door and Robert frowned, he wasn't expecting anyone and he wasn't in the mood for faking a friendly conversation. The knocking persisted though and forced Robert to rise unsteadily from his feet and answer it.

  
The door opened and a familiar face stood there, he remembered him, Aaron's mate. The one who thought he was Aaron's sugar daddy at first. _Twat_.

  
"Hiya." Adam forced out, his lips tight as he spoke as if he was being careful with his words. "I - uh -" 

  
Robert pinched his nose the way Aaron did. "Look this isn't a good -" he stopped himself and then his face grew serious. "Has something happened to Aaron? _Please_ , tell me if -"

  
Adam shook his head, "Well he - he's Aaron, just a little more confused." He said gently. "I mean he _really_ doesn't remember anything." He didn't mean to push the point home but Robert winced at his words. "Sorry I -"

  
"You said he was confused? About what though? I thought I was firmly out of the picture." Robert frowned, a little confused.

  
Adam shrugged his shoulders, "He lost it at work, started shouting about not knowing what was going on. He _knows_ something's is missing." Adam looked towards the floor and Robert felt awkward.

  
"Come inside yeah?" Robert gestured, opening the door a little wider and watching Adam come in and sit in the sofa.

  
"Adam is - is he unhappy?" The thought made Robert's heart ache with sadness.

  
Adam gulped, "Nah just - just not really there, as if something's holding him back or -" he looked up at Robert. "You don't still have the spell on him?"

  
Robert scowled, "Believe me if I did then I wouldn't be sat here all on my own, holding onto his hoodie."

  
Adam eyed it up and then sighed as he looked back at Robert, "Are _you_ alright?" He asked cautiously.

  
Robert seemed startled by the question, "Why do you care?" He snapped a little because he saw the look on Adam's face, saw the concern in his eyes and it felt weird.

  
Adam ducked his head, "I don't really know to be honest." He stood up quickly, "I don't even know why I'm here." He muttered before walking towards the door in a huff.

  
Robert watched him go and felt something tug at his heart because the guy reminded him of Aaron, had the same kind heart and soft eyes and he needed a mate, one that didn't want to get in his pants every ten minutes (Connor Jensen)

  
He just needed to offload, to pretend that he could do that all without feeling weird or like he was over - sharing, starting with the news of the day -

  
"My dad died today." Robert heard the words fall out of his mouth ungraciously. It was like vomit, he couldn't stop himself.

  
Adam turned at that, his face softening and his shoulders relaxing. He looked shocked, unsure of what to say but he sat back down slowly and patted his hands on his thighs.

  
Adam cleared his throat, "Uh, how?" He said almost awkwardly.

  
"He had cancer and then he got pneumonia." Robert twitched at how calmly he could talk about it. "I don't know why I'm telling you this."

  
It made sense though, he didn't have mates, he worked from home. He needed to tell someone and Adam was listening wasn't he, he was caring.

  
"It's fine." Adam said softly, "Look I get it. My dad, he - he died a few years ago too."

  
Robert raised his head and Adam smiled sadly.

  
"He meant everything to me." Adam admitted, his eyes becoming misty.

  
Robert shook his head, "See that's it, me and him - it wasn't like you and your dad." He sighed, "It was strained to say the least." He rolled his eyes.

  
Adam shrugged, "Don't really matter though, I mean your dad is your dad isn't he? No matter what." He said slowly, a small smile on his face.

  
Robert nodded, "Yeah I suppose." He said before looking down at his whiskey. "Want one?"

  
Adam pulled a face that reminded Robert of Aaron. "Nah I'm alright, I should be going actually." He stood up and Robert nodded, understanding.

  
Adam walked towards the door and lifted an arm towards his back in an awkward motion. "Listen - I uh, I just wanted to say that it gets better. You won't even realise it until you look back and -"

  
"Remember the days where a bottle of whiskey was the only thing that could get you through the hours ahead." Robert nearly joked, he tried to and Adam smiled.

  
"Yeah something like that." Adam said and Robert smiled back him, he knew why Aaron loved him so much, why he would always go on about Adam and defend him. He knew exactly why Aaron found himself attached to such a warm person.

  
Robert opened the door and Adam walked out. "And Aaron." Robert raised his head and Adam kept his stare, "He's fine, he'll be fine I'll make sure of it."

Robert held onto the words as Adam left, he had to because suddenly it was the only hope he had left in this damn messed up world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be uploading again really soon, things are staring to change up soon and I've nearly finished writing the next few chapters so keep a look out! Xx


	27. Moving (holding) on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed finds a way of keeping Aaron close but Robert won't let him go that easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update?! I'm sort of on fire with the updates recently but I'm afraid to say this won't be completed (posted) all by New Year's Day like I hoped. But I'm going to try really hard to get loads of writing done because I'm back at school on the 3rd ahhh nightmare! I hope you like this chapter though guys!

Ed dropped the news, like a bomb, over dinner.

 

"Well the team have to move back to France. We could go with them, start again."

  
Aaron frowned at the words he heard, completely shocked and parts of himself wanting to back away from the idea altogether.

  
"Start again, in a place we left so we could _start again?_ " Aaron saw the way Ed looked at him, all tense and frustrated and he didn't like it, he didn't like making Ed upset.

  
Aaron moved a hand onto Robert's, "Why now?" He asked, trying at least to understand.

  
Ed looked up at him, "It's a great opportunity for us, look you loved your old job there. You could have it back." He knew exactly what to say and Aaron squirmed a little.

  
"But we have a _life_ here." Aaron pointed out, "I already have a decent job and we have mates and -"

  
"Aaron just, think about it for me." Ed kissed him then and then pulled away so he was by Aaron's ear, "Don't you remember all the good memories we made there?"

  
Aaron blushed, he _did_ remember something at least. "Of course I do."

  
Ed pulled further away so that he was looking into Aaron's eyes, "Then?"

  
Aaron bit his lip, took the plunge. "My head is - it's not right at the moment, it's all _fuzzy_ and confused Ed."

  
Ed gulped and then smiled, "Then what better way to get your mind off things by spending a few days in Paris before we actually start our life up there again."

  
Aaron tried to smile and forget how he felt about it. He didn't want to leave London. He didn't want to just _go_ back to France because Ed's team were. He could change teams, they'd probably eat his hand off if he wanted to transfer.

  
"I love ya Aaron, and I want to make this work." Ed smiled at him and Aaron ignored his thoughts that questioned why they had to be miles away from where they were now just to make things 'work'.

  
"I'll think about it, promise." Aaron kissed Ed's cheek to silence him.

 

***

 

"Ya know Ed wants us to move back to France." Aaron decided to tell Adam whilst they were playing a video game, to avoid maximum dramatics from his best mate. It didn't work though.

  
Adam paused the game, snatched the controller from Aaron and stared wide eyed. "Uh what was that?" His voice was high and all shocked.

  
Aaron bit his lip and nodded his head, "Apparently his team are moving back or something. I don't know really." He did know but he couldn't be bothered to explain so he just played with his hands.

  
"Mate you've only been back about a year though, you can't just -"

  
"It's his job Ad, he sorta has to do what they say." Aaron hated sticking up for Ed when he didn't feel the same but he has to - doesn't he?

  
"But what about yours?" Aaron scoffed at Adam's words.

  
"Mate I work in a garage with some mates, it's hardly the same is it?"

  
"What so you're _less_ important than Ed? Is that what this is about?" Aaron wanted to say it wasn't but he knew it is. He knew that he was sitting on the sofa Ed bought in the flat he purchased in the area he picked. He knew that if Ed fancied leaving then he didn't have any right to think he could've stayed behind.

  
"Now - now you're _twisting_ it." Aaron said angrily, hating that Adam seemed to get it.

  
Adam raised an eyebrow, "Am I now?" He said quickly before frowning. "You don't even want to go mate."

  
Aaron chewed on his lip and didn't reply because it wasn't a question, it was just a statement, a fact.

  
"I know you don't, because something is holding ya back." Adam began to be careful with his words because saying his name would give it all away possibly and make Aaron even more confused.

  
Aaron raised his head, his heart felt that way. "How the hell d'you know?" He almost spat.

  
Adam rolled his eyes and then gulped nervously, "Er 'cause he's sat right here." He pointed to himself to lighten the mood and Aaron laughed before hitting his friend's arm.

  
"Think about Liv too, how often did ya see her when you were in France eh?" Aaron twitched, four times. He lived there for a while and he hardly saw her, spoke to her on the phone a lot but Sandra didn't like the fact that he moved and she had every right not to want her daughter going to France on the odd weekend. Even if Aaron (or Ed, mostly Ed) offered to pay for her flights.

  
Aaron sighed and then nodded, "You're right." He said softly but titling his head. "But maybe I need this Ad, maybe this is something _good_ for me."

  
Adam didn't know what to say so he just played the game again and tried not to think about how Robert would feel if Aaron left the country without him knowing.

 

***

 

Robert had surfaced after two days of wallowing in self pity and being unable to cry his eyes out like he needed to. He was almost numb and cold and it was scary.

  
"We need to start picking out some flowers we want." Diane had aged years since Jack had died, the bags under her eyes were heavy and she looked paler than usual.

  
They were sitting in some restaurant near Robert's flat, it was small and almost pokey but considering they had just registered Jack's death no one was in the mood to complain.

  
"I don't mind." Robert raised his head, deciding that he had to at least say something about it even if it wasn't helpful. He turned to Victoria and tried to coax something out of her.

  
"Don't you usually have lilies?" Victoria asked and Diane just nodded.

  
"Uh yeah, we could have that if you'd like." Diane looked towards Andy, he'd been quiet all day. Not a word really. He looked still so in shock, so broken by it and Robert couldn't try to understand how close they were once he was out of the picture. It was stupid really because he wanted to feel that sadness too, that heart aching absolute despair - but he couldn't. He couldn't even cry about it.

  
"Andy love, what about you?" Andy raised his head and looked almost dazed as he nodded.

  
"I think that'd be fine yeah." Andy spoke softly and silence dawned on them again until Diane spoke.

  
"Your dad wanted to be cremated." Diane made sure she was looking at all three of them as she spoke.

  
Victoria smiled sadly, "Finally could get away from all that mud and dirt eh."

  
Andy actually smiled at that and a small ripple of sad laughter travelled through them all.

  
"Well I think he was pretty sick of it after thirty odd years eh." Andy had a lightness in his voice as he spoke and then it was drowned out by the sound of Diane sniffling.

  
Victoria moved a hand towards her and comforted Diane a little, "The last thing he said, the last thing Diane that dad said was 'everything's good, he was happy.'"

  
Robert felt a lightness in his heart at the memory of it, tears were suddenly filling his eyes and he had to clear his thoughts.

  
Diane wiped her eyes, "I know darling. Of course he was, he had the family back together."

  
Robert felt all eyes on him as Diane spoke and he blushed under the looks. He knew that he had stopped Jack feeling content for years but he didn't blame himself wholly for that and neither did his dad in the end. He knew he was to blame too.

  
"Let's do this again tomorrow eh?" Diane looked around the table and everyone nodded. "We still have a few things to sort before the funeral." The funeral was sooner than expected, Diane had sorted most things out though and only really wanted to call these little gatherings to keep them all close. Robert knew she had already arranged the flowers and then hymns and anything else they needed.

  
"Yeah, tomorrow." Robert said, trying to smile because it was almost the only thing keeping him sane at the moment, having to stay sober enough for these little meetings each day that didn't amount to anything really.

 

It was nearly dark by the time they all left, Robert going a separate way than the others because despite Diane wanting to cook for him at his flat, he turned her down and said no thanks in the politest way possible. He didn't fancy anymore company. He _did_ fancy getting drunk though.

  
He was in the bar again, _their_ bar he told himself because it reminded him of Aaron. It reminded him so much of that cocky little shit who came to the bar and practically made Robert buy him a drink. But then he listened, he was such a good listener.

 

Robert stumbled out, hands deep in his pockets as he tried to walk back to the flat without knocking out his front teeth. He was drunk, too drunk to remember anything about what was discussed at the Sugden Family Bereavement Meeting and he was grateful. He hated how morbid everything was now, how dark his life was.

  
Robert turned the corner too quickly and fell towards someone. He looked up, trying to apologise and saw who it was.

  
"Adam!" Robert said with a drunken smile, "Ah it's Adam." He said again, a hand over Adam's shoulder lazily.

  
Adam frowned and held Robert up, "Have you had enough to drink there mate?" He walked them towards a bench and Robert fell down slowly into it.

  
"Drinking to _forget_." Robert slurred a little and Adam pulled a face.

  
"Ah okay." Adam said awkwardly. "Who? Your dad?" He asked but Robert was already shaking his head.

  
"No, _him_." Aaron was in his mind, he couldn't forget him, no amount of alcohol would do that.

  
Adam gulped, "Yeah well you won't be seeing him around or anything soon so -" he was meant to be muttering to himself but Robert heard.

  
"What was - what did ya say?" Robert's eyes widened and he leaned a little forward. "What did you mean Adam?"

  
Adam winced, "Aaron - he might be moving back to France - with Ed." The words managed to stab straight at Robert's heart and he couldn't stop the tears in his eyes.

  
"No. No he can't -" Robert's voice broke and Adam looked up at him cautiously.

  
"I know, that's why I said." Adam sighed, "But he's convinced himself it might be a good thing."

  
Robert frowned, his hands shaking again. "Yeah for _Ed_ , because - he wants Aaron as far away from me as, as fucking possible!" He stood up and used the bench to steady his balance.

  
"Where are ya going?" Adam asked, eyes wide.

  
Robert knew he couldn't tell him where, "Home. Just - don't follow me." He urged and Adam seemed to slowly oblige as he nodded his head.

Somehow Robert had made it to the flat, he was looking up and smiling because the lights were still on and he had a chance to stop Aaron from leaving. He couldn't loose his dad and Aaron too. He promised Jack he wouldn't give up.

 

***

 

Aaron frowned as he heard the door of the flat building being banged on hard. Ed turned the television down and his heart gave way as he heard Robert's voice.

  
"Open the door Ed! I'm - I'm not going _anywhere_!" Robert shouted up to the window, shivering a little as the wind picked up.

  
Aaron's heart raced, he knew that voice. "Is that your mate?"

  
Ed tensed and suddenly pulled on his shoes as he walked towards the door. "You stay there okay?" Aaron frowned at the almost order but he couldn't say anything in reply because Ed was already slamming the door and charging down the stairs.

  
Aaron's head hurt, confusion building up inside as he walked slowly towards the window and tried to shield himself from sight.  
Robert gulped hard as Ed approached him, clearly angry. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?" He barked, desperately trying to keep his hands to himself and not alert Aaron.

  
Robert shook his head and staggered a little. Ed seemed to relax a little.

  
"You're drunk, what a surprise." Ed pushed his hands in his pockets and turned around to go back inside. "Go home Robert." He whispered, almost hissed.

  
"You think - think you could just run away, run off to fucking France and it'd all be okay?" Robert saw Ed turn back, his face clouded with anger and confusion.

  
"How do you know about France?" Ed whispered before suddenly pulling at Robert's collar, "Have ya seen him? Have ya!" His voice was getting louder and Aaron squinted as he saw Ed holding onto him. He felt uneasy and suddenly realised that this was the blonde bloke, the one who was clearly having a rough time of it.

  
Robert shook his head lazily, "Nah." He admitted before he felt Ed let him go. "But if you think for a _second_ I'm letting ya take him from me like that then -"

  
"He's not yours to take you idiot." Ed spat, his eyes filled with disgust. "You took him from me remember? It's not my fault you feel pathetically in love with him."

  
Robert bit his lip, "No it isn't." He said softly before tears were in his eyes again, "But I can't loose him." He hated how desperate he was for Aaron, _still_.

  
"You don't have a choice." Ed said flatly, arms crossed over.

  
Robert pushed a hand through his hair, "I've lost my dad I can't - I can't loose him as well. You can't take him after my dad's dead."

  
Aaron managed to hear fragments, watching the blonde as he said something about loosing his dad. Tears were in his eyes as he thought about it, as if he knew him or something as if he wanted to mourn with the blonde. The reaction made him stagger back and look away from the window.

  
"I'm sorry about your dad." Ed said, his voice low and almost soft. "But Aaron isn't yours and we're moving away -"

  
"Because _you_ said so." Robert retaliated, a smug smile on his face because he knew that Ed could be almost controlling.

  
Ed flinched, "No because -"

  
"Because - Ed gets to kiss other blokes and do what he likes and Aaron will stay 'cause at least he says he loves him." Maybe being drunk made Robert honest, real and he wasn't lying as he saw the look on Ed's face.

  
"You need to go _now_ , I swear Robert." Ed looked up towards the flat window. "You'll never see him again, do you know that?"

  
Robert felt his insides blacken as he walked further towards Ed, "You sick son of bitch." Ed turned and rolled his eyes. "He won't want to leave ya know, because he will _always_ look for me - you can't make him forget that."

  
Ed turned again and shoved Robert to the pavement, making the older man wince out in pain before he tried to get to his feet.

  
"Yeah we'll see about that." Ed said, smiling as he went to open the door.

  
_Don't give up son._

  
Robert stood up and walked a little towards the window, he could make out Aaron's shadow and suddenly picked up a stone, hitting it towards the window.

  
"Aaron, _Aaron_!" Robert shouted up towards the window.

  
"What the fuck are you playing at?" Ed shouted, "I'll call the police. He doesn't know ya." He warned but Robert saw how nervous he seemed by the prospect of some sort of reaction from his boyfriend.

  
Aaron frowned as he heard the blonde's voice shouting his name and throwing rocks towards the window like this was Romeo and Juliet. He opened the window and stared down, Ed seemed tense and this bloke didn't seem like Ed's mate at all anymore.

  
"What are you doing?" Aaron asked, frowning hard and shivering at the cold.

  
Robert looked up in awe and Aaron felt unsettled. "Aaron I just - I needed to see ya."

  
Aaron looked towards Ed and saw how panicked he seemed, suddenly he thought about this blonde drunken mess planning on spilling something about Ed or what he'd done. Who he'd kissed this time.

  
"Why, I barely know ya." Aaron remarked before looking at Ed. "What's he on about?"

  
Ed stared blankly and then Robert staggered closer.

  
"Don't go to France, _please_ don't go." Robert's lip quivered and Aaron's heart raced, he was drunk again but it didn't explain what he was talking about.

  
Aaron shook his head and looked past it, "Oi." He called and the blonde lifted his head obediently. "Look I'm sorry about your dad." That had stuck and made him sad for a reason he didn't really know.

  
Robert frowned, parts of him melting as he heard it from Aaron. It meant everything. "Yeah?"

  
Aaron nodded, "Now go home, have some sleep and just - lay off the booze for a bit."

  
Robert looked up at Aaron and wanted to tell him he loved him then but Ed already had an arm on his shoulder forcibly.  
Aaron smiled before shutting the window and shaking a little because he didn't know why this bloke had such an effect on him.

  
"You heard him, go home." Ed said quickly under his breath but Robert wasn't budging. Suddenly he thought of something, he knew if Aaron reacted to it then all hope wasn't lost in the world.

  
Robert pulled his hands around his mouth and called out again, "LOVE ME TENDER, LOVE ME LONG, TAKE ME TO YOUR -"

  
Aaron looked in awe as the song played in his mind over and over again, this time his head didn't hurt, his heart melted into his chest and he couldn't help staring at the fool singing it to him outside.

  
Ed grabbed him suddenly, pushing him against the wall and shaking. "How - do you, that - that, that song," Ed panted, eyes darting all over the place.

  
Robert managed to wriggle out of his grip and stagger back to the pavement, "We danced to that on our last night together - I knew he'd remember." Robert looked up and Aaron had a hand on the window, still staring at Robert and noticing things about him and -

  
Aaron's eyes widened as he watched Ed land a punch straight at Robert's face, knocking him towards the ground and sobering him a little.

  
Aaron ran down the stairs and out the door, onto the pavement. "Are you insane?" Aaron shuddered as Ed shook his head.

  
"I'm sorry - I just -" Aaron pulled a hand up and stopped Ed from speaking. Instead he walked towards Robert and helped him up to his feet, he noticed all the freckles and nearly smiled.

  
Robert cleared his throat, he knew what he was doing. He was being selfish, he was trying to trap Aaron again and stop him from moving on and he hated that. He hated himself for wanting Aaron to be confused and unsure of anything because he was so persistent with his love.

  
"What happened?" Aaron asked slowly, panting hot breaths on Robert's face. Robert wanted to kiss him but he couldn't. Instead he just shook his head and stood up on his own.

  
"Running my drunk mouth off. I deserved it." Robert pushed out as he looked at Ed, he seemed guilty about it and Robert looked away from him, towards Aaron. "I'm sorry for ruining your night with all my -"

  
"It's okay." Aaron spoke softly as he looked at the man, almost an enigma to him in the moonlight.

  
"It won't happen again." Robert tried but Aaron shook his head as if to say it didn't matter, as if to say he didn't mind.

  
Ed was alarmed by that and walked closer to Aaron. "Yeah well, night then." He said before he watched Robert turn away, wincing as he felt the place where Ed had punched him.

  
Ed turned to Aaron and tried to speak but Aaron cut him off harshly. "Someone's on the sofa tonight." He spat before he turned around again, "And tomorrow you can tell me all about what _that_ was." He said, blowing out a hot breath and charging back up to their flat without looking back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is Ed getting meaner or just more desperate to keep hold of Aaron? I wasn't too sure how to write him in this chapter because I just kept thinking 'imagine that it was Robert though, he'd do anything' but then it all came across a little possessive maybe. It's up to the reader but that's just my thoughts.


	28. Fresh starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert decides he has to move on and finds support in Adam and Victoria. Aaron tries to distance himself from Ed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone, I hope that this year makes you a lot happier than last year did (duh of course it will because two certain lovebirds are actually getting married this year called aaron dingle and robert sugden! I'm a little excited can you tell?)  
> This chapter is sorta 'meh' for me just because when I was writing it, it seemed like a filler one which I loathe but it was almost like that necessary chapter that doesn't go anywhere. Hope you enjoy it a little bit though <3

Aaron walked into the living room and saw Ed sleeping soundly, he didn't know how he was able to. Not after his actions the night before, not after he went around throwing punches to so called 'mates'.

  
Aaron made a point of slamming the mug down hard on the counter and turned quickly to see if Ed had stirred. When he didn't Aaron rolled his eyes and flicked the kettle on, trying not to think about the person Ed had become recently. Ed didn't throw punches and kiss other blokes and keep things secret. Ed wasn't like that.

Aaron watched Ed stir from the table, tapping his fingers against it impatiently as Ed suddenly looked up at him.

  
"Hi," Ed said awkwardly as he met Aaron's face. "I thought you'd be gone -"

  
Aaron nodded, "Yeah I should be, but I couldn't let you off after your little display last night."

  
Ed looked away before sighing and meeting Aaron's eyes. "About that -"

  
"Explain yourself then, or _try_ to at least." Aaron folded his arms over, "What did he do to deserve that?"

  
Ed twitched, "Said stuff." He grumbled out.

  
Aaron scoffed, "What _stuff_?"

  
Ed's eyes darted and then he stood. "Look just - stuff that made him more than deserving of a punch."

  
Aaron squinted, not understanding. "You're gonna have to do better than that." He snapped, watching Ed yawn. " _Ed_." Ed raised his head and gulped.

  
"Look he uh, he mentioned ya. Said that -" Aaron seemed to be interested and raised an eyebrow.

  
"Go on, I'm listening here." Aaron unfolded his arms and sighed.

  
"Look I was just - he said he liked ya and I just saw red you know, after all that time he was looking after ya. I just got jealous." Ed stumbled on his words and Aaron looked at him and eyed him up and down slowly.

  
"Is that it?" Aaron said flatly, "You thought he liked him like _that_ so you hit him? Ed I don't even know the bloke that well, I don't even know he's name and you think -"

  
Ed pushed a hand out, "It's not you, it's him." He said slowly.

  
Aaron felt this urge to stick up for the blonde loosely titled 'Ed's mate' and sighed hard, "He hasn't done anything though, yeah okay he's a bit of drunken mess but -"

  
"You just have to trust me on this Aaron." Ed sighed, seeing the look on Aaron's face. "What?" He asked, holding his breath.  
Aaron shook his head, "It's like - like I don't even know who you are anymore." It felt like he had forgotten Ed too, this wasn't him.

  
Ed walked towards him slowly but Aaron backed away. "Kind, sweet, caring, too good for me, _way_ to good for me, wasting his time on someone like me." Aaron raised his head. "I used to think all that. I really did. But now - now you're lying and hitting your so called mates and - this isn't you." Aaron's voice was laced with disappointment.

  
Ed gulped, "I know and I'm sorry but I swear things will change when we -"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes in frustration and turned away, heading towards the door. "Save it Ed." He pushed out harshly before slamming the door and hating what they'd become.

 

***

 

Robert rolled over and his eyes burned as he slowly opened them and was burned by the shinning light of the open window ahead. He instinctively reached out and grabbed Aaron's hoddie, pulling it closer to his chest than it was before and then inhaling the scent. It was loosing the smell of Aaron. Too quickly.

  
Robert sighed as he looked towards the drawers and and saw what the time was. **_12:32._**

  
"Ah _shit_." Robert cried into his pillow before kicking his legs out like a child. He was meant to be meeting them all at 12 o'clock, for the Sugden Family Bereavement Meeting and now he was late, too late to blame traffic or anything because the stupid place was only walking distance away.

  
Robert tried to heave himself off the bed but then dropped dramatically, his head was killing and he felt woozy. He was surprised he hadn't been running to the toilet yet, vomiting up all his mistakes from the night before.

  
_The night before._

  
That had been _something_.

  
Robert knew that pain and alcohol didn't mix. He knew that he shouldn't have allowed himself to get into that state yet he had. Of course he had.

  
Robert pulled a hand into his hair and tousled it a little before moving it down and wiping at his face to wake himself up a little. He flinched as he felt a stinging sensation on his face, it hurt, almost ached and that's when he realised what had happened. Ed with his big man hands and jealousy had thumped him one.

  
Prick.

  
Robert shuffled off of the bed and walked towards the bathroom, standing still in front of the mirror as he reached the room he felt sick. His complexion was pale and his eyes seemed to be popping out of his head, he had rings under his eyes and now a bruise forming, all black and purple and making him look away in disgust. He wasn't like this a month ago.

  
Robert turned the shower on and then stepped in, not caring if it was freezing or not and simply needing to be covered away from the world for a few minutes. He washed quickly and dried his hair, patting it and sighing with almost a feeling of content. He felt almost like himself again, almost.

  
The door knocked and Robert felt a tightness in his stomach at the thought of it being Ed.

  
The knocking persisted though and Robert walked towards the door, opening it slowly and sighing as his sister stood there.

  
"Ah Vic." Robert tried but suddenly she was forcing herself into the flat and flapping her arms about the place. "Listen I - I overslept -"

  
Victoria looked at him and then her eyes filled with horror, "What the - what happened to you?"

  
Robert gulped, thought about lying and then couldn't be bothered. "I went round to see Aaron, I shouldn't have and his boyfriend made sure I got the message."

  
Victoria rolled her eyes, "He did that to ya?" Her face grew redder as she stood there and saw Robert nod. "What about Aaron, he just stood there and didn't do anything?"

  
Robert smiled faintly, Aaron had run down the stairs and helped him and shouted at Ed. Aaron had been amazing considering he didn't know who Robert was really.

  
"He was angry at Ed, confused." Robert sat on the sofa and Victoria followed him. "I hated seeing him like that." He admitted because it was true, the way Aaron seemed to be so confused and conflicted was torture.

  
Vic softened a little, "Then why did you go round there Rob?"

  
Robert looked up and his eyes were misty. "Because I miss him _so_ much Vic." He shuddered before feeling her hand on his back. "And because he - he might be moving to France. With Ed."

  
Victoria's hand fell in shock and she made a little sound. "Oh Rob."

  
For once he didn't mind the pity in her voice, if anything it was comforting. He needed to cry like this about it because last night he had been too drunk to pour his heart out when he got home.

  
"I've just lost dad and now he's leaving me too, for good. I just can't handle that, and I know it's pathetic considering he doesn't even know me anymore but -"

  
"It doesn't change the way you feel. It can't." Victoria squeezed his hand and then sighed. "But we have to find a way of getting you past this now." She was serious as she spoke and Robert actually listened. "It's not good for ya."

  
Robert looked up and twitched a little because that sounded like she was saying _Aaron_ wasn't good for him and that was wrong. Aaron was everything good about him.

  
"Aaron wouldn't want you like this." It stung as Victoria spoke but she didn't back down. "Drinking until you pass out and - and distancing yourself."

  
Robert knew she was right and nodded in agreement. "Yeah Vic I know I'm a failure."

  
"I didn't say that did I?" Victoria tutted before sighing. "You know I'm right though Rob."

  
He didn't say anything and then Victoria pulled something out of the bag she was holding by her side.

  
"We've had these made up." Victoria said, passing her brother a little leaflet with Jack's face on it. He was smiling and he had that farm hat on and Robert couldn't help but feel sad as he gently touched it.

  
"It's for the - the funeral." Victoria whispered before making sure Robert was listening and moving her head a little. "Which is tomorrow."

 

Robert gulped, 'too soon ran around in his mind and he fought hard to silence it as he looked at Victoria.

  
"Right," Robert whispered before his eyes instinctively eyed a half drunk bottle of whiskey on the side.

  
Victoria followed his eyes and sighed, "I want you sober." She said flatly and Robert looked away sheepishly. "I mean it Rob. The thought of you being like this when we go back home makes me, gosh I can't bare it."

  
He hadn't thought about that, what would happen exactly when everything was over and they went back to Emmerdale. They'd take his ashes, scatter them in a field somewhere he thought and he'd still be stuck in London.

  
Robert looked up at Victoria and saw that she had tears in her eyes, "Vic I'm fine, I can look after myself." He was half lying as he spoke and Victoria knew.

  
" _Please_ Rob." Victoria rolled her eyes and then her first went all serious. "Why don't you come back with us?"

  
Robert felt his heart race a little faster at the words. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't leave, he couldn't leave him. He ducked his head awkwardly at his thoughts because he knew that Aaron wasn't his, he knew that he didn't remember him and so it didn't matter where he was in the world.

  
"I _can't_ Vic," Robert forced out, feeling a little guilty for the way she reacted. Her face falling and a frown appearing.

  
"Why not? You've sorted things with out with Andy now and - and we're your family. You need us and I know Aaron would have wanted you to be around us, to be supported by us." Victoria pulled a hand up to her face and sighed as she watched Robert almost squirm.

  
Robert gulped and tried to see if he could explain what he was thinking, "Vic if I leave - it'll be like I'm leaving _him_." Victoria went to speak but Robert stopped her with his hand. "I don't expect you to explain but - I'm just not ready to move on yet."

  
There. That was the truth. It's the only way he could explain it. It _was_ a break up, and he wasn't ready to just forget it yet.

  
Victoria nodded, "I get that Rob I do but don't you think that - I mean Aaron has moved on hasn't he? He's going to France you said or he - he might be. That's his fresh start." Victoria smiled as her brother looked at her. "Don't you deserve one too?"  
It made him think hard, made him blush a little because of course he deserved to be happy and move on. He knew that now because he didn't hate himself anymore. He just had to convince himself that it was okay, that it was fine to leave him.

 

***

 

Aaron pulled off his gloves with a heavy sigh as he walked towards Lee. "That's me done for the day." He tried to sound light in his tone but Lee frowned at him knowingly.

  
"You alright?" Lee said, head a little tilted.

  
"Yeah uh, of course I am." Aaron cleared his throat and looked away. "Is this 'bout Dylan?"

  
Lee pulled a face, "Yeah. Look I'm not judging ya or anything but - I just want to know if you're okay."

  
Aaron pinched his nose, "I just said I was." He snapped a little and Lee nodded his head, giving in.

  
"Understood." Lee sighed before looking ahead and seeing Adam. "There's your mate, go on clear off." He added, pushing at Aaron's arm and smiling.

  
Aaron turned around and looked at Adam.

  
"What you doing here?" Aaron asked, voice harsher than Adam expected.

  
"Wow that's a nice way to greet a mate." Adam laughed before patting Aaron on the back. "I'm _here_ 'cause I wanted to see if you were alright."

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Is there a big 'I'm gonna break down in tears' sign on my forehead or summat?"

  
"Wow, yeah you're fine." Adam said dryly, all sarcastic. Aaron found his jacket and pulled it over himself before looking back at Adam.

  
"Ed had a bust up with his mate, if you must know." Aaron nodded towards Lee as a way of saying goodbye and then saw Adam's face fall a little at his words. "Yeah I know." Aaron sighed before walking up the road and thinking that Adam seemed to disapprove.

  
It took seconds for Adam's brain to kick into gear and he gulped hard. "What mate?" He said, practically running after Aaron.

  
Aaron sighed and pinched his nose, "The one that he thinks likes me or something. He hit him Ad."

  
Adam frowned and then looked towards the coffee shop they always went to. "Come on, quick coffee and you can tell me all about it."

  
Aaron nodded, walking alongside Adam until they entered the shop and he sat down with a sigh. Adam ordered them coffee and Aaron looked down at his phone. He had three calls from Ed that had been missed and then one message.

  
**From Ed:**  
_You finished work? I think we should talk, properly this time._

  
Aaron rolled his eyes and then pushed his phone on the table as Adam came back towards him holding two mugs.

  
"Right so, so Ed just - just _hit_ him?" Adam seemed concerned and Aaron tried to push past it and just answer his question.

  
Aaron nodded, "Well I don't really know what was said." He bit his lip. "His so called mate was _drunk_ , like really drunk and he was talking to Ed outside. The next minute I know he's throwing stones up at the window and telling me not to go to France." Adam gulped hard and looked away as Aaron went to speak again. "I don't think he knew what he was going on about really."

  
Adam nodded, "Yeah maybe." He mumbled softly.

  
"And Ed - Ed just _lost_ it. He hit him and then that's when I came out." Aaron sighed and held his head in his hands before lifting it again. "I've never seen him like that before Ad, Ed doesn't behave like that unless he _really_ felt threatened."

  
Adam frowned, "It doesn't excuse it though Aaron. If his mate was drunk and - and not really with it then he should have just got him a cab and told him to do one."

  
Aaron nodded, "Trust me, he's isn't getting out of this lightly." He forced out before looking at Adam. "God do me a favour?"

  
Adam pulled a face, "What?"

  
"Come 'round later. Ed wants to _talk_ and I don't. If you're there then he'll leave it."

  
Adam scoffed, "So you want me to be a third wheel?" He said and Aaron had to laugh and nod his head.

  
"Fine." Adam said before clearing his throat. "I have to go somewhere first though, check on a mate and then I'll be there."

  
Aaron frowned and didn't push for questions about this mate, instead he just smiled and ignored another message from Ed coming through on his phone.

 

***

 

Victoria had stayed, tried her hardest to convince him to come back with them to Emmerdale. To try at least and Robert hated how it seemed to work. He hated how his mind seemed to consider the thoughts of moving away, moving back home and starting a new life there. He thought about taking over a business there, Diane owned the pub didn't she? Maybe she could sell him half, give him _something_ to put his attention to.

  
Robert heard the door go, stood and answered it to see Adam standing there.

  
"Look at your _face_." Adam said, a hand over his mouth as he saw Robert's face, bruising a little already. He walked into the flat without thinking and Robert sighed as he shut the door behind him.

  
"Oh hi Adam, nice to see you, why don't you come on?" Robert said sarcastically as he looked at Adam.

  
The younger man looked all worked and as he turned around to Robert he was shaking his head. "You _idiot_." He said, "Why did ya go round there?"

  
Robert gulped and shook his head, "You couldn't really expect me _not_ to go there after what _you_ told me."

  
Adam rolled his eyes. "I shouldn't have told ya anything, Aaron's my mate and I should be there for _him_." Robert raised his hands.

  
"Woah, you are being there for him - you _know_ he doesn't want to go to France and by telling me, I might be able to _stop_ him from leaving." Robert said, a little panicked.

  
Adam shook his head, "Yeah and then what happens?" Robert looked away. "You come and save him from leaving and then what happens then? He suddenly remembers you? You know he's probably gonna stay away from ya now, be all wary and make a point by telling ya to go away -"

  
Robert frowned hard, "Why would he do that?" He had hoped that maybe Aaron had more time for him now that his boyfriend had punched him.

  
"Because Ed told him that you said ya like him and Aaron won't let anything happen - just to prove a point."

  
Robert seethed as he stood there, suddenly he wanted to escape all of it. Maybe it was for the best, maybe all of this was just what he needed to happen. Aaron didn't know him and Ed would make sure that he never did and maybe Robert just _had_ to accept that.

  
"Yeah well, maybe that's for the best." Robert mumbled before walking towards the sofa and then slouching down. "I'm kidding myself if I think that he'll ever remember me. All he knows of me now is some drunk idiot who's dad's just died. I'm pathetic in his eyes."

  
Adam sighed and settled next to Robert, not saying anything yet.

  
Robert turned to him, "That's how we first met, I was drunk in a bar and - he saw me, he came over and we talked for the whole night. Well, I talked and he listened."

  
Adam let out a little breathless laugh and then his eyes fell on the small leaflet on the table, "Is that for your dad's -"

  
Robert nodded, "Yeah. It's tomorrow." He said flatly, "I don't even know how I'm gonna feel about it." He chewed his lip and felt Adam's shoulders relax.

  
"You just get through it, you just sit there and then stand and then sit again and before you know it, it's over." Adam gulped and then looked at Robert.

  
Robert smiled sadly, "Come if you like?" He said it before his brain managed to kick into gear and then he saw the look on Adam's face. "I mean not that you'd want to go to a funeral or anything but - I mean just to -"

  
"What time?" Adam asked, smiling a little and making Robert relax and realise that the question wasn't too forward or desperate.

  
Robert cleared his throat, "Uh, about one." He leaned forward and grabbed the leaflet before passing it to Adam, "Here take it. It has instructions for where it's taking place."

  
Adam nodded, "Cheers." He said, not knowing what else to say.

  
Robert frowned, looking towards the floor. "Look if - if you're coming 'cause you think that, I don't know, just out of pity then you -"

  
Adam pulled a face, "I know what it feels like." He said a little seriously. "I know that it's easy to go off the rails 'cause I nearly did, would have if Aaron wasn't around." Robert ducked his head at the mention of his name, of course Aaron had been there for him. He was that type of person. Robert cleared his throat, suddenly feeling a jealous sensation travel through him because he wished that Aaron had been there for _him_ too.

  
Adam sighed, "The bottle seems to be your only real mate at the moment."

  
Robert frowned hard, "Piss off." He said harshly. "Look I've got a family and when the funeral's over I'm gonna go back with them, to Yorkshire so -" _oh, minds made up then._

  
Adam gulped, "Oh right, since -"

  
"Since Aaron gets to move on and go to France with his boyfriend." It seemed childish when he said it like that but he didn't really care.

  
Adam rolled his eyes, "Yeah well what I meant was, you need a mate and you've got one."

  
Robert felt his heart race a little faster and he couldn't help but be touched by it. "I - I uh thought you didn't like me that much, after what I did to -"

  
"Yeah well, you did make him happy, something Ed seems to be failing in doing." Robert raised his head and Adam stood.

  
"Look I've got to get going." Adam cleared his throat and walked towards the door.

  
"What did you mean about Ed not making Aaron happy?"

  
"Well he thumped ya didn't he? That's not the Ed that Aaron knows." Robert smiled a little smugly at that and then ducked his head as Adam opened the door.

  
"I'll see ya tomorrow then." Adam remarked and Robert swallowed down his anxiousness as he nodded and watched Adam leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know what made me think Robert and Adam could have this cute little friendship but it just happened, I think when I was writing all the parts straight after Jack died I just thought he really needs a friend right now and then suddenly I thought about how much Adam could relate in regards to his dad dying too. It sorta clicked and I hope people are on board with it. Anyways grab your tissues for the next chapter because it's the funeral! Should be uploading when I can (yep because I'm back at sixth form tomorrow!!!!)


	29. The way it goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack's funeral takes place and Robert mends further rifts with his family as he realises how much needs them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER UPDATE - PREPARE YOURSELF FOR TEARS. AND MORE TEARS. AND MORE AND MORE TEARS. (It's the funeral)

Robert flattened his tie and tried to stop his hands from shaking as he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked like a ghost. He was still pale and looked fragile and as if he would break at the slightest touch. He closed his eyes tight, tried his hardest not to think about how bad he looked and instead focus on what was happening. The funeral was happening.

  
Robert tried to touch the bruise on his face but it still stung as his fingers feathered near. He gave up on trying to find a way of making it look less like he had been punched in the face and instead he was thinking of excuses to say.

  
_I feel over on the road, it was dark, the floor was wet._

  
Robert rolled his eyes and then walked into the living room. He hadn't slept the night before, unable to stop thinking about what he had decided. He was going back with them, it was a choice he had made and one that seemed to make sense after Adam had come round. Ed was going to do everything he could to make Aaron leave for France and if that didn't work out then he'd make sure that Aaron thought Robert _liked_ him, was trying to get in between his relationship. Robert didn't want to hang around for that.

  
Robert tried his hardest to think positively, to tell himself that things were going to get better. They had to. Starting from today he thought, he was letting go of his dad and all those painful memories and then he was going to make something of himself back _home_.

  
The thought made him shudder a little as he thought about it because the flat he was standing in had been called home - when Aaron was there with him.

  
_He isn't here now_.

  
Robert shook the thought out of his head and looked towards the bottle on the table. He hadn't drunk any last night after Adam left and he was proud of himself for it until he found himself laying awake in his best - eyes open wide and desperately wanting to down it all just so that he could fall asleep instantly.

  
The clock in the corner of the room ticked and Robert gulped as he saw the time, the cars were coming to his for some reason and it made him nervous. They would all be there, waiting inside for Robert to slip in next to them and he would have to stare up at the beautiful flower arrangements and it would all be too much to bare. For a second he allowed himself to think of Aaron, a hand on his shoulder, kissing at his temple and making Robert feel that little less alone.

  
' _I'm right here, I won't leave ya._ ' That's what Aaron would say Robert thought and he'd believe him, of course he would.

  
Robert felt tears in his eyes and blinked them away before hearing the sound of cars pull up outside. He felt sick suddenly and found his eyes finding Aaron's purple hoodie, hanging over the sofa.

  
"I can't do this without you Aaron." Robert tried his hardest not to break down, not to let his cheeks redden and his eyes puff.

"But - but I'll try to." He whispered before holding it up towards his chest, the smell of Aaron was almost completely gone and Robert ached at the realisation.

  
Robert dropped it down and sighed, "I don't have a choice." He said flatly before looking down at the street and seeing the driver look towards the building.

  
Robert let out a shallow breath, "Come on Sugden, let's just get this over with." He said, shaking his hands a little as if he was preparing for a fight, before walking towards the door and picking up his coat, wrapping it around him and then shutting the door behind him.

 

***

 

The journey was almost completely silent and Robert welcomed it, he wouldn't have been able to bear the small talk about the weather and news from the village whilst they were on the way to their dad's funeral. The only time Diane spoke was when Robert slid into the car and she saw his face, she looked horrified and Robert's excuse about the road and the darkness was suddenly all he had to offer. Victoria kept looking at him and for a second Robert thought she'd tell her the real reason but she didn't. She looked too sad to say anything, so did Andy. He had his head down most of the car ride and Robert had this burning desire to ask where Katie was in all this. He had given her a second thought until now, until he saw his brother struggling and in need of his wife for support. He didn't say anything though, he just sat in silence until they arrived at the crematorium.

 

***

 

The car pulled up and the first face Robert saw was hers. Katie. She was standing with Sarah and Jack by her sides and she had a sad and troubled look her face. Robert kept having to remind himself that they were at a funeral and that was why. He got out the car and kept his distance as Andy kissed her and looked down at Jack and Sarah. He hated what he was feeling and nothing could help it. Robert knew he was out of place, he knew that as Victoria kissed Katie's cheek and Diane held her tightly that he wasn't apart of _that_.

  
"Uncle Robert?" He heard his name and turned quickly, the sight of little Jack running towards him made his heart almost burst. He knelt down and held him close, hugging the little boy and secretly thanking him for not making him feel so alone.

  
"Hey buddy, you okay?" Robert whispered to Jack, trying to hold it together as he pulled a hand through the boy's blonde locks.

  
Jack shook his head, "Sad 'cos daddy's sad." He whispered and then Robert looked up to see Andy's face. He looked distraught.

  
"It's okay to be sad today,". Robert said, rubbing at Jack's arms. "How about you sit next to me in there eh? We can - we can sit and be sad and it'll be just fine yeah?" He was awful with kids, always had been but somehow he was making Jack nod and smile and then the little boy was walking towards Victoria and giving her a hug too.

  
"He hasn't said a word all day." Robert froze as he lifted to his feet and saw Katie looking at him.

  
He didn't know how to react, he didn't hate her but he didn't want anything from her either.

  
"Really?" Robert asked, genuinely interested.

  
Katie nodded, "Seems like you made a good impression on him though." She said, looking back at Jack.

  
Robert gulped, "Yeah well I just said it was okay to be sad today, I think he needed to hear that maybe."

  
Katie actually smiled at him and then sighed, "This isn't the time really to say this but - but Andy's told me everything."

Robert frowned and she pressed on. "About him forgiving you a long time ago but not wanting to tell your dad because he knew that he'd feel guilty for sending you away for what happened. Andy says you've sorted things and I know this might be hard to believe but, I'm glad."

  
Robert raised an eyebrow, "Why? You hate me." He couldn't understand.

  
Katie scrunched her nose a little, "No. I don't hate you. I hate what you can do. How you can abuse what love is but - but I understand that it's not that black and white now." She almost looked embarrassed and Robert wondered if Andy had told her about Aaron and how heartbroken he was.

  
Robert looked towards the gravel and then up again, "For what it's worth, that kid who - who nearly made you love him well uh he never meant to hurt you, he only wanted to see you happy." He felt weird finally being able to say it to her, finally being able to explain his past actions.

  
Katie nodded knowingly, "Yeah I see that now," she looked towards her feet and then up at Robert again. "He wasn't a monster either." Katie added, smiling as Sarah approached them and managed to ease everything entirely. Robert almost felt a weight lift from him as Katie walked away with Sarah, he couldn't believe that after all this time he was able to move past what had happened.

  
For a second he thought about Aaron, wondered if he would be proud of him. His heart ached and suddenly he felt filled with sadness.

  
Robert felt a hand on his shoulder and turned. Adam was standing there, wearing a grey suit and a sad smile and Robert felt better.

  
"Hi," Robert said slowly, "Thanks for coming." He needed a mate, he really did.

  
Adam shrugged his shoulders, "No worries man," he said before looking down at the floor. "My dad he - he got cremated here too."

  
Robert's eyes widened as he saw how effected Adam seemed by the venue. "Shit Adam, look if this is too much or -"

  
"Don't be daft." Adam said, hiding the sadness he felt with a goofy smile. "I'm fine, it's just - I don't know almost comforting I suppose."

  
Robert smiled and then heard footsteps coming towards them, he turned and saw Diane. "Love we're heading in now," she had her hand on his shoulder and then frowned as she saw Adam. "Oh, whose this?"

  
Adam went to speak but Robert got there first, "Adam Barton. A mate of mine." Robert pushed out and then eyed Andy and Victoria finding an interest in him too. "This is Diane, my step - mum."

  
Adam smiled at Diane, "Nice to meet you." He said before looking at Victoria and Andy.

  
"My brother Andy and my sister Victoria." Robert introduced and Adam smiled at them both before clearing his throat.

  
"I'm sorry for your loss." Adam said politely and Robert was thankful that his family seemed to find his words comforting.

  
"Thanks pet," Diane mumbled before looking towards the building. "Come on, let's go in." She ushered towards Victoria and then Andy.

  
Robert looked towards Adam, scared suddenly and Adam patted him hard on the back. Little Jack suddenly raced towards Robert and he picked him up, a smile on his face. "Jack this is my friend Adam, can he sit with us you think?" Robert said softly to which Jack nodded eagerly. Adam smiled and let out a childish cheer before they walked towards the crematorium and Robert braced himself for what to come.

 

***

 

The service was slow, hymns were read and words said and Robert sat there almost numb to it all until pictures began to appear on the walls, projected. There was some with Diane and him on their wedding day that Robert had never seen before because he hadn't gone. Then there were younger ones, Andy and Robert smiling whilst balancing on a tractor and then Victoria as a toddler. It managed to warm Robert's heart a little as he heard Victoria cry near him and see Diane comfort her.

  
The place wasn't filled with people, only a selection of old faces Robert knew and so he could hear every tear fall and know who it was from.

  
Andy spoke first and nearly fell apart as he began talking about how he was welcomed into the family with open arms, how he was loved and supported and how he couldn't have wished for a better father. It was touching and Robert couldn't help but fight back a few tears, squeezing Jack's hand and having to remind him that it was okay to be sad.

  
He seemed to black out most of everything else that happened, deciding to stare at the coffin instead until he felt Diane touch his arm.

  
"Anything you want to say love, before they - they close the curtains?" Diane stammered out, all soft and motherly and enough to make Robert look at her.

  
He didn't know what he would say, he couldn't find the words so it was pointless to stand up there and _try_ to say something that would be of any importance.

  
"No, no it's okay." Robert pushed out and then suddenly he was standing with the rest of them and it was happening.

  
Some old song was playing, one that Jack used to hum along to in the fields and Robert had to catch his breath as everyone turned to face the coffin that was shielded by the glass and against the thick red curtains.

  
Victoria cried against Andy as the curtains slowly closed, it wasn't quick enough. That's what Robert. He hated himself for wanting it to be over quicker, for the curtain to swallow up his view and just _stop_ it all from happening.

 

***

 

Aaron didn't know why he was feeling _sad_ , but he was. It was just in the back of his mind, a numbing ache that wouldn't budge even though he wanted it to. He didn't understand. He wasn't _sad_ about Ed, he was just annoyed, irritated. The night before Adam had done the trick, caught Ed off guard and silenced all his apologies until Adam finally peeled himself off the sofa and left.

  
Aaron didn't give him enough time to even say anything before he jumped into the shower and realised that he was giving Ed the silent treatment.

  
Aaron pulled his head up and tried to focus on the engine that he was working on. He couldn't help but feel distance from Ed now and almost like they had taken _giant_ leaps back. He couldn't even bring himself to think about France, about going back to a place where his mates weren't just around the corner. He hoped that Ed felt the same and didn't think that they needed to go even more now, justified somehow in his mind.

  
"Oi Aaron, you've got a call out mate." Lee called out and Aaron actually smiled, grateful that he was able to catch his breath a little and escape his thoughts.

  
"Yeah?" Aaron looked up and Lee chucked him the keys to the garage van.

  
"Off Chingledale road." Lee offered as Aaron walked towards the ban and settled himself inside, desperate to stop the way his heart seemed heavy with sadness for some reason.

 

***

 

Robert stood outside the crematorium and had his hands deep in his pockets. It was done but that didn't mean that he could breathe again, his chest was still painfully tight.

  
"Are you sad?" Robert looked dug and Jack was tugging at his black coat impatiently. Robert knelt instantly wondering how long Jack had been trying to get his attention, he was miles away. "Uh yeah bud, yeah I am." He said softly.

  
"But you aren't crying like daddy and auntie Vic." Robert was almost caught off guard as he heard Jack speak, he was so observant and Robert had to look way for a second. He hadn't cried, he'd been so numb to it all and even Victoria's tears and the sight of his brother breaking down didn't seem to break him. Maybe it was good, maybe he was stronger than he thought.

  
"Sometimes - people act differently to stuff that happens kid." Robert ruffled his hair and Jack squirmed a little. "Doesn't mean I don't care or that I'm not sad."

  
Jack nodded and then hugged Robert, his little arms around Robert's neck and squeezing a little. "Don't die too." Robert heard the little boy confess and his heart almost broke.

  
"I'm not going to." Robert whispered to him, missing out the 'well not now anyway' that he knew anyone older would understand and not freak out about. "I promise ya." He said before seeing Jack's little face soften and not look so worried.

Robert cleared his throat, "Listen, I'm thinking of following you back to Emmerdale you know?" Jack's eyes widened and he smiled. "Would you be alright with that?"

  
Jack nodded his head eagerly and then Katie called him away, asking him something and leaving Robert looking towards the floor until he heard footsteps beside him.

  
"Did I hear that right?" It was Victoria and Robert lifted himself slowly as he heard her. "You're coming back with us?" She couldn't hide her happiness.

  
Robert pulled a face, "Well it won't be that straight forward, I still have things to sort but - but yeah that's the plan."

  
Victoria wrapped her arms around Robert and he smiled as he patted her back and kissed her head.

  
"Fresh start yeah?" Victoria said gently as he pulled away, "Just what you need." She added before clearing her throat and seeing Robert nod slowly. "Look we're all heading towards the restaurant now, you coming in the cars?"

  
Robert thought about it and he felt sick, he couldn't handle sitting down and talking about him and trying to keep it together, _still_.

  
"I don't think I'm up for it Vic." Robert said softly, his eyes looking towards the floor in defeat. "I'm sorry."

  
Victoria smiled sadly and then looked at Andy and Diane waiting by the cars. "Are you sure?" She said tentatively.

  
"Do you mean am I gonna drink myself into oblivion?" Victoria's face fell and Robert felt sorry. "No I'm not. I can promise you that." He couldn't handle her disappointment in him now so he wouldn't touch any of it.

  
"I don't want to leave ya on your own, not now." Victoria shook her head and Robert sighed.

  
"I'll be fine." Robert said and Victoria seemed to give in as she touched her brother's shoulder and walked away.

  
"Vic." Robert called making Victoria turn around. "Dad'd be so proud of you." He said honestly, it seemed to make his sister become emotional as he nodded and smiled and then turned away again.

  
"He'd be proud of you too I reckon." Robert turned and Adam stood there, a small smile on his face.

  
"I mean I didn't know him but, he seemed like a pretty top bloke I think." Adam continued, hands in his pockets.

  
"Yeah he was." Robert said without really thinking about his words.

  
Adam nodded his head, "Look I would go to the restaurant but I've got work later on and -"

  
Robert frowned, "Don't be silly I uh - I didn't expect you to come to the - the wake anyway." He paused as he looked at Adam. "Look thank you for coming, I mean it. You were right about the bottle being my only mate, but now I'm not sure that's true anymore - 'cause of you."

  
Adam looked almost embarrassed as he patted Robert on the shoulder. "You're not that bad you know." He said slowly. "I mean I can tell why Aaron fell so in love, fuck the spell eh, he would have fought it all if he didn't think you were a sound bloke." It was true, Robert thought because he remembered how Aaron tried to deny it at first because he hated him and didn't think he was good.

  
Robert smiled, "Well cheers." He said before feeling Adam pat at his shoulder again.

  
"I'll see ya around then." Adam said softly, "Look after yourself yeah?"

  
Robert looked towards him and nodded before watching him disappear until he was the only one standing there, all alone again.

 

***

 

It was strange really, it was finally over and he could leave but now he didn't want to go. Robert's feet found themselves walking towards the part of land where flowers were placed. They read 'DAD' and made Robert's insides burn and bubble and fizz because he couldn't rip his eyes away. It was almost like he wanted to be sad, to feel pain just so he could feel  _something_.

 

Robert's brain kicked into gear and he backed away, charging down the path and trying to escape the place where his dad had truly left him. He quickened his pace and pushed his head down as he turned the corner and tried to find the way out, onto the main road.

 

***

 

Aaron parked the car and worked quickly on the run down engine whilst the man tended to his children in the car. The journey there had cleared his thoughts a little but it didn't last long. Something almost told him to look up and his eyes followed two black cars, funeral cars. Something clicked and then he pushed his head down again, managing to fix the issue and actually smiling as the man tipped him well. He walked back to the van and sighed as he shut the door and began driving, turning the corner and feeling the same sense of sadness strike him as he approached the crematorium. The one where Adam's dad had been taken. Aaron shut his eyes for a second, remembering the pain and hurt his best friend felt that day. When he opened them again Aaron had to catch his breath and press down hard on the pedals so that he didn't hit -

 

***

 

Robert stared wide eyed at the van, his hands shaking as he saw who it was. _Aaron_. Aaron had somehow come to him when he needed him the most, it was fate he thought. It had to be.

  
Robert kept his stare and then watched Aaron park on the side of the road, slowly coming out of the car and making his way towards Robert, the drunken mess. He looked different, more mature and together and he was wearing a suit and a black heavy coat.

  
"Sorry I was - I was miles away then." Robert didn't look up at him, he couldn't.

  
Aaron nodded his head slowly and then looked at the road, there were hardly any cars passing. "Yeah well you're lucky the road's quiet." He said before spotting the bruise on Robert's face and feeling sick with guilt.

  
Aaron looked up at the building Robert had left and connected dots. "Oh shit."

  
Robert raised his head in surprise and Aaron's eyes darted all over the place. "Was it your dad's -"

  
Robert nodded and tried not blush because Aaron remembered. "Yeah, just finished actually."

  
Aaron nodded his head and then bit down hard on his lip, "Stupid to ask how it went?" He tried, because despite what Ed said about him, Aaron found himself drawn to him.

  
"No." Robert shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't really let it sink in, just went through it." He said, his eyes darting up to Aaron's shyly.

  
"I think that's normal." Aaron said softly, he didn't know what to say but he just knew that he couldn't get back in his van and forget seeing the blonde look so sad after going to his dad's funeral. He wasn't completely heartless.

  
Robert sighed, "I didn't say anything, you know like do a speech." He pinched his nose like Aaron usually did. "I regret it now."

  
Aaron frowned, "It's not too late." He tried but Robert seemed to look unimpressed. "I mean - it's over yeah but, just forget it sorry."

  
Robert softened, "No go on," he pushed out and Aaron pulled a face.

  
"If you wanted to go back and say a few words to the - the flowers or, I don't know maybe it -" Aaron looked away and cleared his throat. "Look I was in the same situation once, too late for a funeral, someone I cared about."

  
Robert looked up and knew instantly _Jackson_.

  
"It didn't stop me from getting the chance to later though, without everyone around." Aaron leaned a little forward and Robert nodded his head before looking back at the gates. He was scared about facing it all again and it was almost like Aaron sensed it.

  
"I could go with ya if ya like." He didn't know why he was offering but it felt right and the sadness in his heart was easing.

  
Robert wanted to hug him, crush his body weight onto Aaron and not let him go. He didn't though, he just nodded a little and then frowned.

  
"Why?" Robert blurted it put without thinking and Aaron looked embarrassed as he shrugged his shoulders.

  
"Well it's the least I can do after *that?" Aaron pointed towards the bruise on Robert's face and eased the tension a little.

  
Robert laughed dryly, "Well it wasn't your fault was it." He wasn't going to mention Ed, he wasn't ruining whatever was happening.

  
"Yeah well, what he does reflects on me doesn't it?" Aaron didn't say his name, didn't want to ruin whatever was happening.

  
"Reputation to uphold then?" Robert teased and Aaron smiled before rolling his eyes and walking towards the gates.

  
Robert cautiously followed behind, fighting the urge to reach out and hold Aaron's hand.

 

***

  
He was standing there, the wind hitting his back and making him shudder as he looked down at the flowers and felt Aaron's presence behind him.

  
"So uh I didn't get to say anything in there, not with everyone around. I felt like I didn't really have a right to, not after being away for so long." Robert couldn't believe he was getting it all out and then looked round and saw Aaron standing there in his overalls looking gorgeous and making everything okay.

  
Robert smiled at him and then looked back at the flowers. "But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything and that I _loved_ you." He felt his eyes begin to water and Aaron winced as he watched the man's shoulders shake a little.

  
He just couldn't help but feel for the man.

  
"I'm sorry for all my mistakes." Robert whispered, "I hated making you angry you know? I hated making everything _difficult_ like I did." He breathed out slowly and then cleared his throat. "I'm gonna miss you." He admitted, unable to hold it in as he felt tears fall down his face.

  
Aaron couldn't stand it, his feet found themselves moving towards the blonde and he was by his side suddenly. "You're doing great." He said softly, willing Robert on.

  
Robert looked at him and his heart almost burst.

  
Aaron looked at the flowers. "Popular fella then." He titled his head towards the arrangements laid out on the floor.

  
Robert smiled, "Uh yeah I suppose." He wiped at his face and felt awkward for crying in front of Aaron, _this_ Aaron who didn't know what an emotional wreck he was.

  
"We didn't always see eye to eye though, I mean hardly ever." Robert sighed as he shuffled on his feet, "In the end though, in the end we made up." He smiled as he thought about it, at least he had made him happy in the end.

  
Aaron smiled, leaning forward. "That's _good_." He tried to be comforting but didn't know where to look.

  
Robert nodded and then his face fell, "And then he was _gone_ and it was all for nothing." He couldn't breathe suddenly and his feet were racing off, trying to escape again.

  
Aaron spun round and caught Robert by the arm, holding him tight. "Hey it's - it's okay," he whispered, he didn't know what to say but he couldn't just let the blonde run off, from what he knew he would probably get drunk again. Aaron could see the freckles on his face, hear his heartbeat and he felt - he couldn't describe it.

  
Robert saw the look on Aaron's face, the concern and worry and comfort and suddenly he was back to that night in the flat, Jack laying on the floor in front of them and Aaron's soft words in his ear.

  
"He's never coming back." Robert whispered, like a little child, like little Jack. Aaron winced and then suddenly felt Robert crush into him, sobbing as he reached out and Aaron held him. At first he was shocked, unsure of what do but then somehow it clicked into place and he knew what he _had_ to do. He was pulling Robert into his chest closer and a hand was in the blonde's hair and he felt his heart give way, completely surrender to this man who somehow he was drawn to, somehow couldn't forget.

  
"It's okay, shh, I know, I'm sorry." He just kept whispering it over and over again, in the same gentle voice.

  
Robert couldn't help himself. He couldn't stop the way he was pouring everything out _finally_. He hadn't done this yet and of course Aaron had made him able to, of course all his soft words and kind eyes and just _him_ had made everything just start working again. His emotions came flooding back and he had all this sadness and fear and anger mixing up inside him as he gripped hold of Aaron's overalls, he could smell the oil and the gel and just _Aaron_ and it warmed his heart.

  
He finally pulled away, letting go of Aaron and blushing hard as he wiped at his eyes and realised what he had done, broken down in front of someone who didn't even know him anymore.

  
"I'm so sorry - I shouldn't have -" Robert tried to apologise, find the right words to say but he couldn't.

  
Aaron shook his head slowly, almost in amazement as he looked at Robert in awe. "Don't be." He whispered before gulping. "You haven't done that have ya? Let it all out?"

  
Robert looked down, "That obvious then." He said flatly before sighing. "I'm a joke."

  
Aaron shook his head seriously, "No you're not. You're _grieving_ and I'm -" he looked up at Robert. "I'm just sorry that your so called mate is being such a _dick_ about what you're going through."

  
Robert pulled a face, "He didn't know about my dad being ill or anything." He didn't know why he was sticking up for Ed.

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Doesn't matter, if he was any type of mate he wouldn't have let ya get drunk and then punch your round the face." He seemed bitter about it still. "How fucking insensitive." He spat out before looking at Robert who had an eyebrow arched because he knew Aaron was angry when he swore like that and it didn't happen often.

  
"Don't worry about it. Like I said it's not you're fault." Robert said before wiping at his eyes again.

  
Aaron's phone beeped and he pulled it out, it was Lee probably wondering where he was. He looked down and saw he was right.

  
Robert shifted in his feet and then sighed, "I'm sorry, look you go I've kept you long enough." He didn't want him to leave but he knew he had to.

  
Aaron stared awkwardly, "Are you sure?" He said softly, trying to see if it was alright.

  
Robert nodded and then leaned a little towards Aaron to catch his attention properly, "Look Aaron I - you don't know how much it means to me uh - no I - I mean uh, I'm just grateful that - I needed you here." Robert stumbled on his words and felt sick as he realised he was being too forward. Aaron seemed a little shocked and Robert ducked his head, "Thank you for being here." He settled for and Aaron nodded at that.

  
"No worries." Aaron said cooly before turning towards his car and then stopping again. "You know I don't even know your name." He said, a little smile on his face and a glint in his eyes.

  
It made Robert's heart tug and the tried his hardest not say everything he wanted. He thought about saying it, seeing if it provoked a reaction but that would be cruel wouldn't it? When Aaron just nodded his head politely and left without even so much as a little flicker in his eyes.

  
Robert shook his head, "Probably best if it stays that way I reckon." He said and Aaron's face fell a little.

  
Aaron didn't know why it stung but it did, "Wait I -"

  
Robert looked up at Aaron and fought every urge to kiss him as he stood there so close yet so far away. "It's for the best if you just pretend you never even met me." It hurt, ached but it had to be done.

  
He was leaving for France, Robert was leaving for Emmerdale. This was it.

  
"Bye Aaron." Robert whispered before looking away so Aaron couldn't see him crying.

  
Aaron looked ahead, unsure and a little disappointed as he watched Robert stand with his back to him.

  
_It's for the best if you just pretend you never even met me._

 

He didn't know why he seemed disappointed, almost sad about it but he _was_ and it suddenly took all he had to peel his feet off the gravel and walk away.

  
Robert's shoulders slouched down as he watched Aaron leave, but then he looked _back_ and Robert held his stare, just staring into his eyes, so blue, and holding all he could until he caught his breath and forced himself to look away. Eyes darting towards the flowers again.

  
"I know what you said dad, about not giving up on him but I have to. Like I said it's- it's for the best." Robert whispered before daring to look back to where Aaron had been, he wasn't there anymore and Robert sighed hard as he realised.

 

The clouds gathered as he stood there, hands deep in his pockets and heavy sadness in his heart as he forced himself to believe it: _It's_   _for the best._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked this! I just COULDN'T possibly not include Aaron in the funeral scenes, I'm not THAT cruel c'mon! Also can I just say that I watched some old robron scenes and re watched the scene where Robert is all like 'hi buddy' to Jack and it's the cutest thing in the world. So ... I couldn't not have them have this special bond. Also Katie? I cleared that up because I couldn't bare Robert having any grief at the funeral and it sorta made sense to me. 
> 
> I don't know when the next update will be (possibly Saturday? If not definitely Sunday!)


	30. So close (yet still so far)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron realises he can't let Robert go resulting in catastrophic consequences for them both as they attempt to reunite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER AHEAD (STRAP IN TIGHTLY FOR MAXIMUM SAFETY)

Aaron shut the door with a dramatic slam as he entered the flat, looking around and then catching sight of Ed emerging from the room.

  
"I thought you had training?" Aaron remarked, a little shocked that he was back. He was _flustered_ , weirdly so after comforting the blonde at the crematorium - hardly the most appropriate venture he had to admit. Aaron was hoping to have a bit of time to sort his head out and stop feeling _disappointed_ about what the older man had told him. What he had denied. His own _name_.

  
_It's for the best if you just pretend you never even met me_. What did that even mean?

  
He couldn't get him out of his head, the way he had broken down on him like that. Aaron didn't deal very well with people crying around him but there he was knowing what to say and not wanting to leave him.

  
Ed had a hand on his shoulder and titling his head, "Yeah well I finished earlier than expected." He cleared his throat and looked cautiously up at Aaron.

  
Aaron squinted, "What?" He said quickly before sighing as Ed looked away, almost embarrassingly.

  
"You think we could sort things out? Properly I mean." Ed looked up again and Aaron almost wriggled in discomfort because speaking about the blonde with no name was different now. It _felt_ different.

  
Ed walked towards him and looked like he was going to start begging. "Please Aaron." He said, eyes searching for a response.

  
Aaron nodded slowly and walked towards the sofa, he felt bad for denying Ed the chance to explain himself properly, well he had done but then Aaron run out, had enough.

  
"Hitting blokes Ed." Aaron looked at his boyfriend and had to fight back the snap in his voice. "That's not who you are, who I thought you were."

  
Ed nodded his head and looked towards the floor before he could bring it up again, eyes wide suddenly. "Did I scare ya?" His voice was filled with worry and Aaron and his big heart couldn't help but comfort him immediately.

  
"No of course no." Aaron said quickly, it was the truth and he was grateful that Ed seemed to believe him. Aaron gulped and then went to speak again, "But honestly Ed - I just don't _understand_. Did you really feel _that_ threatened by some drunk lad who's meant to be your _mate_."

  
Ed seemed to grow tense then and he shook his hard, "Aaron don't start on about that." He forced out, bite in his voice.

  
Aaron frowned, his throat tightening a little. " - I mean I know what you're like with your mates, you'd do anything for 'em but him - his dad just died and what do you do? Punch him in the _face_."

  
Ed played with his hands as if he was trying his hardest to keep it all under control. "Just leave it Aaron." He mumbled almost to himself.

  
Aaron arched an eyebrow, "You said you wanted to sort this. We are. I'm just -"

  
"Just what Aaron? Would you just stop going on about _him_. Defending _him_." Ed spat, eyes looking up at Aaron.

  
Aaron gulped, a little taken aback. "Has something happened between you two? Was I right when I said that you and him -"

  
Ed suddenly stood up, " _No_. Fuck no Aaron." Aaron flinched, Ed hardly ever swore, he was probably really pissed now he thought, or caught off guard.

  
Aaron crossed his arms, "Then _what_? Explain why you hit him and don't give me a bullshit answer about him liking me 'cause I don't believe ya." He shouted and Ed just scoffed.

  
"Figures." Ed said under his breath and Aaron frowned hard at him, his head hurting the way it had done before as he became more confused. Ed went to walk towards the bedroom but Aaron caught his arm.

  
"Do you know it was his dad's funeral today? His dad's fucking funeral and you're his so called mate." Aaron sneered into Ed's ear, suddenly more pent up than he wanted to be.

  
Ed looked shocked as he slowly pulled his arm away and stared at Aaron.

  
"What you didn't know? Course you didn't 'cause you've turned into this lousy mate and -"

  
"The real question is - how did _you_ know?" Ed looked utterly flawed as he looked at Aaron, eyes still wide and his breathing becoming more erratic.

  
Aaron gulped hard, realised that he should have stopped much earlier before he got overly emotional and started talking about what had happened that day. Before he even mentioned the funeral.

  
"I - uh, I was -" Aaron looked towards the floor and felt Ed still staring at him, waiting for an answer.

  
"You went?" Ed said, shocked even as he said it. Aaron's silence spoke for itself and Ed staggered back. "How did ya even know where - where it was?" He said before frowning. "You saw him before? He came _here_ when I was out?"

  
Aaron shook his head almost violently and looked up at Ed, "No, no I was - I was out on a job and - I nearly run him over Ed so yeah I went to check on him and -"

  
"And ended up staying, staying there with him." Ed spoke so softly Aaron could almost hear his heart breaking.

  
Aaron frowned at the way it sounded. "What are ya tryna say Ed? Look the funeral was over already, I just - he wanted to say a few words alone. I was just -" Ed looked away and Aaron grew angrier. "You know what I don't have to explain anything to you, I was just doing what you should have done for him, as his _mate_."

  
Aaron walked back towards the sofa and dogged his fingers in the fabric to calm himself down. Ed followed him before swerving to the wall and pushing his head back against it.

  
"So he was there and then you just turned up, helped him out." Ed said slowly, rationally and Aaron looked up hopefully. "Almost fate that." Ed added flatly, enough to make Aaron look away before he let his expression show, the way something seemed to _click_ as he heard it.

  
"Oh _fuck_ off Ed." Aaron said gruffly, spitting the words out as he shook his head. "Could you stop with all these little _things_ you keep saying, _getting_ at 'cause they're not funny." He said making sure Ed was paying attention.

  
Ed gulped hard and his eyes flickered towards Aaron. "Sorry." He offered softly before sighing. "I hate fighting with ya like this Aaron, over stupid stuff. We're better than that."

  
Aaron knew what this was, this was the Ed that Aaron could understand. Forgiving, apologetic and _safe_.

  
Aaron clicked his tongue, "Yeah and you're better than punching people Ed." He said, his head titled towards his boyfriend, almost a way to let Ed know that he wasn't as angry as before.

  
"I know babe, I know and it's not going to happen again. It was a one-off." Ed pushed the words out and his hand suddenly reached out for Aaron's.

  
Aaron didn't flinch away and Ed sighed contently as his hand stroked Aaron's.

  
The sound of Ed's phone ringing managed to stop the moment from getting any deeper and Aaron cleared his throat as Ed pulled away.

  
"Let me just get this." Ed said before disappearing into their bedroom.

  
Aaron nodded to himself almost and looked towards the television, turning it on and deciding that although he was thawing when it came to Ed, there was still issues between them, Ed still couldn't explain properly why he reacted the way he did with a so called mate. Things still didn't add up. Aaron turned the volume up and sighed contently as he settled himself, the anger had stopped and he felt better. Not so confused of upset and he felt almost willing to let things lie, for now.

 

Aaron frowned a little as he heard Ed's voice, speaking a little quicker than usual.

  
"Wait uh - when did you that the flights were for?"

  
Aaron heard Ed ask the question down the throne and his throat tightened because he already knew what it was about -

 

 _France_.

  
The taboo subject since they fought last.

  
"Yeah of course, _two_ tickets, yeah."

  
Aaron lifted his head and suddenly Ed was walking back into the room. He had to look away as soon as Aaron eyes him as if he _knew_ what the issue was already.

  
"Ed don't tell me that was -" Aaron frowned as Ed stayed silent. "We haven't even _talked_ about this."

  
Ed looked flustered as he walked towards Aaron, "We're leaving sooner than I thought, I - the team I mean. Tomorrow."

  
Aaron didn't know what to say, his decision was just made for him and that felt wrong because he still felt the same, he still didn't want to go.

  
Ed sat down next to Aaron, "I hade to make a decision today -"

  
"We've hardly been on good terms Ed, and you just decide that you'll book the flight anyway, we'll just move back there anyway _tomorrow_." Aaron stood up and pulled a hand through his hair. " _Fuck_ what I have to say about it, I mean why does my decision matter eh."

  
Ed tutted, "Of course it does." He said softly before sighing. "I _had_ to make a decision. I know this isn't ideal - I was gonna tell ya Aaron, I just had to - to say yeah, I know it's a lot to get your head around but - but I think it's what we need."

 

Aaron looked away and stayed silent.

  
"A fresh start. Just me and you." Ed said gently, his eyes were wide and he looked like he was pleading. It silenced him almost immediately as he looked up and saw Aaron biting his nails nervously like he used to deal when he felt trapped, like he used to do when they first met - when he was in a much worse place.

  
"You don't want to go, do you?" Ed whispered, hating the realisation that hit him.

  
Aaron looked his way and couldn't hide his feelings. He couldn't lie and pretend that France would mend whatever had fractured them.

  
"I'm sorry," Aaron whispered and Ed slowly pushed his head in his hands.

  
"I'm - I'm sorry Ed look I never said that - that I was on board, not for definite. I mean I have a life here Ed, _we_ have a life here." Ed stood and looked towards Aaron before holding him close, squeezing at the younger man and then kissing his head.

  
"Don't say sorry, it's for the best this I think." Ed pulled away and sniffed as if he was fighting the urge to cry. "I think - think I've known for a while," his eyes met Aaron's. "We've both known if we're being honest." He said softly and Aaron gulped hard.

  
"Ed I never meant to hurt ya -" Aaron said before Ed stopped him with a smile.

  
"Same here," Ed said softly, shaking his head and then sighing. "I'm sorry for - for pushing ya into this." He said, knowing Aaron wouldn't understand.

  
"Ed don't be sorry," Aaron had tears in his eyes, "Not for wanting to keep me with ya, not for loving me." He let out a shaky breath. "These last few days though, somethings changed and I don't know what but -"

  
Ed nodded his head slowly and kissed Aaron's head. They stayed like that for a few seconds before Aaron looked at Ed. "You need to go to France Ed." He said gently, "Make the most of it." He said with a smile and Ed looked like his heart had just been stamped on but he covered it with a smile and nod of the head.

  
"It's tomorrow Aaron -" Ed said softly before looking towards the ground.

  
"I know Ed, but - but you can't pass this up. Like you said -"

  
"We've been broken for a long time." Ed completed for him before looking towards the door, "I'm sorry I just need to -" he couldn't stop the way his emotions hit him as he made towards the door and shut it behind him quickly.

  
Aaron shut his eyes, let the tears rolls and let him go, somehow he knew it was right to stay exactly where he was.

 

***

 

The door clicked open the next morning and Aaron had to look up to see who it was. Ed stood there, he looked hungover and Aaron had to look away from him. He'd had the decency to at least text him the night before 'staying at a mates' Ed had said and Aaron thought of the one he had kissed a few weeks ago.

  
"You alright?" Aaron offered, stretching as he lifted himself off of the sofa.

  
Ed pointed to the piece of furniture, "You didn't have to sleep there." He said a little awkwardly.

  
Aaron gulped, a part of him knew he did, sleeping in their bed now was different considering Ed was leaving. They were over now weren't they?

  
"Yeah well, it doesn't matter does it." Aaron said, trying to find the right words but failing a little as he crossed over to the kitchen and looked towards the sink.

  
Ed stood still, silence filled the room and Aaron hated it.

  
"I should pack you know," Ed finally said, a hand over his eyes.

  
Aaron nodded and forced himself to turn back round to face Ed. "Yeah, uh do you want - want help or?"

  
Ed looked up at him then as if he wasn't sure if Aaron was being serious but then he pulled a face. "That'd be weird wouldn't it? Helping _me_ pack - it's not how I imagined it would be." He admitted and Aaron had to look towards the floor, avoid the sadness in Ed's eyes.

  
"Look I know, uh this is hardly what you want to hear now but - the flat," Aaron looked up as he heard Ed speak. "I've paid this month's rent. It said a lot considering they usually paid it together. Aaron contributing at least half.

  
"Which means?" Aaron's eyes flickered up quickly.

  
"When I go then - then you need to go too. Unless I put your name on the lease or -"

  
Aaron gulped hard, he couldn't carry on living in the flat. He looked up and shook his head hard.

  
"No I'll stay with Adam until I sort myself out." Aaron offered softly before clearing his throat and meeting Ed's eyes. "Are you sure you don't want me to help -"

  
Ed nodded, "You have work don't you?" Aaron did but he felt bad for just leaving like that, just going about his day when Ed was going away and not coming back.

  
"Yeah but -" Aaron tried but Ed just shook his head.

  
"Maybe this is for the best." Ed said calmly, "Saying bye now." He added and Aaron didn't know what to say back so instead he made a dash for the bathroom and got ready for work there, deciding how to feel about actually saying goodbye to someone who meant so much to him.

 

The door opened and Aaron took a step towards the bedroom where Ed was packing.

  
"I'm sorry for just running off like that." Aaron apologised, head down and eyes closed for a second.

  
Ed shook his head and then sighed. "This is hard for me too ya know." He said, biting back a little.

  
Aaron nodded and took a step towards Ed. "I'm sorry," he said again and this time Ed reached out and hugged him.

  
They stayed like that for a while and Aaron found himself smiling as he realised that he still managed to find comfort in Ed's arms, they always made him feel safe.

  
Ed let go and looked away, "You'll be late for work at this rate Aaron." He titled his head, "Go."

  
Aaron frowned and then realised that he had to say something, "Ed I - I want you to know that - that I'm so grateful that someone like you came into my life." Ed looked up and his eyes were filled with tears.

  
"Yeah?" Ed said, almost like he needed confirmation.

  
"I know I was _shit_ at letting you know but - but honestly Ed I - I was in such a bad place and then you came along and I hated how you made me want to smile and be happy and -" Aaron stopped himself, almost like it was getting too much for him and then he had tears in his eyes. "I'll never forget what you gave me, the chance to live again."

  
Ed smiled fondly and then wiped at his eyes. "You're welcome," he said gently. "We had some good times didn't we?"

  
Aaron nodded and memories flashed in front of his mind, parties in France until four in the morning and laughing at people speaking French words they didn't know. They were so silly and fun once, they just weren't built for a _forever_ type of love and Aaron understood that now.

  
"Mate I've got so many good memories with ya stored away in here." Aaron pointed to his head and Ed smiled.

  
"Well that's good then," Ed said before sniffing and pulling Aaron towards him. "I've always loved ya Aaron, always." He kissed the side of Aaron's head and Aaron nodded before waking back towards the door.

  
"Bye Aaron," Ed whispered, "Don't - don't forget me yeah? And - just always remember, if you ever find anything out or - or you remember something that you didn't know now then - then remember that I always loved you and wanted to keep you safe." It was a loose comment, trying to make him see that if he ever remembered 'the month' then he could understand why Ed behaved the way he did.

  
Aaron nodded although he was a little confused, "Bye Ed Roberts." He whispered back before smiling. "Dedicate the first try to me yeah?"

 

Ed's eyes glistened. "Yeah I'll be thinking of ya." He laughed and Aaron wanted to remember him like that forever. This happy smiley rugby player with a big heart and safe arms. It's what he held onto as he left the flat, tears in his eyes but a smile still on the face as the memory failed to fade.

 

***

 

"Yeah thanks for - for beings so understanding about it, yeah - well I have been a good tenant you're right about that." Robert held the phone to his ear and then heard the sound of Adam tripping over boxes near the front door.

  
Robert frowned hard at him and then rolled his eyes almost playfully as he carried on talking on the phone.

  
"Yeah cheers mate, yeah good luck to you too." Robert gulped hard as he put the phone down and turned towards Adam who was meant to be helping him try and sort out his life, considering things were suddenly actually becoming _real_ and he was moving back to Emmerdale.

  
"Could you make anymore noise?" Robert said, walking towards the sofa and slumping down.

  
"Oh well _sorry_ , I'll leave shall I?" Adam turned and Robert shook his head as he saw the younger man packing things back into boxes for him. Adam clicked his tongue and then joined Adam on the sofa.

  
"Haven't you got work or something?" Adam raised his eyebrow at Robert's questioning.

  
"You want me gone already?" Adam laughed like he usually did and then sighed. "Nah day off, which is why I'm here helping ya move all your _tat_."

  
Robert raised an eyebrow, offended. "It's not _tat_." He looked towards one of the fancy whiskey glasses that was already wrapped up. "How is that _tat_?" He asked quickly.

  
Adam shook his head and then saw the look on Robert's face. "This _is_ what you want right, the whole moving back to live in a little village thing?" He asked, slowly and filled with concern.

  
Robert gulped hard as he thought about it. Yesterday had been a wake up call, an eye opener and he needed that because it had allowed him to realise that despite always wanting to be with Aaron - it wouldn't happen, he couldn't _let_ it happen and suddenly the thought of Aaron ruining his life with Ed over this weird feeling of curiosity he had over Robert.

  
"Yeah," Robert said unconvincing. Adam pulled a face and Robert tutted. "Look it's for the best. For me. For my family, and for Aaron too." The last few words were hard to say and Robert found himself looking away.

  
Adam rolled his eyes and titled his head, "It ain't gonna stop the way ya feel though is it? Being however many miles away from him?" He said softly, trying his hardest not to sound too harsh.

  
Robert knew he was right and that seemed to hurt the most, it was there in his mind and he knew that when he saw the sign for Emmerdale, he wouldn't magically just forget who Aaron was. He was a fool for even trying to make himself believe that cloud ever work.

  
"Yeah but it could stop me confusing him, stop me - from literally bumping into him like yesterday and -" Robert stared up and Adam's eyes widened in shock. Robert hadn't told him about seeing Aaron and what happened next, it wasn't a _secret_ but still it felt like something Robert wanted to keep just between the two of them, as if there was even a _them_.

  
"Yesterday?" Adam pointed out. "As in, the funeral?" He commented.

  
Robert nodded his head slowly, "He was there afterwards, when you lot had gone I - he was just _there_." He sighed shakily.  
Adam clicked his tongue, "Probably on a call out." He reasoned before moving his hands and making small circles with them. "So - so what happened then?" He pushed out.

  
Robert gulped and a memory flashed in front of his eyes, Aaron had been so _soft_ hadn't he? He wasn't snappy or harsh or telling Robert to do one after he nearly ran him over, he was being the Aaron that Robert couldn't help but fall in love with.

  
"He was Aaron wasn't he?" Adam said noticing Robert had his eyes closed and wasn't ready to speak yet.

  
It was almost like Adam didn't need to say anything other than that. Aaron was just being Aaron and that meant he was being this kind, sensitive soul that was there for Robert even though he didn't know him that well.

  
Robert nodded his head and looked towards the ground, "Yeah." He whispered gently before sighing. "It was fine until he pointed out the fact that he didn't know my name, wanted to ask for it basically."

  
"And did ya give it? Did ya tell him?" Adam looked towards Robert, eager to find out.

  
Robert shook his head, "What good would that do? I told him to just forget about me, to forget he ever met me and it was for the best." It was almost like he was trying to convince himself.

  
"You can't keep saying it's for the best, that's just an excuse Sugden." Adam leaned back and crossed his arms over. "Maybe he wanted to be your mate."

  
Robert rolled his eyes, "I can't be his mate Adam. I _can't_ get any closer to him, because - because I don't know if I could control myself around him." Adam raised an eyebrow and Robert sighed. "I wouldn't be able to just - not tell him about everything and see if it jolted anything inside." He paused and then scoffed. "Besides, you really think Ed will let me go anywhere near him?"

  
Adam pulled a face, "Fair point." He said before turning his head towards the door as someone knocked on it.

  
"It's open!" Robert called out and then he smiled as he saw Victoria standing there. Her eyes met Adam's and she smiled wider.

  
"Oh nice seeing you again." Victoria said before looking at Robert, "He's keen ain't he?" She laughed and then stopped as Adam's eyes widened.

  
"Woah woah uh no I'm _straight_." Adam said, his face already softening as Victoria looked back at him and Robert sat there, mortified.

  
Victoria's face fell and her cheeks blushed, "Yeah sure I - I just assumed that -"

  
"That when I said 'This is my mate Adam' I really meant 'This is the guy I'm having sex with nowadays.'" Robert interjected before sighing and allowing himself to smile at her awkward looking expression.

  
"Soz." Victoria said quickly before sitting on the table in front of them and looking around at the flat, the walls were bare and the counters stunk of bleach, she smiled as she thought about her brother trying to leave it as presentable as possible.  
"I just came round to say that we're heading back in a few hours." Victoria said, a little sadly but trying to smile though it. "And I know that I've got nothing to worry about 'cause you're following on tomorrow but still, I just wanted to check that you were okay."

  
Robert smiled gently, "Yeah I'm fine." He said because it was true, half true maybe.

  
Victoria nodded and then looked like she accepted it. "So you nearly finished packing nearly then?" She gestured towards the boxes by the door and smiled before spotting Aaron's purple hoodie on the back of a the chair near the table. "Never seen that before."

  
Robert looked towards it and gulped hard, the last thing of Aaron's. The last tiny bit that he held onto. He had to let that go too.

  
"It's Adam's." Robert said quickly causing Adam to raise his head in suprise. "Mate you should probably take it back when you leave ya know." Adam frowned for a second before he saw the piece of clothing properly and realised what it was, who's it was.

  
Adam gulped hard, "Are you sure mate? I mean you can keep it if you want to, maybe you should."

  
Victoria looked between them a little confused and then Robert shook his head. "Nah you take it, it's better if ya take it." He said gently and Adam just nodded, knowing what the conversation had really been about. Robert had finally let him go, maybe.

  
"Right well, I was only popping by then so I'll see myself out. Diane is waiting for me." Victoria pulled herself towards Robert and he hugged her, arms wrapped around her tightly.

  
"I'll see ya soon then." Robert kissed her head and then let her go.

  
Victoria looked towards Adam and smiled, "It was nice to see ya again." She said sweetly and Adam nodded his head, almost like he was blushing.

  
Victoria let herself out and Robert found his eyes on the hoodie again, just staring at it. "You really think you can just let it go?" Adam whispered softly, a hand in Robert's shoulder.

  
Robert ripped his eyes away and nodded, "It's not mine, just like he's not mine." He pointed out, walking over and gripping hold of the soft fabric.

  
Adam chewed on his lip and Robert noticed that he felt troubled. "What?" Robert queried.

  
Adam looked down and sighed, "I just - I feel bad for some reason, me being here and - gosh it's like I'm lying to him or something." He shook his head and Robert realised why he would feel that way.

  
"You're not, there's nothing you're lying about." Robert frowned. "Look by telling him about me, all it would do would confuse him, make him think he's mad for not knowing about it all. You've kept him safe, been a good mate."

  
Adam slowly nodded, "Yeah I suppose." He shrugged before his eyes widened. "But what if he _does_ remember one day? He remembers and you're far away, you have no clue, and then he comes to me. He asks me if what he is remembering is actually true, what do I do then?" He seemed almost panicked and Robert looked away for a second. It was a good point, a very good point but he had an answer.

  
Robert pushed out his hands and then rested a hand on his temple, "Yeah you're right but I can't spend the rest of my life just waiting for that possibility. It's not fair and -" he cleared his throat. "Aaron wouldn't want me wasting my life away like that, he wouldn't."

  
Adam nodded, "Fair enough." He said softly.

  
"So if that ever was to happen then, then tell him to forget it, to forget me." Robert's eyes were glassy and he thought about it all, how the words were flowing out of his mouth as if he believed them.

  
Adam went to speak but was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. He picked it up slowly and then he realised who it was. "Hiya mate. Busy? Nah, nah I'm not - why?" He was silent for a second and then his eyes widened. "Yeah course you can, yeah alright - see ya in a bit." He pushed the phone back into his pocket and shuddered a little.

  
Robert seemed to know who it was already, "Aaron? What's -"

  
"Ed's left, to France, without him." Adam was still shocked as he spoke and Robert found himself staggering back at little in shock.

 

  
_Ed's left, to France, without him._

 

_  
Ed's left._

  
Robert couldn't control his thoughts and the ideas racing through his minds. Aaron wasn't going to France after all. He was staying, he wasn't going anywhere. It was fate, surely it was fate. Robert held a hand up to his head and tried to think about it all without getting too ahead of himself, a part of him wanted to race there right now, kiss him hard and hold him close and just spend the next however many years convincing him of what they were, what they had. But then he thought rationally and all he could think about was the pain that Aaron would be in whilst he tried desperately to remember and not be terrified at the thought of someone loving him when he didn't know why.

  
Robert gulped hard and thought about the temptation, all of it. The thought of creeping over towards the flat and not being stopped by Ed The Bodyguard was just too much, to _easy_ and he wouldn't be able to control himself. His feet began to move, darting towards the boxes and hastily beginning to put more things inside.

  
"What - what are ya doing?" Adam said following him towards the kitchen.

  
Robert shook his head almost frantically, "I need to leave tonight, I can't stay here now I know. Fuck I can't be here." He shivered almost as he spoke and Adam looked shocked.

  
"Woah - can you think about this? Look I don't see why -" Adam frowned, all confused.

  
Robert rolled his eyes and pushed his hands out, "Don't you get it? I can't trust myself, I can't trust myself not to go around there and try and get mixed up in his life, confuse him and make him go mad - just because I'm a selfish fucker who doesn't know when to quit." Robert was panicking, his eyes fluttering as he spoke.

  
"Wait Rob you haven't sorted everything out yet?" Adam said quickly, "Don't you have -"

  
"I sorted out this place, I just need to get my stuff all packed and go." Robert said shaking his head. "No point in hanging about is there?"

  
Robert walked straight into the bedroom and packed away some of his folded shirts. Adam followed behind him, "Yeah I suppose so." He whispered half - heartedly whilst Robert packed his stuff. "Look are you sure?" He said after a few seconds causing Robert to tense and walk back towards the living room.

  
"I need a fresh start, I need to think about myself in all this and - sticking around like some stalker, that isn't good for either of us." Robert hated how true it sounded and made a conscious effort as he picked up the purple hoodie and held it in his hand. "It's time to let go." He whispered, almost to himself.

  
Adam gave in and accepted the hoodie when Robert passed it to him slowly. "So I guess I won't see ya around then?" He seemed almost sad, his voice given it away.

  
"Suppose so, yeah." Robert smiled sadly and dug a hand in his pocket.

  
Adam laughed, "I swear the thought of ya going off to Yorkshire and leaving here would have made me quite happy about a month ago." Robert thought about how angry Adam was with him after the divine heart ache situation and he feared his throat awkwardly.

  
"But _now_ , not so much." Adam said and Robert raised his head. "Look I hope things work out I really do, you're a decent bloke ya know that?"

  
Robert scoffed before looking more serious. "Same here mate. Look I - could you make sure Aaron's okay. I know you will but -"

  
Adam leaned closer, "You have my word." He said, smiling before extending a hand.

  
Robert's shoulders relaxed and he shook Adam's hand before feeling the younger man launch onto him and pat his back over and over again.

  
"See ya mate." Adam whispered before opening the door, "Remeber, you have my word." He said before shutting the door behind him and thinking about why exactly Ed had just left like that and how things would change.

 

***

 

The door knocked and Adam slowly opened it, relieving his best mate standing there with two bags by his feet.

  
"Ed's gone, it's just over." Aaron said, tears swimming in his eyes and cheeks red.

  
Adam tutted hard and then pulled him into a hug, a crushing one that made Aaron bury his head deep into Adam's shoulder for comfort.

  
Aaron pulled away first and then wiped at his eyes as Adam ushered him inside. "I'm not _crying_ 'cause it's over, I know it had to be but - I'm just crying over fucking memories, he helped me so much after Jackson." He slumped down on the sofa and the sound of Jackson's voice made him tingle.

  
Adam sighed and then leaned back on a chair, "Is that why you couldn't go with him?" He said softly, tilting his head a little.

  
Aaron pulled a face, "We were running off old memories and it wasn't fair. Besides he'd already decided for us that we were leaving today so that added fuel to the fire."

  
"So you were arguing then?" Adam raised an eyebrow and watched Aaron nod slowly. "About what?"

  
Aaron remembered exactly what. "His mate, the one who's dad died. I was tryna let him actually explain himself but he wasn't having any of it, he didn't want to talk about him."

  
"I thought he already said, about him liking you -"

  
"Mate that bloke's got more on his mind than just 'liking' someone, his dad just _died_ and trust me the way he looked yesterday was -" Aaron bit his tongue and realised he's blabbed again.

  
Adam leaned in closer, "Aaron what happened when you saw him?" He wanted to know from a different point of view.

  
Aaron blew out a shallow breath, "He wanted to say a few words with no one around and he did, then he sorta broke down on me and -" he remembered how weird that had felt, how strangely familiar the man's chest resting on his own had felt. "He let it all out I suppose and then he just told me to forget him or something and it was weird."

  
"Maybe he's leaving or something." Adam couldn't help himself, he needed to gauge some sort of reaction from Aaron about this.

  
Aaron raised his head and his eyes were wide, "What? Why would he do that?" He seemed almost panicked and he fought against it.

  
Adam shrugged his shoulders, "Well ya know how sometimes funeral's remind ya of what's important, by the sounds of it he's pretty lonely and maybe remembering that he's got family might want him to start afresh, forget everything and everyone here."

  
Aaron blinked gently, it made a lot of sense. "Adam," Adam looked up and frowned at the way Aaron said his name. "I don't really know why but - but I feel like I'm sorta connected to him, all these little things involving him just keep happening and Ed called it _fate_. I don't know what's happening but - but every time I see him I just feel like something is clicking together. He makes me less confused about things."

  
Adam didn't say anything but tried to stop the smile on his face.

  
"Maybe it's 'cause he looked after me when Ed wasn't around, I mean I can't remember it but - it _happened_ and maybe that's why it feels like I know him." Aaron bit hard down on his lip and then turned towards the chair next to Adam, his eyes met a hoodie. One so familiar that it made his eyes widen in shock as he picked it up and held it. Suddenly he felt like a bolt of lighting had just travelled through him and he shut his eyes tightly. He could see himself wearing it, someone saying it was their favourite. Aaron's heart rate increased and suddenly he was seeing more, he was seeing blonde hair and green eyes and it was slowly, so slowly, all coming back to him at once. He opened his eyes and looked down at the purple hoodie before smelling it, expensive cologne.

  
'" _You're wasting your money at that stuff you know? Why don't you just get the normal stuff?"'_

_  
'"You just want me to spend more money on you because apparently I'm your sugar daddy.'"_

  
Aaron pulled his head up and saw that his hands were shaking, for so long there had been nothing but darkness in his mind but _now_ it was filled with little pieces of memories.

  
"Fuck - I need to go see him, fuck -" Aaron clambered off the sofa and held the hoodie in his hand as Adam tried to pull him back.

  
"And say what?" Adam said, almost giddy but trying to look concerned.

  
"That - that I can't stop thinking about him and that I needed answers. Like ya said he could be gone by now, I need to hurry." Aaron opened the door shakily and gripped onto the purple hoodie, it smelt of _him_ and it made Aaron smile.

 

***

 

Robert looked around the flat and smiled, it had served for some good memories, mostly ones with Aaron but he didn't want to think about that now. He looked out the window and then back at the sofa, everything was so bare now, stripped of the home he had tried to create whilst he was bitter and hated his family. Things were different now though, a lot different and he could walk out of their feeling lighter than when he first entered all those years ago.

  
Robert walked towards the door and opened it, looking back one last time at the flat before hearing footsteps approach him. He turned slowly and his heart almost gave way when he saw who it was. He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't give his heart and watch Aaron's confusion grow.

  
"Aaron," Robert's breath was shaky as he looked towards the younger man, he was gripping hold of the hoodie and for a second he wondered if Adam had told him _everything_ there was to know.

  
Aaron gulped hard and tried to find the right words. "Look I need to speak to ya," he said before looking into Robert's eyes and holding his gaze until Robert pulled away.

  
"Look now isn't the best time, I'm sort of -"

  
Aaron looked down at Robert's bags, "Leaving." He finished for him, sadness in his voice.

  
Robert nodded slowly and then looked towards the ground, "So if you could -" he tried to move past Aaron but the younger man blocked his way.

  
"You can't go." Aaron was so close and Robert had to fight everything inside him that said 'listen to him, he doesn't want you to go so don't.' Aaron looked up at Robert. "Not yet anyway." He whispered before pushing so that he was inside the flat.

  
Aaron looked around and had to catch his breath at how familiar it all looked, even without the photos or the pillows.

  
"Aaron you need to leave." Robert forced out, hating every second of this.

  
Aaron looked up and then around the flat as if he hadn't heard. "Finally managed to take down that God awful comic poster then?" He looked towards the bare wall and then back at Robert.

  
Robert's mouth felt dry and he couldn't understand, how did he know that unless he was _remembering_. Impossible. "Yeah," he said weakly, trying to catch his breath.

  
Aaron looked at him and seemed serious, "I don't know what's going on with me but - I just feel like something's happened between me and you." Robert looked away and it almost confirmed it for Aaron as he walked closer.

  
"I smelt this and it smelt of you." He said, holding the hoodie still. "I remembered some conversation and - it was like me and you were -"

  
"Nothing." Robert had tears in his eyes and Aaron looked at him shocked. "We were nothing alright Aaron, you stayed here and I checked on you every few hours. That was it." He moved towards the window and tried to stop his heart from breaking.

If he stayed then Aaron would find out more wouldn't he? He needed to move on though, he needed to find someone else, someone better.

  
Aaron shook his head, "It doesn't feel like nothing from where I'm standing." He said before daring to walk towards Robert. "So you're saying, it's all in my head?" He whispered, tears now in his eyes too.

  
Robert looked at him and didn't have the heart to say it, to confirm such a lie.

  
Aaron's eyes darted and he took a shallow breath, "I'm going crazy." He said, hands shaking as he spoke until Robert grabbed hold of them.

  
" _No_ , please listen to me Aaron, you're not going crazy. Do you hear me?" Robert felt his heart breaking as Aaron tried to listen and block everything else out, he looked so vulnerable it ached.

  
Aaron found his eyes looking towards Robert's lips as he calmed himself down, Robert still gripping onto his hands and their noses nearly touching they were so close.

  
"Why do I want to kiss ya right now then, how comes that feels so right to do?" Aaron whispered and Robert's heart practically turned into a melted mess in his body as Aaron inched closer to him.

  
"Aaron," Robert tried but he was cut off almost immediately by the moan that escaped him as Aaron pushed his mouth onto his. Robert's hands were shaky until he rested them on the back of Aaron's head and depended what could have been just a sweet little kiss. He couldn't let go, the temptation raced through him and it was electrifying as Aaron carried on kissing him, neither of them coming up for air as Robert's back rested against the window. It was everything Robert had craved since that night it was all forgotten, this was what he needed. Aaron. He just needed Aaron. He couldn't have him though, Aaron would remember the reason why he fell in love with Robert and he'd be so disgusted that he'd run a mile and hate him forever.  
Robert pushed Aaron off of him abruptly and looked towards the floor because he couldn't see the lust in Aaron's eyes and not drag him to bed.

  
Aaron felt tingles race through him as he panted. "So we've never done that before? Is that _really_ what you're telling me?" He said quickly, almost angry.

  
Robert dared to look up and then saw his bags still by the door, "Just forget it, forget me and fucking live your own life Aaron. You're free and yet you're still here." He shouted as he walked back towards the door.

  
"Free?" Aaron frowned as he whispered it to himself and then followed Robert. "I can't forget what just happened." He said simply. "We just _kissed_ and it felt like it was the most easy and natural thing to do in the world."

  
Robert's heart skipped a beat because he felt the same, of course he did. "I'm sorry Aaron but we just snogged that was it." He looked away and then opened the door. "Now I'm leaving and so are you."

 

***

 

It was raining when they both got outside and Robert was almost grateful because that meant he had an excuse about not hanging around for a minute longer. Robert walked quickly towards his car and Aaron ran behind him to catch him up.

  
"Please wait," Aaron said, the sound of rain drowning him out a little so he leaned closer towards Robert. "I can't just - just forget that we kissed like that, I felt something." He admitted, he wasn't good with feelings and he secretly hated the prick for making all this so hard.

  
Robert looked at him, determined that he wouldn't see him again and toy with his feelings and fuck up his life. Aaron would move on and he'd be like Chrissie, he'd be happier without him.

  
"I can't Aaron," Robert whispered, "I can't stay here I'm sorry." He said gently, a hand on Aaron's shoulder.

  
Aaron felt his heart hurt a little as Robert opened the car door and jumped inside, the window was open a little and Aaron couldn't help but look inside.

  
"I hope - hope everything works out for ya." Aaron said, thankful for the rain because it hid his tears.

  
Robert though wasn't so lucky sitting in his car and so his tears were visible.

  
"I hate goodbyes." Aaron whispered before biting his lip and making Robert nod.

  
He remembered what he had said to Aaron before, "I'll see you later yeah?" Robert whispered before shutting the window and turning the engine on.

  
Aaron staggered back, his eyes widening because he remembered that too. Suddenly he was remembering that night clearly - a man? Robert's _dad_ was hurt? He had to go, Robert had to leave him and they didn't want to say goodbye. So Robert had said 'I'll see your later yeah?' Aaron's mind bought him back to a few days before and suddenly he was remembering Liv, _Liv_ had been there and - a million images of the blonde and him kissing suddenly entered his mind, over and over again and then **_'I love you, I love you, I love you_** ' and dancing, smiling, crying - ' ** _love me tender, love me -_** ' hospital, he had been hurt - Robert had hated himself and cried - kissing - _yes_ more kissing.

 

Aaron looked back at the car and saw that Robert was already driving off. He was gone but Aaron couldn't let him go because -

 

"I love you, wait I love you -" Aaron said pointlessly as he car drove away.

  
The rain poured down and Aaron suddenly bought his phone out because the only thing he couldn't remember was his fucking name of course but maybe it was still saved and he'd been looking at it all this time. He scrolled down until he Sugden. A surname. He tried his hardest to remember, to confirm and it made sense, it was a possibility and he rang without thinking.

 

***

 

Robert wiped at his eyes frantically as he drove and then heard his phone ringing, it was Aaron and he couldn't - no he could ignore it, no - he couldn't -

  
"Aaron what do you -" Robert said, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding the phone.

  
"I remember us." Aaron whispered and Robert felt his body give way in shock, this wasn't it was it? He had to be dreaming because you couldn't just remember. It was impossible.

  
"Aaron what do you mean?" Robert almost shouted down the phone, so eager.

  
"I remember enough to know that I love ya, this is what it's all been about and I know that it's not all there yet but I do, I -"

  
Robert felt his insides burst, "You love me?" He whispered, almost like he was scared that if he said it any louder it wouldn't be true.

 

"We loved each other didn't we?" Aaron said almost like he wasn't sure if Robert had felt the same.

  
Robert had tears in his eyes and nodded, "I fucking loved the bones of ya, still do." He whispered down the phone.

  
"Well then turn around ya idiot." Aaron paused and then it hit him without warning. " _Robert Sugden_ I remember us." Robert's heart fluttered as he turned the car and drove back up the road. He was crying and the rain was pouring and he couldn't believe it, Aaron remembered him and that was all he could think of. He could die happy he thought.

  
Aaron watched him, the big flash car drive up the road again and for a second Aaron looked away, overwhelmed a little by how much he loved Robert. He was everything to him. Aaron looked up and his heart gave way as he saw a car speeding up the road and turning the corner too quickly, Aaron had the phone still up to his ear and he dropped it instantaneously as he saw Robert's car drive towards it, the road to slippery to stop and -

  
" _ROBERT_!" Aaron raced towards the scene, cars flipped and rain still pouring and the sound of his only voice haunting him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... That happened. 
> 
> I'm really sorry if you feel like a lot happened in this chapter, I didn't want it to feel messy so I hope it didn't. The ending was just always in sight for me, I love angst so much and the thought of things finally looking better, Aaron finally rembering that he loved Robert and that something was there and then BAM car crash, wet roads and a cliff hanger! I always wanted something epic to jog Aaron's memory and the thought of Robert leaving and then them kissing and Robert having to deny it all but Aaron still following him out there was pretty much what I had in mind. The real question is how much does Aaron remember? How did he remember if it's impossible? Does he know about the whole spell thing and more importantly will Robert be okay?!
> 
> I'd love to know your thoughts and opinions on this!


	31. Moving mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Roert try to find their way back to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOO MY CHERUBS!! Right okay so this is the penultimate chapter (sobs forever) yeah this is a BIG CHAPTER and can be considered the last proper one in terms of chunky length because I'm not planning for the epilogue to be this long.  
> There's references to blood at the start of the fic because it continues straight on from the crash and also references to Jackson too but nothing that is too graphic.  
> There's SO much that happens and I hope you lot like it. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to me beautiful and insanely talented friend Jacqueline (justleavemebreathless) on tumblr, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

Someone rang an ambulance, a passer by maybe. Aaron didn't see who it was, he just heard 'yeah ambulance please' and then he felt like he was going to be sick. He was shaky and someone was holding him. A woman, kind and gentle and telling him it would be fine and that he had to stay back. She had appeared from one of the cars, she had been lucky not to get involved in the mess that was in front of him. The cars - two of them crashed together - _Robert_ crashed between.

  
The rain stopped and Aaron felt the woman loosen her grip around him, she was trying to reach into her pocket and then she pulled out a phone and finally let Aaron go again.

  
He couldn't help himself, he couldn't just stand back like everyone was telling him to because Robert was involved. He finally understood that he loved him, always had and now they were being torn apart. He couldn't let it happen, he knew that if he stayed where he was then -

  
"He's dying," Aaron whispered, shuddering as he spoke and wrapped his arms around his jumper.

  
Suddenly his feet were dragging towards the cars, racing and then he was stopping again as he saw a pool of blood nearby.

Aaron covered his mouth with a hand and trembled as he approached closer and slowly crouched down, trying to avoid the shards of glass around him and people telling him to stay back. He _can't_ he thinks, it's impossible.

  
"Rob," he whispered, trying hard to see him. Aaron titled his head and his heart dropped as he saw Robert, hair messy and almost painted in blood, he was facing Aaron and his eyes were firmly shut, cuts scattering his face and making Aaron look away in horror.

  
"Babe," Aaron was shaking as he desperately attempted to reach him, "Please wake up, please - _please_ stop this, stop it's not fair I love ya Rob." He moved closer and managed to stroke at Robert's skin, "Please I'm begging ya, don't die." He whispered.

  
The sound of an ambulance approaching made Aaron's shoulders relax, "Look, look the ambulance is here, you'll be okay now yeah? I swear Rob if ya leave me now then I couldn't handle it -" Aaron pulled his hand away from Robert's face and saw the shards of glass in his other hand, making him bleed.

  
A woman had a hand on his shoulder and Aaron looked up, "Love let's move you from here yeah?"

  
"No, no I need to stay here with him." Aaron looked back at Robert, he could be dead he thought. He couldn't reach his wrist and find out.

  
The woman, a medic Aaron realised, crouched down. "Listen, we need to try and find a way of getting him out." Aaron slowly ripped his gaze away from Robert and the woman raised him up until he was back towards the crowd of people.

 

***

 

Aaron was biting down hard on his lip as he watched the medics stand around, talking and pointing towards the cars.

  
"You can't just stand there, help him please -" Aaron shouted until his voice ached and he could finally see them moving towards Robert and the wreckage.

  
Aaron blinked and then blinked again before shutting his eyes and trying his hardest not to see them pull Robert out, just pulling a lifeless body.

  
Aaron's breathing became erratic as he stood there and memories that had been buried so deep down inside him began to resurface. He opened his eyes and caught his breath as he saw Robert being placed on a stretcher. His feet raced towards the scene again and he stopped right in front of Robert, he looked awful, he looked _dead_.

  
"Is he - he's dead isn't he?" Aaron couldn't believe he had to say it but it all came tumbling out.

  
"There's a pulse, very faint but no he's not dead. We need to take him _now_  though." The medic looked at Aaron and spoke quickly.

  
Aaron frowned and became overwhelmed with relief, ' _he's not dead_ ' that's all he could think about.

  
"Are you coming with us?" The medic asked and Aaron nodded before he could think about the possibility of Robert dying on the way there.

 

***

 

Aaron was twitching as he sat there, hands trembling and eyes staring wide into the whites of the hospital walls. He wasn't shaking as much anymore, someone had covered him in a small blanket and he had revelled in the feeling for a second before his eyes were back on Robert. He couldn't look away whilst they were in the ambulance, he was so close to him, to someone he _loved_ and he could _die_. He could leave him and they'd never get this chance that they deserved.

  
The medics moved swiftly around the small area, masks had been placed over Robert's face and his shirt was ripped open, bare chest bruised. Aaron had to look away then because he was crying so uncontrollably about it all, he couldn't understand why he was punished. Why _they_ were being punished if they obviously were fated to be together.

  
Aaron felt sick again as he remembered the way Robert was whisked away from him, one minute the ambulance was stopping and then Aaron was holding Robert's hand until the hospital doors opened and then -

  
' _Where are ya takin' him? Please I can't leave -_ ' Aaron's voice had cracked then and Robert was wheeled even further away from Aaron until there hands were forced apart. He wanted to race after him but he couldn't.

  
"Sorry love," Aaron heard the voice and raised his head slowly. A nurse with dark hair and a kind look about her seemed almost horrified about the state Aaron was in. "Your friend is -"

  
Aaron held his breath and it burned, like acid dripping through and being unable to stop attacking his insides. His first thought was the worst, naturally. Robert had lost too much blood, Robert had fought hard but gave in after a while, Robert was _dead_.

Aaron lifted his head again cautiously and bit his lip as he waited for her to continue, the sound of phones ringing around him managed to drag him far away from his thoughts, he was chasing the sounds and feeling as though he wanted to join Robert, it would make him happy, it would stop this pain inside from destroying him completely.

  
"Well he's lost quite a lot of blood." The nurse seemed to be trying to cushion the blow and Aaron's hands continued to shake, tremble uncontrollably because he had been _right_.

  
"Just say it." Aaron didn't know how he managed to get it all out but the next minute he knew the nurse was shaking her head and he was gripping onto her words like a baby would to its favourite rattle.

  
"He's critical but he's _alive_ , he's still _fighting_." The nurse pushed the words out and Aaron's eyes flickered, a mixture of relief and utter exhaustion travelled through him as he tried to stop the shaking. He stared down at his hands and saw the blood statins from when he had reached out for Robert, his hair had been so soft and delicate and suddenly as Aaron sat there another wave of a memory took hold. Running his hand through Robert's hair, kissing him again and again and feeling how soft the locks were to touch.

  
The memory stayed, unable to shift from his mind and it didn't take long for him to start crying again, this time finding some strength to stand and race off somewhere, anywhere.

  
He turned the corner and a familiar face met his. A nurse, another one but - he knew her and - she knew him somehow.

  
"Aaron, love are you alright?" The nurse held a hand out and Aaron frowned, trying to work out how he knew her. "Don't worry, come let's have a sit down yeah?" She walked him into a little room and he stared up at her, too weak to argue.

  
Aaron sat on the chair and a sketchy memory came back, sitting there and crying about Robert. She knew Robert.

  
"Robert might die in here, he had a crash - and then -" Aaron looked up and saw the nurse, her eyes wide with shock and surprise.

  
"Sorry. Did you just say Robert?"

  
Aaron nodded slowly.

  
"That's - that's damn near bloody impossible." The nurse seemed to be getting worked up and Aaron sniffed awkwardly feeling like he'd missed something.

  
"It all came back and - well not all I mean I still don't know everything but, I remembered _him_ and _us_ and then - his car crashed and now I might lose him forever." Aaron darted his head towards the floor and shut his eyes, a memory of Robert taking hold again, sitting in a nice restaurant, smiling and actually having a good time. Toasting to something and soft words being spoken. It looked blissful, he remembered all of it. It was goodbye dinner, but _why_? That's the part he still failed to remember, why he had left, why Robert had let _Ed_ take him back, why he had forgotten in the first place?

  
When he looked up again he could see the nurse still frowning harshly and then raising a finger to her lip, and then another - deep in thought.

  
"This is very rare." The nurse said after a few seconds. Aaron frowned and she tutted. "You remembering, you actually falling in love, _both_ of ya. I - I don't understand it unless -"

  
Aaron leaned closer towards her and saw her face soften, eyes almost watery.

  
"Unless you my love are his actual soulmate, _nothing_ can break that bond." The nurse smiled and then grabbed at Aaron's hands. "Listen, he'll fight for you. I know he will."

  
Aaron couldn't take in the information.

  
_Soulmates_.

  
He didn't believe in that sort of thing because the thought of someone completely right for you, destined to be yours just being out there in the big wide world and you never meeting them, well that was just cruel.

  
Aaron breathed out steadily, "What if he can't? He was so bad before, I don't think I could handle loosing him after -" it nearly seeped out, a memory lodged into his brain like a bullet, one that would never fade in his memory. He shook it off and cleared his throat.

  
"This is all my fault." Aaron whispered, weak and gentle. "Why did I forget him? I just don't understand that."

  
The nurse's eyes widened again in realisation that Aaron was very right when he said he didn't know somethings. He didn't knew the core reason behind why he and Robert had fallen in love in the first place.

  
The nurse stayed silent, it wasn't her place to tell him about the spell. He would remember in his own in time, it was almost inevitable now.

  
"Don't think about that." The nurse plastered a reassuring smile on her face. "Think about him pulling through, being better." Aaron hated how he couldn't even imagine it, how the thought of seeing Robert sitting up in a hospital bed alive and well couldn't even properly enter his head right now. All he could think of was blood, the sound of the cars crashing and his heart breaking.

  
"You love him?" The nurse asked, _Sheila_ , he remembered as she looked into his eyes and caused him to nod quickly. "Well he'll pull through, just to say it back eh?"

 

***

 

  
Aaron was sitting in the same chair, shaking his leg uncontrollably and looking at the state of his nails, chewed up and nasty. It had been an hour since he found out that the man he loved and him were soulmates apparently and it didn't help anything. Instead it made the ache worse inside because Robert was still critical.

 

A woman sat opposite him and kept giving sympathetic little looks, Aaron looked away every time she did and then every time he heard the nurses gossiping about the state of him, how _sorry_ they felt for him.

 

Aaron blocked it out effectively as more memories came flooding back, a sister. Victoria. Robert had a sister.

  
He closed his eyes and remembered her voice, the way she smiled at him once. He couldn't place exactly where they were but he knew that she had stuck up for Robert against -

  
Jack.

  
Robert's _dad_ , he'd died and Aaron hadn't been there for him. He didn't remember him then. It explained it all, why Robert didn't want Aaron to go, why he was so thankful that Aaron had turned up just after the funeral.

  
Aaron scrunched his fists up in a ball and let out a heavy sigh, he couldn't do this on his own. He needed Adam to tell him it was okay.

 

***

 

  
Aaron shuddered as he stood outside the hospital, staring out onto the car park. He hated leaving Robert and the relief he felt for being out of there. He reached for his phone and dialled straight away.

 

Adam picked up after three rings. "Bro it's like _eleven_ o'clock what -"

  
Aaron couldn't stop himself from crying, "Adam I'm at the hospital it's Robert he's -"

  
"Robert? Mate what -" Adam's voice was laced with shock because he didn't understand how Aaron now knew his name.

  
"He's hurt, real bad mate I need ya." Aaron almost blubbered down the phone and Adam sighed shakily.

  
"Yeah mate, 'course I'm coming yeah?" Adam said softly. "Hang in there bro, I'm on my way."

 

The phone line went dead and Aaron stared down at his hands again, furiously attempting to rub the stains out. He managed to get himself into a bit of state and had to stop his relentless actions as he began panting hard and welcoming the cool breeze that hit his back before he pushed his head back on the wall. It was freezing and he had no choice but to hug at his sides, facing the hospital without Adam wasn't even a choice.

 

***

 

Aaron had his neck buried in Adam's shoulder and he was crying almost uncontrollably. Adam had an arm around him and was holding him tightly, trying to stop his own shock that was racing through him because he didn't understand how Aaron knew about Robert, it was meant to be impossible, unless Robert had caved and told him everything.

  
Aaron pulled off of Adam lazily and sighed, he hadn't meant to breakdown as soon as he saw Adam coming out of his car but he couldn't help it when Adam was approaching him, arms wide and ready to be hugged.

  
"Hey it's _freezing_ out here, why don't we go inside?" Adam had a hand on Aaron's shoulder and looked towards the hospital doors. Aaron dared to look up and suddenly began shaking as the entrance doors doubled in size in front of his very eyes, they looked so daunting to him.

  
Aaron shook his head and backed away before hearing the sound of sirens and falling back a little just in time for Adam to catch him. "That noise - he, I can't hear that." Aaron buried his head into Adam's chest this time and his best friend was deeply shocked by the state of Aaron, he wondered how much he had seen.

  
The sound of the ambulance turning into the hospital was almost relentless and Adam ushered Aaron and himself further towards the door to escape it. "Let's go inside, yeah?" He whispered gently, voice almost melting into Aaron's ear.

  
Aaron tensed a little before looking up and sniffling. Adam smiled, trying his hardest to look reassuring.

  
"I'm right here, we can do this together." Adam said, still smiling a little.

  
Aaron's shoulders relaxed gently until he was able to find the strength to walk by himself, on his own two feet, with Adam by his side.

 

Adam looked at Aaron, saw the red circles around his eyes and the way his hands were shaking. They had been sat there for ten minutes and he hadn't said a word, not one. It was scaring Adam, making him look for signs of Aaron taking this out on himself and then feeling guilty.

  
"Aaron," Adam leaned forward and cleared his throat. "Mate _please_ let me in."

  
Aaron's eyes flickered towards Adam and his stomach tightened. He had been sitting there and slotting more things in his mind. One thought stood out now.

  
"You knew." Aaron said simply, now turning to face Adam properly. Adam's face fell a little and then he looked away. "You knew who Robert was and you let me stay with Ed? You let me think I was going mad?" He didn't have the energy to shout and scream and hate Adam for keeping things from him. But he could remember Adam and Robert and himself in Robert's flat, Adam irritating Robert and then embarrassing him when he called Robert a sugar daddy. Adam had known all along.

  
Adam finally looked back and he had tears in his eyes, "I didn't know what to do." Aaron shook his head, unconvinced. "Look I - I thought if I told ya then - it'd make ya even more confused. I tried to - push things tonight, when I hinted at him leaving 'cause I hated the thought of him going and you not saying goodbye."

  
Aaron frowned, "How did ya know he was leaving?" He whispered.

  
"Believe it or not, we sorta became mates after ..."

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "Wow." He whispered before biting his lip. "I suppose he didn't want ya telling me then?" He added thinking about how adamant Robert was about leaving and letting him free.

  
Adam nodded, "He wanted a fresh start, figured you wouldn't remember him ever and - they'd be no point waiting around."  
It sounded so sad, so desperately sad and Aaron had to drop his head in his hands. "I should have let him go," he admitted bitterly. "He wouldn't be here if I had just _let him go."_

  
Adam pulled an arm around Aaron instinctively, "What happened?" He dared to ask.

  
Aaron gulped and then wiped at his eyes, "He - he was gonna go like ya said and I tried to stop him, to tell him that I felt like there was summat between us. He wasn't having any of it. Until I kissed him."

  
Adam raised an eyebrow, "You kissed?" He said gently and Aaron smiled weakly at the memory.

  
"It felt so normal, so natural and I _knew_ there was something more so I followed him out into the rain, to his car and then I -" he stopped abruptly as _that_ memory began to worm its way around his brain. _He'd done it again._

  
Adam squeezed at Aaron's shoulder, prompting him to keep talking.

  
"I rang him 'cause it all came back when he said goodbye. I rang and he picked Ad - and I said I remembered us, _him_ and that I loved him so he had to turn around and that's when -" Aaron's hands were shaking again, furiously shaking and Adam had to hold them together to stop it from happening. Adam looked away, spotting the blood stains on his hand and feeling sick.

  
"A car just came out of nowhere and - and God Ad there was _so_ much blood, I thought he was dead." Aaron had to fight back another bout of hysterical crying as Adam seemed to become emotional as he connected dots and drew parallels.

  
"What if this time - what if I've killed him?" Aaron seemed to be in a panic as he looked up at Adam whose eyes were glassy because he _understood_. "What if this time he doesn't make it out of the hospital before I kill -"

  
Adam suddenly gripped at Aaron's shoulders, having to shift on his seat and stare right at his best mate. "Don't you _dare_ think like that, do you hear me?" He didn't loosen his grip as Aaron stared back. "This isn't like last time."

  
Aaron's lip quivered, "Of _course_ it is. I've done it again. It's all my fault if he -"

  
Adam gripped even harder, "He won't. He'll be fine 'cause you said you love him didn't ya?" Aaron nodded slowly. "Well I reckon he's waited long enough to say it back eh?"

  
Aaron smiled weakly, it was exactly what Sheila had been getting at, it _still_ didn't help.

 

***

 

Adam pulled a face as he sipped at his coffee, Aaron had become quiet again and he tried to figure out what to do.

  
"Do you want me to check how's he's doing? See if anyone actually knows anything 'round here?" Adam said, setting the coffee aside and trying to block out the rancid taste.

  
Aaron raised his head, "Hm?" He said, he hadn't heard anything - too busy in his own thoughts.

  
"Never mind, what ya thinking?" Adam asked softly.

  
Aaron bit his lip hard. "His sister." He said quickly because Victoria had the right to be there, she was his family. "I mean, she should know."

  
Adam nodded. "And Andy and Diane." He said casually before Aaron frowned. "I met them at the funeral."

  
Aaron raised an eyebrow, "You went to the funeral?" He didn't know how to feel, confused, shocked, but grateful seemed to spring to mind because he'd been there for Robert then.

  
Adam nodded his head, "Like I said, he was a mate and I know how it feels to lose a dad." He ducked his head slowly and Aaron tutted.

  
"Of course, it was the same crematorium wasn't it?" Aaron remembered that when he was driving up to the building. Aaron heard the sound of the emergency phone ringing and his thoughts became distracted until he remembered them. "Wait but - Robert didn't speak to Andy, or did they -"

  
"Make up? Yeah. Yeah he sorted things with all of them, it's why he was going back home." Adam leaned back on the chair and Aaron raised an eyebrow.

  
Home. He was going back to be with his family, that was his fresh start. Aaron's heart almost bursted with pride.

  
The thought drifted as he thought of Victoria. "I don't have her number and she needs to know Ad." He seemed stressed as he placed a hand on his forehead.

  
As he looked up Adam was staring at him sheepishly, his cheeks reddening a little.

  
"What?" Aaron asked, instantly knowing something was wrong.

  
Adam bit his lip awkwardly. "I have her number." He said quickly before clearing his throat.

  
Aaron frowned and then rolled his eyes, "Smooth, you got a girl's number at her dad's _funeral_."

  
Adam looked offended and then smiled a little like he always did when he was nervous, "Woah it wasn't like that, she was worried about Robert if he didn't go back to their village so I said that I'd ring if anything happened to him."

  
Aaron sighed, "Why am I not surprised." He mumbled, kicking his feet against the chair.

  
"What? That I'm a _great_ friend." Adam said smiling a little more.

  
Aaron stared blankly, "Nah that you'd use a man's grief to get his sister's number." He said harshly before actually letting out a little smile, finding it all funny. It stopped the pain for a second and then he heard footsteps.

  
"Sir?" The same dark haired nurse looked at Aaron and then Adam, she seemed thankful that he wasn't on his own anymore and behind her was a doctor.

  
"What's happened? Is he okay?" Aaron said, unable to stop standing up.

  
The doctor pressed his lips together as if trying to find the right words. "He's going to need surgery but at the moment he isn't quite strong enough for that yet, we've managed to stop the blood as much as we can and currently he's in a stable condition."

  
Aaron breathed out steadily and then looked towards the floor.

  
"So that's a good thing right, I mean we're just waiting for him to get his strength back and then you can do the surgery?" Adam offered brightly.

  
Aaron looked up quickly, "But he might not be strong enough right?" The doctor looked uncomfortably. "What happens then?"

  
_He dies, he gives up._

  
The doctor sighed, "At the moment we aren't particularly concerned with that possibility, he's injuries aren't as bad as we first thought and he should be ready off or surgery soon sir." It was reassuring, a little.

  
Aaron nodded, "So it's just a waiting game now?" He couldn't bare it.

  
The doctor nodded, "Yes I'm afraid." He sighed before turning to leave.

  
"Can I see him?" Aaron asked almost desperately and the doctor nodded before disappearing.

  
Aaron took a shaky breath and prepared himself to see Robert as Adam looked up at him. "Do you want me to ring Victoria?" Adam asked trying to be helpful.

  
Aaron nodded slowly, almost unable to clutter his mind as he looked up and smiled at Adam to show his thanks. His feet carried him round the bend until he caught sight of Robert in one of the rooms, machines attached to his body and beeping noisily. Aaron had to catch his breath before he built up the courage to walk inside.

 

***

 

Robert was perfectly still and it unnerved Aaron completely as he remembered the fact that he used to wiggle his feet around in bed and occasionally kick out as if wanting to make sure Aaron was still there and hadn't left him yet. It made Aaron's eyes water as he ushered himself towards the bed and dared himself to sit on the chair, just about tall enough for him to reach out for a hand.

  
"I don't know what to say," Aaron whispered towards the floor, he'd been here before he thought, he had to do this whole talking until they respond shit and it hadn't worked with J -

  
The monitor beeped and the fear that grabbed hold of Aaron made him loosen and realise that this was Robert he was talking to. He sniffed softly and shifted his weight a little closer until he was able to caress Robert's face, a little bruised from the wreckage.

  
"I remember counting those freckles one night, it took me _hours_ and of course I gave up but," Aaron sniffed again, his heart trying it's hardest not to fail. "I want to keep doing that every single night of my life, fuck counting sheep." He smiled a little at Robert and then looked towards the sheets.

  
"I just need ya to open your eyes for me, okay?" Aaron whispered, tears in his eyes. "I can't lose ya now, I just can't do that so stop this, stop being so stubborn and just wake up." He was pleading as he looked down at Robert.

  
"We're supposed to be happy, I _remember_ now, I remember you and all the little things ya like. Those shitty comic books ya love, having a coffee in the morning, _snogging_ my face off." Aaron stroked at Robert's arm gently. " _Please_ don't die on me Rob, baby please don't do that to me." A part of him thought it could be punishment for not remembering what they had for whatever reason.

  
Aaron touched Robert's hair softly, "I need ya, so much. I'm sorry I forgot ya but - but I swear to ya I'll never leave ya again if you just open your eyes. I need ya to be strong for me okay?" He stood up slowly and then crouched down towards Robert's forehead, kissing it so softly he thought his heart had melted completely. "I _love_ you Robert Sugden, I love ya _so_ much."

  
He broke down then, ugly fat tears falling fast down his face because he was preparing himself for the worst already.

 

***

 

Aaron woke up a few hours later, it was well past visiting times and he could tell the hospital had become less busy. His eyes flickered towards the door and he saw Adam and Victoria hugging, him nodding his head and her gripping onto him for support. It made Aaron smile for a second and then he instantly looked back at Robert, they were still holding hands when Aaron calmed himself down and just decided to sit there with Robert in silence. They didn't need to say anything really.

  
The door opened and Victoria and Aaron's eyes met instantly, she offered him a small smile and Aaron stood uncomfortably, wondering if she would ask him to leave. Instead she ran up to him and hugged him fiercely, crying into his shoulder, "Adam told me what happened," she whispered as she finally pulled away.

  
Aaron instantly felt sick, "I'm so sorry." He said, not knowing if she'd hate him for causing her brother to crash.

  
Victoria shook her head, "Don't be, it's not your fault - he would have turned back anyway." She said knowingly before approaching the bed and kissing her brother's head lovingly. "We were on the way back home when the car broke down. I thought it was a sign or something. We were in some crummy hotel when Adam called."

  
Aaron's eyes were glassy, "How'dya get back then?" He asked, making conversation.

  
Victoria looked up, "Rang a mate, Diane and Andy wanted to come but I didn't want to worry them too much. Not after dad."

  
Aaron felt guilty suddenly, "I'm so sorry about that." He whispered and she seemed touched.

  
"You wasn't to know." Victoria smiled sadly, "I'm just glad you're here for him now." She looked back at her brother and then Adam cleared his throat by the door. A doctor stepped inside and held a clipboard.

  
"We're going to begin surgery as soon as possible." The doctor said softly, his eyes on Aaron at first.

  
Aaron's eyes widened, "He's strong enough?" He didn't think he was, he looked so vulnerable.

  
The doctor nodded, "He hasn't deteriorated over the hours so -"

  
"This surgery, it's - there could be risks?" Victoria whispered to him, as if trying to not let Aaron hear and worry.

  
"Like any surgery of course, but we are confident that things will go as planned for Mr Sugden." The doctor smiled weakly and then turned back towards the door. "Just a few more hours and then he'll be on the road to recovery."

  
"We hope." Aaron said almost to himself as Victoria looked back at Robert and Adam walked towards her, a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

  
Aaron stared down at his hands and still could see the stains of blood there, tainting him entirely and making him feel sick.

  
_If he dies, it's on you. All you_.

 

***

 

The doctor and another nurse walked through the door, they were talking amongst themselves before they turned to Victoria and Aaron.

  
"We're going to take him now," the doctor said, straight forward and direct.

  
Aaron frowned hard, "No, no he's not strong enough yet - ya can't take him now. He'll die if ya do."

  
Victoria gasped sharply, " _Aaron_ , don't say that for God's sake." She had a hand on her head and shook it hard.

  
Aaron had tears in his eyes, "No just _listen_ , he's weak. Just a bit longer and then maybe -"

  
"Aaron you have to let him go, he needs this surgery." Victoria snapped at Aaron and suddenly Adam came through the doors holding coffee's for them all.

  
Aaron sniffed and walked towards Adam, "Ad make 'em listen please."

  
Adam frowned like he always did when he was concerned, "Woah, woah what's wrong?"

  
Victoria sighed, "They're taking Rob to surgery and - he won't let 'em."

  
"Yeah 'cause he's _not strong enough_ Ad," Aaron knew that he wasn't being helpful, that in fact he was just making things more difficult but he couldn't stop the fear inside from sizzling out.

  
"Bro I think the doc knows what's what though eh?" Adam said softly.

  
Aaron had tears in his eyes again, "But what if he doesn't come back? What if they take him now and he just -"

  
Adam shook his head, "You can't keep thinking the worst man. Look you're not letting him go for good okay? He's just getting some help and then he'll be straight back here."

  
Victoria suddenly walked towards Aaron and squeezed his arm, "It'll be fine, he won't give up." She said before looking at Robert and kissing his cheek. "Don't let me down Rob," she warned before pulling away.

  
Aaron walked slowly towards Robert and hated how still he was, "I meant what I said about you having to be strong, you can't give up." He kissed his head. "I love you so much." He added, tears falling down his cheeks.

  
The next minute he knew he was being ushered out the room and Robert was being prepped for surgery. He closed his eyes and looked towards the floor, breathing in and out shakily before he watched them take Robert away, he wanted to follow him and this time not let anyone part their hands but he didn't. Instead he stayed there as if he was glued to the floor, as if his heart was to numb to cry.

 

***

 

Victoria offered him a smile and a coffee as if it would make everything alright but it didn't, maybe Aaron was a cynic or just really fucked up but all he could think of was something going wrong. It was almost like he was waiting for shit to hit the fan properly this time and it was making him feel sick.

  
He took the coffee nonetheless, and felt Victoria looking at him as they sat there. "Yeah?" Aaron offered, a little harshly and Victoria looked away as if giving up on what she was about to say.

  
"Ya know since I was a kid it was always Robert that I worried about. I mean he left for years but I actually remembering spending a birthday wish on him being okay." Victoria seemed like she was trying to hold it together. "I was about thirteen, cake with the candles right in front of me and I blew them out after wishing that he was doing well, that he was happy."

  
Aaron didn't know what to say, felt awkward a little but then he moved a hand over to hold hers.

  
"I've always been scared of this happening, me getting a call about him ending up here." Victoria looked at Aaron. "And before you say anything about this being your fault and not his, well it's neither of your faults. Sometimes things just happen and - I never thought that he'd have someone other than me waiting outside for him."

  
Victoria gulped, "I'm glad you're here." She admitted shyly. "I really am."

  
Aaron frowned, "I don't get why you don't hate me, really. I mean I forgot him, and I couldn't just let him drive away and -"

  
Victoria had tears in her eyes, "Rob's never felt this way before about anyone, I know it. I know that he would have driven down the road, regretted it and turned back because he couldn't give up on ya even if he tried." Her voice softened and made Aaron try to stop blaming himself for a little bit.

  
"What if he does though? Vic, what if he doesn't wake up?" Aaron had fear rising up inside him and Victoria looked a little unsettled before she smiled at him.

  
"Nah, he wouldn't do that." Victoria said with a shrug, "He knows you love him, that's all he wanted and now he has that," she squeezed his hand. "He isn't going anywhere, trust me." She winked and Aaron actually smiled, forcing the shape of his mouth and the brightness of his eyes to appear.

 

***

 

Adam looked at him, observed what he was wearing and sighed. "How about you go back to mine? Freshen up and then come back when he's out of surgery."

  
Aaron frowned hard, "You serious?"

  
Adam looked awkwardly at his best friend, "Yeah ... look ya can't _actually_ do anything now can you?"

  
"The least I can do is be _here_ for him, not just bail on him when he needs me most." Aaron stood abruptly and thought about following Victoria to the canteen, just to escape Adam's ridiculous suggestions.

  
"I've already done that, left 'em when he needed me with his dad, I _can't_ do that again." Aaron was almost marching down the hall and Adam turned him quickly. Strong hands on Aaron's arms.

  
" _Wait_." Adam pushed out. "This isn't you anymore, you don't fly of the handle every time -" he saw the way Aaron was looking at him and he felt his heart sink for his friend who so clearly would completely fall apart if Robert didn't make it.

  
Instead of tough love Adam pulled Aaron towards him and hugged him, the sound of passers by and babies crying and phones ringing made Aaron try to escape further into Adam's chest, desperate for it all to just _stop_.

  
Adam pulled away quickly and Aaron frowned until he turned and saw the doctor looking at them. It had been hours yet not long enough and Aaron felt like crying as he saw the man look down towards the floor and then look up again.

  
"Come on then," Adam said shakily. "Is he alright - is he -"

  
The doctor looked towards Aaron who had his head towards the floor, just waiting. "It's been a success -"

  
_It's been a success._

  
Everything melted around, _nothing_ mattered because it had been a success and Adam was patting his back and whispering something reassuring and Aaron was falling to the ground, catching his breath and feeling nothing but relief flow through him.

 

  
_It's been a success._

 

_It's been a success._

 

_It's been a success._

 

 

***

 

 

Victoria had a hand over her mouth and flung her arms around Adam, swaying for at least a minute until Aaron cleared his throat and they both blushed awkwardly.

  
"Can we see him?" Victoria had tears in her eyes as she walked towards Aaron and gripped his hands.

  
Aaron gulped, a little nervous about doing that suddenly but then he settled himself. Robert was unconscious still, he wouldn't have to face him properly yet and feel racked with guilt.

  
"Yeah I think we can." Aaron said softly, forcing a smile on his face and then watching as Victoria led the way.

 

***

 

Aaron saw the scar on his chest, he saw the way his foot was bandaged and his face was pale. It made him nervous, it made his mouth dive down towards his hand and chew his nails relentlessly.

  
Victoria kissed his head and held his hand and it was touching, it _touched_ Aaron after hearing about the years of worry she has gone through over her brother. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to worry anymore, that he'd look after Robert for as long as he would be allowed to.

  
"Hey, I knew you wouldn't give up." Victoria smiled softly, she was being so gentle, almost motherly and her voice made Aaron relax a little against the wall.

  
"Nah Robert would prefer or more dramatic ending than that." Adam said, laughing a little and easing some tension.

  
Victoria looked towards Aaron who was still standing by the door, eyes fixed on the bed, on Robert.

  
"Come and talk to him," Victoria said, nodding her head and touching Robert's arm.

  
Aaron went to speak but held back, he didn't want to ruin what Victoria and Robert were sharing, despite her insistence.

  
Victoria looked back at her brother a little defeated, "Don't you want to see Aaron?"

  
Adam held his breath, "Vic maybe just leave -"

  
Victoria looked up at Adam and frowned, she missed it but Aaron didn't. He saw his hand twitch, he saw Robert _move_.  
Aaron gasped, loud enough for attention to fall on him.

  
"Aaron, what? What is it?" Adam said, all concerned and worried.

  
Aaron gulped hard, "He moved," he pointed shakily at Robert's hand. "He moved when -"

  
"When I said your name," Victoria realised with a shaky smile on her face, she looked back at Robert. "Rob, Rob it's me Vic, Aaron's here, come on open your eyes for us yeah? Aaron's -"

  
He did it again, this time his heart rate almost jumped through the roof and Aaron held his breath as Victoria stared wide eyed at her brother who was slowly twisting his fingers.

  
Robert heard the voice, he _heard_ Victoria and then thought of Aaron. Aaron, _Aaron_. He couldn't stop the way his heart was hammering inside his chest, he felt as though he had been away from him for years and he ached. He breathed hardly and blinked, bright light making him want to hide away until he heard Victoria's voice again - coaxing him out of his state.

  
He opened his eyes fully, seeing her face and feeling his heart melt before -

  
"Aaron," he gasped the name out, using all the energy he had left. "Aaron, _Aaron_ where's -" he remembered his car, he remembered driving towards Aaron - did he hit him? Was he - was he  _dead_.

  
Aaron couldn't believe his ears, he felt tears spill over his eyes as he looked towards the bed, his feet racing towards it and then his eyes meeting Robert's - remembering a thousand more kisses and soft touches.

  
His hands fitted into Robert's and he sank down a little, "Oh gosh, oh Rob thank God." He was sobbing, _fully_ sobbing his heart out and Victoria was doing the same, Adam was her anchor as he held her and looked towards his best mate.

  
"We'll let you have a bit of time yeah?" Adam reasoned before taking Victoria by the hand and guiding her out of the room.

  
Aaron felt a hand in his hair after a few second and he raised his head quickly. Robert was just staring at him.

  
"My _beautiful_ boy," Robert whispered, tears swimming in his eyes as he saw how Aaron looked. The younger man's face was flushed and red and he had small dark, _deep_ circles under his eyes that made him Robert realise he hadn't been home, he'd hardly slept.

  
Aaron kissed Robert's hand lovingly and then rested against it, suddenly there were no words to say, suddenly nothing mattered but the steady beating of Robert's heart.

 

***

 

Robert stroked Aaron's hair again and then winced, Aaron looked up, eyes alert and wide and filled with worry.

  
"Should I get a nurse?" Aaron asked, already rising to his feet.

  
Robert shook his head, "No, _stay_ here with him. Don't leave." He said, panic building up inside him all at once until Aaron settled back down in the chair.

  
Aaron chewed on his lip, "I'm never going to leave ya again, I _promise_." He vowed, his face serious as he gripped Robert's hands.

  
Robert smiled and closed his eyes for a second, "That's good." He whispered before hearing the sound of Aaron crying and opening them again.

  
Aaron was sat there, tears running down his face and guilt on his mind.

  
"Hey, shh, please don't cry." Robert forced out weakly, "I hate it when you cry Aaron," he whispered, making small circles into Aaron's hands.

  
Aaron pulled his hands away, "Don't be nice to me." He said, "Don't you understand what I did?"

  
Robert frowned softly, "Aaron you didn't do anything wrong." He said gently, "I mean it."

  
Aaron shook his head, "I - I thought you were d-dead." He stammered, hands shaking all over the place.

  
Robert closed his eyes, remembered the crash and opened them again, almost instantly.

  
"I could have lost ya, and - and I'd just -"

  
"You remembered," Robert whispered, he would never ever be able to describe how he felt when he picked up the phone and heard Aaron say that he remembered them, that he loved him.

  
Aaron sniffed, "Of course I did." He whispered softly before meeting Robert's eyes. " _Soulmate_." He added, still just a whisper escaping his lips.

  
Robert held his breath suddenly because he realised that _this was the explanation,_  this was why Aaron had remembered him, why he always was going to remember him.

  
"Soulmates?" Robert said finally.

  
Aaron nodded, "I remember you saying something about fate bringing up together," Robert smiled, he remembered that particular pillow talk session. "It must be true then, this was always meant to happen, me and you were always _meant_ to -"

  
"I love you so much Aaron," Robert couldn't force it in anymore, he couldn't force down his feelings and make them be reserved for later. He _had_ to say it, he'd say it to everyone, anyone who would listen.

  
Aaron felt his heart melt as he stood up and hovered over Robert's face, a fallen angel he thought as he brushed their lips together. "I love ya too." He whispered, kissing him gently and finally pulling a hand through Robert's hair, the soft locks were almost too beautiful to ignore.

 

***

 

The door opened slowly and Aaron looked up and felt guilty for the amount of time he'd stolen away with Robert. It must have been an hour at least.

  
Victoria came through the door and the doctor followed behind her.

  
"Glad to see you awake Mr Sugden." The doctor smiled.

  
"Yeah you're not the only one." Victoria mumbled under her breath, ruffling Robert's hair playfully.

  
"You'll be in here for at least a couple of weeks." The doctor said sofly, "Make sure you get back on your feet properly."

  
Robert nodded and then looked towards Aaron. "You'll have to leave at some point ya know." He tried to joke and Aaron just smiled, lovesick.

  
"Thanks doc." Robert said before he watched the doctor disappear out of the door.

  
Victoria looked at Robert as if she wanted to say something and Aaron noticed and looked at Robert too.

  
"I uh. I'm going to ring the garage - let 'em know that I'm not coming in." Aaron smiled before kissing at Robert's cheek. "I won't be long." He added with a whisper.

  
As the door closed Adam walked in and Robert could feel the tension in the room.

  
"Is something wrong?" Robert said, his heart tightening because it felt like they both wanted to say something.

  
Adam cleared his throat. "Listen uh, it's Aaron. He - he was in a really dark place last night. He was a _mess_ really." He spoke darkly, almost whispering it all and it made Robert feel nervous.

  
Victoria nodded in agreement, "He kept blaming himself."

  
Robert frowned and gulped hard, "For what? What do you mean, it wasn't his fault,"

  
Adam pinched his nose and came closer to the bed, "Look ya know about - about _Jackson_  right? What happened to him, the car accident and -"

  
Robert's heart sank as he realised the connections, he could tell the differences but Aaron, if he was a mess then he wouldn't allow himself to see them. He'd simply blame himself.

  
"Oh God, he - he doesn't think that he's to blame for _all_ of this?" Robert cried out, feeling sick. "No - he can't carry that guilt."  
Adam shook his head, "He rang ya and ya crashed, _just_ like what happened before. Look I've tried telling him not to think like that but, it's _Aaron_ innit."

  
Robert nodded, deep in thought before Adam sighed.

  
"There's something else too." Adam said, looking at Victoria and then Robert. "He doesn't know _why_ he forget ya. He doesn't remember the -"

  
Robert's whole body stiffened. "The luv spell?" He whispered almost to himself. "How can he not remember _that_?"

  
Victoria shook her head, perplexed.

  
"I have no idea." Adam sighed. "But I didn't want to tell him, I didn't know how he'd react." He admitted.

  
Robert nodded, "Good, look let's just forget it. Maybe he'll never know, I can live with that though."

  
"You couldn't a few days ago." Adam frowned.

  
"Yeah well nearly dying has the tendency to put things in perspective you know?" Robert snapped before sighing. "Look all I want -  _no_ all I _need_ is Aaron, that's it and I'm not letting anything get in the way of that."

 

 

***

 

Aaron could tell Robert wanted to say something, he was sitting up in bed now and had a glass of water raised to his lips as if he was preparing himself for something. "What's wrong?" Aaron chewed on his lip and then looked down at himself, "Other than the way I look."

  
Robert put the glass down and looked at Aaron, he had missed how blue his eyes were. "You're beautiful." He shrugged before smiling as Aaron ducked his head shyly.

  
"You're charming." Aaron said back before clearing his throat and then seeing Robert's face, he appeared almost nervous about what he was going to say.

  
"Aaron," Robert has a hand over Aaron's. "If it was the other way around, if you'd been hit by another car and ended up in here - I would have blamed myself too."

  
Aaron shifted uncomfortably because he _knew_ that Adam had probably told Robert about the mess he was in the night before.

  
"It's normal at first I think, but then you clear your head and see that it wasn't your fault at all. Right?" Robert ducked his head and then begged for Aaron to tell him what he wanted to hear.

  
"It isn't like that though Rob." Aaron whispered, "This _was_ my fault." He pointed out. "I rang you when you were driving and it was pouring down with rain and you _crashed_."

  
Robert gulped hard, "Aaron I dropped the phone when you told me to turn around, _before_ the car -" he stopped himself short and then sighed. "This _isn't_ like before."

  
Aaron pulled his hand away quickly and then he had tears in his eyes. "Of course it is." He pushed out. "This time though, this time I thought I'd killed ya there and then." His voice was high and panicked and Robert pulled him closer until he was sitting on the bed with him.

  
"Stop torturing yourself like that." Robert chastised the younger man and then pulled his hand up so that Aaron's hand was over Robert's chest. "Feel that? I'm _alive_ , I'm _here_ with you and I'm not going anywhere."

  
Aaron became overwhelmed suddenly, his need to catch his breath startled him and suddenly he was falling into Robert and gripping his arms tightly as the older man whispered, 'I love you, we're safe' over and over again.

 

 

***

 

Robert was playing with Aaron's hair again after having to make a small space in the bed for them both to fit. Victoria had gone back with Adam and Aaron couldn't help but smile shyly as they walked off together hand in hand back to his. Diane and Andy weren't coming, Robert decided there was no point and they should just go back to Emmerdale instead of having to spend anymore of their time on hospital wards.

  
Aaron kissed Robert's shoulder, "Ya think I could stay here then, without being kicked out?"

  
Robert scoffed, a hand finding a loose curl. "Yeah of course, I'll just say you wouldn't leave me alone."

  
Aaron slapped at Robert's arm and smiled, "The nurses would probably agree with ya on that, I mean I was pretty much incapable of showing how _pathetically_ in love with you I am."

  
Robert knew he was just making conversation but he couldn't help but feel sad, imaging what a wreck Aaron must have been. He didn't want to think about it.

  
Aaron yawned gently against Robert, "You must be exhausted." Robert realised, kissing Aaron's head. "Sleep, come on." He almost ordered.

  
Aaron nodded, "Love you." He said, parting words before his eyelids drooped and he felt at peace.

  
Robert ducked his head and inhaled the same scent that lingered on Aaron's purple hoodie, "Love you too." He whispered back, able to fall asleep with the smell of Aaron making him feel completely relaxed.

 

 

***

 

Aaron had his hair washed, still wet and held a packet of grapes out in front of him.

  
"Hey sexy," Robert said as Aaron entered the room. Aaron raised an eyebrow, biting down on his lip.

  
Robert had definitely perked up over the last few days. He had a brighter smile and no longer winced in pain at times.

  
Aaron kissed him softly before passing him the packet, "Here you are." He said sweetly.

  
Robert raised an eyebrow. "Grapes?" He said, gulping hard. Aaron looked a little hurt and Robert pulled him closer by the waist. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

  
Aaron shrugged and tore a grape off, "No idea mate." He said.

 

 

***

 

"What happens when I get out of here?" The question hung in the air and made Aaron raise his head nervously.

  
"What do you mean?" Aaron chewed the remainder of his sandwich and then gulped it down. "With us?" He was nervous all of a sudden.

  
Robert shook his head, "I mean, where do we _live_? Where do we _go_?" He asked, "I've just moved out of mine and - you're currently living with Adam."

  
Aaron blinked, thought about it and just sighed. "We'll work something out." He said with a small smile.

  
Robert was silent for a second and then raised his head. "Come to Emmerdale with me."

  
Aaron shot his head up. "You what?" He asked, Emmerdale - Robert's old village, the place he was going to go and gave a fresh start in.

  
"We could have a life there, me and you and - and it could be amazing." Robert said, smiling almost foolishly. "I've made up with them all, even Katie you know?"

  
Aaron raised an eyebrow and his heart aches, "Yeah?"

  
Robert nodded, "You have to meet my little niece and nephew too, they'd love you."

  
Aaron smiled, "Yes." He decided softly, he'd follow Robert to the ends of the earth.

  
"Yes what?" Robert asked, confused because he'd been wrapped up in thoughts about seeing them again.

  
"I'll come back to Emmerdale with you." Aaron said before kissing Robert hard on the lips.

 

  
They'd have a fresh start, _together_.

 

 

***

 

Victoria followed Aaron towards the vending machine, "Aaron," she called and he turned around.

  
"You alright?" Aaron asked, not meeting her eye because it was all a bit awkward considering he'd walked in on Adam and her that morning in his room. She was staying there at the moment and so was Aaron considering his flat wasn't his flat anymore now that Ed was in France.

  
"I've told Rob about this morning, ya know me and -" Victoria began and Aaron pulled a face.

  
"Oh, how did that go?" Aaron smiled, a little playfully.

  
"Fine. I mean, he's mates with him and -"

  
"Adam's a good bloke, a _really_ good bloke actually." Aaron remembered how he had broken down again earlier, thanking Adam for how amazing he'd been throughout everything.

  
"Yeah, yeah he is." Victoria blushed before her eyes glistened. "Maybe we can double date?"

  
Aaron pulled a face and then laughed, actually _laughed_. It had been a week since his whole world had fallen apart and only now was he able to laugh and feel numbingly happy again. It was everything he wanted.

 

 

***

 

Aaron didn't know why but he bought flowers the next day, it was mainly to take the piss considering all the nurses kept telling Robert how lucky he was having someone like Aaron being there day and night.

  
He turned the corner and then heard someone inside Robert's room talking to him. Whoever it was, he was talking to Robert. He was whispering quickly.

 

  
_I came as quickly as I heard, I saw it on the news, I recognised your car._

 

  
Aaron frowned, something flickered inside him and he remembered the voice.

 

  
Aaron couldn't help the way he was look at him. Stare and remember how he had made him feel, 'Divine Heart Ache' seemed to stick in his mind but he didn't understand what it meant.

  
Robert looked at Aaron and then looked away.

  
"You need to leave, right now." Robert said harshly. "Connor I mean it."

  
Connor held his hand up slowly and then shook his head, "I just wanted to check that you were okay. I _care_."

  
Aaron tensed and walked further into the room, "Well you don't have to _care_. I'm here for that, not you."

  
Connor seemed almost startled by the words and then cleared his throat. "I thought you'd be gone by now, _free_." He said, a smug smile on his face as he saw her confusion.

  
_Free_. What did that mean?

  
Robert felt his heart hammer in his chest wildly because he knew that Connor _could_ spill the truth out about -

  
"Can you just go please. Rob doesn't even want ya here." Aaron said, deciding to ignore everything he'd heard.

  
Connor caught sight of the flowers Aaron was holding and walked towards him. "They're nice aren't they?" Robert gulped hard as he saw them, he was touched. Connor smiled, "It's lovely how all is forgotten." He said bitterly.

  
Aaron's eyes flickered and he saw the look on Robert's face. "What's he on about?"

 

"Nothing." Robert said quickly, too quickly.

 

Connor's eyes practically glistened. "Hold on, you don't know?"

 

Aaron held in his breath. "Don't know what?"

 

"Connor don't -"

  
" - About the luv spell you were under. You know the _very_  reason why you fell in love in the first place." Connor's words hung in the air and made Aaron stare wide eyed at him.

  
"Opps." Connor smiled. "You didn't remember that part? Didn't you wonder why you had forgotten?"

  
Aaron shook his head, "He's lying." Aaron looked at Robert and his heart fell. The older man's head was down in shame and he couldn't look up, he just _couldn't_.

  
Aaron felt tears prick his eyes, luv spell? Lovealtheist. That didn't even exist? It was something in sappy romantic movies, something Aaron had always found _odd_. Something that had always unsettled him.

  
"Oh no, no he's - you put me under a _spell_?" Aaron chocked the words our and everything came flooding back. Suddenly he couldn't breath and he was staggering back in shock. "You - you tricked me into feeling the way I do?"

  
Robert pulled himself up on the bed and shook his head with all his mite. " _No_ , no it - it broke, it ended and you forget me until we _finally_ found each other again."

  
Connor looked out of place but stayed, enjoying it all a little.

  
"Aaron it shouldn't have happened but it _did_ because like you said we're -"

  
"No. No we're not." Aaron snapped angrily, hot tears falling as he stared at Robert. "I don't even know you." He said shakily. "You're just - just some guy who manipulates me into loving him. You're sick Rob."

  
Robert felt his heart break. "Please Aaron - we love each other, you can't deny that."

  
Aaron couldn't, he wanted to but he couldn't so instead he just sighed. "I don't know _anything_  anymore." He backed towards the door and Robert tried desperately to make him stay.

  
"You said you wouldn't leave me, please _don't_ do this." Robert begged, he wasn't afraid to cry now, not over Aaron.

  
Aaron looked at him, his eyes staring right at the man he loved and he ran, he ran away like he always seemed to do when things became too much.

 

***

 

Victoria approached the room and her eyes widened in horror as she saw her brother crying into his pillow.

  
"Rob? Babe what's - where's Aaron? Are you hurt?" Victoria panicked, her voice high.

  
Robert looked up, "He's gone. He found out and - he's _gone_ Vic. I've lost him." He sobbed, feeling Victoria grab him closer.

 

  
_I've lost him._

 

 

A week later and nothing had changed, Aaron had walked out that day and hadn't come back. He'd wised up and realised who Robert was, a manipulator, a monster.

  
Victoria kept telling him to stay positive, she had been great. She hadn't mentioned him, seeing her brother wince every time she tried.

  
Adam had stopped visiting as much too and Robert found himself alone for hours on end, waiting for something, for anything to change as he came more and more secluded from the world.

  
"Free to go Mr Sugden." The doctor smiled, three days later and he was apparently fit and healthy now.

  
He thought about going home and realised he didn't have one of those, he would have to stay at a hotel that night he realised because there was no way that he would be staying at Adam's with Aaron and his sister.

 

 

***

 

  
Robert packed his small bag and looked towards the small vase filled with the pretty flowers Aaron had left behind before he ran. They had all died now, decayed petals cluttered the unit and Robert wanted to scoop them up and try to make them flower again, it was pointless, just an analogy of his situation really and it stuck in his mind as he realised it wouldn't work. It was impossible, like every single thing else seemed to be.

 

 

***

 

Victoria and Adam were having a domestic the next night about what would happen between them when Victoria moved back to Yorkshire. She sobbed down the phone to her brother and Robert knew why Adam was torn about following them. It wasn't about work, it was about leaving Aaron. Of course it was about Aaron.

 

_Aaron. Always Aaron._

 

_**Always.** _

 

 

***

 

  
Robert found himself sitting at the bar, in _the_ bar and he felt odd. He found a comfort as he sat on the same stool and peered around the room, bodies moving to the music care - free and loose. Robert had a whiskey out in front of him and a voice told him not to drink it with his medication, of course it was Victoria's.

  
He did though, one wouldn't hurt and all that.

  
It numbed the pain, the realisation that he would never escape what he had with Aaron. That he would always look for him somehow, circle back to the same spots. He'd sit there and think about the fact that his life mirrored how it was before Aaron even entered it. Alone, tipsy at a bar because someone who he loved found out that he had Lovealthesit and it ruined literally everything.

  
He thought of Aaron and wanted him instantly, wanted to know if he was okay, if he still loved him, if after everything they could possibly -

  
"All on your own then?" It felt like everything else just stopped around him, all he could concentrate was what he heard, the _voice_ , Aaron's - exactly the first thing he had said when they met.

  
Robert turned around slowly, wondering if he was dreaming as Aaron stood there. He was wearing all black just like before and he had this nervous look on his face like he didn't know what to say next. Robert couldn't take his eyes off him, he felt himself fall in love all over again.

  
"Get me a drink then." Aaron said, sitting next to Robert at the bar and staring straight ahead.

  
"I -" Robert tried but Aaron cut him off quickly by extending his hand.

  
"My name's Aaron, I'm twenty four, a mechanic, I have this guy who - who I don't think I can fall out of love with even if I tried. You see I think we're soulmates or something like that so he loves me too and _because_ I know that, it doesn't matter that I also know he'll screw up and we'll argue and get angry and tell each other things we don't mean."

  
Robert had tears in his eyes as he heard Aaron speak straight from the heart.

  
"What's important is that we'll always find our way back to each other, no matter what."

  
Robert couldn't speak, too emotional to even try so instead he shook his hand and then placed his hand over Aaron's and stared down at them, both of their hands together so perfectly. Nothing could tear that apart. Here, he thought, in the same bar, where they first met, they'd start again and this time things would be _different_ , he wasn't letting Aaron go this time, he'd never give him a reason to.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened! I couldn't resist being all happy and sappy at the end soz. So much happened and I apprecaite that it was a LOT to take in but I'd so love to hear what parts worked for you in amongst the madness lol. So one more chapter (epilogue) which ties up loose ends and really just is fluffy af so look forward to that guys. I really hope you liked the direction this took and I didn't disappoint. Once again THANK YOU to every single one of you who leaves a lovely comment after reading, it means the absolute world to me honestly. Thanks for all the support for this fic guys, love you lots - come and say hi on tumblr - littlelooneyluna


	32. New beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert look towards the future and talk openly about what they want to take place as living together becomes a topic of conversation as well as marriage, family and beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER ALERT!!!! 
> 
> SO IF YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR PLS VISIT MY TUMBLR (littlelooneyluna) FOR YOUR PATIENCE SAINT HONOURY BADGE BECAUSE HONESTLY ... THE LEVEL OF FLUFF THAT THIS CHAPTER OFFERS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING. 
> 
> IT IS SET STRAIGHT AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER AND THEN GOES THROUGH THE AFTERMATH OF THEIR REUINION UP UNIL A CERTAIN DATE. PLEASE OH PLEASE ENJOY THIS LAST CHAPTER GUYS, IT IS DEDICATED TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE LEFT ME A LOVELY MESSAGE AND SUPPORTED ME SO MUCH. 
> 
> okay enough shouting now ... happy reading ;)

  
_ 12th September _

 

They sat at the bar for hours, just like before. They stumbled out late that night, just like before. They kissed, Aaron pushed against the wall, just like before.

  
Only this time it didn't end there, this time Robert was whispering, "Hotel, you and me, _now_."

 

Aaron had never felt so ludicrously happy before. It was almost as if he was high on something as Robert pulled and tugged at his clothes and they fell onto the bed, ripping off clothes and deepening hot and passionate kisses.

  
Robert looked down at Aaron and saw the want in his eyes, he had to catch his breathe because he had worked hard, so hard trying to convince himself that he'd never see it again.

  
"You want me?" Robert said shakily, eyes fixed on Aaron's and a hand on the younger man's chest, desperate to listen to his heartbeat and _try_ to understand and figure it all out before things went further.

  
Aaron gulped hard, a feeling rushing through him as he heard the worry and uncertainty in Robert's voice. He had spent long enough mopping around Adam's to know that he wasn't going to let a fucking spell (an expired one) ruin how he _knew_ he felt about Robert. He loved him, he loved him wholeheartedly and that was that.

  
Aaron studied the look on Robert's face and then lifted his hand up so that he could cup the older man's face. "Of course I do." He almost panted before pulling Robert towards him and moaning into his mouth before kissing him again and again.

  
_I missed ya, I missed ya so much._

  
Robert pulled off his top and then kissed at Aaron again before he froze, "Are you sure?" He didn't know what he was saying or where it was all coming from but he had to say it, get it off his chest because - it was _still_ there, inside.

  
_Does he want me, or is it just the spell still messing with his head?_

  
Aaron went to speak, a hand coming towards Robert's chest but the older man shook his head.

  
"Aaron I _love_ ya so much, I can't - can't do _this_ ," he pointed to Aaron and then himself, referring to sex and making Aaron blush, "If you don't really want me, if _you_ don't -"

  
Aaron pulled himself up on the bed and joined their hands together making Robert shake.

  
"I nearly lost ya, it made everything clear again in here," he pointed to his temple, "I _love_  ya Rob. _Me_. Not 'cause of some spell or anything else, just - just _because_ ... okay?" He had tears in his eyes and Robert nodded very slowly as he he was spending time trying to take in the information.

  
Robert let out a shallow breathe, hands shaking and then squeezing at Aaron's. "Okay." He finally let out before feeling Aaron draw closer to him until their lips were brushing and then bruising.

  
"Let me show ya how much I want ya," Aaron panted, before suddenly taking control and swiftly pushing Robert down on the bed so that the older man was laid out on the bed.

  
Robert closed his eyes then, just for a second, and almost felt like crying because for so long he had ached for this, _all_ of this.

  
Aaron fumbled with Robert's shirt before leaning over and turning off the lamp on the bedside table, the only light in the room.

  
Robert opened his eyes suddenly and put it back again, turning to a confused Aaron he pulled the younger man even closer. "I want to see you, _all_ of you Aaron." He whispered almost shyly.

 

Aaron blushed and Robert kissed and -

 

The lamp stayed on, illuminating the room and causing a soft amber glow.

 

 

***

 

  
_ 13 September _

 

 

Robert woke up with a start because he was sure he had dreamt the night before. Surely it was all a dream.

  
The light poured into the room, blinding him for a second and causing him to look down, he gasped as he saw him, _Aaron_ , laying beside him, his hand thrown almost protectively over Robert's stomach as if he had tried to cling to him the whole night.

  
It wasn't a dream, it had happened and -

 

Aaron came back to him, Aaron _loved_ him enough to come back to him.

 

Robert couldn't help but pull a hand through Aaron's hair, curls everywhere just how he liked it. Aaron's face was so soft, so gentle and free of all worry and pain and for a second Robert relished in the thought of himself being responsible for that.

 

_You're making him happy, finally you're doing it._

 

Aaron's eyes opened and he smiled sleepily as he saw Robert staring at him. "You just staring at me then?" He grumbled almost blushing really.

  
Robert leaned closer, "I can't resist staring at your gorgeous face when it's the first thing I see in the morning." He cupped Aaron's face and then felt his heart melt as Aaron titled his head so that he kissed Robert's hand tenderly.

  
Robert ducked his head a little, "I can't believe you're here." He whispered almost blushing. They hadn't spoke much the night before after a first and second and third round of ' _God I've missed this'_ rounds of mind blowing sex.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders loosely, "Where else would I be?"

  
Robert shook his head and scoffed, "As far away from me as possible." He sighed as he felt Aaron stroke his arm. "I didn't blame you, you know when - when you -"

  
Aaron looked at him seriously, "I shouldn't have ran off like I did." He said, his mind back to the hours he spent in Adam's flat, crying and shouting and feeling confused. But then feeling all of that just melt away until all he felt was love, deep rooted love for Robert that was frankly unshakeable. "But I needed time, to get my head around things ya know?"

  
Robert nodded and then pulled the covers a little further over them, "I know. You can ask me anything you like about - about the Lovealthesit." It was hard to say and he nearly felt ashamed.

  
Aaron was silent for a second before he looked at Robert, "You've done this before? Chrissie, I remember the name." He said slowly. "Only other person was me?"

  
Robert nodded quickly, "I didn't make a habit of it."

  
Aaron raised an eyebrow, "You said it to Chrissie because you wanted her to love ya forever, wanted her to love ya back? But me, I was just a mistake yeah?"

  
For a second Robert felt scared, panic set in and he was desperately frozen as he watched Aaron look at the white sheets in front of him. He raised his head and shook his head.

  
"I'm not angry, I'm just tryna understand." Aaron said cautiously and Robert relaxed a little before kissing Aaron's forehead.

  
"The _best_ so called mistake I ever made." Robert whispered, sending a shudder through Aaron as he heard the words.

  
Aaron ducked his head and then bit his lip, looking serious all of a sudden. "I don't want ya to feel ashamed of the spell, of your condition." He tucked his head into Robert's neck as if he seeker the ultimate comfort from him. "It bought me to ya." He whispered and Robert gulped back a wave of emotions.

  
"Yeah?" Robert's voice was shaky because he couldn't believe that Aaron was accepting it, accepting _him_ and not hating him at all for it.

  
Aaron nodded against Robert and then wrapped an arm around the older man. "This is for keeps ya know? I realised that after a few hours of feeling sorry for myself and angry at you. What we have is for keeps." He said honestly, holding nothing back.

  
Robert couldn't believe, he looked down at the man in his arms and never felt so lucky. "For keeps." He agreed before kissing down at Aaron's hair again.

 

***

 

  
_ 16th September _

 

Robert had his coat thrown protectively over Aaron and they were walking back to Adam's for a drink. Tomorrow they were heading back to Yorkshire, scattering Jack's ashes and - they hadn't got further than that. Adam was pretty dead set on moving there into Victoria's cottage because he was apparently falling madly in love with her and a poxy flat in London wasn't holding him back from that, not when there was a possibility that Aaron would be joining them all too.

  
Robert shivered a little in his suit and Aaron tutted loudly, "You twat."

  
Robert frowned at Aaron, unable to resist smiling as well. "What?"

  
"I asked ya if you were cold and you said no." Aaron began pulling Robert's coat off of his shoulders but then Robert pulled away.

  
"Keep it, you're cold." Robert reasoned as he smiled playfully. He never thought they'd get to be like this, happy and care free and walking the streets of London in the middle of the night after having an actual _date_.

  
Aaron smirked and then walked up to Robert before shoving the coat in his hand and running up the empty road.

  
Robert gasped playfully, "Let me keep you warm!" He shouted down the road until he watched Aaron stand still and turn to his right as if he had seen someone.

  
Robert followed and then stopped as he saw Connor walking out of an almost broken down club. The lights illuminated the pavements and then faded out for a few minutes before shining back again.

  
Connor didn't seem drunk and Robert was grateful for that at least. "You two again eh, back together are we?" He had sadness in his voice and Robert just pulled at Aaron's hand protectively.

  
"Let's go." Robert whispered into Aaron's ear softly but the younger man just shook his head and walked closer to Connor.

  
"You're so bitter. Twisted. Jealous. Yet you know what? I feel _sorry_ for ya, 'cause he won't ever love ya like he loves me." Aaron spoke sternly and Connor looked away. "You really thought you could ruin the feelings we had for each other?"

  
"He did that all by himself, the minute he put you under a spell." Connor said, staring at Robert.

  
"It would have been a different story if it was _you_ he was putting under a spell though eh?" Aaron saw the way Connor's eyes flickered, he'd well and truly touched a nerve there and he couldn't help but wonder how long Connor had wanted Robert to do just that.

  
Connor looked at Robert and then towards the floor before letting out a shrug, "Yeah well I hope you find happiness together. After everything -"

  
Robert stepped forward, "We _have_ , even after _everything_ you tried to throw at us."

  
It hurt, there was a time in his life where Connor was the only friend he had in the world and now he meant nothing to him.

  
"I love him more than anything Connor." Aaron blushed as he heard Robert. "He loves me too, and -"

  
"I get it." Connor said awkwardly. "I got it a long time ago, when I saw the way you looked at each other." There wasn't malice in his voice and he almost looked regretful. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry." He added causing Aaron to fidget on the spot.

  
Robert just nodded his head and Connor walked to the side, "I'll see ya then." He said, head down towards the ground as he disappeared.

  
Robert knew he wouldn't see him again, he knew that if everything worked out then Aaron would be agreeing to stay with him in Emmerdale, he felt sad all of a sudden - sad that he'd lost someone who was once a friend.

  
Aaron noticed and rubbed at Robert's back, "You okay?" He whispered and Robert relaxed around the feel of him.

  
"Yeah, of course. I've got you now haven't I." Robert turned and kissed Aaron softly.

  
Aaron nodded, "Always." He whispered back.

 

***

 

 

_ 14 September _

 

**(12:07)**

Victoria couldn't help smiling as she watched her brother and Aaron bicker over something in Robert's car. They were nearly all ready to head back to Emmerdale and she was nervous about whether Aaron was planning on staying put or if he'd get cold feet.

 

"Ya think that he'll come back?" Victoria said to Adam, an arm linked to his.

  
Adam gulped a little nervously, "I don't see why not, what's keeping him here eh?"

  
Victoria chewed on her lip, "But he ran before didn't he? He ran when things got hard and he can hardly do that when we go back."

  
Adam kissed her head, "Just have faith in him, I doubt Robert will let him go so easily anyways."

 

**(16:34)**

Robert looked across at Aaron, the younger man seemed deep in thought. "Tell me what you're thinking?" He asked cautiously.

  
Aaron looked out the window and saw the rolling hills and the fields that surrounded him.

  
"I'm just nervous, a little." Aaron admitted, deciding to be honest.

  
Robert sighed a little and looked ahead, they were nearly there, another turning and -

  
He could see the sign and suddenly stopped the car, looking ahead and seeing Adam and Victoria heading straight towards it.  
Robert's phone buzzed and he saw a message from Victoria: _Maybe you need to have a chat, take your time. xx_

  
Robert bit down on his lip and sighed again. "I'm nervous too." He said softly. "I keep thinking about last time you were here, but it's different now Aaron."

  
Aaron nodded his head slowly, "You think - think they'll like me after the way I spoke to them?" He said nervously, it had been on his mind since they got inside the car.

  
Robert reached over and kissed him, soft and slow and enough to make Aaron settle a little inside. "They'll love you." He suddenly thought about Jack and Sarah and it made it even more true, they'd love him so much.

  
Aaron nodded slowly and then kissed Robert back before the older man turned the engine back on and they entered the little village.

 

**(16:42)**

Diane opened the door with a smile on her face, she looked better and Robert was relieved.

  
"Oh come here _right now_ young man!" Diane pulled Robert into a crushing hug and pulled her arms right around him. "Are you better? You're not hurt are you?"

  
Robert wriggled away and stared at her seriously, "Diane I'm fine. Honest." He said before looking at Aaron and smiling.

  
"Diane this is -" Robert began but Diane stepped in front and smiled at Aaron.

  
"You must be Aaron. _The_ Aaron." Diane hugged him and then Aaron kissed her cheek politely.

  
"Nice to meet you finally." Aaron said with a smile, Robert practically beamed next to him.

  
"Likewise love." Diane said before ushering them both inside and watching Robert shut the door behind him.

  
Aaron's heart raced as he saw Andy sat on the sofa with Adam, laughing a little. Robert cleared his throat and Andy looked up and smiled.

  
"You alright mate?" Andy said, coming towards Robert and then hugging him for a few seconds. "I can't believe you managed to get yourself into a car crash." He said lightly before he frowned. "You alright thought yeah?"

  
Aaron looked stunned, the last time he had seen them they spat insults at each other and now they were acting like brothers. Proper brothers.

  
Andy looked toward Aaron and nodded before extending a hand, "You alright mate?"

  
Aaron's eyes widened and for a second he didn't know what to say, "Yeah I'm fine, you?" He said, shaking the hand back. 

  
Andy nodded and then stared ahead, causing Robert and Aaron to turn around. Katie stood there with Sarah and Jack by her sides.

  
"Uncle Rob!" Jack said, making Robert bend to his knees almost instinctively and wrap his arms around the little boy who he had missed.

  
Sarah's eyes glistened as Robert played with her hair and pulled her closer, kissing her hair.

  
Aaron watched in absolute awe for a few seconds until little Jack clapped his hands together, "Swings! Can we play on the swings with you?"

  
Robert looked at Katie for permission and when she nodded so did he.

  
The little children ran out of the house and Robert stood again before looking at Aaron. "Come with us." He said, holding Aaron's hand and not even caring about the way Diane looked like she wanted to cry with happiness at the sight.

 

**(16:54)**

"Who are you?" Little Jack said curiously, a cheeky smile on his face as he looked up up at Aaron.

  
Aaron went to speak but Robert kneeled down and smiled at little Jack. "This is my Aaron." He said softly, the sound of Sarah laughing by the swings with Andy filled the air.

  
Aaron had to catch his breath as he heard the way Robert described him, it was beautiful.

  
"Your Aaron?" Little Jack repeated and then Aaron knelt down beside Robert, a hand carefully resting on Robert's knee.

  
"Yeah, I'm his -"

  
"Boyfriend. You and him are in love." Jack spoke as if he was ten years older and Robert looked a little surprised.

  
"Yeah bud." Robert said, nodding.

  
"Daddy said you were and that it was good." Little Jack whispered before smiling, suddenly he couldn't take his eyes off Aaron.

  
"I like your hair Aaron." Jack reached over and touched it, causing both Aaron and Robert to laugh.

  
"Hey Aaron's a mechanic you know? He knows _all_ about cars." Robert's voice was all high and filled with playfulness, Aaron adored him.

  
Jack's eyes widened, "Really?" He gasped, "I like cars! I like cars! I have _loads_ of toy ones." He chanted, his little hands waving in the air.

  
Aaron smiled at him, "Maybe you can show me some later eh?" He said before Jack nodded eagerly and began pulling Robert towards the swings.

  
Aaron watched them go and then felt Andy place a hand on his shoulder, startling him a little bit. "Bet you were surprised we sorted things eh?"

  
Aaron nodded awkwardly, "Considering the last time I saw ya it ended in -"

  
"Yeah well dad bashed up our heads together and we sorted things out good and proper." Andy smiled as he watched his son climb up on Robert.

  
Aaron kicked the ground and then chewed on his lip, "Little Jack said that you told him me and Robert were in love, and that it was good."

  
Andy looked a little embarrassed but then shrugged, "Yeah well it's true." He said before seeing the look on Aaron's face. "What? Look I'm not some sort of homophobe you know? It was never about you two, it was about him. What he has."

  
Aaron couldn't help but feel protective, "Yeah well he can't control that." He'd spent those days in Adam's flat desperate to understand it all. He finally did and he was secure in the knowledge that Robert would never do it again, he would never feel that lonely, that afraid and desperate for love.

  
"You shouldn't make him feel guilty for it, he's been ashamed for so long." Aaron shook his head, hands deep in his pockets and Andy looked at him.

  
"You really love him don't you." Andy stated before looking back at his brother and shaking his head. "He'll let you down, break your heart more than once and you'll want to run away." Aaron went to speak but Andy shook his head. "But he'll always love you I reckon, he was a mess without you."

  
Aaron sniffed, telling himself he was cold when really it was just all becoming a little bit emotional. "So was I." He said slowly. "But I'm going to look after him, I promise."

  
Andy smiled, "I know you will."

 

  
**(17:22)**

It was still light outside thankfully when they all made their way down to the farm. Robert had stuck to Aaron's side like glue and held his hand without a care in the world as they walked towards Diane who was standing in the middle of the field.

Robert nearly froze as he saw the urn in her hands and realised his father's ashes were inside. They were really doing this, scattering his issues over the farm he grafted on for over thirty years.

 

Aaron placed a hand on Robert's back lovingly, "Are you sure you're okay?" He'd asked four times already.

  
"Yeah, it's just a little odd." Robert whispered as Victoria rubbed his back having heard.

  
Diane sighed, "Right then, does anyone want to say anything or should we just get on with it all?"

  
No one said anything until Andy scoffed, "He'd hate all this faffing about wouldn't he?"

  
Robert dared himself to join in as Diane, Katie and Victoria laughed. He stopped though and Aaron just squeezed his hand tightly, trying to be there for him.

  
Diane opened the urn and within second bits of ash was scattered across the field, she passed it over to Andy who did the same and then suddenly Robert felt the weight of the urn in his own hands.

  
He didn't want to cry so he was grateful when it all kept inside and he just went through the emotions, passing it to Victoria and then watching her pass it back to Diane.

  
Victoria cried then, sobbing almost into Adam and Aaron wondered if Robert wanted to do the same.

  
_Later_ , he thought.

 

 

**(18:09)**

Robert was sat on the sofa with Victoria, both of them watching in awe as Aaron played with little Jack, lining up all the cars and pointing them out to the little boy who was sitting comfortably on his lap.

  
"I think they've bonded." Victoria smiled softly and then looked at her brother, he hadn't heard at all because he was absolutely focused on the scene in front of him. "He's great with kids isn't he?"

  
Robert finally ripped his eyes away and then his heart skipped a beat at Victoria's kind words, "He's amazing Vic."

  
Victoria nodded, "Gets you thinking doesn't it?" She whispered softly, the slightest teasing and Robert didn't seem to understand.

  
"Vic!" Little Jack shouted until Victoria got up and walked over to him, seemingly replacing Aaron even though Jack didn't want him to go.

  
"I'll be back in a bit bud okay?" Aaron whispered before he walked towards the sofa and extended his hand down so that Robert could reach and grab hold. "Let's go for a walk."

 

 

**(18:22)**

Robert had his arm around Aaron as they walked through the quiet village, "I'm so proud of you." Aaron admitted into the air.

  
Robert smiled, "Are you really?" He felt shy as he spoke, unable to say anything else until they reached a bench and sat.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "I can't believe the way you've made up with everyone, even Katie." She had said a few words earlier, kind sorry ones and Aaron accepted it all.

  
Robert shrugged, "It was about time." He sighed before ducking his head into his jacket. "I mean we wasted so much time, I missed my niece and nephew grow up for long enough."

  
Aaron smiled at the mention of them and Robert looked lovingly at him. "Speaking of which, you were just amazing with them. A real natural." Robert couldn't help but heap praise.

  
Aaron blushed, "Yeah well I'm used to it, I had Liv didn't I." He said as if it wasn't a big deal.

  
Robert nodded, "Still." He whispered before smiling and making Aaron look at him all confused. "It does make you think, what you'd be like with your own."

  
Aaron's face dropped in surprise and Robert already was cursing his stupid mouth for talking too much.

  
"Sorry, that was so -"

  
Aaron's face changed, settled because he had thought the same thing when he saw the way Robert was with them. He reached out and touched Robert's hand, "Yeah it does."

  
Aaron smiled, he never imagined himself having kids, he never thought he'd settle down and love someone that much that he'd want to base his whole life around them, their relationship and then bring in children to complete what they had. But then along came Robert.

  
Robert reached out and kissed him, he had a hand through Aaron's hair and was pushing against him, sending shivers through his body. "I've been wanting to do that all day." He whispered before pulling away and becoming nervous as he stood up.

  
"Come here." Robert said before feeling Aaron hold his hand.

 

They walked for ten minutes, with Robert pulling his hands over Aaron's eyes until he stopped abruptly.

  
"Robert can you take your hands -" Aaron laughed before Robert moved his hands away and he could see again.

  
It was dark but he could see the small cottage in front of him. It had a rustic blue door and little windows and a little gravel for a pathway.

  
"It's beautiful." Aaron said, a little confused as he looked at Robert. "Is this where Andy and Katie live?" He asked.

  
Robert laughed and then shook his head. "No." He said before taking a step closer to Aaron. "We're ten minutes outside the village, this place has - had three rooms and a little garden and - and it's ours if you want it." He had a smile on his face but he looked nervous.

  
Aaron gasped, eyes instantly becoming glassy as he heard. Robert was showing them their house, their _family_ home and -

  
He wrapped his arms around Robert and couldn't let go, he was crying like a baby into Robert's neck and then pulling away to look into Robert's eyes, he was surprised to see the older man crying too.

  
"Are you serious?" Aaron said slowly, teeth chattering a little and his hands around Robert's neck.

  
Robert nodded. "About us living together? We've done it before haven't we." He sniffed, tears swimming in his eyes.

  
Aaron ducked his head, "No about _me_." He felt like a small child, vulnerable and just desperate to feel and know love. He just had to be sure.

  
Robert's eyes flickered and then he held out his hand and grabbed Aaron's. "I love you Aaron, for once it's just that simple. I want to spend the rest of my life with you if you'll let me. I want you, I want _this_ and - I want a future, hence the whole three bedrooms deal eh?" Aaron had tears rolling down his face as he heard and then he reached out and caught Robert's own. "So _yes_ Aaron, I'm serious about you. I've never been so serious about anything in my life."

  
Aaron shook his head and caught his breath before looking up at Robert, "I love ya so much." He said before kissing Robert and pulling at him until they back against the wall of the cottage. "I want this."

  
Robert smiled into another kiss before backing away. "So that's a yes then?" He teased.

  
Aaron nodded, "A million times _yes_." He said softly before looking into Robert's eyes. "Jack would have been so proud of ya, so proud." He said before looking away. "Sorry uh it isn't my place -"

  
Robert nodded, his dad would be proud. Of course he would be, he didn't give up. He got Aaron back.

  
"No. It is. I'm glad you think so." Robert whispered before looking at the cottage. "This is ours then." He said softly.

  
Aaron beamed and then his face dropped, "I can't afford this Rob. Not on my wages, I'll have to look for a job up here."

  
"I heard you talking to Adam about scrapping earlier? It will be fine, we'll manage." Robert said.

  
Aaron shook his head, "I don't want you carrying me, it's not fair for you to have to pay more -"

  
Robert kissed his forehead, "Let me look after you." He whispered.

  
Aaron sighed, "I'll look after you too." He whispered back, not wanting to ruin the moment.

  
Robert nodded, "I know you will." He said before looking at the cottage and then back at Aaron.

  
"I love you." Aaron said simply and it still made Robert's heart melt, knowing he did, he really did have Aaron's love.

  
"And I love you." Robert said back with a kiss, still so shocked that he could say it whenever he wanted now.

 

***

 

  
_17th October_

 

  **(11:46)**

Robert passed the keys to Aaron and titled towards the front door, "Do the honours then." He said, a smile on his face.

  
Aaron smiled back, looking at his boyfriend and admiring how young and care free he looked, he had a grey jumper on and his hair flopped forward.

  
"No you do it." Aaron said, pushing the keys back into Robert's hands.

  
Robert rolled his eyes playfully and pushed the door open, revealing their home.

  
_Their home_.

  
Finally after weeks of meetings and loans and mortgage consulting it was all done, it was all theirs.

  
Aaron walked inside and stared at the place, they had already picked out colours and furniture and had somehow survived the petty domestic arguments.

  
"I can't believe it." Aaron said as he looked up at the ceiling. "This place is actually ours." He said before feeling Robert snake a hand over his waist and kiss his neck.

  
"How about we feel out our bedroom?" Robert said seductively before Aaron ran up the stairs and he followed behind.

 

**(14:37)**

The door knocked and Aaron opened it to Adam and Victoria who couldn't help but come and have a nosey of the place.

  
"EH LADS LADS LADS!" Adam shouted before rolling his head back and laughing, managing to pass Aaron the cans in his hand before Victoria smacked his arm.

  
"I knew it! This isn't going to be some sort of boy's den you know?" Victoria crossed her arms and came inside.

  
"I know babe," Adam whispered before kissing her and getting a little carried away.

  
Robert walked by and cleared his throat. "Uh we get it mate." He said before shaking his head and laughing, he'd never seen Victoria so happy before.

  
Victoria looked around and dragged Adam with her as they came into the kitchen. "This place is beautiful." She said, clapping her hands together.

  
Aaron looked shyly at Robert, "Yeah it is." He said before opening up a can and passing it to Adam.

  
"Come on then let's celebrate." Adam raised his can and then Aaron dished everyone out a can, smiling as his hand brushed against Robert's.

  
"Here's to our new home then eh?" Robert said proudly, puffing out his chest a little and then looking at Aaron, smiling.

  
"And uh - we have some news too." Adam said, unable to contain it any longer. Victoria smiled at then began to blush as Adam pushed her hand in front of Aaron and Robert revealing a ring. "I asked her to marry me!" Adam beamed before seeing Robert's eyes widen in shock.

  
Aaron couldn't help but smile, hugging Adam and then shaking his head, "You're mad you." He laughed out before looking at Robert.

  
"Robert -"

  
"You've known him for what? About two months?" Robert said, he couldn't be completely happy until he knew it was what Victoria wanted. "Are you _sure_ about this. I mean it's a big deal."

 

Victoria frowned, "Yeah well you fell in love with Aaron about two weeks in so -"

  
Aaron blushed and Robert stayed silent, knowing it was true.

  
Adam cleared his throat, "We know it's fast but we love each other. I've never felt this before Rob."

  
Victoria smiled, "Neither have I." She admitted and Aaron smiled at them both before nudging Robert.

  
"Well then who am I stand in the way of that eh." Robert said, raising his can and smiling as he winked at his sister.

  
He was happy for her, so happy.

 

***

 

_ 9th November _

  
Robert found himself walking along the road, rain hitting him hard and making him look towards the ground. He was practically shaking all over as he turned his attention towards the bright light in front of him and then held his breath as he saw the cars, _his_ car - and then himself. He saw himself in the car and then - _Aaron_. Tears spilling over his cheeks, crying his heart out, reaching out for Robert and getting shards of glass pressed into his hands. Robert winced as he watched and then tried to reach out, but he couldn't. It was almost like a wall of glass was blocking him. Robert pressed his hand forward but nothing changed, all he could do was watch Aaron and he just wanted to help, so desperately but it wasn't as easy as that because he was -

  
Dead?

  
He was away from Aaron. No, he couldn't go through that again.

  
"No," Robert breathed out, shaking and feeling sick, "No, please - _please_ I can't be dead, I need to be - no, _Aaron_ , please -"  
Robert's eyes opened and he launched himself forward. It took seconds for him to realise where he was, who was rubbing his back and pressing their forehead against his ear.

  
"Rob, it's me, it was just another nightmare okay?" Aaron's voice was soft and gentle and despite his heavy breathing that made Robert think he had been worried, it made the older man relax against him.

  
It took a few seconds for Robert to collect himself, run a hand through his hair and blow out a shallow breath. "Sorry," it was the first thing he could think of saying. He felt embarrassed suddenly and then frustrated because he didn't understand why he was getting nightmares _still_. It had been months, he was happy but -

  
"Don't you dare say sorry," Aaron was so close and Robert couldn't help but reach out and hold him. Aaron placed a hand down on their sheets and made Robert do the same as he guided his hand down. "Our bed, yeah? Our home, it's all okay." He whispered gently against Robert.

  
Robert nodded and tried to smile as he looked at the silk purple sheets. "The ones - ones you thought were too expensive." He chuckled, a little out of breath still.

  
"Yes, yes those ones." Aaron whispered, he hated the tears in his eyes and the fear that had risen up inside him as he heard Robert yell out in his sleep. It wasn't the first time it had happened, it seemed to _keep_ happening.

  
Robert lifted his head and gulped as he saw Aaron quickly brush away his tears.

  
"Was it the same one?" Aaron said softly, trying his hardest not to trigger a bad memory from Robert.

  
Robert nodded slowly, at first he wanted to keep it from his boyfriend, didn't want to trouble him with his nightmares but it didn't last long. Now he'd tell him everything. "Yeah." He nodded. "Me looking at myself in the car. Like a glass between us and - and I couldn't get to you _again_."

  
Aaron gulped hard, fear building up inside him because he had his own worry about them being separated.

  
"But I'm here," Aaron whispered and he felt completely useless as Robert nodded like he had to. "Listen to me, listen." Robert raised his head. "It's not going to ever happen, I'm not going anywhere, not ever." He kissed Robert's head lovingly and noticed the older man still looked shaken.

  
"Look if you want me to ring Sandra, tell her that Liv should come another time then -"

  
Robert seemed to come alive and shook his head hard, "No. No you've been looking forward to her coming here, so have _I_."

  
Aaron chewed on his lip and frowned, "Yeah but -"

  
"I'll be fine in the morning, I always am aren't I." Robert pushed himself up on the bed. "I won't let this ruin it."

  
Aaron noticed Robert become worked up and gave in. "Fine." He said because he felt the same really, he couldn't wait for Liv to see the place. "Go back to sleep now yeah?" He whispered and Robert agreed, his eyes closing straight away as he hung on to Aaron for support.

 

***

 

  
_ 10th November _

 

"This place is decent then." Liv had a smile on her face as she shut the door and Aaron took her bags. Sandra was going to stay for a coffee but she was meeting a mate apparently and Aaron was fine with it. She seemed better, happier and so was he.

  
"You like it then?" Aaron asked, titling his head and smiling as Liv looked at the wooden flooring and the nice warm colours on the walls. It all made her smile and then nod her head.

  
The photo on the table by the door caught her attention, it was in a silver frame and she could see her brother snogging Robert, she remembered him, quite liked him actually, more than nice Ed. Robert was smiling and so was Aaron and they were holding bottles of beers and it seemed like they were outside somewhere, probably drunk she thought.

  
Aaron placed a hand on her shoulder. "We worked it all out in the end." He hadn't mentioned Robert to her, unsure of how she would react. She looked up at him, her blonde hair untied and loose for once. She seemed happy, _pleased_.

  
"So much for being mates." Liv teased and Aaron stuck his tongue out as he remembered how he and Robert had tried to explain themselves to a fourteen year old.

  
"Uh he _is_ my best mate actually." Robert appeared from the kitchen sporting a red jumper and jeans.

  
Liv's eyes seemed to sparkle as she saw him walk towards her and look at her hair, "It's got longer, or you've got shorter, whichever one -" he was cut off as she punched his arm and then he found himself wrapping an arm around her loosely. It lasted for a few seconds, Aaron's heart melting as he watched, and then Robert let go.

  
Liv crossed her arms and then looked up the stairs. "So where's my room then?" She asked and Aaron and Robert both pulled awkward faces.

  
"You're gonna have to sleep on the sofa for now." Aaron said dismissively as Robert nodded.

  
"It's not that uncomfortable when you get into the right position." Robert said flatly.

  
Liv looked between them, mouth a little open before she saw Aaron laugh at her expense.

  
"You really think we didn't do your room up?" Robert asked and Liv wanted to hug him again, properly this time.

  
"It's the second one on the right." Aaron leaned closer to his sister and was surprised as she hugged him, her eyes on Robert mouthing a 'thank you' that caught him off guard. He didn't realise how much a room in their home would mean to her.

  
"We even painted it that god awful green colour you like." Aaron said as he pulled away and watched her run up the stairs to see.

 

Robert walked towards Aaron and held him by the waist before kissing him lightly. "Happy?" He asked softly.

  
Aaron nodded, "Happy." He whispered back before kissing Robert again, happy didn't come close to describing how he felt.

 

***

 

 _25th December_  

 

**(10:13)**

Aaron could feel something tickle his face as he woke, opening his eyes he could see Robert laying next to him with a piece of mistletoe in his hand dangling it in front of Aaron's face.

  
Aaron tried to frown, wanted so desperately to but he couldn't help but smile. "Robert Sugden what the hell is wrong with -"  

Robert shook his head and played with the mistletoe, placing it on Aaron's nose. "It's unlucky if you don't kiss under mistletoe on Christmas morning, like _really bad luck._ "

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "Bullshit." He mumbled into the pillow before moving closer towards Robert and kissing him softly, smiling as Robert dangled the mistletoe above them.

  
Robert let it fall as he pulled away and looked at Aaron, "Merry Christmas beautiful." He said softly, a hand on Aaron's chest.

  
"Merry Christmas you soft lad." Aaron said, kissing Robert's mouth again and then feeling the older man reach down and tug at the hem of his trousers.

  
"Ah ah," Aaron moaned into Robert's mouth and then pulled away. "No, no we _can't_." He whispered, feeling like a naughty child.

  
Robert frowned, "Why not?" He complained, still trying to pull Aaron closer to him.

  
Aaron sighed, "'Cause my sister is literally _down the hall_ and _your_ sister has chosen today of all days to get hitched." He said, trying his hardest to sound annoyed.

  
Robert gasped playfully, "Uh yeah to _your_ mate."

  
"And yours too." Aaron pointed out, smiling a little as he thought about the bromance he knew Adam and Robert secretly had.

  
Aaron pushed himself up on the bed and sighed as he played with Robert's hair and looked at the small Christmas tree in the corner of the room. They'd decided on putting one up in their room as well as having one in the living room only the other day and the bright lights still made Aaron smile as he remembered Robert getting all worked up as he tried to untangle them.

  
"What time do we have to be at the church again?" Robert asked, his head titled a little as he looked at Aaron.

  
"Half twelve." Aaron said before finally pulling the covers off of him and shaking Robert's arm. "Come on then, I bet Liv is dying to open her presents."

 

 

**(11:12)**

They agreed to not get each other anything considering how much they had already spent on the house. But of course Liv got present, _lots_ because Aaron still couldn't believe that Sandra had agreed on letting her stay until Boxing Day.

Aaron ruffled her hair and smiled as she thanked Robert for what he had bought her. A laptop. He'd earned a hug for that, a big crushing one that lasted longer than before.

 

"You didn't need to get her something like _that_." Aaron said slowly when Liv left the room.

  
Robert looked awkwardly at Aaron and didn't know what to say. "I just thought -"

  
Aaron smiled and then rubbed Robert's arm. "I mean it's amazing, like seriously I can't believe that you would do that for her, it must have been expensive though."

  
Robert shrugged, "That doesn't matter. Look I heard her talking about not being able to do her work properly and I just thought that she'd like it."

  
Aaron nodded, "Yeah well she does, she loves it and - I love you." He kissed Robert and then pulled him closer by the waist before hearing someone cough and staggering back.

  
"Do I really have to wear this dress?" Liv held up the pink number that she was told to wear by Victoria. It was frilly and had flowers at the bottom and - it wasn't her style.

  
Robert scoffed, "Uh _yeah_. I mean Vic literally picked it out for you didn't she?"

  
Aaron pulled a face, "You can hardly _not_ wear it."

  
"I don't wear dresses." Liv said with a sigh.

  
"Normally yeah but - but this is for a wedding so it's practically law for girls to wear frilly dresses." Aaron had a hand out and then laughed as she stalked off to put it on.

  
"We should get dressed too." Aaron said, dragging Robert to their room. "You can help me pick out what to wear ..."

 

**(11:23)**

"So you're wearing burgundy?" Aaron stepped out the shower, towel tugging his waist and making Robert's mouth water until he could slowly nod his head.

  
Burgundy was his colour apparently and so Aaron had to dig out his old navy suit.

  
"I'll wear blue then." Aaron sighed and then walked up to Robert, unbuttoning his shirt for him until it fell to the ground. "Now shower Sugden." 

  
Robert groaned, " _It's christmas,_ I want to stay in bed with you all day." He pulled Aaron's body close towards him and smiled.

  
"We'll have time for that later, don't you want to see your little sister get married?" Aaron laughed but the look on Robert's face told him he had touched a nerve. "Oh." He said awkwardly.

  
Robert ducked his head, "I just - I'm nervous for her, it's a _massive_ deal this." He said shaking his head.

  
Aaron lifted Robert's head gently, "Yeah it is. But she's in safe hands, Adam will look after her. He loves her, he really does."

  
Robert smiled and then felt a little better as he pulled himself away from Aaron and walked off into the shower.

 

**(12:36)**

Aaron sat there next to Robert and looked in awe as he watched Victoria walk down the isle. Sarah and Liv stood behind here, wearing _matching_ pink dresses. Robert teased how Sarah looked cuter and earned a slap from his boyfriend.

Adam was all nerves, even when Aaron stood up to preform his best man duties. Victoria looked beautiful, breathtakingly so and Aaron couldn't help but smile as he watched Robert's face beam with happiness. He was so proud.

The ceremony was emotional. Victoria cried and so did Diane and then Katie was sniffling nearby but they got through it. Aaron had his eyes on Robert as Victoria and Adam said their vows, he couldn't help it. He just looked at him, looked at this guy he knew he had always seemed to love and thought, _I want to do this with you._

Robert looked at his boyfriend just as his sister said 'I do' and he caught his breath as he saw Aaron staring back. Their eyes locked and only drifted when Adam and Victoria kissed for the first time as husband and wife. Everyone was cheering and little Jack was clapping his hands together in excitement as Adam let out a laugh and raised his arm up almost triumphantly.

 

**(19:45)**

Everyone gathered back at the pub and Aaron helped himself to the decent spread on offer, practically a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, he was grateful for it.

Adam made a speech, laughed through it and thanked Aaron and Robert for everything they'd done. Aaron got all emotional and then got all embarrassed when Robert dragged him up and made him dance after Victoria and Adam had their first dance.

 

"Not in front of people," Aaron blushed hard, almost hissing as Robert grabbed his waist and swayed with him. "Robert." He whispered but then he gave in, seemed to forget everyone and wrapped himself around Robert.

 

The night slowed down, came to a halt almost and Robert and Aaron found a way to escape, running a little drunk out into the snow that had fallen a couple of hours ago.

  
"This has been the best Christmas I've ever had." Robert admitted, still hearing the booming festive music from inside.

  
"Same here," Aaron whispered as Robert pulled him into his side and tried to stop him from shaking as the cold air hit them.

  
"Vic's so happy, I can't _believe_ how happy she is." Robert said as they carried on walking. "I shouldn't have been so nervous."

  
Aaron nodded before thinking back to the church, "It was beautiful wasn't it." He whispered softly and Robert smiled.

  
"I didn't think you were a romantic like that." Robert said softly, a hand reaching down and hold Aaron's. "But yeah it was."

  
Aaron bit his lip, "We should do that one day." He said as if he was talking about going out for lunch or something. It made Robert arch an eyebrow in surprise.

  
"What? You mean -"

  
"Marriage yeah, try it out." Aaron said and suddenly Robert stopped walking.

  
"Are you - you _asking_ me?" Robert said, his heart racing.

  
Aaron smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "Let's just say ... I'm asking you what you're planing on doing for the rest of your life?" He said, titling his head a little shy all of a sudden.

  
Robert swallowed down all his panic and fear of letting Aaron down in the years to come and found himself nodding. "I plan on making you happy." He said softly.

  
Aaron nodded, "Good. So - so maybe, one day we could uh, do that then." He said awkwardly before he finally began walking again. "That wasn't a proposal or owt by the way."

  
Robert scoffed, "Of course it wasn't, I mean you didn't kneel down and I don't see a ring so no, no it wasn't." He said with a laugh.

  
Little Jack ran out with Katie and Robert smiled at him before bracing himself and leaning towards Aaron. "I want one of those too." He said, titling his head towards Jack. "With you, one day."

  
Aaron bit down on his lip and then saw the warmth in Robert's eyes, he wanted the same one day. He desperately wanted a family with Robert, he wanted to have those traditional Christmas days with a _family_ he could call his own.

  
"Yeah, so do I." Aaron admitted before stopping and staring at Robert. "Marriage first though eh? Can't break the mould anymore than we have done."

  
"Of course." Robert said softly before kissing Aaron.

  
"We don't need to rush though, it'll all work out, _one day_ we'll have all of that." Aaron had never been like this before, so adamant and determined about his future. It had never looked so bright.

  
Robert nodded, "We've got years Aaron, you and me, we've got _years_." He said softly against Aaron, "And we'll make it all count, I promise you."

  
Robert walked back to their cottage with Aaron thinking about what he had said and still feeling overwhelmed by everything that had happened between them. It was true though, they _did_ have years because they were soulmates who couldn't be torn apart. Aaron didn't have a timer on his arm telling them how long they were allowed to love each other for, _no_ , they had years to squabble and argue and shout and scream and then hold each other as they make it all up and say how much they love each other.

 

They had _years_ , absolute years and they knew that that they'd grow together, get married, probably get a dog and then a kid and then another just to add to the brood. They'd do all of that, with all the time in the world and no spell in their way to ruin everything they had and all the love they shared.

 

 

**_Fin._ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIN. FINITO. THE END.
> 
> so that was fluffy right? i mean it was seriously some of the fluffiest bits i have ever written lmoa. i debated whether to travel deeper into the future but felt like it was nice to leave it were it was, with all the hope and happiness of the future just laid out in front of them. 
> 
> i am so sad that this has ended, i have said it soooo many times but i really didn't expect so much support and popularity for this fic ... whatsoever. i thought that i'd wrap it up in like ten chapters (lmoa) and it would be a self indulgent sort of thing that had been festering in my brain. but then it turned into this big epic fic that i just loved writing and the support just grew and grew and i am so happy that people have loved this! 
> 
> the comments, all the AMAZING comments seem to flaw me every time, people have honestly said this fic is one of their favourites in the whole fandom (??? insane) and that i am a talented writer and that just - it really blows my mind and i can't thank you all enough for literally reading my work and then taking the time out to reflect and add a comment about it. seriously it means the world. 
> 
> this isn't the end of my writing and i would love for you all to get on board with my other works that i'll be uploading soon (another slight au of course!) but anyway... just THANK YOU FOR EVEYRTHING! 
> 
> come and find me on tumblr so we can cry together about this fic ending please (littlelooneyluna) !!! love you all, nicole <333


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